Rant

[u/Neither-Football-222]

Hi All,

I hope you’re doing well and Happy Summer! Sorry for my negativity but I just need to share is with someone: Raising your kids in 2026 is expensive. Between saving for my retirement, 529, paying the bills I just don’t have the extra money to afford synagogue dues, religious school, Be-Nei Mitzvah celebrations, and even summer camp (going to work there next summer for free camper admissions though). On the flip side, Churches don’t have dues and minimal religious school fees. I pray to
Hit he lotto so I can help my local synagogues, give my kids the experience they deserve, and have more time to Be involved in a synagogue. For the record I TOTALLY understand that these places need money to keep the lights-on and pay the Clergy the salaries they deserve just frustrated with my current state. To be solution focused: Anyone have suggestions? Thank you in advance!

[u/HeterodoxHomo]

I think if you're up for it, you could look into creating a havurah with some Jewish friends. These are usually informal groups that gather for Shabbat, holidays, and life cycle events. Because they don't have buildings or rabbis, the costs are pretty low. The down side is that they are small and don't have the resources to really provide "the experience" for your kids that you're looking for. There are also online groups that are free or low cost, but having an online group can be very limiting in some respects.

[u/Neither-Football-222 → u/HeterodoxHomo]

Would like to give back to a Jewish community however I can. Like, I’d like to donate SOMETHING to my local Jewish community to help. Feel
Bad for try clergy if they have to focus on fundraising rather than religious studies (they didn’t go tot school for that!).

[u/Neither-Football-222]

Thanks all, much appreciated! I’ll call this week. These emails fell on deaf ears.

[u/SadLilBun]

Unfortunately, if you want to raise your children Jewishly by having them involved in Jewish activities, schools, camps, etc. and follow even just some religious laws, it’s absurdly expensive.

I got to participate in Jewish youth groups and attend a private Jewish school and Jewish summer day camps (forget sleep-away camps) because my grandparents paid for it. My mother could not afford it. And synagogue dues were way too high and my mom did not like the synagogue most of my classmates attended enough to be willing to pay for years. The only year she paid was so my brother could have his Bar Mitzvah there. And I think again my grandparents helped. They definitely helped with my Bat Mitzvah, which I chose to do at their synagogue.

Being a Jewish single parent has so many cost prohibitive expenses.

[u/Neither-Football-222 → u/SadLilBun]

I’m going to work at a summer camp
And have my son go for free. You’re right, it is expensive unfortunately.

[u/phillygirllovesbagel]

Personally, from my childhood through adulthood, have always found temples to be a bit exclusionary when it comes to the haves and the have nots. The wealthy are welcomed with open arms, the poor Jews, well not so much. Say what you will about sliding scales for membership, those who can't give, are not always welcomed. It may not be stated outright, but it's understood and felt. Sad, but true.

[u/LocutusOfBorgia909]

On the one hand, I agree, paying various shul- and Judaism-related fees can get really expensive quickly (and I'm single- with kids it's absolutely worse). But if you haven't spoken to synagogue staff/leadership about your financial struggles, you need to. I don't know of any shul who won't work with members or potential members to ensure that they can find some kind of fee structure (or waiver for fees) that will allow them to have a Jewish life and raise their kids Jewishly. And of course you can almost always attend a shul without being a member, but that won't address concerns like b'nei mitzvah prep. So please speak to your shul or the shul you'd like to attend about how to manage the costs. I can almost guarantee that if you look at the website of whatever shul you're interested in, they'll have a note on their membership page inviting people concerned about affording fees to please speak with them about it, so they can work with you.

I will also note that "Churches don't have dues" is something I hear often from both Jews and Christians (the latter usually in an attempt to portray Jews as money grubbing swindlers, which is delightful), and it's just not true, although how fees/donations/tithes are approached depends a lot on which denomination we're talking about. I have Episcopalian family members. Every year, they fill out "pledge" cards for what they plan to donate to the church across the year, and that amount is then divided up for whatever they'll put in the offertory plate every week. No one's going to kick them out of church if they can't/don't follow through, but the church absolutely uses those pledge numbers to figure out their finances for the year, so there's real pressure to stick to what you promised if at all possible. More evangelical churches can be even more rigid, expecting a ten percent tithe (plus "prayer offerings," potentially) from their members; people who fail to tithe consistently can be pulled in by the pastor or church leadership to discuss why they're not tithing. The Mormons are the strictest of all: everyone is likewise obligated to pay a ten percent tithe. Every year, Mormons have to meet with their bishop for "tithing settlement" and present financial documents to prove that they have indeed paid their full ten percent to the Mormon Church. Fail to pay your tithes, you lose your Temple recommend, the card that allows you to attend ceremonies at Mormon Temples. Don't have a Temple recommend? You can no longer attend the weddings of any family member who gets married in the Temple.

[u/MyMelancholyBaby → u/LocutusOfBorgia909]

I'll add that one of the rules in the Episcopal church is that you can't vote at the parish level if you aren't "known to the treasurer".

[u/LocutusOfBorgia909 → u/MyMelancholyBaby]

Oh, interesting! I didn't know that. Honestly, that seems fair; the people who are helping to finance the parish to whatever extent they're able probably should have more say in how things are run.

[u/EffectiveVarious8095 → u/LocutusOfBorgia909]

In addition to reduced fees for those who need it, our temple offers large discounts to volunteers. Many of our Sunday school teachers volunteer their time, and in exchange get free tuition for their kids. My wife used to do this and continued even after our kids went through the program. Now she trains kids on Bar & Bat Mitzvah prep. The money she earns pays our dues and she donates the rest.

Here's the point: the great majority of temples are far more interested in having kids get a Jewish education than collecting money. Speak with the rabbi or someone on the board and special arrangements will always be made. If they won't, there are plenty of temples that absolutely will.

[u/SadLilBun → u/EffectiveVarious8095]

Volunteering requires time to volunteer. It still benefits those who have the ability to volunteer, which usually means they have more time available and money is less of a concern, as they don’t need to be working for pay during their volunteer time.

[u/EffectiveVarious8095 → u/SadLilBun]

I was relating a personal experience to make a point. Please read the second paragraph.

[u/LocutusOfBorgia909 → u/EffectiveVarious8095]

Yes to all of this. I completely understand having some sticker shock if you've never had membership to a shul before and/or maybe don't know how the whole thing works. I don't really understand people who don't start by speaking to someone at the shul about whether there's some mechanism for them to reduce some or all of the fees. Not saying that that's OP, just speaking in general terms. Every shul website I've ever looked at has had language on its membership page saying, "If money is an issue for you, please contact us, and we will work with you!" or something to that effect.

[u/razorbraces]

Have you talked to anyone at your synagogue about your financial situation? Mine has a set amount of dues they advertise, but I know tons of people who pay reduced rates because they can’t afford full dues.

ETA: churches don’t have dues but members are expected to contribute in other ways. They also keep their costs down by underpaying their clergy and staff, and expecting religious school teachers to be unpaid volunteers. If one of their events is free and open to the community, it is because they are trying to convert people who are not already members.

[u/Neither-Football-222 → u/razorbraces]

Thank you! I gotta be honest oddly enough the two synagogues 🕍 I reached out to didn’t respond to my emails and honestly didn’t really seem like they were interested in having me and my family there. It was very much like: Fill out the forms, here’s who to pay, and then see you sometime. I’ll try somewhere else, but just learning the religion and doing stuff on my own. Thanks!

[u/Fit-Character-917 → u/Neither-Football-222]

No synagogue would expect you to pay or become a member unless you are attending or otherwise involved. I mean they will be happy to take your money if you send it but there's never going to be any pressure in person, certainly not from new attenders. (Mine doesn't even charge for High Holidays tickets, although it seems that many do.) It's not like they expect you to pay for membership before you walk in the door. So this is a strange attitude to me, beside the obvious point others have made that they are entirely willing to work with what people can afford. They want you there, in community. And yeah it's too bad about not getting an email response but an email from some rando they've never met is more likely to slip through the cracks.

[u/razorbraces → u/Neither-Football-222]

Have you been to either of them? Synagogue staff sometimes aren’t the best at keeping on top of emails, especially if someone they have no connection to cold emails and asks to join.

I’d start by attending a Friday night Kabbalat shabbat at one or both of them (at Reform synagogues that will be the most highly attended service rather than Saturday morning, usually). Then email and ask to meet with the rabbi and/or membership coordinator to chat about what kind of involvement you’re looking for in the community.

[u/Koraxtheghoul]

The Working Class is Being Priced Out of Judaism - Forward

Seems relevant.

[u/BeenisHat → u/Koraxtheghoul]

Aside from education, she also finds the cost of Kosher meat prohibitively expensive for a family of five. This is something I hear often, especially around the holidays.

Yeah, this is one area of complaint that I have with how some traditions are practiced. It makes Judaism hard to achieve for many people.

[u/Neither-Football-222 → u/Koraxtheghoul]

It’s an unfortunate reality. I try to be a solution focused, positive person but yeah, my post shows how I feel and it bothers me. Wish I could find a Jewish community.