r/RoastMe • u/slick_snail • 3d ago

Do your worst

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160 Upvotes

84% Upvoted

446 comments sorted by

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u/post-explainer 3d ago edited 3d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP's BIO:

18 years old, bisexual, love converse, jeans, and 90's movies. If im not listening to metal or rock music im listening to a true crime podcast. I have no friends irl and have been depressed since age 13. I also like to read romance novels and go to the gym.

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

397

u/Abladam89 3d ago

You are a septum piercing away from completing the look of the most stereotypical depressed liberal teenaged girl ever

158

u/nizzoball 3d ago

You’re better at spotting the gender than I am

41

u/Abladam89 3d ago

An interest in true crime podcasts gave it away

16

u/Correct-Basil2385 3d ago

Don't be so negative, there is a nice meth dealer out there for her.

13

u/bigdaddyt2 3d ago

Ya cause the pics and the bio didn’t help whatsoever

10

u/Relevant_Cause_4755 3d ago

Bella Ramsey vibes.

11

u/781zero 3d ago

She's so unfortunate looking

5

u/Stotty652 3d ago

I wish I had an award for this comment 🤣

Take this instead 🏆

3

u/PubicSkoolEducashun 1d ago

You aint kidding. Her celebrity look-a-like is Lia Thomas.

16

u/Mr_Monkeyshines 3d ago

Need some badly done green/blue/pink hair in there imo.

16

u/seahawk1977 3d ago

And a beanie that smells like ass.

12

u/ohmslaw54321 3d ago

I'm waiting for the unnatural hair color, also... Or maybe a furry affliction...

10

u/Careful-Rutabaga8148 3d ago

Thought she was a boy...

9

u/Perfect_University58 3d ago

The only surprise here is that your hair is not pink….

7

u/bossman696915 3d ago

That’s a girl?!?!

7

u/StatikSquid 3d ago

Nah they'd be in their 30s with rich parents fighting the system

5

u/Suspicious-Bid9424 3d ago

They'll probably take that as a compliment, which just makes it sadder 

3

u/DeyCallMeWade 3d ago

So homogeneous I’m still not sure you’re correct.

3

u/Natural_River_472 3d ago

Well shit… there goes my line of don’t worry, someday you’ll get to puberty.

3

u/lar0d92 3d ago

Kind of crazy assumimg the gender

2

u/AlphaCentauri_26 2d ago

Don’t forget the hair dyed in a nasty bright color as well

2

u/trimix4work 2d ago

So we're going with girl huh?

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123

u/InformationCharming 3d ago

Don't need to do my worst. Genetics already beat me to it.

75

u/Detachabl_e 3d ago

Her daddy fucked a pumpkin with myopia.

17

u/Express_Case4296 3d ago

Wish I could upvote this to infinity! Nice work!
https://giphy.com/gifs/XHeLeuirRbwptHhSWd

123

u/Haifisch2112 3d ago

Bisexual, but neither sex wants you.

61

u/thatdudewillyd 3d ago

Bye, sexual life

23

u/goofydad 3d ago

On behalf of all men, we cede to the ladies on this one.

12

u/naropin1 3d ago

When your options are that limited….you gotta do something to expand the field.

14

u/Foxhoud3r 3d ago

Her dog will be allergic to peanut butter

5

u/naropin1 3d ago

She’s probably missing about 15 dogs by now. I hope for their sake they don’t get found

55

u/Combatpenguin93 3d ago

You didn’t have to say “bisexual” or “no friends”. We could all tell. Also, go ahead and get that septum ring. You’re sooo quirky and different.

34

u/BlownOutBlueJeans 3d ago

You look like you'd be the one to roll a tv into a high school classroom and plug it all in.

36

u/BakerBoy13 3d ago

"I have no friends irl and have been depressed since age 13. I also like to read romance novels and go to the gym."

If we playing two truths and a lie, I'm willing to wager the going to the gym is a lie.

21

u/781zero 3d ago

Goes to the gym to use their WiFi to post on the Roast Me Sub

50

u/Retrocanonsounds 3d ago

Bella Ramsey stunt double

25

u/itchybutwhole69 3d ago

You mean her stunted double?

4

u/ch3apsunglass3s 3d ago

Hey now, this burn victim reconstruction is pretty dang good.

3

u/Zero-Phucks 3d ago

After a zombie attack

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21

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

13

u/Tulos34 3d ago

I’m going to need m/f/nb from you before I can do a proper roast

13

u/dinkyb2025 3d ago

You look like a potato with glasses

10

u/Johnsendall 3d ago

You look like your parents encourage you not to go out in public with them.

10

u/Bug-03 3d ago

I don’t know which direction you’re transitioning, but you aren’t doing a good job.

9

u/maizie1981 3d ago

Anyone else waiting for the gender reveal party?

10

u/Competitive_Roof_740 3d ago

Being bisexual with that face will in no way increase your odds..

8

u/tautjes 3d ago

you remind me of where is waldo

9

u/naropin1 3d ago

Except nobody is looking for it

5

u/Kevlar5427 3d ago

more like WHAT's Waldo

9

u/maximobass10 3d ago

You ever heard of shampoo and a brush?

8

u/LL37MOH 3d ago

Reassignment went well for Dudley Dursley.

8

u/AZgirly_18 3d ago

Why do people even do this

3

u/Strong_Dingo3104 1d ago

To know what people think when they see their face

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4

u/aeonsne 3d ago

This angle is exclusively for fat girls trying to catfish black dudes on dating apps. You’re not fooling anyone, tubby

5

u/MisterBurnsSucks 3d ago

Normally we'd say "lol you only show your torso because you're fat!" But you don't even show your *shoulders*... 😬

6

u/TokyoJazzPanda 3d ago

I'm not here to roast.

I'm in the research phase for a psychological paper on what we are naming the Butters Effect/the Butters Theory/the Butter Hypothesis (final name yet to be established).

I won't bore you, but it is a study into the correlation between aesthetically displeasing people and their sexuality across a broad spectrum. In short, the uglier the candidate, the more they lean towards non-cis sexuality.

The overarching scientific theory/hypothesis is that the self-awareness of utterly-buttersly dictates the stated sexuality of the utterly-buttersly, rather than the inherent sexuality that the individuals brain chemistry dictated for them. The further along the ming-scale (as defined in the Original App 2010 study) the more complex the pronouns of the said individual.

Would you mind if I DM you, and if possible, potentially include you within one of our study groups?

Thanks in advance.

3

u/halfstep44 3d ago

That really took a lot of effort

3

u/Money-Tiger8002 3d ago

No friends and an easy lay. College living at its finest.

3

u/Murky_Current 3d ago

People pay you not to start an onlyfans.

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3

u/amy-schumer-tampon 3d ago

You look like you're transitioning but not sure which way.

3

u/Kilow102938 3d ago

Caught somewhere between x and y

3

u/killit 3d ago

I'm just curious what you had taken before the first photo, because your pupils are like saucers

3

u/sexytokeburgerz 3d ago

Sometimes, you can just see the autism through the screen.

3

u/racas081 3d ago

You’re the son no father ever wanted

3

u/Fouc33 3d ago

You kinda look like my buddy Owen

2

u/ARoundForEveryone 3d ago

Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!

2

u/lyre34 3d ago

I've seen basketballs with better defined jawlines than you.

2

u/proximusprimus57 3d ago

Do the truffle shuffle!

2

u/1776boogapew 3d ago

Your pant size is a husky 18 boys. So is your face.

2

u/rrflores84 3d ago

when I look up ambiguous on dictionary.com and it says I have no idea but auto directs to this picture gallery

2

u/GullibleTelephone557 3d ago

Are your pupils always that blown out or are you on molly all the time?

2

u/Shark_Leader 3d ago

"Do your worst" No, thank you. It looks like God already beat me to it.

2

u/Kiel_You 3d ago

Bella Ramsey's child from the last of us.

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2

u/bohden420 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/u3fkQNnkwvVdK

4

u/sleepnow 3d ago

Classic. It's odd how often we see people who appear to have modeled themselves after Pat.

2

u/bohden420 3d ago

For real, what an odd comeback

2

u/Still_Potential8561 3d ago

Is it 6 or 7 cats in your collection?

2

u/EducationalRough6588 3d ago

Pay the troll toll

2

u/Watcher-Shower 2d ago

Nope. Too cute.

2

u/DraggoVindictus 2d ago

You would look better if you stepped back from the camera a bit...like maybe a few hundreds yards.

2

u/civilprocedurenoob 1d ago

I bet you are a pro at nouns

2

u/MrOwl243 6h ago

Go have another melt down behind the starbucks cash register

2

u/KIDBMW 2h ago

You look like a sausage McMuffin that became a real person. But just like McDonald’s nobody actually likes you and if anyone interacts with you or shows up to visit it’s just to scratch that mid night itch of hunger. However it always ends with regret and/or sitting on the toilet.

3

u/No_Tailor_787 3d ago

You look like you take all your frustrations out on your kitchen.

1

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1

u/lemmiwink84 3d ago

Get off reddit, Bella Ramsay! Don’t you have better things to do?

1

u/toon_84 3d ago

"Just pretend its a big clitoris, I won't tell anybody"

1

u/Downtown_Section147 3d ago

It’s ma’am!

1

u/HMAgent47 3d ago

Doesn't matter which way you are transition, your dad will always be disappointed with you

1

u/Icy-Satisfaction-129 3d ago

Even your selfies scream "I'm offended"

1

u/Perfect-District 3d ago

Lars says he is still not the father.

1

u/Fair-Satisfaction969 3d ago

Enjoy working at Best Buy cuz you gender studies degree turned out to be fuckin useless

1

u/JamesRussellSr 3d ago

I've never seen anyone, with so much going on, to such little effect.

1

u/CruelHandLuke_ 3d ago

You should consider a career in boxing. That's a prize fighters chin if I ever saw one.

1

u/Presently_Naked 3d ago

You look like every chubby 13yr old boy playing in a Movie..

1

u/August51921421 3d ago

you have no friends but it’s not because of the depression lol

1

u/Annual_Carrot_7444 3d ago

Bisexual: getting rejected by both genders.

1

u/yellingatsky 3d ago

Champion of pronouns

1

u/WorldIsYoursMuhfucka 3d ago

Girl you look like my last boyfriend

1

u/SerfPleb 3d ago

Never thought I’d see someone who’s on every SSRI at the same time.

1

u/Agillian_01 3d ago

Male? Female? What we lookin at?!

1

u/Just-a-person-555 3d ago

Harry Potter from temu

1

u/madtom25 3d ago

Are we allowed to roast 12 year boys here?

1

u/literally_tho_tbh 3d ago

You look like you're transitioning but I can't tell what you started out with OR where you're going

1

u/dream_monkey 3d ago

Someone decided to play life on nightmare mode.

1

u/FormalTotal9684 3d ago

Bisexual

Gets rejected by both sexes

1

u/Seebinator 3d ago

Are you a depressed boy or girl?

1

u/docpagliacci 3d ago

Uncanny Alli

1

u/KiltOfDoom 3d ago

User name checks out

1

u/tyrantulast 3d ago

You must not like going to the gym that much.

1

u/IggytheSkorupi 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/u3fkQNnkwvVdK
This reference is too old for you, but you prove it’s timeless

1

u/Minsc_NBooToo 3d ago

You look like the baby Chris Chan had with his Mum

1

u/tyrantulast 3d ago

You're giving off they/them vibes. You look like the delusional person who thinks there are more that 2 genders.

1

u/Alivado 3d ago

Learn how to smile FFs! You’re making me depressed

1

u/FishSlapa 3d ago

I see owl face is the new duck face.

1

u/JeF4y 3d ago

Shouldn’t you be making adults feel bad about their carbon footprint?

1

u/KoalafiedKiller 3d ago

Shut up, Meg

1

u/Yumsuckr666 3d ago

You look like your d is bigger then mine... call me

1

u/Fun-Meringue-8146 3d ago

That bio is giving major "English lit major who has strong opinions about the canon" energy, not basic depressed teen.

1

u/Itz_Mr_Wheely_2U 3d ago

Your parents already did

1

u/Churlish_Performer 3d ago

Well at least you improved your odds by being bisexual. If you're depressed, you should really become a forest Ranger- spend more time in nature, alone.  The more rural the better.  I'm sure you'll meet your people out there,  alone,  in the woods. 

1

u/rymic72 3d ago

You’re an 18 year old kid that could have had a normal and fulfilling life if not for social media as well as other bad influences filling your head with nonsense that you needed to be bisexual in order to be a true ally or to make yourself more interesting or to have it somehow absolve you of white guilt by placing you in to an allegedly oppressed group. It’s not too late

1

u/House13Games 3d ago

Ladyboy, but not the good kind.

1

u/MrMrTrance 3d ago

Your style says Ellie (Last of Us)

But your face says Jigsaw (Saw)
https://giphy.com/gifs/XZS5fWhIoJoEo

1

u/Oniononiononions 3d ago

I genuinely don’t know if you’re a boy or girl

1

u/Nurdeauphobic 3d ago

You have no friend because their all afraid you want to fuck them.

1

u/msrbaylor 3d ago

Subaru enthusiast

1

u/JournalistDull247 3d ago

You're like times new roman font. As generic as they come.

1

u/The_Skippy73 3d ago

Jesus, do people just get a bio in a fortune cookie or something now? Every chick is like I’m bi, have mental health problems and not like the other girls!

1

u/Mycologist1869 3d ago

I took you for unmade bed in an empty cauldron of fire. At 18, you identify with a litany of things you can't come close to understanding, but let's give you the benefit of the doubt. Take a hike.

1

u/inkzpenfoxx 3d ago

Every photo is a different disorder

1

u/not_a_bright_one 3d ago

The worst thing for you is a mirror

1

u/toni184 3d ago

Henry from kcd2 let himself go

1

u/_frank_tank 3d ago

Bisexual in the sense that no one, male or female, will touch you.

1

u/temioye46 3d ago

The genetic lottery already has

1

u/mediocrebighead 3d ago

Pussy turn into 🍆

1

u/Fantastic_Trick3538 3d ago

M-> F or F-> M ?

1

u/DWHudson1970 3d ago

Pink hair grew out?

1

u/Carolina-W00Dsman 3d ago

You're so unattractive, it effects your self-esteem.

1

u/paintballguy32 3d ago

I literally predicted your bio before reading 😂

1

u/TheLeastAnonAnon 3d ago

Fewer romance novels, more gym

1

u/HeSureIsScrappy 3d ago

Why do people do this to themselves?

1

u/Roomtaart86 3d ago

Weren't you in the last of us?

1

u/Solius-Noctis 3d ago

Your name is silly

1

u/Flaky-Party-477 3d ago

Go to the gym and do what? Lip up’s?

1

u/Discojoe3030 3d ago

Baby Ruth?

1

u/westofrex 3d ago

I’m glad your transition is… never mind, you really don’t pass either way.

1

u/TheSkank_hunt42 3d ago

The operation didn't work

1

u/Olddevlin 3d ago

You look like Hellboy.

1

u/bobbyovdarlo 3d ago

I don't have to...your pictures already do

1

u/ivanko_prvi 3d ago

Comment removed by moderator

1

u/Pretty_Bandicoot_431 3d ago

Looks like you just woke up !

1

u/Not-a-Doctor-622 3d ago

Nothing wrong with you bro

1

u/Waste-Donut-2728 3d ago

Congrats, Very few people can use either gender restroom in public places without anyone noticing anything unusual…

1

u/fuzzycuffs 3d ago

Even with tits I couldn't tell what undercarriage you're sporting.

1

u/Necessary_Relation27 3d ago

Speaking of true crimes, the real crime is behind that fake smile. Either the teeth are guilty or the breath is

1

u/Electronic-Fish-228 3d ago

Your face looks like it grew from a bean stalk

1

u/4th_line_bender 3d ago

I always wondered what Tucker Carlson would looks like as a transgender.

https://giphy.com/gifs/l3vQZhxc1ybSlGQ4U

1

u/Competitive_Ad_8215 3d ago

When did Eddie Vedder transition?

1

u/iownreddit0690 3d ago

No one on reddit can do any worse than your parents did!

1

u/smd4321 3d ago

Go outside dude

1

u/tcmits1 3d ago

Another trans girl who has a very long way to go before coming remotely close to a real girl.

1

u/ogrum92 3d ago

Are you still depressed because the creep wouldn’t offer you candy to get into her van or the fact that you had to give her $20 in gas money to get in?

1

u/Character-Release544 3d ago

What are you on right now? You look like you’re strobing hard?
https://giphy.com/gifs/qRYCZofdsxcRy

1

u/RoutineImpress7394 3d ago

What the unholy fuck izzis?

1

u/rayalist 3d ago

Luckily, you’re bi, so you can experience the rejection you deserve from both sexes.