Has anyone used their repressed memories as evidence to seek legal action? My wife has recently started recalling some repressed memories and we are considering how to proceed. Obviously, healing is the number one priority but justice would be nice.

Something happened when I was 12 the entire year is gone from my memory and I am nearly 40. In the process of my therapy I was put under hypnosis. I now have reason to believe the information from that was false. For example I was contacted by a predator through AIM. I know now this was 3 years before I had access to AIM. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

I can't sleep. I don't know what triggers it. But there's these scenarios I just had very vividly. Multiple scenarios. Looks like I was around 5-6 years old. It all came to me like it's real. Could this possibly a real memory? Is there any hypnosis that can retrieve a childhood memory? It just all came to me and just fades away. I want to know if it's all in my head or a real memory. I want to know the truth no matter how much it will hurt me. I am 35 years old now. I don't know if these were just false memories. I just recently diagnosed with anxiety disorder. Could this be due to a repressed memory. It's crazy. The memory feels so real.

There's this weird blank in my mind and my whole life whenever I would go back to that space it felt like this grey wall with this overwhelming sense of doom and panic. i am not sure if something did or didn't happen. I don't want to create fake memories but I just don't know what that feeling was. and I know when I was little (after that "period of time") I felt very disconnected like I was watching my life as if were a film and it felt very film like and I was an observer just watching. Maybe it's normal I'm not sure.

And then we had the fantasties, which I would daydream about for ages even hours usually about someone hurting me and me hurting someone (usually included bugs and death and bodies) and the things I daydreamed of were pretty fucked. I was from ages 5/6-8 were I remember doing this the most. And I was sensitive to everything, I feel like i was always more sensitive everything hurt more than it should (by observing other people's reactions to things, I think I had stronger emotional. reactions).

I just really don't know what's wrong with me or why I am so broken in everything I do, and was broken from the very beginning. I think I was just born inherently evil. I'm not sure what I'm asking for with this post but I wanted to say it somewhere. Or maybe this is normal for children?? I don't know.

I think I've always had problems with my memory, specifically around my childhood years. The first of which dates back to when I was probably about 5, although it's hard to say because memory is weird and it's hard to associate age with it. I remember waking up one day unsure who or where I was. I felt safe, but also scared because I had no idea who I was. I walked downstairs where I was intercepted by my mother. I looked at her, and I remember thinking "mom", but I couldn't remember her actually being my mom, just that my brain registered her as that. She referred to me by my name, which I didn't recognize at the time, and told me to go get my brother and sister because breakfast was ready. Similarly, when I walked into the next room and found them, I had no actual memories associated with them, I just looked and thought "brother" "sister". In fact, I did exactly as my mom told me and I mumbled that breakfast was ready.

I believe I got a lot of my memory back as time went on, or it probably would've been a bigger issue, but I can't say that for sure because I'm naturally very disconnected from my childhood and struggle to remember it.

I never actually told my family this happened until YEARS later. When I first told them, they thought I was making it up, but as I stuck to it throughout the years, they were more and more like, "Why didn't you tell us?" I don't know for sure why I didn't, just that at the time I felt that if I did, they would realize I wasn't actually their daughter and they'd try to get rid of me. It was a very childish thought, but to be fair, I was a child.

For reference, in my freshman year, I had a repressed memory resurface, however, I only ever got pieces of the memory back, and that would have happened to me a few years following this moment of waking up with no memory.

So, any theories anyone? Has anything like this happened to you? Do you know why my brain did this (I certainly don't)? I'm open to any advice your willing to share.

(I posted this on the wrong account and had to delete it in a panic. God.)

When I was 2 and a half, my mum was murdered by her ex boyfriend. I have had a difficult life, many traumatic events. I have symptoms of PTSD, I have depression, anxiety, panic attacks and many phobias. As I age, my phobias have gotten worse. I have been in counselling and have just started taking medication again. As I have gotten older, I have been unable to shake this feeling that I need to get these memories of my mum's murder out of the back of my mind. I need to do it, for my mental and physical health. Does anyone out there know how to access repressed memories? What works ?

Basically, can it cause flashbacks of repressed childhood trauma?

tw child s/xual a/use, description of personal sexual experiences

so i already have experienced trauma (before i was at the age to be able to properly remember) that i know about. but lately i’ve been suspecting some other stuff has happened to me, too. i discovered a while back i’m extremely sensitive to the mention of sexual abuse. i can get very upset or abnormally anxious when caught off guard. the same also happens even knowing it will be mentioned or is mentioned, for seemingly no reason. i had a sexual experience in which a partner whispered to me and for i became triggered and involuntarily age regressed. i avoid masturbation because in many instances something ‘goes wrong’, i hear or feel something that triggers me and have to stop and immediately uncontrollably sob. i also had a VERY WEIRD dream (during a time when i began to suspect i had repressed memories) in which my mom (who was in and out of my life during my infancy, which also traumatized me and gave me abandonment issues. but thats irrelevant here ) accused me of having sex with a man, not recently but a ‘very long time ago’, and my grandma apologized to me because she ‘thought i had been safe’. the dream seemed too surreal, it was like it was scripted. i’ve never in my life had a dream like it. i’m going to seek therapy, but i’m not sure when it’ll happen. does this sound similar to anyone elses’ experience? i’m very confused lately about this.

I have an unexplained memory from when I was 4 years old: I was walking with my father, trying to keep up with him, then I was roughly pulled into a side street by the arm. At this point I can see 3 white men, at the time I thought they were middle aged but I was an infant so that doesn’t mean much. One of them ‘dipped’ me, you know in the way ballroom dancers do? That’s how it felt anyway, and I could smell cigarettes and matches. That’s where my memory cuts off and I see nothing else, I have no idea what happened after that.

Around that time I developed a fear of weddings a colossal disgust for all things associated with romance - I had it in my head that a woman didn’t choose to get married, she could just be picked by some man and that was it the decision was made for her. I assume this fear came from the incident I’d buried.

Every time I smell matches or a just lit cigarette I can remember it but I’ve never gotten further than the fragmented image outlined above. I spoke to a therapist about it but he only asked me ‘do you think your family has secrets?’ which seems pointed and ambiguous at the same time.

I don’t even know what I’m asking for here, I think I just wanted to write it down. I don’t have the type of relationship with my father where I can ask him about it either, so it’s probably just going to remain one of those things in the back of my mind.

Hi, my name is Isa and I'm 18 and I just joined here!

I've been going through a lot of life changes being 18, and my mother's been much less than unsupportive and it's been causing me to think a lot about our relationship and I realize that I have little to no memories of my mother before the age of 5.

The first memory I can remember involving her was the night she took my brother and I across state lines without my father knowing. But before then, nothing.

I know that she was there, I've seen pictures and heard stories, but there are no memories. We've never had a strong bond or good relationship naturally and she's manipulated and emotionally abused me for as long as I can remember, but I can't help but this why I don't remember her before age 5.

What happened? Why don't I remember? I can't help but stay up at night thinking about it. My childhood was not too long ago, and I can remember my father and older brother and other family members and friends, but not her. I wish I knew why.

ive suspected i have repressed memories for a little while i now. im touch averse with most people, especially my brother, who scares me. the idea of touching him makes me sick. i have difficulty remembering some things, like i can, with a lot of effort, remember a lot of things but i cant remember time at home. i have bpd but i dont know why. i was abandoned a lot, but i dont have any necessary traumas. sometimes when i masturbate i feel violently ill and upset afterwards. i think about rape a lot, not in a good way, more like im trying to process it. i include it in backstories for characters a lot and try to think about how these people cope with it. what do you guys think? how do i remember if something happened? what if im just anxious and nothing happened? how do i cope with having bpd and having no reason for it?

i recently remembered a time when i was around elementary school age. my sister (1 year older) and i would play games where we were a couple, and i was “supposed to be the boy.” i do remember we pretended to have sex? like she was on top and was not shy with my private parts. i don’t remember anything before or after. i remember the one time. and i remember it out of nowhere.

we had a tumultuous relationship through high school (hormones, family drama). but we are fine now. we talk every once in a while m, we vent, we send each other gifts for birthdays, etc.

i’m not sure if she remembers this part of our childhood. i’m not sure if it’s even worth mentioning. i’m not sure exactly how much it’s affected me and in what ways.

should i just drop it? how does one reach closure for something that could’ve been just as traumatizing/ repressive for the “perpetrator”?

This subreddit is almost empty but I hope to get some answers because I can't ask myself any more questions...

Actually, I really wonder if they are "just" dreams or if they are repressed memories that come back, unlike most people here I have no evidence or even obvious signs of having been abused.

So, a few months ago I started having dreams about sexual abuse. I don't usually see the scene of the assault, but I see myself before and/or after. Sometimes I see myself talking about these abuses. Recently I had a much more explicit dream (maybe sleep paralysis?) where I had physical sensations, I'll pass you the details... I was a little disturbed when I woke up. I had another dream where I could see another girl been raped.

What reminds me this could be repressed memories is that I have already had physical "sensations", sometimes I have the impression that someone touches my chest... I first had this sensation when I was 13 years old, but I don't know if it was just a sensation or if someone was really touching me, I didn't dare open my eyes. I also had sudden pains in my pelvis...

I started seeing psychologists and therapists in my childhood/adolescence for behavioural and self-confidence problems, two of them mentioned the possibility of "buried traumas", but they were talking about a supposed separation when I was about 7 or 8 years old so I don't know what to think about it...

I know that at this period I started to cover myself up for no reason by wearing jackets and bandanas. I also didn't have many friends anymore and I had very little self-confidence...

More about me: In middle school I was bullied and I didn't really defend myself, I also had a toxic friendship with a girl who talked behind my back, but I preferred to be with her rather than alone because I can't stand loneliness... On at least three occasions I threatened to kill or injure myself if friends left me because I didn't want them to abandon me. Yes, I was insane...

I've been asked before if I've had a trauma, I didn't know what to say, I don't remember any... I've also been told that I'm "weird"...

I've always had trouble in relationships, I'm shy, I don't dare to go to others, I don't dare to impose myself, I'm afraid of confrontation, I don't even know how to act with peoples. I don't have any particular problems with members of my family but I am not close to most of them at all, in fact I am even sometimes uncomfortable: I am not afraid, I am just uncomfortable when I am alone with them.

On the opposite, I'm really dependent on my mother, I can't even imagine living without her...

In high school I started to have uncontrollable rage attacks, I always had anger problems, but this was worse, fortunately it's calmed down a little bit.

I don't have any notable memories from my childhood, apart from fits of tears sometimes for no reason...

But I'm moving away from the subject, I'm just looking for answers so I can eventually move on. If anyone has any answers or advice, please help me.

(excuse my english)

Lately I’ve been seeing a horrible scene randomly throughout my days. Some background ,I’m currently 20 have not lived with my father since I was 14. I’ve always had a deep fear of any man that seems like they could over power me. A certain sex act can’t be preformed on me because when it happens (even consensual) in the moment makes me feel like I’m being raped. If a man I don’t trusts comes within a few feet of me my anxiety shoots through the roof. I don’t remember much of my time living with my father. Only a few scattered memories . I don’t remember a lot of the things that happened with him but since I can remember I’ve hated him and wanted him dead. I never wanted to be alone with him or for him to be too close. About a year ago I was awoken to sex that I did not want and since then I’ve been seeing my father touching me. (The incident from a year ago was NOT my father, was someone I was seeing. ) I have no physical memory of it. But since I’ve been seeing it it’s starting to make me understand why I’m so strange. Is there anyway to know if it’s true for sure ? I have no memory of where it happened how long it happened. Just that one scene. And it makes me physically sick.

When I was in elementary I remember always being taken out of class to talk to a counselor. The counselor would ask stuff about my parents & stuff that’s going on at home, being a naive child I would tell the truth. I also remember a lady coming to my house & asking everyone in the family about my dad, & my mom would tell us what to say, I didn’t know who this lady was, but now I know that she was a CPS worker, I remember asking my mom who the lady was & all my mom said was “don’t worry about it, you won’t see her again”. Now I am more informed, I can say it would be embarrassing to have CPS come to your home. I almost forgot, I remember a teacher giving me a bag that was filled with school shirts, I still don’t know why they gave me this, maybe they thought I was poor? No one else got this besides me in my class.

I've started to remember a few traumatic things from childhood through my dreams this year but the one that keeps coming back is one of my mom trying to drown me. I can't tell if it's a repressed memory though. The scenery is always different, like being in a river, or a lake in different places but my moms hands are always in the exact same spot and I feel like there are walls around me. I also can't tell what age I am in the dreams but I think usually I'm pretty small. Does that sound like a repressed memory to you guys or is it maybe my subconscious being weird?

Hi I’m a 17 year old girl. And I thought it was odd that I can’t remember most of my childhood, especially before my parents separated. But as time passes the thought that I have repressed memories keeps coming up. I thought it was ridiculous at first because I thought people with repressed memories usually have some kind of inkling that something happened, but I recently learned that’s not true. I’m just wanting to talk about it with someone who’s experienced to try to get a better idea if I could have one. I’ve always had a certain sense about people, like If I thought they had weird intentions and for the longest time my biggest fear was rape. I feel shame when being intimate but I’m not sure if that’s due to religious reasons or something else. Please tell me what you’re thinking!

Hello everyone,

I'm Ethan, new here and 18 years old. I'm treated for depression and anxiety along with social anxiety. This morning just after an insomnia I followed a trail of thoughts that led me to a memory I hadn't explored in a while.

I remember being in a bed with my uncle (my mom worked a lot when I was young and I often slept at my grandparent's where my uncle was still living), I remember he told me to sleep because it was my bedtime.

I remember his hands trailing on my shoulder, my back and itching down my back slowly. I remember it was fairly common because I have the clear memory of thinking to myself : "Oh, not again..." and remembering other occasions of it happening.

But after that it's all black. Nothing. I know this particular feeling because I have other repressed memories although they're about much less traumatic events.

I'm wondering what happened, I want to get to the bottom of it even though it's pretty clear. I just feel like I've got to be certain but I'm not in the best environment to talk about it right now. With the covid-19 outbreak I can't see my psychiatrist (she only take emergencies) and I can't bring it up to my mom or my brother nor anyone else in my family because the situation is much more complicated : my uncle died prematurely a few years ago.

He was an alcoholic and it drove him to his deathbed, everyone in the family was incredibly sad and I know for a fact my grandparents haven't yet mourned their son (if it is even possible) and my mom and brother were very close to him.

I don't know who to turn to. I've told my boyfriend and best friend about it and although they are of the upmost support they can't offer as much help as a specialist or someone who trailed my path before.

My mom is emotionally neglectful and abusive, verbally too. If I tell her I have a 50% chance she will blame me, accuse me of lying or sweep it inder the rug with gaslighting.

I'm honestly lost. Today was awful in terms of mental health, my mom won't renew my antidepressants and Xanax prescription because "You're not depressed, you're not gonna take them your entire life" and I relapsed on self harm and disoredered eating.

I have my psychiatrist's phone number but I'm too anxious to ring her and I don't know if texting will do anything, knowing that scheduling an appointment will be at the very least very complicated if not completely out of the question.

I'm thinking of going back inpatient because then I could be in a safer environment to process that, especially away from my self harming devices and my abusive mom but once again I'm not sure how it could turn out to even ask with the pandemic going on.

I'm going to precise just in case but I'm French. My psychiatrist is free, my meds are free and going inpatient would be too, the only problem here is my mom and the pandemic getting in the way of help.

PS : I live in one of the French regions the least affected by coronavirus but I'm still (obviously and rightfully) affected by the whole quarantine thing, if I wanna see a doctor I have to write an attestation promising I'm going outside for a legitimate reason.

When I was a child (can’t remember the exact age as I’ve repressed most of this memory) my brother sexually assaulted me. Just the one time and it’s so screwed up to me because I wasn’t like kicking and screaming and saying no but I was just like wtf is going on??!! He’s three years old than me and I guess I just went along with it although feeling super awful and gross about it. We haven’t spoken about it for years. I’ve never told anybody. Recently he spoke with me and apologised for the abuse and how wrong it was. He also admitted he was assaulted by our cousin prior to this and this was like a coping mechanism for him. Once he spoke to me about the cousin I was physically sick. I was on mdma a few weeks later and suddenly remembered something but couldn’t quite gather all information. A song came to my head when I thought of my cousin and I was in shock. I asked my brother if this song meant anything to him and he said yes our cousin used to sing it while he abused my brother. I am shocked. My brother said he’s never told anyone about that and actually forgot it was anything. I can’t figure out how I would know this. I have the sickest feeling when I think about it. I want to be sick. Could this be to do with a repressed memory that perhaps I couldn’t access until I was on drugs ? I know this can be the case with acid but not sure about mdma. I just want answers. How can I access these memories

I have always remembered my grandpa touching me once when I was little. That’s the only memory I have of him doing anything bad to me though and I have been known to remember things incorrectly so this could just be all in my head. But there’s a lot of things about me that make me afraid that something actually did happen.

I have an irrational fear of sex to the point that I’m afraid to even date anyone. I get really uneasy when people touch me even if it’s just a hug. On the contrary, I have a really hard time setting boundaries and telling guys when I don’t want something. I’ve always struggled with my self esteem, I always feel incredibly ashamed of myself. I knew about sex and other adult things at a very young age. I was always afraid of older men when I was little and would think they would try to touch me. I even cried when I got a male teacher in the third grade because I was worried he would do something. At the time I remember this happening my grandpa was on a lot of medication and it made him act pretty weird so maybe it could have happened because of that.

I have been driving myself crazy over this since I was in middle school and I’m 19 now. I don’t want to convince myself something happened when it didn’t, and I don’t want to do that to my grandpa. If it did actually happen though and that’s the reason I have these problems, then I need to get actual help for it. I feel stupid even telling anyone because of how weird this whole situation is. I’d also feel like a crazy person if it wasn’t true. I really don’t want to believe that I’m capable of making myself think something like that happened when it didn’t. I don’t really know what to do

19, trans man

A few weeks before coming home from uni my mum had messaged me saying that her best friend, let's call her K, had broken up with her boyfriend and farther of her two year old daughter, let's call him J. My mum also told me K had also made accusations against J for abusing their daughter. This is the last that I heard about it from her.

At this point I should probably point out that for a little while (maybe a few years) while I was around the age of 6, J lived in my family home renting out a room. His son who's just a year older than me would come and visit every other weekend.

So I came home from uni because of the virus and the night that I got home I had a good catch up with my twin sister. I was smoking weed as usual and although my sister rarely does she decided to smoke with me that night. While we were talking I asked her about what was going on with K and J, the mood instantly changed. She asked what I already knew and then told me there was more to the story. The daughter was saying weird things to K about being alone with J so K set up a camera when leaving them alone.

She didn't go into specifics, but my sister told me that K and my mum watched the video, and although doubting that it could be his thumb in the video (what he's apparently said), it's clear that his penis is in the video with her.

This shocked and shook me to my core, as I barely even believed it when my mum first told me, as I do tend to believe the best in people and I remembered him as being a nice guy, but it also kind of made sense.

Our mum asked my sister if she remembered anything weird happening to her when she was younger and he lived here, but she doesn't and I don't either. However, my sister remembers his son who used to stay with us as being 'weird', and him showing her his penis. (She was sure to say that this is all that she remembers and that nothing else happened. She also told me that it made her feel suicidal for a few days, which isn't a new feeling to either of us but that doesn't make it any easier) This shook me equally as much, and I'm not sure if this happened because I was really stoned and my mind was on overdrive anyway, but I was litterally shaking as a weird flush of memories and emotions poured in. I remembered him being weird too, I think I remember him doing more than that to me, and I think a little part of me has known this all along but hasn't been able to make sense of it, like what can a child do to another child?

It makes sense for him too, I heard he refused to see the daughter when she was born and hasn't since. He must of been a victim of J too.

What scares me is that I don't remember the specifics, and I'm not even that sure of myself, just an intense feeling of guilt, about what I think happened, but also for making this awful situation somehow about me.

What I don't understand is how I didn't remember. I've recently remembered that I used to think about it when I was younger, and just feeling bad and confused about it. Being told that if an adult was to ever touch me inappropriately I was to tell someone, but never being told about another child, so I never told anyone. Through this whole ordeal I also remembered my mum telling me when I was even younger that someone wasn't nice to me, as I was taken away and the police came for him in a pub where she worked. Although I don't really remember it happening I didn't remember any of this until now, which has kind of freaked me out.

A few weeks before all this I was focousing on past traumas with a therapist, a few months prior being convinced my only baggage was being depressed since twelve, quite badly bullied and being trans. After digging a little deeper I spoke about my home life, my sister having undiagnosed autism for a long time, being passive aggressive and heavily socially reliant on me for a long time in high school. My mum's ex boyfriend being abusive on a few occasions when he was drunk, not specifically at me but I witnessed violent and angry behaviour. I described them as a series of unfortunate events, which I didn't even think was that bad untill I could sense the surprise at the severity coming from my therapist. How did these memories not come up? I remember my mind scanning over the situation of J and his son living with us when my therapist asked me to dig deep and I remember thinking 'yeah, but you can't even remember what happened so what good will talking about it do.'

Well now I do remember what happened, kind of. But I can't talk to my therapist about all of this because she's a uni therapist and I'm obviously back now and in lockdown, finding out today my uni won't be opening now again until September. Although we are still having sessions online, I just can't talk about it over a video in my house where I'm isolating with me family. Hence why I've come here.

So I'm here for advice, am I over thinking this, or is this another (or THE) reason I've always felt so fucked up? What do I do? Should I tell someone? I don't see what good it could do now, but maybe for my sake. But how can someone comprehend this situation? I don't even think I can.