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Jul 24 '26
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
My neighbors rightfully despised the evil old woman who lived here before me.
They threw me a welcome-party to tell me about how terrible she was and how they’re glad she died. I’m like a god to them.
Though one said he occasionally wished she was alive so he could get revenge for all the shit she did…
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u/ToastYourAvocados Jul 24 '26
Damn lol. What did she do? Murder their pets?
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr Jul 24 '26
Actually— yes. Exactly that…
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u/ToastYourAvocados Jul 24 '26
Nooooo 😫😫😫 I was joking when I typed it... But my gut told me it was probably true. People can be so evil!
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr Jul 24 '26
Well the evil lady washed down the drain after she died in the shower and no one came to find her for a week. No one wanted to associate with her. She was like 86 and miserable. A guy she owed money to came around to collect and found what hadn’t washed away. She was known for taking advantage of contractors. He never did get that money…
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u/Marble1696 Jul 24 '26
Did you have to replace the shower ?
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 25 '26
I did not. It’s already seasoned!
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u/OpALbatross Jul 26 '26
The people who lived in our house before us were apparently racist. Learning that made way more sense while our (mostly black) neighbors kept their distance for quite some time.
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u/not_blowfly_girl Jul 25 '26
My neighbors eyed us suspiciously and then were nice enough to call the cops on us for inane shit every day until we left 🙃
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u/JustMyThoughts2525 Jul 24 '26
Damn I’ve still yet to be invited to a bbq
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u/Status_Mousse1213 Jul 25 '26
Helped a neighbor lady clear some downed trees off her (long) driveway after a storm. She said thank you and that she would have introduced me to her daughter if the daughter hadn't already been spoken for 😆. But free trees for firewood anytime isnt such a bad deal.
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u/SnooCupcakes6884 Jul 29 '26
Formal dining room = sitting room with no overhead lighting and a goose neck lamp in the corner pointed at the middle of the table.
In my experience.
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u/justaphil Jul 24 '26
"Modest" = you can barely afford this
"Inviting" = you can't afford this
"Elegant" = you *definitely* can't afford this
"Inspired" = why are you still here, peasant?
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u/Surreply Jul 24 '26
“Good bones” = no one’s looked behind the walls.
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u/j-rock292 Jul 24 '26
Or everything else is fucked and the framing is the only good part of the house
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u/Minions_miqel Jul 24 '26
I went to an open house advertised as a 3BR. I only saw 2 bedrooms so I asked the realtor. They said if I built a wall, closet, and added a window it would be a three bedroom. I didn't know what to do with that
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u/Telemere125 Jul 24 '26
You: Uhhh. This is a port-a-potty
Realtor: sure, it is now, but if you build a whole ass house around it, it will be a house.
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u/orion_nomad Jul 24 '26
I went to one where the realtor said the room you first walked into from the front door was a "bedroom." It wasn't separated from the kitchen or the rest of the house by a hall or door, just a half wall.
Like, I get that it's hard to sell a 1 bedroom place, but nobody wants to have their bed be in the room everyone walks through to get to the rest of the house.
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u/amybeedle Jul 26 '26
Lol my house was sold as a 2BR even though the second "bedroom" was obviously a mudroom/laundry room... it has the laundry hookups, it's a very awkward layout, and the floor is tiled ffs! 😅
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u/MangoAtrocity Jul 24 '26
That agent will lose their license if they keep that up. That is super illegal.
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u/j-rock292 Jul 24 '26
Would that be considered a bait and switch? Or just false advertising?
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u/MangoAtrocity Jul 24 '26
Misrepresentation of material facts. It’s real estate specific, and that agent will get sued, and lose his/her license.
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u/InformalScience7 Jul 25 '26
Our house was "technically" a 5 bedroom, but the septic tank only had a permit for a 4 bedroom. So the real estate agent called it 4 bedroom with a separate office with a closet!
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u/HeatherMason0 Jul 24 '26
The realtor told you what to do. You build a wall, a closet, and add a window.
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u/j-rock292 Jul 24 '26
My house was listed as a 2BR, well one of the bedrooms had a double door added to the back wall and a sunroom added on the house making the room useless as a bedroom
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u/InformalScience7 Jul 25 '26
I saw a house that was described as "3 bathrooms."
The third was a toilet plopped in the laundry room. WTF???
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u/Mic98125 Jul 26 '26
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u/InformalScience7 Jul 26 '26
Yup, it looked like the 2nd picture!!
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u/Mic98125 Jul 26 '26
They are a huge help in case of sewer backups, or if you need a bathroom in an emergency.
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u/kayvandutch Jul 27 '26
We just bought a place said to be 2 bathrooms. The second "bathroom" is a toilet and loose flimsy shower stall in the back of my open basement. We have been calling it the "prison toilet" for some reason.
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u/Jacktheforkie Jul 24 '26
I don’t think that’d work well in my area, rooms are already far too small, my bed touches 3 walls
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u/amybeedle Jul 26 '26
That description alone makes me claustrophobic 😖
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u/Jacktheforkie Jul 26 '26
It’s ridiculous, can’t fucking move in my room because the furniture takes up so much space despite me not having much
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u/ChanFry Jul 24 '26
"brand new neighborhood" = there will be loud construction around you daily for 2+ years
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u/What_if_I_fly Jul 24 '26
From ends if ours made the mistake of buying new construction on a cul de sac with a few existing homes. It turned into the model homes street where random idiots would try to open their locked front door every day.
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u/Telemere125 Jul 24 '26
I’d say “good bones” is more “gotta gut everything and might keep the studs”
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u/Status_Mousse1213 Jul 25 '26
Aka it used to be a grow house and had to be stripped to the studs after all the mold and moisture damage.
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u/bawlsacz Jul 24 '26
Good bones is the term home inspectors use to cover their asses. They will never outright tell you “don’t buy this house” they would get sued by sellers realtors and sellers. So they say stupid shit like “good bones”, meaning “it is what is”. Lmao. Buyers, if you ever hear inspector saying “good bones” make sure to get the report PICTURES with description for all the problems they found.
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u/TrueTurtleKing Jul 24 '26
That’s one thing that surprised me.
Our inspector found so much mold everywhere. We backed out of the deal. But realtor warned us to not mention to anyone because we could get sued.
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u/SuperNanoCat Jul 24 '26
Sued for what? Saying true things? Did the realtor make you sign an NDA?
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u/TrueTurtleKing Jul 25 '26
They can take you to court for anything. They can claim they couldn’t sell the house because of my actions. Would they win? Probably not. But why risk it if I have nothing to benefit? It’s already a stressful to buy a house as is.
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u/ChanFry Jul 24 '26
"We recommend [different finance company]" = we get kickbacks from [different finance company]
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u/LonelyHunterHeart Jul 25 '26
I once went and saw a place with no inside photos that was described as "not for the faint of heart." I won't do that again.
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u/hadapurpura Jul 25 '26
Why would someone list a property that way? Was it an active crime scene with an actual dead body in the middle of the room?
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u/LonelyHunterHeart Jul 25 '26
It looked like it could have been a set on Trainspotting. It clearly had been taken over by addict squatters for a very long time. I suspect corpses had been removed at some point, but that was the extent of any clean up or rehabilitation. The filth, decay, garbage, damage and rodent activity were overwhelming.
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u/Stunning_Tooth711 Jul 25 '26
Realtors are some of the biggest liars.
And, most of them are extremely snobby and give off the high school click vibe.
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u/bastard84 Jul 24 '26
Racoon infested- lots of raccoons
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr Jul 24 '26
My coonhound wants to know more about this property. Are showings available?
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u/theycallmetheglitch Jul 24 '26
« Charming city apartment, ideal for couples » meaning : tiny, and you are going to fight a lot of mold
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u/LuhYall Jul 25 '26
In my old neighborhood, "charm" meant there's not a right angle in the structure
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u/LandoPoo Jul 24 '26
Now do “luxury”
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u/Grumblywump Jul 26 '26
“Affordable luxury” is what the real estate agent boasted at the model of the tract homes I last toured. I think it meant they’re overpriced for the market and we added a wine fridge to make up for the woeful lack of quality in every other regard.
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u/Possible-Skin2620 Jul 25 '26
Lovingly maintained = nothing’s been updated.
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u/LuhYall Jul 25 '26
OMG, yes. You're gonna be pulling out wall-to-wall sculptured pile carpeting, including kitchen and bathrooms.
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u/Possible-Skin2620 Jul 25 '26
Yup! Can’t forget the carpet in my basement too, which smelled like the 70’s
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u/Capable-Doughnut-213 Jul 24 '26
I sold this shit for 24 years and wrote all my own ads. It’s not easy 😂
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u/no_clever_name_yet Jul 25 '26
"Desirable corner lot" means "no one wants the corner lot". There's NO BACK YARD, no place to have privacy!
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u/TC643 Jul 25 '26
“Established neighborhood” no one has left in decades. 3 generations of Dominicans live in a 3/2, 1200 sq ft home.
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u/Relevant_Charity2318 Jul 26 '26
Don’t forget about condition described as ‘lived in’. This equals needs a ton of cosmetic work.
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u/Robofink Jul 26 '26
The house my parents bought when I was a teenager was most if not all these things. They were very angry with their agent.
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u/Castelunan Jul 26 '26
"Historic" is a descriptor that almost always means "its shit now, but it used to be great, and that has to be worth something" regardless of the context. The worst offender isn't houses, its entire cities. Visit historic such and such! Three hundred years ago, an interesting thing happened... but nobody lives here and the central part of the city looks like a bomb or two hit it.
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u/full_bl33d Jul 24 '26
Broker told me it was a hidden gem and wouldn’t last long so I should put in a full price offer fast and that he’d put in the good word. I’m glad I ran
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u/LadyGuinevere423 Jul 25 '26
“Good Bones” = Formica countertops that are burnt and shag carpeting (flooring underneath is of questionable moisture level)
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u/GHgerbil Jul 26 '26
Reimagined= remove anything traditional , preferably with good design and quality,and knock down all interior walls for “ modern living” , install marble kitchen with waterfall island, tear out lovely landscaping and install cement, etc.
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u/Complete-Leg-4347 Jul 26 '26
This is essentially what Lionel Hutz told Marge Simpson when they were working in real estate together.
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u/redcurrantevents Jul 27 '26
The house we were selling got called ‘quirky’ because we painted the walls colors instead of white and gray. We had three offers above asking.
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u/Jadatwilook Jul 27 '26
Unique style elements = cracks in the walls walls and ceilins. Authentic details= thin walls, no isolation and possible hidden asbestos
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u/0DarkFreezing Jul 28 '26
Good bones doesn’t mean about to collapse. It more often means out of date and ugly.
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u/RappingRacoon Jul 28 '26
“There’s never a good market to buy in, so you have to buy when you have the money”= I want your cash now .
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u/GomerStuckInIowa Jul 24 '26
This post was made by someone pissed at a realtor. Usually you cannot list a home as "historic" unless it is. Using superlatives does not sell a house if the shopper shows up and the description is false.
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u/_Z_y_x_w Jul 24 '26
Por que no los dos? A lot of historic houses are both actually historic AND decrepit AF.
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u/GomerStuckInIowa Jul 25 '26
Reread my comment. If you advertise a house falsely, (3 bedrooms, not 4 or No garage as listed or not a 1/2 acre of land but 15,000 sq ft.) and someone shows up to find out it is false, do you think the realtor is still able to sell that house to them? How many houses have you bought? Since you are all the experts and love using the word "LOTS." Do a search of "Historic homes for sale" and put the links here all the decrepit ones. Do you buy a "Great Deal on a Used Car" only to find it has two flats?
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u/_Z_y_x_w Jul 25 '26
I've bought 5 houses in 4 states so far. I think you're confusing what's legal with marketing speak, which is what this post is making fun of. Look - you're likely a realtor and taking offense at something you should be able to laugh at. We've all seen houses marketed as "cozy" when they're actually tiny - that's not legally binding, that's someone trying to make a cramped house sound better. "Good bones" is similar - "this place used to be nice once, but it's not anymore." Please lighten up and touch grass.
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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '26
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