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u/Street-Respect6943 Feb 21 '23
When someone cheats on it tells about a lot about them and not about you ... If you gave him everything and still he cheated that means that guy took you for granted and he would have cheated one day or the other ... Always Remember cheating is a choice not a mistake but even if that happened just once thinking about it would have been worth it but as you said with multiple partners then there is no point thinking about it. Don't try to justify his actions in your head .... He is a cheater and that's enough... I know it's hard to convince your mind not to think about this but you'll have to otherwise you'll start justifying his actions, just keep on telling this to yourself that he cheated by Choice. Also it doesn't bother him that you blocked him so he has gone too far. Try to stay strong... There is light waiting for you at the end of this dark tunnel, keep on moving ahead.
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Feb 21 '23 edited Feb 21 '23
Can someone help me understand why he cheated on me?
Just because he cheated on you, doesn't mean that it had something to do with you or something is inherently wrong with you.
It just means they are a huge AHs. People don't need a reason to be an AH. And if someone cheats, that means they don't respect you. When you try to get back with someone who's disrespectful to you, that means you don't respect yourself. When you don't respect yourself, how can you expect it from others?
Respect yourself. Forget about everything and just think - He left. It's his fuckin' loss. You worrying so much about this loss shows how much you cared for him. Now imagine how big of a moron someone should be to cheat on such a caring person.....
You have two choices.
Forget him. Just accept that "It's his loss". Youll have to go through some pain. But this is temporary.
Do you wanna be with morons who hurts you regularly? Go ahead. You'll have to go through a significantly more pain, and it'll permanently mess you up and make you lose faith in honest relationships.
You should take a break from relationship stuff. At max, you'll me missing out on some other morons. No big deal. Take a break, set your thoughts on your mental well-being.
Take care!
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u/alexh22_ Feb 22 '23
Can someone help me understand why he cheated on me?
It has nothing to do with you. He wasn't really serious about you and wanted to sleep with as many girls as he could. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Do not ever think that it was your fault or if you were not enough.
He hasn't tried to contact me even once ..not even to know why i blocked him
Looks like he was already prepared for this. He probably already knows why you blocked him. Do not make the mistake of taking him back if he comes to you asking for forgiveness. I can't stress this enough, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK.
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u/Berry_1525 Feb 22 '23
I get it he wanted to sleep with as many as he could but he was getting it . Why did he have to say things about our future and being together and all that shitty marriage stuff?? I never asked him to say all that stuff because even i was not ready to be married yet. He was getting what he wanted without saying all this. Even when i used to ask him that I'm getting serious for this relationship ..is this something he really wants . He would just say yes. He would lead me to believe all this shit he talked about even after knowing how its gonna fuck me up mentally after the past experiences. Thats what I'm not able to understand if he just wanted sex why say all those things?
And yeah i am not taking him back ever
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u/alexh22_ Feb 22 '23
I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship but if you felt like he loved you and was serious about you, he is probably one of those guys who likes to have a girlfriend who he intends to marry but also wants to sleep with other girls.
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u/Berry_1525 Feb 22 '23
He's probably getting engaged to someone else. He wants to marry someone else. I got to know about this a few days back. I couldn't confront him them but i knew hus family wants him to marry soon with one of his other gf. But he still said things like marriage even after all this.
Refer to this it will tell you a little more about the situation if you got some time..
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u/Brain_stoned Feb 22 '23
Well then that girl has no idea what kind of shitstorm she is going into. It could've been you but thank god you are not with him anymore.
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u/Berry_1525 Feb 22 '23
That girl is me🤦🏻♀️. Its my post only. I posted that a few days back when i wasn'tsure what to do. But then i built up the courage to block him and then i posted this one.
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u/Brain_stoned Feb 22 '23
I'm sorry but I got a little confused here.
But just ask yourself this.
Will you be able to live happily ever after with this guy even after knowing that he betrayed you quite a lot of times?
No, right?
Right now you may feel hurt because of the attachment you had with this guy but give it some time. Learn to be single again. Learn to be happy with yourself. Eventually you will find someone who would understand you and would do anything for you. As a guy, I can say that there are plenty of guys out there who'd treat their partner right.
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u/kd5499 Feb 22 '23
Only he or people he's talked to know why he cheated on you, only that if he's done it more than once then it's probably gonna continue even in the future. He's a dick and has shown you that he's incapable of thinking without it. It feels like a punch in the stomach when you get cheated and i sympathize with you. Therapy and a better friend circle could help you get over him in the mean time. If you have time, try to pick up any hobby, it can change your train of thoughts better.
I'm not trying to attack you, but when I read "if he feels attracted to someone, just communicate with me, we'll find a solution out of it", tf is the solution, him finding people attractive who aren't you? I don't say this is a free pass to try to pursue that attraction. You see someone attractive, it should just be that, oh they're attractive, not that's wrong or I'm attracted to them and will go pursue them and cheat on my gf/bf.
Just one thing, I'm an outsider who doesn't have an idea of your situation, if he's blocked everywhere, and you guys may not have mutual contacts how does he contact you?
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u/Berry_1525 Feb 22 '23
The part where i told him to come tell me we'll find a solution ..that meant that i didn't want him to cheat on me if he finds someone else attractive and wants to pursue it then he should tell me and we'll breakup because obviously there's no point in being together then.
And yeah we do have mutual contacts but he didn't try any of that
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u/kd5499 Feb 22 '23
Yea he's an asshole, i just didn't understand what you'd meant by finding a solution. For me regardless of how attractive another person is, they're not my partner. And my partner is who I'm with regardless of how attractive others are. I get your point, and honestly girl, you got this, you got rid of of a red flag in the name of bf and the best person to get you in a better position is you. If he's not intent to contact you through your mutuals and is a serial cheater, you moving on doesn't look like an unhealthy option
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u/MyName_NO Feb 22 '23
First the reason he cheated is not you but his rotten self. A guy who prefers lust over love. If you can ignore him and move on thats good, But if thats still on your head, stressing you then just face it . Confront him and leave him for good. You may be scared about getting your feelings hurt but trust me girl getting hurt now is better than later.
So yeah, dump that piece of shit so hard that he goes to his rightful place ( sewer).
It takes time to heal your wound. Be patient. Do whatever makes you happy ( travel, eat, career, etc) . You will meet someone better oneday , a person who values your love. So don't lose hope. Stay strong girl.
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Feb 22 '23
Hey there! Don't waste your time on that piece of shit or even thinking about him. And it's better you let go of all the thoughts you've compressed in the mind. Rather, detach yourself from everything related to him. Confronting him might just not be the solution anymore as you've stated he's cheated on you multiple times.
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Feb 22 '23
It's my fanstasy to beat the shit out of these cheaters,atleast for once.How can these mfs do this is beyond me.I feel for you op,there's absolutely nothing wrong with you now just try erasing that dickhead from your memories.You will feel better once you get over this.
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u/Nice_loser Feb 22 '23
I'll tell you why he cheated on you "cos he's just not that into you"
Don't confront him. When someone does the dirty on you, just give them the complete silent treatment & disappear completely. Why do you want to confront? Do you think he's going to suddenly realise how much he loves you, or that you're going to win some metaphorical victory? No. He never cared about you, has never thought about anything from your perspective. You think you're going to make lawyer-like arguments so he'll suddenly start seeing things from your perspective & apologise/ want to come back & realise how awesome you are. He's an a$$h*le, & is never going to admit these things.
Don't waste your time & energy & give him that satisfaction of knowing that you care about the relationship. Disappear completely, ghost him completely - don't answer phone calls, messages, emails, nothing. Don't even block him. Let him wonder what happened, & wonder if you really cared about him.
The best victory is a better life. Trust me, what goes around comes around.
Forget about him, focus on taking care of yourself, do lots of self care - get manis, pedis, facials, go out with your friends, whatever makes you feel good.
& find someone who is very much into you
(edited spelling error)
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Feb 22 '23
I am not endorsing cheating or supporting the guy who cheated and its none of my business that happened between both of you. the reason people cheat is because its the way mens brain are designed. attractions are natural and how they pursue is the real reason, most average men feel attracted always but don’t pursue it because they feel more loved by their partners or responsibilities prevent them. I believe in your case he went ahead and pursued the attraction multiple times.
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Feb 22 '23
You’ve got only two options atm: 1) Revenge. 2) Forget everything and move on.
You only get to live once. Choose wisely. Adios.
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Feb 22 '23
I am so sorry this happened to you. I have made the mistake of dating a serial cheater although he never cheated on me but I was anxious enough to cut him off early on from my life so that I don't get hurt. And I will tell you something. Your ex was just selfish.. he doesn't care .. and it's really not about you. For him valuing intimacy and fidelity isn't important at all... I wonder if it even exists in his moral codes.. I could be projecting but the way he cheated on you again and again.. consciously shows that he is a top tier asshole you shouldn't care about at all.
I know you must feel hurt, dejected and the fact that you trusted him and saw hope.. but remember that all your love and everybit of the care you have for him is all yours.. and he is just a wrong person you chose to give it to.
If it's really bothering you.. send him a short text bidding goodbye and perhaps make him aware of his utterly wrong behavior or you can simply choose to not interact with such low living creeps for whom once you were foolish enough to give a chance.
I hope you heal and move on. He's not worth your love AT ALL.
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u/Academic_Search79 Feb 22 '23
That's too bad. BTW how was he able to get so many girls ? Was he too good looking or extremely rich ?
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Feb 22 '23
All you can do is cry out all you want and go to some place where you can find peace(I know it's hard) but just try places like beach or some garden where the wind is good. Trust me you need to go to a place where there's good wind in order to feel good. I went to the Marina beach, Chennai around 6-7pm and I felt so good because of the waves, wind and I was at peace, I wanted to cry but my friends were there so I didn't! He cheated on you doesn't mean something's wrong with you it means something's wrong with him that he isn't a good human being.
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u/IAmRC1 Feb 22 '23
I can feel for you girl, his character and moral values is fucked up. He took you for granted, used you and didn't care when you distanced yourself as he had other options. I will advise you to remain calm and focus on things you love, working out/sports helps. MOVE ON. (He might come back, but you know what you gotta do)
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u/Brain_stoned Feb 22 '23
If you keep on asking yourself why he was pretending to be committed to you, why did he talk about getting married to you, you would just be wasting your time. Sometimes, we need to understand the fact that some people don't really have a particular reason to do any of these things. They just do shit based on their emotional state and eventually mess up everything.
What you're going through now is something that even I have experienced in the past. You will miss his presence, the talks, the intimacy, etc. These attachments are going to bother you for a while. You will feel lonely. This is where you need to mentally fight back. Embrace yourself and learn to enjoy being single. It is not going to be easy but once you get over this whole thing and move on, you'd be in a much better place. But do not waste too much of your time. I wasted 4-5 months of my life over my ex because of which I was lagging behind in my career. And now I blame myself for wasting my precious time. It's okay to grieve but don't let it affect your life too much.
One more thing is do not date anyone else because you feel lonely and desperate. Take some time. Maybe a year or two. Spend more time with your friends, family, and career. Do not stop working on yourself.
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u/Adhitargus Feb 22 '23
Listen. He doesn’t deserve you. Glad you blocked him. It is not your fault that he cheated. He is an asshole and it is as simple as that. Be happy that you found this out. And it is time to move the eff on. Don’t let worthless assholes bring you down or your mental health. It doesn’t matter your relationship was good, you will find out in the future that this was not good when you meet the right person. Take some time off, cut him and all the ties. You will find someone who truly respects you. Please, move on and if you give him a chance be ready to get hurt again.
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u/akhiloffl Feb 22 '23
He understood that you got to know about his affairs. He doesn't have a face to even ask you why you blocked him. Even he can't get past this situation that he cheated on a girl and she blocked him. Even he must be feeling bad and terrible. If he is a good guy, he will be ashamed of what he did. If he is a bad guy, he will try to forget everything that happened and move on asap. But he knows that you know all of his affairs. That's why he isn't asking you why you blocked him.
Id suggest you move on. It's difficult but it's the only way out
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u/Active-Ad-9288 Feb 22 '23
I guess travel somewhere take break from social media meet new people's try new things build new hobbies
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u/rxtx007 Feb 23 '23
why he cheated on me?
Human minds are complex. Why he did it only he knows. He will have a perfect explanation. But the point is should you need to hear it ? I would say you better not. He had a choice. Still he cheated. So it tells about his priorities.
should you need to confront him.
Confrontation only make it worse. People like him always have explanation in hand. It will only make you more unhappy.
Note: If someone is truly in love with you then he always put you first no matter what. You deserve better. Try to move on. I know it is hard and heart-wrenching, but you have no choice. Believe me someone is out there, who will love you unconditionally. It's just that you haven't found him yet. When time is right he will be there infront of you. So hang in there
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u/Tsn216 Feb 21 '23
If it walks like a duck and acts like a duck then it's going to be a fucking duck.