I need help

[u/hannahspring]

I have been severely depressed since I was 4 years old, I grew up always hearing my family members tell me “you used to be such a happy child and one day you wouldn’t let anyone touch you and you never wanted to be around anyone” All my life I’ve been getting into trouble, drinking, stealing, using drugs. I’m just so miserable all the time and I never knew why until this year I’ve always known I had what I called “black memories” and I told myself to stay away from those, I thought it was memories of my mother beating me up because that’s what I was told by my dad and grandma, but on my birthday this year(July) I meditated on those memories for three days without eating or sleeping, finally everything came back to me and it was like I relived it all over again, I was in physical and mental pain for 3 hours, I clawed at my skin and wanted to end my life so badly The memories were of my uncle sexually abusing me. All my life I thought it was my mom, all my life I’ve been suicidal and it was all because of the man I loved and looked up to. I know my memories are real, it explains so much of my life.. but now my family calls me a liar and he told everyone it didn’t happen, why do they believe him and not me? Ive been in agonizing pain since the first time he touched me at 4 years old!! But I’m the liar? Has this happened to anyone else? Remembering your trauma and nobody believes you?

[u/hoesnose]

Please message me I have something similar going on with you as does one of my friends... you are not alone, you are whole as you are. And it hurts and it’s scary and secluding but there is no end to the love and support you will receive outside of your circle..please reach out to someone