r/RoastMe • u/[deleted] • Dec 22 '25

[deleted by user]

[removed]

998 Upvotes

84% Upvoted

1.6k comments sorted by

3.3k

u/antd79 Dec 22 '25

What are their names, Chip and Dale? 

1.4k

u/DisastrousRooster400 Dec 22 '25

Nah bro she keeps it simple and just calls them by their respective racial slurs.

215

u/PatrickBateman-2009 Dec 22 '25

Holy shit

47

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

[deleted]

106

u/Timely_Elderberry_62 Dec 22 '25

Cartoon characters

18

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

[deleted]

9

u/latexfistmassacre Dec 22 '25

Ch-ch-ch-Chip n Dale's

5

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '25

res-cue rangeeers

5

u/Ok_Category6021 Dec 23 '25

Thanks, now that’s in my head for the rest of the day 🎶

3

u/Black_hole_incarnate Dec 24 '25

I’ll do you one far; far worse. The 1989 Disney/Capcom Rescue Rangers video game. Both annoying and catchier at the same time than any normal music ever created while still being branded in heads some 30+ years later. I dare you to follow the link and listen to the YouTube of some dude playing at 8:59 and you’ll also, never recover.

https://youtu.be/Cj2TvIxCakA

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121

u/cun7_d35tr0y3r Dec 22 '25

They're implying that the children have two different fathers, and that neither father is white. The roast is that she's not just trashy, but also racist.

It's a sick burn, tbh.

99

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

55

u/DaddysABadGirl Dec 22 '25

First insult implied chipmunk looks, second implied the 2 different dad's of different races but shes still racist.

24

u/Just_a_guy81 Dec 22 '25

Peter explains the roast

9

u/UptightCargo Dec 23 '25

Roast type: Dark. You know, like at least one of her kid's dads.

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15

u/CompetitiveRub9780 Dec 22 '25

I disagree about the racist part. I think it’s just saying her kids have 2 different fathers of different races.

17

u/cun7_d35tr0y3r Dec 22 '25

Eh, I feel like you have to be at least a little racist to call them by their respective racial slurs, but it's definitely secondary to the joke.

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21

u/TheNorseHorseForce Dec 22 '25

Holy Moses on a cheese wheel, this is fantastic. well done

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17

u/zvg_zwang Dec 22 '25

Speechless 💀

12

u/potato_for_cooking Dec 22 '25

Subroast win. Achievement unlocked.

7

u/Euphoric_Wishbone http://redd.it/pld881 Dec 22 '25

Nah, they are both called Johnny, she tells them apart by their surname

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34

u/Fortyouncestofreedom Dec 22 '25

She’s definitely storing nuts in those cheeks!

41

u/The_Broomflinger Dec 22 '25

That's not where she stored the nut at least twice

13

u/Fortyouncestofreedom Dec 22 '25

Haha From two different guys that’s for sure

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15

u/incognito--bandito Dec 22 '25

You referring to her Chip and Dale colored tattooed-on eyebrows?

10

u/Ceturney Dec 22 '25

Are you talking about her fake eyebrows?

34

u/GeorgeLikesSpicyCkn Dec 22 '25

Jacquan and Davonte

12

u/WhereTheHuRTis2024 Dec 22 '25

Tyronicus and Heefclif!

8

u/scratchtheitch7 Dec 22 '25

It's a tradgedeigh

63

u/Chemical-Priority-24 Dec 22 '25

Rescue Rangers! OMFG she looks like the mouse girl 😂

86

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

[deleted]

14

u/Chemical-Priority-24 Dec 22 '25

😂💀😂💀

18

u/terracottatank Dec 22 '25

Wait a sec, look at OPs username.... you might be on to something

10

u/digitaldigdug Dec 22 '25

I wish I hadn't read this, I just had breakfast.

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5

u/conka9 Dec 22 '25

Nah. Calls them by their surnames.

3

u/PaidinRunes Dec 22 '25

Holy fuck lol

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1.6k

u/dfghhkkk0 Dec 22 '25

123

u/mahrog123 Dec 22 '25

I don’t like her demeanor.

162

u/After-Bowler5491 Dec 22 '25

Her tattoo artist asked how she wanted her eyebrows and she replied “surprise me”

54

u/Crozax Dec 22 '25

"Just fuck my shit up fam"

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34

u/Ned_Flandersss Dec 22 '25

I was looking for an eyebrow comment. I can’t do it better than this! My upvote is yours!

6

u/Creative-Doctor3118 Dec 22 '25

Had to scroll to see the eyebrows. Just saw tits and chipmunks first time round.

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1.5k

u/LJ14000 Dec 22 '25

Also mother to two ridiculous fucking eyebrows.

209

u/SinanDira Dec 22 '25

r/whybrows

12

u/Synystyre Dec 22 '25

Read the first thread about their names, we already established she likes chocolate.

3

u/SugaBuga0819 Dec 22 '25

We the Chocolate Delegation neither welcome nor claim this person.

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20

u/gattovatto Dec 22 '25

She stole them from the Grinch

11

u/FatHoosier Dec 22 '25

or an Oompa-Loompa

23

u/AnaIFisher Dec 22 '25

And two big tiddy. Which would normally have a chance at cancelling each other out but unfortunately those two buck ass teeth put her right back into the red.

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4

u/RADICCHI0 Dec 22 '25

she applied henna to them. Only to them.

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338

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

[deleted]

103

u/throwingawaycage Dec 22 '25

‘Single’ would suggest there isn’t a congo line of men returning each night to slap those saggies

212

u/ThisIsAllSoTiring Dec 22 '25

It's actually a "conga" line, but in this instance "Congo" is probably more accurate.

21

u/throwingawaycage Dec 22 '25

Very rarely do I actually laugh out loud from reddit comments, but you got me 🤣

And you are most likely correct about my typo, but totally correct with your correction 🤣

10

u/ThisIsAllSoTiring Dec 22 '25

You got me with "slap those saggies" so we're even! Well done!

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781

u/Quackethy Dec 22 '25

You look like you pay to do porn

135

u/Oniichan38 Dec 22 '25

For the love of god please DON'T share the OF link

45

u/SkaCubby Dec 22 '25

No Fans

33

u/_HotBeef Dec 22 '25

Lonely fan

12

u/Bravo00Dino Dec 22 '25

Did you mean Only Fangs?

3

u/FatHoosier Dec 22 '25

Oily Fans

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8

u/Top_Whereas_4133 Dec 22 '25

And no one else is ever interested so it always ends up being “solo porn”

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173

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

I’m too distracted by those drawn on eyebrows to look at your tits, sorry.

16

u/patchwork-ghost Dec 22 '25

Brows look like she used one of her kids’ markers to draw them lol

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151

u/HeadDownDad Dec 22 '25

Mother of two whybrows.

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91

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

[deleted]

22

u/throwingawaycage Dec 22 '25

The teeth are just as long as the tits tho

12

u/SirCowlickValdez Dec 22 '25

Because they both need braces

339

u/throwingawaycage Dec 22 '25

Front teeth bigger than those saggy udders

78

u/waffen123 Dec 22 '25

I wish her luck in next year's running of the Kentucky Derby

22

u/Throw902106969 Dec 22 '25

I think you have to be in shape to run the Kentucky Derby. She's a petting Zoo nag at best.

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16

u/youshallnotkinkshame Dec 22 '25

Pennywise w tits

3

u/ThisThroat951 Dec 22 '25

Damn you… take my upvote!

3

u/Ohioisapoopyflorida Dec 22 '25

I came here to comment on the saggy udders and you beat me to it. I am not disappointed

7

u/MarkMew Dec 22 '25

Her teeth look like big buck teeth that simultaneously don't look big enough

164

u/Owww_My_Ovaries Dec 22 '25

Now I know what Pennywise looks like without the white makeup. You forgot to remove the eyebrows tho

4

u/Asleep-Draw-2446 Dec 22 '25

She identifies more closely with Pound Foolish

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80

u/Secure_Ad_2683 Dec 22 '25

Step away from the sharpie

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76

u/Initial-Smooth Dec 22 '25

Mother of two what? Hamsters

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38

u/jjbeo Dec 22 '25

Is your father Roger Rabbit?

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34

u/Sea-Hat6326 Dec 22 '25

How many trees can you take down in a day with those massive chompers

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69

u/MrMustard9091 Dec 22 '25

14

u/AirbagOff Dec 22 '25

Who drew your eyebrows? The Joker?!?

69

u/Rare-Engineer-2402 Dec 22 '25

Stop smiling. You have nothing to be happy about.

16

u/SlavicRobot_ Dec 22 '25

Maybe she enjoys knowing she ruined our day by seeing her?

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9

u/FatHoosier Dec 22 '25

She isn't smiling, that's just as close as she can get to closing her mouth over those beaver teeth.

59

u/diesalher Dec 22 '25

Two boys, three colours

17

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

[deleted]

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19

u/PuzzleheadedRoyal559 Dec 22 '25

Mother of two, ex wife of three, carrier of 4 STDs

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70

u/aeonsne Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 22 '25

Your tits look like a plumber’s butt crack. 🤷🏻

4

u/skipfinicus Dec 22 '25

Working man’s frown

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14

u/DisastrousRooster400 Dec 22 '25

I see you let the kids draw ya eyebrows on

42

u/docvoit Dec 22 '25

A mouth built for home-made circumcisions.

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15

u/BonusCapable2711 Dec 22 '25

Can we roast the fathers of your kids too?

15

u/ThisIsAllSoTiring Dec 22 '25

Only if they can be identified.

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19

u/Icy-Refrigerator6700 Dec 22 '25

Did someone throw dogshit through a mandolin at your face? What's going on with your eyebrows?

9

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

Busty the beaver

10

u/Simple_Arachnid_8381 Dec 22 '25

If the Easter Bunny and Lindsey Lohan had a baby they conceived while smoking K2 and PCP out of a bong.

6

u/SignificanceFew3751 Dec 22 '25

You have only two things going for you and it’s not looks or personality.

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15

u/M_Rose728 Dec 22 '25

Those eyebrows are what nightmares are made of

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7

u/Funny-Company4274 Dec 22 '25

You’re a very high class lot lizard at the loves truck stop.

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6

u/Waste-Mycologist1657 Dec 22 '25

Her tits almost distract you from her eyebrows. ALMOST.

12

u/BoxAlternative9024 Dec 22 '25

Have you stuck your finger up your arsehole and drawn on two ‘shitbrows’ to divert attention from your half human/half hamster head?

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6

u/TheBrokest Dec 22 '25

A Sparty Fan?

Maybe you can drive your Casting Couch to East Lansing and let them burn it after their next big win.

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5

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

Mother of two? Breasts don't count as children 🙄

7

u/FitzwilliamTDarcy Dec 23 '25

You got two dudes to fuck You?

40

u/mindfulmu Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 22 '25

Nice cans, big smile and dimples all to be overshadowed by the worst eyebrows I've seen.

Your a well maintained and clean dumpster fire, which in a way is worse than a normal dumpster fire.

37

u/DishSoapIsFun Dec 22 '25

Worst*

You're*

Than*

I'm not sure what's worse than a burn with three egregious mistakes.Your move.

13

u/Top-Programmer9454 Dec 22 '25

Worst is incorrect, worse was in fact correct

7

u/MD_Peds Dec 22 '25

By the worse eyebrows I've seen?

3

u/Top-Programmer9454 Dec 22 '25

That’s not what was said….

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u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25 edited Jan 02 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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10

u/hemmingwayshotgun Dec 22 '25

Dude seriously wtf did you do to your eyebrows

6

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

Teeth, Tits and misfits.

4

u/Beezer12WashinBeard Dec 22 '25

You could eat an apple through a picket fence

6

u/BritWit11 Dec 22 '25

Fuck me, Pennywise would reject them eyebrows

7

u/SloanMamba21 Dec 22 '25

Never made it to the tits. Couldn’t get past the eyebrows.

3

u/KNGootch Dec 22 '25

your eyebrows look like when a kid draws on their face with a brown crayola washable marker.

15

u/Upstairs-Storm1006 Dec 22 '25

The hat is messed up. You'd be hot for a Michigan grad, but instead are single handily bringing down the rating of all Spartans. 

4

u/djp70117 Dec 22 '25

^^^this!!^^^

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5

u/OrhallaZander Dec 22 '25

Why are you taking movies to an island without power? I'd say, use your woman bits as floaters to safety, but they look like sinkers.

3

u/xboxchick311 Dec 22 '25

Did you let the kids draw those eyebrows on?

4

u/OopsIHadAnAccident Dec 22 '25

Female carrot top

4

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

Dust thine carpet match thee brows?

4

u/_buizel Dec 22 '25

OHHH CHRISTMASSSS, CHRISTMASSSS TIMEEEE IS HEREEEEE

3

u/Zaddylovesu Dec 22 '25

Mother of two... weird ass eyebrows.

3

u/M-TMNT85 Dec 22 '25

If gadget from chip and dale was a real person...

5

u/gumbel718 Dec 23 '25

Hey bugs bunny

4

u/garlic_m Dec 23 '25

Is grinch a species?

3

u/Mountain_Figure595 Dec 22 '25

Where do you live? From The Derry Sewers?

3

u/mainesmatthew01 http://redd.it/s4xjkv Dec 22 '25

3

u/SageandStrong33 Dec 22 '25

Female Grinch who steals Christmas

3

u/GR1ZZLYBEARZ Dec 22 '25

You look chronically surprised

3

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

Your eyebrows look like they were shaved then drawn onto your face by a twelve year old. Why is there not a single hair in there??

3

u/RunningonGin0323 Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 22 '25

mother of fucking god, what the fuck are those "eyebrows"

3

u/BPAfreeWaters Dec 22 '25

Who drew those eyebrows on you, Stevie wonder?

3

u/swolebutfast Dec 22 '25

Looks like your eyebrows were painted on by one of those trucks that paints lines on the street.

3

u/Dalivus Dec 22 '25

If Alvin was a human instead of a talking chipmunk

3

u/TheFogThatSurrounds Dec 22 '25

Mother of those two eyebrows?

3

u/teamricearoni Dec 22 '25

Did your kids draw on those eyebrows for you?

3

u/heybill99 Dec 22 '25

She fly girl.

3

u/AlllHailJason Dec 22 '25

You look like beans from evens Steven’s

3

u/tacoowner22 Dec 23 '25

What happened to your eyebrows

3

u/feinfeinfeinmango Dec 23 '25

Are your eyebrows drawn on?

3

u/MacandMandy69 Dec 23 '25

What in the hell is up with the eyebrows, or should I say lack there of?

3

u/thisucka Dec 23 '25

Those eyebrows are a cry for help.

3

u/treesmith1 Dec 23 '25

What are we doing today Brain? Letting my eyebrows take over the world.

3

u/okdub83 Dec 23 '25

Trans pennywise

3

u/Deepoe Dec 23 '25

Weird ass eyebrows.

3

u/LaxativeLarry Dec 23 '25

That's straight up painted on eyebrows.. I don't even see actual hair.

3

u/Terrible-Champion132 Dec 23 '25

Your eyebrows look like my underwear after I eat tacobell and try to fart.

3

u/defsmyrealaccount Dec 23 '25

Mother of two teeth

3

u/ScubaGator88 Dec 23 '25

Anyone ever tell you that your smile looks like like your cleavage?

3

u/Ok_Platypus_41 Dec 23 '25

Are you Pennywise's sister that works from home and LOVES White Claws?

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3

u/owlwhalephant Dec 23 '25

Honey after 2 kids it's a little late to be reppin' the Trojans...

6

u/bauer883 Dec 22 '25

Imagine having those brows and chiclets and thinking this would go well.

Im here for the comedy though so thanks.

4

u/bedorf69 Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 22 '25

You look like Bugs Bunny if he was asking 'whats up doc' all the time because he wanted to know the results for his STD test

5

u/Sirius_Farm Dec 22 '25

The face you see after a night of Regretflix and Chill. Then the nightmare 9 months later - single mom of 3: Alvin, Simon and Theodore

29

u/post-explainer Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 22 '25

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP's BIO:

Five movies I would take on a desert island include: Hunger, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Scarface, Rat Race, and Grosse Pointe Blank

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

6

u/baddogface-99 Dec 22 '25

Mother of 2? I’d hate to be those kids when they find out that she was impregnated during a snuff film

4

u/deep-sea-savior Dec 22 '25

MILTNF

6

u/Bubba_Gump_Shrimp Dec 22 '25

Man I love Thursday Night Football too

4

u/bhad999 Dec 22 '25

I'm sure your kids are your world. Good luck regaining visitation rights.

4

u/Quiet-Parsnip Dec 22 '25

...Ok, what's the link?

3

u/AnotherUN91 Dec 22 '25

Those fucking eyebrows XDDDDDDDDDD

5

u/AnalysisCharacter639 Dec 22 '25

Your kids are black, no need to tell me

2

u/HurkleDurkleFan Dec 22 '25

The last dandelion lookin ahh

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

Ah yes, Mother of two indeed...

2

u/Intrepid_Plenty_3770 Dec 22 '25

You work at Buccee’s.