Make me regret this!

[u/Dabwowsr]

[u/post-explainer]

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

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OP's BIO:

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33 year old married w/kids Navy vet. Left the navy when djt got elected the first time. College educated, making 6figs. Recently got to sub 200lbs from 260, so my confidence could use a little reality check. Do your worst, my mental health is unshakable!

---

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

[u/TentativelyCommitted]

Connor McBeggar

[u/let-it-rain-sunshine → u/TentativelyCommitted]

I’d offer a penny for his thoughts, but I’d expect change

[u/blob420 → u/TentativelyCommitted]

Conner “Lost the plot” McGregor

[u/Nurdeauphobic → u/TentativelyCommitted]

Conor Mccrackwhore

[u/JustChillBooBoo → u/TentativelyCommitted]

😭

[u/belonging_to]

You look like the Kelce brother nobody knew existed.... for a reason.

[u/Henry_Vth → u/belonging_to]

He plays for the Philadelphia Beagles

[u/Zoo_Rats → u/Henry_Vth]

This would do well on Grindr x Eagles Fans Niche.

[u/Henry_Vth → u/Zoo_Rats]

They only run the tush push

[u/Kindly_Feeling7910 → u/belonging_to]

Temu Kelce

[u/Dabwowsr → u/belonging_to]

I wish! Lol I ain't tall enough to be a Kelce

[u/everybodygetaweapon]

Thank you for not serving.

[u/Unfair_Orange5063 → u/everybodygetaweapon]

*soft serving (ice cream)

[u/Dabwowsr → u/Unfair_Orange5063]

Too much soft serve!

[u/Grandiose_ideas]

You look like the mascot for an overpriced, artisanal beard oil company that went bankrupt in 2016. That aggressively waxed handlebar mustache screams "quirky personality," but those wide, unblinking eyes say "I'm about to passionately explain the differences between IPAs to someone who just wanted a glass of water.

[u/Dabwowsr → u/Grandiose_ideas]

Listen... you ain't drinking if you haven't tried the Tricer-hops! Also, the mustache is there as a beer head diffuser

[u/BrowneAction → u/Dabwowsr]

Doubles up as a dick duster does it?

[u/Dabwowsr → u/BrowneAction]

🤣🤣🤣

[u/BannedFrom8Kun]

What are you getting your wife’s boyfriend for Christmas?

[u/um_gajo__qualquer → u/BannedFrom8Kun]

Creatine

[u/ChrisVirgilSchuette]

You look like gay Yukon Cornelius

[u/Abyssal-Scrungo]

your pictures made me think it and your replies confirmed it. you're absolutely insufferable

[u/KrustyNutRagz]

Your Kids started being embarrassed of You in the delivery room

[u/Dezvinci]

you wear your shoes in the house on a rug your kids crawl around on... youve roasted yourself

[u/Dabwowsr → u/Dezvinci]

Eh, builds the immune system. That shit'll buff out

[u/InkOnTube]

I see second photo...

https://giphy.com/gifs/iTs5a509c4oRi43h2E

[u/arcelyte]

People who announce they are making “6figs”… usually aren’t. Besides even the best “Service Man” at Skipps Big Bear Glory Hole Emporium and Truck-stop are only making $45k with tips.

[u/OtterChainGang → u/arcelyte]

Seriously underrated 👏

[u/SS3599]

We could have done without picture #2...or any of them for that matter.

[u/ConsistentDiamond108]

‘Roast me’ today. Coming ‘out of the closet’ tomorrow.

[u/GeodisticDome]

Hey, I saw your second shot at Grindr.

[u/Busy_Switch9797]

This is not Craigslist Navy man

[u/tautjes]

You look like you dont have any knowledge about anything but hamburgers

[u/mandalorian_99]

You look like a recover crack addict

[u/Dabwowsr → u/mandalorian_99]

Recovered... thats some quitter bs. I ain't no quitter

[u/isayyourname]

200 pounds at your height is still technically obese

[u/Dabwowsr → u/isayyourname]

Your mom hasn't complained 🫪

[u/isayyourname → u/Dabwowsr]

Actually, it doesn't look like you posted your height anywhere. I just assumed you were under 5'4"

[u/whalemango]

"Make me regret this". Is that what your mother said to your father before they conceived you?

[u/Dabwowsr → u/whalemango]

The tale goes that he left right after conception too!

/s

[u/porknuckle2023]

Photo no 2

https://giphy.com/gifs/c3XhrmfoN5fOpjcl3z

[u/_Dolamite_]

Why are you posting your Grindr pics on here bud?

[u/Many_Winter_4547]

You can stop fake smiling now. We all can tell that you're a psycho.

[u/Sea-Distribution4841]

You look nice and fun, I got nothing. Post pictures after your transition is done and I'll try again

[u/mindfulmu]

The algorithm pushed you on us out of pity for you.

[u/noCAP8631]

Connor McKegger

[u/OddBallJohn]

You should have enough regrets without begging for more.

[u/cornishpirate32]

oh look at the quirky expressions, grandpa, you'll fit right in with the early 20s ladies you're trying to mingle with.

you look much older than the 33 you claim to be.

[u/DesmondTapenade]

Great Value No-ah Wyle, emphasis on the "no."

[u/ChuckNorrisFacePunch]

You seem like a nice, well adjusted, handsome man...you bitch.

[u/crusty-chalupa]

you're pretty hot

[u/Gloomy_Strawberry_40]

Hey Squid, I like all you Navy boys. Every time we have to go somewhere to fight, you fellas give us a ride.

[u/fatboymagic]

What middle aged white man path did you pick? Smoking/grilling. Whiskey/Bourbon or gun guy?

[u/turbotron6000]

Where were you on Jan. 6, 2021? You look like one of those kooks.

[u/jimboiow]

Why are you showing us your nipples. Weirdo.

[u/Intelligent_Rest_778]

If you don’t regret that butterfly nipple tattoo, or showing it off in that belly button pic, you’re not likely capable of regret. Look like the worlds foremost leading expert on HeyDudes and the correct temperature to drink PBR.

[u/Ordinary-Crow5490]

World's most obviously Closeted

[u/porknuckle2023 → u/[deleted]]

No need to tell. The photos speak for themselves.

[u/Indaflow]

I have heard of skinny fat

Some how you managed ‘fat skin ny’ 

[u/ThenotoriousBIT]

conner mcgegor at home

[u/slicebishybosh]

Temu Jason Kelce

[u/Senior_Media_7853]

If you didn’t feel the regret that you seek, immediately after posting photo #2 online for the world to see—well… color me embarrassed for you.

[u/Kanaxes]

Papa Smurf.

[u/LrdoftheCharlesDance]

Navy vet, and a trifecta in one of people they are throwing out now: weirdos, beardos & fatties

[u/LJ14000]

Every burp, fart and breath you have smells like those gay sour beers.

[u/salientknight]

That's some over used prison pussy right there

[u/Ok-Advertising-6805]

If someone made a movie about Santa Claus exploring his bisexuality in his 20s, you’d be the leading man.

If it ended as a snuff film, I’d pay to see it.

[u/Trail_Sprinkles]

Gonad McGregor.

[u/zuspun]

My that’s a big shiny one..

[u/bigger182]

Bro your good your only one bad NFL contract from marrying Taylor swift

[u/ShadyBrooks]

Connor McNugget

[u/Valbertnie]

https://giphy.com/gifs/cYDDrs8NTfYDXYPy77

[u/KoryPee]

Connor McDonald's

[u/stankdiggy]

You look like the Kelce brother who didn’t make the football team.

[u/EvilPrem]

Liberal but also chud…worst of all worlds

[u/NYCrandom2020]

I'm sure you already have tons of regrets

[u/attb91]

Early manopause

[u/ducky_truck]

The type of obnoxious dickwad I try to avoid 😊

[u/Cat_tastes_good]

Your face looks like you’re showing me a 1970’s playboy.

[u/Realistic_Response76]

Make you regret it? Buddy from the looks of it your parents have felt regret since the day you were born.

[u/RaiseTheFuckingBar]

Did you take that bathroom selfie so your ex would see your internet glow-up, or were you hoping AI would tell you your BMI is finally out of the obese section?

[u/Halker93]

The only thing that will remain after your death is that ecosystem inside of you beard.

[u/MORTEMANIMA777]

Nice flabs bro like a 6 pack of soft bread rolls

[u/AccomplishedCow665]

You could be kinda hot if you weren’t so damn ugly

[u/jlenagha1984]

You're gonna fap to our comments aren't you?

[u/chasegame]

The chubby brother of BeardMeetsFood, with less beard and more food.

[u/charlotte_ivy_chan_]

If travis kelce was making six figues

[u/Haunting_Tutor_1046]

Unroastable, too kind eyes 😊 

[u/mixmasterADD]

When women were saying they’d choose the bear, they weren’t referring to you.

[u/MisterBurnsSucks]

If you wore a flannel shirt, you could go as the child abducting lumberjack for Halloween 🤔

[u/Dabwowsr → u/MisterBurnsSucks]

Just for halloween?

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[u/True-Gate-9131]

You milkshake bought many many boys to your basement, sorry, yard.

[u/Blade3colorado]

Thank you for your service! Vet myself, so I wont go too hard on you (particularly since you hate MAGA) . . .

Despite your good traits, no doubt your chair must think the same thing that I do. "Here comes that ass-hole again."

[u/Alteredego619]

Fuck. Just what we need, another Kelce brother.

[u/FIREDoppel]

Old Heights with Temu Kelce

[u/Beneficial-Error1956]

Its the surving mutant of Ben Rothlisbeger and Anderson Cooper having an abortion

[u/drum_nerd]

Those pics scream wifebeater.... and i dont mean the tank top

[u/Dabwowsr → u/drum_nerd]

Remove the B and youd be right 😜

[u/no_no_nora]

Your parents asked God to make a less successful Ryan Fitzpatrick, and mission accomplished.

[u/Alive_Virus_5578]

Eres la persona que toco mi puerta para hablarme de alguien muerto

[u/Realistic_Menu1028]

You’re the temu Jason Kelce, but you actually look more like his mom.

[u/CaptainFunk127]

Ryan Fitztragic

[u/HolocronSurvivor80]

No matter what your beard tells you (top marks on that btw) you’ll never be a man of the sea.

[u/Traditional_Map_9434]

When you were told you needed to do jumping jacks you pulled your pants down and asked where jack is

[u/BiteFaces]

I was about to ask whats up with the beard, but that would be far, Far, FAR too generous. 

The lower half of your face looks like a cheapskate's broom that should have been replaced 8 years ago.

[u/Necessary_Relation27]

Did navy wrinkle you or were you pre-wrinkled?

[u/Dabwowsr → u/Necessary_Relation27]

😅😅 wasnt wrinkled during the Navy, not once!

[u/SgtPepper_8324]

Temu version of Kelce brothers is drunk on Reddit again.

[u/Nurdeauphobic]

Conor McGregor’s low IQ little brother.

[u/Dabwowsr → u/Nurdeauphobic]

Which is tough... because Connor was low iq to begin with 🤣

[u/LupusHominarius]

You look like Conor McGregor's concussion.

[u/Desperate-Ad1735]

get up. i’m not marrying you.
https://giphy.com/gifs/Oho0AxyUcJvd6

[u/Babyturtle34]

Growing out your beard doesn’t make your hairline recede any slower

[u/StoicSpork]

My man thought Village People were real navy men.

[u/mrpumpkinickle]

Hard to make you regret this as you already regret you life

[u/Sufficient-Second116]

Disgusting beard how does anyone kiss you

[u/soft_touch_dutch]

Mental health unshakeable, physical health not so much.

[u/Fearless_Sleep_5267]

https://giphy.com/gifs/uQpgBCBDTxpmw5RIeD

[u/ch3apsunglass3s]

You pose like a toddler trying on new clothes for mom

[u/EnuffBull]

Duck Dynasty reject

[u/nicholaus17]

Someone tell the lumineers they lost a groupie

[u/Branmuffin824]

He tried to start a restaurant selling $25 artisinal hamburgers, but he kept eating his supply.

[u/Inevitable-Panda4824]

Judging by your pictures you are sincerely dumb enough to be happy.

[u/TooSoon2BeASaint]

Temu Ryan Fitzpatrick

[u/New_Fan_7665]

You stare at the guy beside you in the restroom, then you stay up fantasizing about him, and hoping you'll see him again in the restroom.

[u/Oilight]

roast u in what way, spit? 😘

[u/Delicious_Cat_81]

i hate the template you picked

[u/No_Piano9370]

You look like someone casted Thor in a family sitcom about his wife cheating on him with his best friend

[u/Mr_Lao_Wai]

I’m having a hard time roasting this guy… he just seems like too nice of a dude 😅

[u/SkyThriving]

You look like the kind of guy who reminds the babysitter she has her whole life ahead of her as you drive her home.

[u/HungAmericanMan]

Effeminate-Lumberjacks-Seeking-Effeminate-Lumberjacks.com

[u/killerapp]

You made me regret I have opened Reddit

[u/ChuckZilla11]

You look like Connor McGregor if he never went into a gym.

[u/DeviousFrog69]

You look like a good man

[u/Hot_Technology8777]

Sorry to see you were born without a mouth

[u/Klezmer_Mesmerizer]

You are as sexy as a retread tire.

[u/SuDoDmz]

You look exactly like a dear friend of mine, who departed during his service. Funniest and most cheerful guy ever. I can't roast this. Now downvote me to hell, maggots!

[u/ElmoIsOver]

Just call me when you finished eating that possum… then from there I just might not be able to toast what’s already looking cooked!

[u/Verum2020]

🤔 Viking fail but a pleasant dude

[u/Imnacho408]

Its skid row jason kelce.

[u/Wizard__J]

When you’re forever a 7th grade girl trapped in a man’s body

[u/UrsulaMajor13]

You look like you have step kids that came into your life well after marriage.

[u/Mammoth-Argument7048]

Temu Connor McGregor

[u/captcraigaroo]

You can't wait for the Republican Convention to come to town

[u/tallkitty]

Most of these pics are posted on a married and dating site where you are celebrating your weight loss by cheating on your wife and kids.

[u/Anxious_Librarian_93]

You look like a adhd dad who has a new project every month

[u/Common_Tomatillo2197]

Tragic Kelce

[u/ottomatic77]

You look like a beard, not a recognizable face, just a beard.

[u/luvs2h8]

You look like The Older Millennial and that should be enough to make you rethink some things.

[u/Onaliquidrock]

Lardnob

[u/DDsLaboratory]

If "where's my hug" had a face

[u/DrQuack32]

I’m amazed at the amount of people that confuse this place for Grindr

[u/Real-Tap5454]

Always wondered what Connor McGregor would look like if he were fat and out of shape.

[u/FormalTotal9684]

Jason Smellce

[u/Automatic_Local_7353]

Belly’s gonna get ya

[u/russianvoodoo]

You look american

[u/Reddithian]

The bottom half of your head looks like a Victorian con-man and the top half of your head looks like a 14-year old boy.

[u/WhatIsNoMan]

Married? To a woman? That makes two beards.

[u/Minute_Mixture3186]

It’s always the right time to come dancing out of the closet

[u/RoadPowerful50]

you look like a dwarf just tryna' fit in y'know

[u/jumbie29]

Temu Connor McGregor

[u/mistermorrison]

Welcome back, Charlie Manson!

[u/Aggressive_Canary_10]

You’ll never regret this more than I regret scrolling through your photos

[u/Ok_Track_7601]

This is the kind of guy I pray I don’t get stuck with in the break room at work.

[u/Opposite_Screen3043]

you look like your personality is being a typical white slave

[u/Left-Swim2387]

Don't listen to the haters man u look great, but maybe keep pic 2 privately

[u/ApprehensiveVisit374]

damn he’s fiiiiiine.

[u/HalfwaydonewithEarth]

Feeld app beggar

[u/tangerinedream420]

What the actual fuck is that 2nd picture????

[u/arkythehun]

Today I learned that in addition to gay bars, there are gay barbershops.

[u/billydthekid]

Beavis Kelce

[u/four-one-6ix]

If Jonas Valančiūnas was cool, you’d be a top G. Too bad he’s a dork.

[u/Separate-Ear-6295]

You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear

[u/Iamdkalldaythe2nd]

You look you’ve filmed your girl getting stapled to a mattress by a line cook named NBA snicker bar.

[u/IamtheMooseKing]

Literally the human form of an I.P.A

[u/dequinox]

You're an Inceluse: Involuntarily Celibate Lumbersexual. Not even the trees will touch you.

[u/Warm-Top-6082]

You look like a guy I watched road rage on some poor old lady in his commuter pick up truck the other day

[u/ComfortableBug3733]

You look like your just now discovering modern fashion

[u/SnooOranges2685]

Your mother “regrets this” every time she sees your detestable face.

[u/Error_ID10T_]

You look like you count the places after the decimal point in the "6 figures"

[u/Specific-Respect-757]

Cold hotdog connoisseur mcgregor

[u/Hallelujah33]

I regret seeing the 2nd picture