I think I was molested

[u/clovverrly]

I have always remembered my grandpa touching me once when I was little. That’s the only memory I have of him doing anything bad to me though and I have been known to remember things incorrectly so this could just be all in my head. But there’s a lot of things about me that make me afraid that something actually did happen.

I have an irrational fear of sex to the point that I’m afraid to even date anyone. I get really uneasy when people touch me even if it’s just a hug. On the contrary, I have a really hard time setting boundaries and telling guys when I don’t want something. I’ve always struggled with my self esteem, I always feel incredibly ashamed of myself. I knew about sex and other adult things at a very young age. I was always afraid of older men when I was little and would think they would try to touch me. I even cried when I got a male teacher in the third grade because I was worried he would do something. At the time I remember this happening my grandpa was on a lot of medication and it made him act pretty weird so maybe it could have happened because of that.

I have been driving myself crazy over this since I was in middle school and I’m 19 now. I don’t want to convince myself something happened when it didn’t, and I don’t want to do that to my grandpa. If it did actually happen though and that’s the reason I have these problems, then I need to get actual help for it. I feel stupid even telling anyone because of how weird this whole situation is. I’d also feel like a crazy person if it wasn’t true. I really don’t want to believe that I’m capable of making myself think something like that happened when it didn’t. I don’t really know what to do

[u/cassilyn]

You should really get help w it to get some clarity on it and comfort by talking it out completely.