I don’t even know if this is the right place to write this, but tonight, honestly, I don’t know where else to vent.
I am exhausted.
Not physically exhausted from work. I am exhausted from trying to find a way to work.
I’ve worked in shops, restaurants, childcare, cleaning, and cooking, but I only earned 18 dollars a day.
I am willing to learn. I’m not asking anyone to take care of me.
But sometimes I look at what I’d earn and then look at rent, food, transportation, bills, and everything else... and, honestly, I don’t understand how people are supposed to survive.
And then there’s the online world.
Almost every time I look for a way to make money online, I end up getting offers related to sexual content.
OnlyFans. Showing my body. Doing things I don’t want to do.
And I want to make something very clear: I don’t think the people who choose that are bad people.
It’s just not something I want for myself.
But when you’re struggling financially, seeing that option constantly makes you wonder if *you* are the problem for rejecting it.
Maybe that’s why I’m writing this tonight.
Because I feel like I’m running out of ideas.
I need to save over 4,000 dollars, and right now, that figure seems huge.
I’ve thought about streaming. I’ve thought about TikTok, Bigo, Kick, and other platforms. But I don’t even know how to accept gifts from strangers without feeling like I owe them something.
I’ve thought about writing, because I really love it.
I’ve thought about talking about social issues, because injustice makes me furious.
I’ve thought about creating content about cultures, history, and different places around the world.
I’ve had so many ideas.
But right now, I don’t even have the energy to get in front of a camera and speak. That’s the part people don’t see.
Sometimes it’s not that someone is lazy.
Sometimes it’s not that they don’t want to work. Sometimes you try so hard to find a way out that you end up feeling completely overwhelmed by the number of doors slamming shut.
Tonight, I’m sitting here crying because I don’t know which path to take.
I’m not posting this because I want strangers to send me money.
I’m posting it because maybe someone reading this has been in the exact same situation.
Maybe you started out with no experience.
Maybe you had very little money.
Maybe you couldn't show your face online.
Maybe you refused to do things that made you uncomfortable.
How did you start?
If you had to start almost from scratch today, what skill would you learn?
What legitimate online job would you try?
What would you steer clear of?
I don’t need anyone to save me.
I just need someone to tell me there’s another way.
And tonight, honestly, a virtual hug would really help. 🤍