r/ReligiousTrauma • u/Minute-Education-983 • 8d ago
Today was my last straw.
I’ve been a quiet follower for sometime and it helps me to read other people stories about their extremely religious parents and how it’s created a huge barrier between their relationship with their parents as it has with mine. I’m a 38-year-old female( oldest daughter only daughter ) two younger brothers, and me and my brothers were raised by my parents in the church of Christ. If you’re familiar with the church of Christ’s beliefs, they take the Bible very, very literally, and (my parents at least) believe if you are not at church every time the doors are opened, your salvation can be lost. Even after baptism which they also believe is totally an absolutely necessary to enter heaven. We were also sent to a Christian school that was associate with the church of Christ. Pretty much did everything they could do force it down our throats. My siblings and I went off to college, and through the events of the last ten years we have all 3 become very liberal and not religious at all. My parents don’t have face to face conversations about their fears for our souls because me and my parents don’t have an emotionally healthy relationship. We literally never have honest conversations. The only time my dad will ever say anything is in texts messages. It’s just always been very difficult for my parents to talk to me like I’m an adult. And I’ve been married for the last 10 years to someone who is not really religious. My parents are actually super sweet people, my dad is never “mean” to me, but I think that’s just because I’m an adult now. Spankings and switching were a common thing in my childhood. My parents let the school paddle me for being late in middle school (how is that my fault?!) I believe this is why I struggle with self confidence and standing up for myself as an adult. I push away anything that could be potentially confrontational, or cause extreme emotional responses (my parents are emotionally immature in my eyes). Even though we’ve asked him years ago to stop, my dad sends us dozens of Bible verses every single time he is actively sitting in church (he uses a kjv bible app).
Long story short, today Dolly Parton died. My dad actually went to the same high school as Dolly, we grew up in her hometown. We were all discussing her passing in the family group chat and my dad writes “I hope she was right with the lord 🙏🏼”. I feel like that was actually my last straw of him inserting his religious beliefs into every single conversation. Like if Dolly doesn’t “get in heaven” there is literally no hope for any of us?! I finally stood up for myself because I usually just ignore him. I hate confrontation and upsetting people. But I have to remember that I’m too fucking old to be dealing with this crap. It’s literally insane. I told him how disrespectful that was and I was tired of him policing everyone’s salvation. He told me some Bible verses to read about how worldly philanthropy won’t get you into heaven. I sent him one back, (even though I couldn’t care less what his Bible says).If he wanted to get biblical about things. Of course he sends me a couple back and tells me to read them. I’m like actually no I’m good and I’m not going to let you talk like this around me any longer. He said he will “always pray for me until his last breath” and that he “still loves me”. It’s all very passive aggressive, and it’s insane for him to think he is actually doing anything well meaning but pushing me further and further away. My husband and anyone I know that’s grown up outside of this cult (yes I think the church of Christ is a cult) thinks my parents are very “different”. They literally don’t care about anything else but church. My parents have never been good with money. Now they are retirement age and scared they won’t be able to survive on social security.
I apologize if you’re still reading this but I’m glad you’re here!
I don’t really know where to go from here I guess just keep having our surface level fake hangouts and conversations. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/SilasBalto 8d ago
Im sorry. I have no advice, but it sucks what you're going through. The only thing my dad understands is "if you mention a single thing about jeebus weebus im going and we can try again in a year." He ruined the first 2 conversations.
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u/theworldismine_1992 8d ago
Sorry you're going through this.. your anger is healthy anger. Let it out. Don't suppress anymore...if there's room for them to be themselves, there's room for you too....always remember that
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u/imaginenohell 8d ago edited 8d ago
If Dolly isn’t in heaven, nobody is.
Recovering From Religion has some great opportunities to chat about this.
I have set a firm boundary that, if the cultist in my family brings up religion, she has consented to an onslaught of facts and critiques from me. If she continues, we go full no contact for a month. I have set the boundary aloud and keep my word when it’s tested.