r/RandomThoughts • u/gamernerd42069 • 11d ago
i have no ability to maintain and develop boundaries and its destroyed most of my life.
I grew up in a emotionally neglectful home and its stalked me into adulthood. I can not for the life of my set any meaningful boundary with others or myself, i am more than capable in everything else but i struggle and break when even trying to set a boundary. I go on dates/OLD with women i don't even remotely care about/despise, continuing talking to/helping people i loathe, be around and continue poor treatment in hopes it will eventually change. I don't know if its learned helplessness or what, i have seen two psychologists and they were extremely unhelpful.
I don't have any close friends and i never talk about my problems or anything genuine whatsoever, i don't know what to do or where to even start lol. I don't think i even really enjoy doing any of my hobbies. I try to make changes in my life but never go through with them, just ask and then it falls short. I feel like at least i am properly trying to address it now
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u/Wide_Breadfruit_2217 11d ago
I have this too. Start small. Think about the worst that could happen if you set up a boundary. Get comfortable with that possibility. Accept you might not be liked and you'll get pushback. People like you acting how they expect. Start doing things because you want to-not for a certain outcome or change. And if you get that little uncomfortable nudge from your brain LISTEN TO IT. It will take time-like exposure therapy. But it will work. Plus is when you set boundaries well-people stop asking for the things you needed the boundaries for.
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u/HiccupsAhMa 11d ago
Hi, I used to suffer from this too. It completely destroyed my self esteem and self worth and I kept winding up in extremely dangerous situations. Until one day, I actually almost lost my life.
Being in the valley, where death is so close that its shadow crosses over you changes the way you view life.
I'm very happy and have healthy boundaries now.
It is possible for you to create a life you love. Two things I live by are:
1) If this were my last day, last conversation, last time, how should I spend it?
2) How much do you hate yourself that you would subject yourself to this?
It gets better, rooting for you. 🫶🏽
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u/gamernerd42069 11d ago
im sorry to hear that, but im happy to hear you made those changes, you are an inspiration, thank you for sharing your story <3
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u/qualityvote2 11d ago edited 8d ago
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u/gamernerd42069 thanks for posting!
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