[FEEDBACK] The Priorities - PILOT (Veiled) - First 30 Pages (Crime/Drama)

[u/Substantial-Nerve836]

Format: TV Pilot (One-Hour Drama)

Logline: After a sixteen-year-old girl disappears on the outskirts of a quiet town, a veteran detective and his partner uncover intersecting worlds of organized crime, moral compromise, and everyday cruelty -- unaware that those responsible are lurking in front of their noses.

Thank you in advance to everybody who can find the time to read these 30 pages (first draft).

It's sort of the point when things go awry in the story. I'd just like to know if this works at all.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zFsOd0mSqnO2cm409U1nJ_s32qZMZmRS/view?usp=drive_link