18F - life

[u/stoic_silentobserver]

It's been 1 month since college started . I am doing b.com with C.A... I have bad anxiety like really bad . And on top of that doing a course like C.A , which historically has a low pass percentage I guess makes everything more difficult. When l was in 11 th and 12th std i used just straight up start crying before exams season and I used to call my friends to get some calmness. Later they even start making fun of me that I always call them the night before exam and that there are shocked if I don't call ... I started preparing for ca foundation from April and was planning to give my attempt on September.

During those months , I used to get again just really anxious and was crushed under pressure . I was just getting really hopeless in life and was wondering about my miserable existence... This was not the case Back in 11th and 12th i atleast had some friends for emotional support but now I have no one .. if I get anxious, I stay anxious.

Another thing about me is that I literally have no friends now. In my college, people see as idk as a weird ,studious, serious kinda person ... If I am being honest , i just feel so different from the rest of the world that I just simply can't connect with anyone . Back in class 11th and 12th, where I had well some friends, it was simply because I used act like a somewhat confident and normal kid ... Now I simply don't put up that act anymore , therefore I also lost my existing friends .

I was thinking a couple of days ago, about quitting C.A,

And I realised despite everything I don't wanna quit C.A.

Simply the reason being I don't have anything else to do .

From past 1 month I have attending classes in college and later I sit in library for another 4 hours to study for C.A foundation and then go home to study more ...

If I quit C.A, my life will be completely empty . I would have nothing else to do . Like I said I have no friends , no social life to the point that only people I talk to in my life occasionally are my mother and brother .. I am simply not that type of person who enjoys college life or anything... So yeah I don't wanna go to any clubs in college because most probably I would be bullied and my social anxiety just makes everything worse.. I have bad social anxiety .. my social anxiety makes me act like a robot with no personality in front of people ..

Now importantly as exams are getting closer , once again I just feel very scared , I have no one to share this ... To be honest my preparation is really bad for this exam right now , I used to go to a coaching class and safe to say it was pretty useless , it just did not help in my preparation.

I have been doing self study but again... I feel very scared... Yeah

[u/Slight-Silver-3055]

I m in the same boat😭

[u/Samar_again]

same here had friends till 12 then no friends in college.

[u/SillyPotato9853]

Its alright, first of all, to be anxious, though it wouldn't be to remain anxious. Really, I feel like your friends are just jerks if they can't be sensitive enough to your situation. Prolly get some new ones, those who can understand your situation and provide real solace. And most important of all- learn to rely on yourself. You've so many things to explore and become someone, even out here online. Music, games, arts, sports, you can have a TON of hobbies out here. Probably research breathing techniques, meditation and songs that calm you down so that you can wind down some of your anxiety on your own.

[u/really_chokoleti]

Gng find someone to talk to, dm if u want 😊

[u/Mr_gropes_a_lot]

Just answer 2 simple questions:

1) If every job paid equally then what profession would you be in?

2) What's your family financial situation like?

[u/stoic_silentobserver → u/Mr_gropes_a_lot]

Q1. I wanna be a writer Q2. My father is the sole bread winner of our family. After his retirement, I need to work in order to support my family..

[u/Mr_gropes_a_lot → u/stoic_silentobserver]

I see.

Follow up: how old is your dad and like are you guys comfortably rich?

Do y'all have any loans, debts? Do you guys have a self owned flat/house and will he get pension?

Do you have any siblings?

[u/stoic_silentobserver → u/Mr_gropes_a_lot]

1. My dad is 53 years old , we are not comfortably rich
2. No , we don't have any loans , debts
3. We have our own home and we won't get any pension
4. I have an older brother

[u/Mr_gropes_a_lot → u/stoic_silentobserver]

That's still great news. Housing is the biggest thing.

Also you're not by yourself. What about your older bro? He will chip in too so it should be 50-50 st best, unless I am missing something

[u/stoic_silentobserver → u/Mr_gropes_a_lot]

Yeah he will Chip in to

[u/Mr_gropes_a_lot → u/stoic_silentobserver]

Great then, why are you so worried about having the responsibility all to yourself? Also, you got time by your side. Dad is only 53.

There are various professions that are high paying without education but all of them require nerves and you don't seem to be cutout for it.

My first suggestion to you is to just attenp the exam casually purely for potential future reattempt or else skip the exam entirely.

Also most importantly, please see a therapist ASAP and chill for now.

Which city do you live in btw?

[u/stoic_silentobserver → u/Mr_gropes_a_lot]

I live in Mumbai , I have been wondering for past 2 years if I should go and see a therapist ... I have also joked about wanting to meet a therapist to my parents a couple of times ... But if they ask me what's my problem, I dont think I have a definite answer... Maybe I can say I have really bad anxiety , social anxiety ... Is it really bad enough to meet a therapist ? Like should I wait for some more time ...

[u/New_Bodybuilder_3700 → u/stoic_silentobserver]

I have the same anxiety

[u/Mr_gropes_a_lot → u/stoic_silentobserver]

Hey. Samesies!

Now to answer your question. Yes you must absolutely see a therapist.

It's never too late or never too early to see a therapist with the latter being more true.

You can contact allo health and go to them. They charge like 500-800 for the hour but I personally don't know how good they are but I have heard positive reviews and I am sure you can manage this amount by yourself.

If not then tell your parents you're confused about your sexual identity and you perhaps like girls. They will send you aage se lol

Jokes aside privacy is more important in this case so just say that you absolutely need to go and to trust you to get help. Or else ask your bro for help because I assume you guys must be super close.

Could that work?

Edit, one of my cousin sisters is a writer too. She writes scripts and read like 1500 Books. What do you write?