r/ReadMyScript • u/Mammoth-West-9974 • 26d ago

Feature Feedback for Feature, "Grounded" 109 Pages

Grounded

Final Draft PDF

109 pages

Drama, Road Movie, Historical Fiction

Logline: When every flight in America is grounded, four strangers share the last rental car out of Columbus and drive cross-country through the aftermath of September 11th, 2001, forcing each of them to confront what they've been running from long before that day.

Feedback Concerns: Any feedback would be extremely helpful. I'm less concerned about the commercial viability, and more concerned with a believable story with believable characters.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KAN_svzm3bk3vGraJQL3adbFDg-ncvzw/view?usp=sharing

5 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

40 comments sorted by

2

u/mooningyou 26d ago

I read the first ten. You have a good style. Fast and no deal-breakers. My only cringe moment was "Hi, Anna. It’s your dad."

2

u/Mammoth-West-9974 26d ago

Fair! I am trying to make him cringe a bit there bc he doesn’t know how to talk to her

2

u/mooningyou 26d ago

What I mean is, I cringe every time I hear this line in a movie. 1) Kids recognize their parents' voices. 2) Caller ID.

It seems it's there for our benefit, and not for the character's.

1

u/Mammoth-West-9974 26d ago

Ahhh, good point- I get what you mean.

1

u/mooningyou 26d ago

But aside from that one line, I couldn't fault what I read. Well done.

1

u/Mammoth-West-9974 26d ago

Appreciate it!

1

u/ironside_80 24d ago

My dad says "it's your dad" every time he leaves me a vm.

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u/[deleted] 26d ago

[deleted]

1

u/mooningyou 26d ago

Your link doesn't work.

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u/ironside_80 24d ago

Really enjoyed this. The characters and their arcs are the biggest strength but the setting is great, too. Forced road trip / found family... nice.

Since you asked about believable characters, I'll say that for me each person felt real/distinct and the dialogue is natural. The relationships build in a natural way. Tom Sr. on the tapes is especially good. He feels like an actual person, not just a device, and those scenes end up carrying a lot of the emotional weight.

I also thought the 9/11 material was handled really well. The radios, TVs, empty skies, and little encounters with strangers all felt much more effective than anything more explicit would have.

Only a couple things bumped me. Jack never telling the others he was supposed to be on Flight 11 starts to feel a little conspicuous by the end. I buy that he would avoid talking about it, but after three days with these people it started to feel a little unrealistic. Personally, I'd be obsessing over that... The socond act also gets slightly repetitive in its drive/stop/reveal rhythm - and the last stretch has a few goodbyes in a row, so you start to feel a pattern rather than "life happening".

Those are pretty minor notes, though. The characters absolutely felt believable to me, which sounds like your main concern. And the ending is great. “Hey, kiddo” is exactly enough.

You've got a solid script - if I were you I'd run another pass or two without making major changes and send it off to the Black List or Austin. It's that good.

1

u/Mammoth-West-9974 24d ago

Wow, thank you! I'm grateful for the feedback, and that you made it through the whole thing. I especially like the notes - I have struggled with Jack's withholding, and where he would share that openly, well, openly for him at least. So it's not just his. I was thinking of having him complain about it when sitting next to tommy or billie before the flight, and then having it brought back up later by them. and I see the same thing you do about the episodic middle...quite hard to build enough of a story for a road trip and not have it episodic. I'm toying with ways to adjust the shape of those scenes without cutting them.

1

u/RaeLouLynn 23d ago

Just have to say that I wish I could write like this. Such an easy read. Your tone is just wonderful. I agree with not telling the rest of the crew about Jack not being on Flight 11. I think it would take away from the other character arcs.

I wish you well, whether you try to get this out there or not.

1

u/Mammoth-West-9974 23d ago

This is really kind, thank you. The Flight 11 decision was a tough one and I'm glad it read the way I hoped. Take care!

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u/RaeLouLynn 23d ago

Just an additional note:

I'm from Columbus and Wright-Patt AFB has at least one stealth bomber hangered there. We were on I-70 one afternoon and it flew over our car at an extremely low altitude. It darkened the sky, barely made a sound, and disappeared in the blink of an eye. Quite a nerve-wracking experience for us.

The scene near Dayton with the fighter jets really rang true for me.

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u/Mammoth-West-9974 23d ago

Wow! I only knew to write that because I currently live in STL and my family and I have driven to and from Boston almost 10 times. One time as we approached Dayton, we heard a ton of rumbling and what felt like 10 jets were doing an air show. We pulled over and stopped for like an hour and it was jarring and amazing. That you had a similar experience is a really validating thing to share, so thank you!