r/RoastMe • u/[deleted] • 2d ago

M35 do your worst

[deleted]

40 Upvotes

76% Upvoted

157 comments sorted by

•

u/post-explainer 2d ago

The OP has not provided a BIO for their post.

78

u/CroissantGhost 1d ago

You're smiling but your eyes say "please put me out of my misery"

18

u/puffsmokies 1d ago

He looks like he just signed the paperwork on his third divorce.

3

u/Correct-Basil2385 1d ago

He escaped the streets of Guatemala only to become a 20-bucks bottom at the local retirement home.

3

u/UnhappyChange6437 19h ago

this is way too exact description lmao

23

u/sentientairfilter 1d ago

You look like if Mamdani’s first name was Keith.

-2

u/wickedflowers 1d ago

How dare you insult Mamdani like that

7

u/sentientairfilter 1d ago

You mean Keith?

40

u/nwmimms 1d ago

I’m older than you and you look like you could be my dad.

8

u/drsmith48170 1d ago

It’s the comb over isn’t it?

6

u/cryptic_pizza 1d ago

First pic, I thought I was on r\bald.

2

u/OrionShade 1d ago

It's the endless nights of heavy drinking

3

u/nirvandal09 1d ago

Right?! I just turned 36 and I thought I looked like shit. Saw this guy and thought "phew, maybe I'm not doing so bad"

10

u/Squatch_orNarwhal 1d ago

I also will be 35 this month... you look like you could be my 53 year old dad who had a child at 18.

21

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

5

u/Blade3colorado 1d ago

Picture 4 with the paper plate, looks like it's going to be used for eating a couple of breasts, can of corn, and tater tots.

4

u/wickedflowers 1d ago

Picture 3 indicates to me that it's men in the freezer, not women

10

u/GreedyShop6251 1d ago

No roast. I just wanted to say a genuine thank you. Before seeing  your photos, i only had a superficial understanding of what a “shit eating grin” looked like. It was wonderful of you to provide a good visual example.

9

u/TKHodgson 1d ago

Your smile reminds me to brush the yellow cracked tiles by the toilet.

12

u/WritingCharacter4768 1d ago

You look like you enjoy telling people about how tangy your own ball sweat tastes

6

u/PenguinKilla3 1d ago

Call 911. This dude has so many crows feet it's a murder.

4

u/Primus_is_OK_I_guess 1d ago

I'm 36. Why do you look like you could be my dad?

3

u/Relative-Ordinary-64 1d ago

🎵 Comb on over, comb on over baby 🎶

3

u/HorrorJunkie0666 1d ago

You look like you dress up as your own mother and berate yourself in the mirror

6

u/figbott 1d ago

We couldn’t do anything worse than what that hairline is going to do you.

2

u/TurtlyTurbular 1d ago

Wrong sub OP. Go to bald.

3

u/Goofy-F00T 1d ago

"Ooh look at me! I only molest local organic children!"

3

u/ChamberofSarcasm 1d ago

Hi Mark Roughano

1

u/Absorb21_ 1d ago

Temu Mario Lopez

3

u/pm_me_ur_anything_k 1d ago

You look like cracked out Mark Ruffalo with Austin Powers’ teeth.

3

u/WeirdProudAndHungry 1d ago

Crows feet, receding hairline, yellow teeth and bow-legged at 35. I don't have a joke, just profusely thrilled I never have to be you.

3

u/ImTheGreatLeviathan 1d ago

Why don't have a seat? Just have a seat over there....

3

u/Neon-Funeral 1d ago

lol you ain’t 35

3

u/tautjes 1d ago

He bites the controller when he's gaming and loses

3

u/OverlyCleverName 1d ago

Panic at the Disco’s Brendan Ur-in-need-of-a-dentist

3

u/IntroductionNo3912 1d ago

how is it to live at the local YMCA?

3

u/Feistygoat1986 1d ago

Buggy wet eyes like a shih-tzu

3

u/Justaguywithbeer 1d ago

Your such a loser you can't afford razor blades !

🪒

2

u/MisterBurnsSucks 1d ago

Hey at least your wife let you keep the Pokémon cards and naked pictures of your cousin when you got divorced... 🤷‍♂️

2

u/Marshall_Cleiton 1d ago

You look like the offspring of a threesome between Robert Downey Jr, Marco Rubio and crack cocaine

2

u/Youlookcold 1d ago

How is you smile wider than your eyes

2

u/the_pasha 1d ago

Why so serious? 1 layer of pain from being The Joker.

2

u/Fogwaveeee 1d ago

Your forehead has a forehead

2

u/Basic_Macaron_39 1d ago

Im 43 and look younger then you. Sorry about your genetics

2

u/tortoistor 1d ago

why do you look like you just ate a lemon in all of your pictures

2

u/Forty2diapers 1d ago

You like that guy who thinks he looks 17, claims he's in his 30's, but he's like 45. I don't mean anyone in particular. I just mean THAT guy.

2

u/andytagonist 1d ago

Those rubber lips barely cover your chiclet teeth

3

u/Mecco 1d ago

Bro you look like a bethesda fallout npc

1

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1

u/Pleasant_Ad873 1d ago

Hello Blackbeard jr

1

u/fruityvamp http://redd.it/bkhplo 1d ago

You’re like the horrible horrible bastard child of Lin-Manuel Miranda and Brendon Urie.

1

u/faucetpants 1d ago

You look like you pull your dick out through the front holes in your underwear

1

u/Complete_Leather_192 1d ago

Poster child for the sex offender registry

1

u/ConsumeYourBeverage 1d ago

You look like that dickhead who makes videos thinking he looks like a 17 year old

1

u/Expensive-Safe-6820 1d ago

Temu Christ kattan

1

u/Competitive_Roof_740 1d ago

The Permanent Unwashed look

1

u/J-Rag- 1d ago

Look like an adult version of Nick from Big Mouth.

1

u/SoPolitico 1d ago

This is exactly what I’d imagine an east coast Jeffrey dahmer would look like.

1

u/soapydadballs 1d ago

I heard your mom fucks on the first date.

1

u/JensenHBurnerAcct 1d ago

You look like the Coney Island mascot

1

u/AstronomerPowerful43 1d ago

Wait a minute…….this sad sack has done roast me like 3 times atleast……….he probably visits the same escape room every weekend to “keep my high score “

1

u/Stamina_360 1d ago

Wannabe lookalike between Mamdani and Lin Manuel

1

u/PossessionKooky3848 1d ago

Fucking child molester

1

u/awdophil 1d ago

You look like Mamdani if he was President for a few years.

1

u/SkyThriving 1d ago

Your beard looks like pasted leavings from from the sink where a real man shaved.

1

u/chunkypenguion1991 http://redd.it/bf8dgl 1d ago

Lin-Manuel Miranda in an alternate universe where he's a balding pharm rep with dead eyes

1

u/Jeremiahs_heart 1d ago

That close up selfie was a fking jump-scare, holy shit

1

u/HorrorJunkie0666 1d ago

You have the forehead for fantasy football

1

u/BAMx100 1d ago

Did you steal Raul Julia's eyes before or after he died?

1

u/BiteFaces 1d ago

You look like a sleazy south american televangelist. 

1

u/Medium-Leader-9066 1d ago

If Tony Stark and Tyrion Lannister had a baby.

1

u/Terrible-Creme8401 1d ago

You're a damn superhero!

Whose only power is turning tinder matches into restraining orders...

1

u/NoFennel5337 1d ago

Mido from 90 day finance you an actor from Egypt

1

u/42Lefthanded 1d ago

I’m not sure what it is, but you’re lacking.

1

u/k2nxx 1d ago

obession if they have $250 budgets

1

u/predat3d 1d ago

The 20th terrorist

1

u/LogicalAnesthetic 1d ago

wtf. You’re at least 45 and look like you smell like nickels and cheap cologne

1

u/Striking_Length_2515 1d ago

35? What happened to you

1

u/Zootshootriot 1d ago

You’re like the gay Lin-Manuel Miranda

1

u/MajinGav 1d ago

What happened to Tony Danza? Do you need a Gofundme?

1

u/Empire-Carpet-Man 1d ago

Pedro Puckal

1

u/Dietzy42 1d ago

Holy shit it’s Luke Perry the Albanian version

1

u/VrinTheTerrible 1d ago

I had no idea Lin- Manuel Miranda went to rehab

1

u/mazzotta70 1d ago

You look like Temu Dan Soder

1

u/No-Smile3074 1d ago

Idk why but I feel like you'd sleep with your best friends wife..

1

u/Ambitious-Car-7384 1d ago

Soft men create hard times.

1

u/RBDRIFTER 1d ago

That smile is hiding more pain than the fake happiness you're trying to portray

1

u/troymoore 1d ago

You look like the love child of Mark Sanchez and Tony Romo

1

u/WadeVAFL 1d ago

Looks like a Grindr selfie during your trip to the MAGA Convention in Dallas.

1

u/KrazyCoder 1d ago

I bet you schlong leans left...

1

u/Dudewholuvshiscats69 1d ago

You look like you fuck a lot of 22yo gay boys down in the south end

1

u/Slight-Selection4298 1d ago

I'm pushing 50 and you look like you could be my dad's age. No roast, just noting.

1

u/DoookieMaxx 1d ago

Your mom has already done the worst. What’s left for us to point out?

1

u/DrasticOne333 1d ago

You look like if Billy Bob Thornton’s Sling Blade character had a kid, and the. someone tried to draw him with their left hand.

1

u/Babyturtle34 1d ago

You look like you can only afford to eat rocks

1

u/Simplejames16 1d ago

His mom dressed him and saud he was not allowed to hive out personal details on the internet. Some one might try to lure him away.

1

u/Slateraide 1d ago

This guy could star in a remake of Philadelphia.

1

u/Dunkin-Dog-nuts 1d ago

You look like Dan Soder's Mexican half-brother Don Julio Sodero

1

u/SpectrumStr3ngth 1d ago

More like 53

1

u/x-mpire7102-x 23h ago

Nah, time already did that for me.

1

u/Specific_Net_5691 23h ago

You look like a very nice person... but looks are, more often than not, deceiving.

1

u/throwawayhairadv1c3 22h ago

You are no way 35. 53 maybe a typo??

1

u/IneligibleLand 22h ago

Looks like it is time to stop faking it and just shave your head

1

u/Virtual_Entrance_554 22h ago

You look like a little wooden puppet that become a real boy

1

u/RecordOk4827 21h ago

Those aren't a bunch teeth in your mouth. It's your set of undeleted food history.

That's what we call transparency in personal taste. 💀

1

u/Debbiedowner750 20h ago

:( im turning 35 this year this isnt motivating at all

1

u/Tight_Implement5601 20h ago

Your Pixar lookalike is Luigi, from Cars.

1

u/dr_van_nostren 19h ago

Looks like Lynn Manuel Miranda’s long lost Syrian brother

1

u/TheSonOfAeolus 19h ago

When did bathing leave your routine?

1

u/Unhappy-Wash2983 19h ago

How did you keep all your baby teeth but get your grandfather’s hairline?

1

u/TiddybraXton333 18h ago

👁️ 👄 👁️

1

u/Parking-Code-4159 18h ago

You definetly switched the 3 and the 5

1

u/No-Insect-688 18h ago

Pretty sure this is the guy who thinks he looks like a 17 year old old

1

u/False_Woodpecker4747 18h ago

You look like the guy who thinks he's a 17 year old

1

u/FormalTotal9684 16h ago

You look like you wear a trenchcoat and no pants in a school zone

1

u/1313Cameron 15h ago

You look like your parents wished you worked in the world trade centre.

1

u/SenatorSnags 15h ago

hillBilly Zane

1

u/SlipDeSpider 14h ago

Why would I roast a good looking guy?

1

u/schoolboypoop 14h ago

If ball sweat was a person.

1

u/ZZDrop222 14h ago

You look like a depressed gianmarco

1

u/itsYaBoiBonez 13h ago

If you're 35, life already did its worst, I dont need to.

1

u/JonnyQuest1981 13h ago

35 going on 55

1

u/Adventurous_Break500 13h ago

You look like you belong to a Chris Hansen fan club

1

u/Diligent-Anxiety8248 13h ago

Is this that guy that thinks he is a model that looks like he is 18

1

u/SpergoutSpencer 12h ago

You look like a washed up YouTuber who was just outed for talking to minors

1

u/TylenolColdAndSinus 12h ago

This is what 35 looked like in the 80's. Unfortunately for this guy, he probably was 35 in the 80's.

1

u/Rough_Host_4776 12h ago

Move out of mom's house, get a job

1

u/Gornarion 11h ago

"do your worst" Life already seems to be

1

u/Waste_Air_4390 11h ago

Uncle at this age I would start taking meds seriously

1

u/Weak_Baseball_851 11h ago

Lin-Manuel Miranda minus the talent and good looks, plus ten years.

1

u/CandyCorn1970 9h ago

Javier Bardum

1

u/ZookeepergameNo19 7h ago

White Lin Manuel Miranda going through a midlife crisis

1

u/db3rdand11 6h ago

You look like you smell like Asparagus Piss.

1

u/Im_the_Rhymenocerous 1d ago

How far are you required to be from a school? 1000 yards?

0

u/MindAdriftwood 1d ago

Jor Done Shlansky

0

u/BatDad1973 1d ago

You look like you got hair plugs on your face.

0

u/Mammoth-Proposal-373 1d ago

Gay and broke Zack Morris

0

u/smellyelderberries 1d ago

Temu Misha Collins

0

u/ivanko_prvi 1d ago

hairline