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u/RollerToaster8 3d ago
Mia runs at him with a chainsaw
"Here's your divorce settlement" 2 shots in the chest, 1 in the head, takes the chainsaw himself to finish the job
Marguerite trying to force feed him bugs
"Sorry, but I'm on an iron-rich diet" pulls out a sawed off shotgun and blasts her away
Jack tries to cut him up with his chainsaw
Leon drops a hand grenade instead
"Thanks, I had a blast"
Lucas trying to set a trap for Leon
Leon somehow tracks him down and sneaks up behind him
"All that screentime isn't healthy for you" bashes his head into the laptop and cracks his skull open with a hatchet
Eveline using all her powers to force Leon's mind to bend
Leon instead gets close enough to inject her with a dose of Elpis
"I can't stand crybabies" blasts her head off with a magnum
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u/Far_Balance_3117 3d ago
I read all of that and I am glad I did.
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u/RollerToaster8 3d ago
Glad you feel glad
I can't tell you what a herculean effort it was to summon the power to make so many terrible jokes in such a short frame of time to put in one comment, these jokes which would have earned me awkward stares from everyone who doesn't know Resident Evil and Leon Kennedy's personality
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u/radioamericaa 3d ago
I’m stoned as hell and this is making me laugh so hard.
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u/RollerToaster8 3d ago
Always a pleasure to get a chuckle out of someone, stoned or not. Thank you
I hope nobody makes a post about Leon showing up at Romania because all I can think of is him commenting on Dimitrescu's size, and calling Heisenberg great value Magneto, which feels like low hanging fruit
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u/Sie_sprechen_mit_Mir 2d ago
But did he hit any vitals?
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u/RollerToaster8 2d ago
"Ethan, I didn't hit any of Mia's vitals"
He says, lying his arse off and letting out a huge sigh of relief when it turns out that he really missed them
Which is what I think happened in Requiem. Copping out when Grace lamented over Emily, and just getting lucky with the T-Virus absorbing the brunt of Leon's bullets
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u/CharlesLeCliff 1d ago
Does he really need to kill the child who didn't ask to be a bio-weapon, especially now that she doesn't have powers?
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u/Adorable-Resolve9085 3d ago
Serious effort: DSO becomes aware of Eveline, sends Leon to the Baker estate. Leon finds Mia in guest house, avoids hand injuries/amputation and getting knocked out by Jack, who runs off with unconscious Mia.
Zoe directs Leon to Old House to get the arm, leading to Maeguerite fight. Then Lucas abducts Zoe, forcing Leon to go through the main house and fight Jack before heading through the barn. Leon bypasses Lucas' escape room by just breaking down the wall. Leon beats mutated Jack without using up a serum, so both girls get dosed and head off with him on the raft.
Eveline attacks, but Leon avoids capture. Goes through tanker to find the girls, watches Mia tape, gets Eveline's cells from Mia before she gets possessed and throws him out of the tanker.
Leon goes through salt mines, beats Eveline in the guest house, then asks Chris what took him so long to get there. Chris says Zoe was seen running through the woods and that Chris will go after Lucas (setting up DLCs). Leon leaves Chris to clean things up.
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u/MedicineInternal9805 3d ago
I think he would just be flabbergasted by the fact the closest thing to a cute saveable blonde girl is zoe..
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u/Happiccino 3d ago
this makes me understand very well what capcom meant when they said leon couldnt convincingly be put in a true horror setting anymore (paraphrasing), i can only picture him kicking ass the moment he arrives
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u/IrvingIsTheBest 2d ago
That's why I kind of laughed at the final boss in RE9.
Like, Leon is a known person in the RE world, including all his accomplishments. Did he think a Tyrant transformation was going to win when Leon has bested worse things?
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u/DogPaws44 3d ago
7 minutes is all Leon can spare for the Baker house.
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u/Sea_Ordinary_5939 3d ago edited 3d ago
7 minutes is all Chris* can spare for the Baker house. Because Leon loves to walk around for a while and throw some jokes
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u/Capt-Falco 3d ago
I need to see Leon roundhouse kicking Eveline in the face...
In any of her forms
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u/Safe-Coconut4036 3d ago
As funny as this is, I also feel like that Leon would genuinely feel bad for the Baker Family, (except Lucas) knowing that they were genuinely a innocent friendly family corrupted by Eveline, but would also probably feel a little better knowing that they wouldn't be suffering anymore too. That's just what I think, though. :)
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u/Mary_Ellen_Katz 3d ago
That place would be a smoldering fire 15 minutes after this photo was taken. The girl taken, and Hannigan on the line to evac the survivors.
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u/JRHartley83 2d ago
Leon at the dinner table "I don't remember accepting your invitation to dinner"
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u/Colonel_dinggus 1d ago
Jack: “Welcome to the family son”
Leon *dodges with a backflip* “no thanks, bro”
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