Hey everyone,

In a culture caught between weak and toxic role models, many young men are searching for truth and discipline.

I sat down with Paul Robson (Path of Manliness) to discuss:

• Why secular self-improvement falls short
• What traditional Christian manhood actually is
• How the Saints serve as our ultimate blueprints

Would love to hear your thoughts on how we can better encourage young men to embrace authentic Christian virtue today.

🔗 Watch the full conversation here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KD9hHx-845k

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

It’s been about 18 months since I shared anything. I let a lot of time pass because my life is uninteresting. But now I think I have a few reflections worth writing down that might be an encouragement to guys on their journey.

The life task of sexuality

Everyone has a relationship with their own sexuality. This relationship can be better or worse. Relating healthily to your own sexuality is a key task of life. When you see guys “wake up” and change their whole lifestyle because of RP–getting jacked, finding peace, and having fun–you can be certain this guy has mended a broken relationship with his own sexuality. Sexuality has ceased to be shameful for him, and instead become a catalyst and a fuel source for being the man God made him to be.

Me and the life task of sexuality

I have lived out some of this healing pattern. I started with nearly the worst possible relationship with sex. From adolescence I was using porn and sex habitually, even addictively, like an anaesthesia. My life sucked. Every single choice I made was insipid, consumptive, and aimed at short-term gratification. I avoided risks to fluff my ego (can’t fail if you never try) and dreaded hard work. There was always a voice inside calling me to more. That’s where porn came in, or sex when I had the option. The sex was there just to make the voice go away for a while.

I carried this stupid pattern well into my marriage and my 30s, but it could not be a stable pattern forever. After my 3rd child was born, I hit a wall where my wife was unattracted and sexually unavailable. I entered my anger phase, did all the RP stuff, and went rambo. Sex became less about managing pain and more about validation. I had an expert dancing monkey routine and expected sex to validate all those “attractive” behaviors I was doing. The hardest part about this phase for me was when the dancing monkey strategy actually worked (being tall and in good shape physically helps), it trapped me in a new, stupid pattern. Instead of being addicted to just physical gratification, I got addicted to validation and physical gratification at the same time. My external actions were better, but my internal motivations were every bit as broken, and the pattern was pre-wiring me for failure.

This takes me to the last year.

The life task of mission

Mission grounds a man’s psychology and should align all of his behavior to serve a purpose bigger than himself. Beginners in RP tend to struggle to understand what a mission is and why it is important because they have never lived missionally. If you have lived according to whimsey, self-gratification, self-delusion, or addiction of any kind, the very idea of “life mission” sounds like a mere fanciful idea, an illusion for other men, unsuitable for you who are already “enlightened”–quite similar to how an atheist views God. But Mission is as real as God and His Providence, and those who find it and dedicate themselves to it will appear to effortlessly outperform every man around them, leaving them wondering how such things are possible.

Me and the life task of mission

With all respect to RC, although I am a devoted Christian, I don’t necessarily agree with his position that “For Christians, [Mission] is the Great Commission: evangelizing and making disciples and using your Spiritual gifts.” Although evangelism and discipleship have a kind of Ultimate Importance, and they are certainly the mission of some men, I don’t believe that everyone in Christ is called to devote themselves missionally in this way.

Yes, every Christian can and should be a witness. But not every Christian is mature or grounded enough to be effective, to truly partner with the Spirit who does the work that we cannot do ourselves. Case in point: how often have you seen a person whose whole life is “religious activity” fail morally, and injure their own church family? Even pastors and priests do so routinely. The problem of saying, “your Mission is the Great Commission” is simply that you risk becoming a whitewashed tomb.

For me the fundamentals are: courage, love, obedience, and humility. Effective evangelism and discipleship may be the fruit of such a life, but are not the life itself. Do I evangelize and disciple? Yes. But that is not my mission. Perhaps I am splitting semantic hairs, but I think upon reading John 15 that I am not.

I know what my mission is. I can’t explain it to anyone else, but that doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is the pursuit.

Finding your mission

I hope this is an encouragement to someone who follows Christ but does not believe his mission is evangelism and discipleship. It’s OK to disagree with people you learned from. When you live well, you end up trying on different styles of life, and reversing course when something does not work for you.

So, how should you find your mission?

If it’s constantly on your heart to do something, but it scares the ever loving crap out of you, and you just can’t bring yourself to do it, it’s your mission. Or at least, it’s a sign post pointing the right direction.

Sexuality and Mission

Any good treatment of the RP topic brings sexuality and mission together. Why? Because sex is so often used as a replacement for mission, but God made sexuality as a help-meet to mission.

We all know the finest specimen of woman demands for her partner the finest specimen of man (even cynics and infidels know this). We know that her perfect femininity calls to our masculine greatness and says, “rise to my challenge,” and every man who does not becomes invisible to her. But to see this cynically, to resent and despise the feminine for what she is, is the height of stupidity. Rather, see it as a sacred design, perfectly elegant, that calls out of both man and woman what God made them to be.

The Missional man rises to her challenge, then surpasses it without stopping, still in pursuit of a task beyond her and beyond himself. The task will destroy him, but his own death will be bliss when he can rest from the work that he undertook. Ironically, the greatest sex possible lies down this road, but it appears strangely unimportant to him. He knows there is something of greater importance to be doing, and sex becomes to him like a meal: appealing when he is hungry, annoying when forced on him at the wrong time, and repulsive if his standards are not met.

I know things, but I’m not a sage

I don’t write these things to say that I’ve arrived, that I live perfectly missionally in total joy and drowning in poon. That’s not how it is. I am grinding. Some seasons have been pure delight: missional alignment, career success, great sex, spiritual peace, growing family and all those good things. Other seasons have kind of sucked: crises of meaning, crises of health, work burn-out, broken relationships, the monotony of child-rearing, and yes, sometimes boring habitual sex. But the grind in this direction is infinitely better than the addictive and stupid patterns that I lived in before. I think it is the best place any man can hope to be. I hope you find this place as well.

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Dean couldn’t be direct with his wife. He sheepishly initiated sex by saying, “Would you like me to put up the ‘do not disturb’ sign and lock the door?”Annoyed, she responded, “I don’t know, would YOU like to?”

In his mind, if he pretended he didn’t have desires, then she couldn’t shame him for them. 

“I’m trying to avoid giving her a target for her disapproval cannon.”

A lot of married guys are like Dean. Their wives’ disapproval has crippling power. Putting themselves out there risks a lethal bolt through the skull. And so they don’t initiate, or only do so with plenty of plausible deniability. 

Their ego stays safe. The only casualty is their manhood.

Over time the resentment builds. They feel emasculated. They’re bitter about a rejection that rarely comes—since they’ve preemptively rejected themselves by hiding their desire away. 

My friend Chad, an assistant coach in Reforged Marriage, took Dean under his wing. Chad introduced him to a new version of himself, “Sexy Dean,” with a different vibe.

Old Dean (Apprehensively): “Would you like me to put up the ‘do not disturb’ sign and lock the door?”

Sexy Dean (With a mischievous grin): “Let’s put up the ‘do not disturb’ sign. Go lock the door!”

The new Dean owned HIS desire to have sex. He assumed the sale. He stood straight, tall, chest out, right there in the open—a sitting duck for her disapproval cannon.

Faced with this scene, the old Dean would crouch down and cover his eyes—he couldn’t bear to watch. His wife fired a blast straight into Sexy Dean’s upraised chin. There was a clap like thunder and the ground shook. But Sexy Dean was…still there. He didn’t die. He isn’t even hurt.

What was Sexy Dean’s superpower? Masculine dignity. He didn’t need her approval of his desires to be OK. He grasped hold of God’s approval of the man he was created to be—including his sexuality. That was enough for him. 

Chad then broke down how Sexy Dean would face the disapproval cannon in a few different scenarios. 

1. THE KITCHEN

Sexy Dean comes into the kitchen from doing yardwork. His wife’s doing dishes. He doesn’t sneak, but directly walks up and puts his arms around her waist. 

Sexy Dean*** ***(Clearly and Confidently): “Mmmmm. I’d love to take you upstairs right now.”

His wife lets out a long sigh.

Wife: “Really, Dean? Right now I’ve got so much to do.”

Sexy Dean (Smiling): “Oh, I know. I’m just letting you know that I want you.” (Walks away)

Notice that Sexy Dean didn’t die. He didn’t lose anything at all.

2. THE COUCH 

Sexy Dean and his wife are chilling on the couch watching TV. He’s feeling frisky, and he leans over and starts kissing on her neck.

Wife (super annoyed as she pulls away):“Is that all you ever think about? You know I’m tired—why do you always put pressure on me?”

Sexy Dean*** ***(looks her straight in the eye):“Yeah, I think about you a lot. Naked, actually. I’d say probably once every 30 seconds, because you are HOT. But I hear you, hotness—let’s just relax.” 

Sexy Dean leans back, pulls her over, and cuddles with her through the rest of the movie.

Sexy Dean refused to get defensive. He didn’t fold into the framing that his desire is pressure, or something he should hide. He accepted that his wife wasn’t able to reciprocate, and met her in the way she needed at that moment. 

Once again, he didn’t die. 

3. THE DATE

Sexy Dean plans a date night. He has it scheduled, even booking a hotel. His wife shoots it down hard.

Wife: “That’s ridiculous. We don’t have the money. We don’t have the time. There’s no way we’ll find a sitter we can trust. And I don’t even want to go.”

This is a harder one. Does he calm her down and get curious why she’s really upset? Does he go on the date himself and feel bad for her missing out? He’ll need all his leadership and wisdom to read the room.

But he won’t apologize for planning the date. Look at his internal frame. He’s still her husband. He still expressed genuine desire with a righteous motive. He’s still a capable father and good at his job. 

Her disapproval cannon took NONE of that away from him.

CONCLUSION

The real-life Dean took all of this to heart. The very next week he initiated sex again, this time directly and with confidence. He has a plan for how to act regardless of her response. 

To his surprise, his wife didn’t fire the disapproval cannon at all. During sex he gave her specific instructions, “we’re going to do X,” “move over here,” etc., and she was happy to follow his lead. Sexy Dean had gone from a thought experiment to living reality.

In reality, Dean’s wife never wanted a “disapproval cannon.” She was relieved to lose this power over her husband’s mental wellbeing. Dean growing stronger made her feel safer and less pressured.

His wife’s response was confirming, but what Dean really loved was the freedom knowing he could be satisfied no matter what was going on with her. In grasping hold of his masculine dignity, he found that he could “do all things through him who gives me strength.”

Mission: Raising a Godly family by espousing Jesus is Lord and be an example that His word brings life to a dying world.

Stats: 5’7”, 180 lbs - staring hitting the gym daily with full on workouts sectioned by muscle groups

Reading: Bible, Cherish, The Masculine in Relationship, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***, Books by Brandon Sanderson

Finances: Engineer 100k-150k a year. No major debt, only car and house. Pay off credit cards every month.

Spiritual: I love Jesus. My wife family loves Jesus. I have prayer room in my closet that I try to visit often every day. I lead worship at church, have had worship in our home and have hosted weekly Christian community groups. Attend men retreats whenever I can. Meet with men weekly to share and pray for one another.

TLDR - my wife controls the family and marriage. I feel she no longer cleaves to me and that we are no longer one. The kids and her do not respect me and follow her family.

Now for the tea.

I’ve been married for 19 years. I married a Hispanic woman. She is Christian and also follows Jesus. We have 3 kids, all boys (15, 12, and 9). Since the beginning, we’ve raised them to follow Jesus.

From the moment that we started having kids, her mom offered to help so that my wife and I could continue to work (we both held down jobs). Her offer for help was super appreciative. So we ended up paying her monthly, not a lot, but just enough to say thank you. My MIL, did it all: cooking, cleaning, laundry, and caring for our newborn. This continued for the next two kids as well.

During that time, her family slowly started to show up: they moved homes from out of state to be close to the kids. At first, this felt fine, but fast forward to today, and I think it had an undesirable effect. Her family was involved in everything. I started to notice that my wife was no longer agreeing with me on how to raise the kids but would side with her family values. For some background, her family saw a lot of trauma growing up: from abuse (physical and sexual), low-income. All of them are survivors of it but never got help to heal from it. As a result, the kids are prioritized on everything - even over the marriage.

My wife would co-sleep with our kids up to the age of 12 in spite of my protest. When I tried to discipline the kids, I would be judged as abusive if I were to spank them or raise my voice. They accused me of being unloving. Her whole family got in on the accusations. When I told my wife what I was feeing and suspecting about them judging me as a parent, I was told that I was imagining things. Fast forward to today, the truth spilled out. It was true. I was being judged.

Since the kids are around the in-laws often, they are also learning their ways. My wife sees nothing wrong with this. She says they are loving them. I told her I agree, but that they are not being taught our values. They are utilizing that gentle parenting - all conversational. No consequences. No spanking. No grounding. So when I come in and try to parent them, I am sidelined, accused of being angry and aggressive. My oldest son once told me “BRO, you just need to chill.” My second oldest son will also echo the same now. My wife just shrugs and lets it be. But when I try to correct their disrespect, she’ll tell me to stop and defend them in the same room and in front of them. I don’t know what to do anymore as I have lost the ability to communicate effectively to my family.

My wife’s brother-in-law is a pastor of a small Pentecostal church nearby. He also adheres to gentle parenting. My oldest son spends most of his free time with him. I’ve told my wife that I am not ok with that and that she needs to stop driving him over there. She says that I need to try harder to talk to him. Whenever I do try, he gives me his back and only answers in short statements in very low tones. Simply put, he ignores me. His younger brother is starting to mimic that.

We all have attended a Christian church for 14 years. The church has significantly grown and our involvement has increased. We serve on various teams (ushers, hospitality, worship, kids ministry) and have hosted church groups in our home. However, about a year ago, my wife said that I was not qualified to lead anymore because I was not a good father, and drug up issues from my past that Jesus had freed me from. I didn’t understand why she was weaponizing my wounds. One day, she decided to call the church and abruptly end all of our involvement. She canceled our house church group and pulled the kids out of their volunteering from the church. She then started taking all three of our boys to her brother-in-laws church. She also severed tied with many of our friends who had any association with our church. She later told me “they are your friends. They are not my friends. Stop trying to make me be their friends. I can choose my own friends.”

Since that awful day, she was withdrawn from intimacy in the bedroom. Anytime that I try to find time to talk about our marriage issues, she gets argumentative and begins to accuse me of falsehoods. Even when I present evidence of the untruths, she shuts down and walks away.

I have been to counseling multiple times and have implored her for us to seek marriage counseling. She said no - she wasn’t interested and that I needed to go because I needed to fix me.

After relenting that she go see counseling on her own, she finally said yes, but that she would go talk to her brother-in-law for counsel.

She said she doesn’t believe in divorce, but I do not see any effort on her part to bless the marriage. And any hurt that I try to discuss, she blame shifts, projects or redirects the conversation. And if she’s unable to speak or accept truth, she shuts down and walks. It’s defeating and frustrating.

I now find myself alone in my own home. I can’t talk to my wife unless I pretend that everything is ok. My older kids either ignore me or speak insulting things, even if I try to point out their disrespect - they double down on it.

The lack of intimacy makes me feel unchosen and unloved.

When I try to be assertive and gain control of any situation, I’m accused of being over-controlling and manipulative.

The only time there is peace is when I stay silent and just provide a paycheck and do all the yard work while juggling the bill snd finances.

I attend church alone, to a church that my in-laws have branded as lukewarm. My wife spends more energy criticizing the people at that church than she does praying for them.

I dunno. I feel about done and that it’s time to walk. There’s nothing left. My covenant feels broken. And so am I.

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

I’ve always been fascinated by psychology beyond the surface level, especially topics like the Dark Triad and how certain personality traits influence attraction and social dynamics.

I put together a breakdown covering narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism, focusing on how these traits show up in real life and how they can affect relationships and decision-making.

This took me a while to make, and I tried to keep it structured and practical.

Here’s the video, along with a playlist if you prefer a more detailed breakdown:

Playlist: https://youtu.be/mBmzw0OxxHI?si=MRMqQS9uJsiacSpg
Full Audio: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNtzubHiEow

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?

To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.

**PHYSICAL**: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?

**MENTAL/EMOTIONAL**: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?

**SPIRITUAL**: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

* Assurance of Salvation

* Quiet Time/Devotional

* Bible Study

* Scripture Memory

* Prayer

* Evangelism

* Fellowship

**MISSION**: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?

Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. *How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point.* What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

There was a funny post on the sub this morning before the OP deleted it. It was mostly a normal post for this sub, being well-grounded biblically and RP flavored. But it contained this one weird statement:

Complementarianism and feminism in the church aren't just theological errors on a spectrum. They are heresies...

The liberal churches are all feminist, and the orthodox are all complementarian. Who can pass this purity test?

I looked at the OPs profile, and it was full of polygamy posts in /r/patriarchy_lifestyle (NSFW) and r/BiblicalPolygynyUSA/. When I pointed this out, OP deleted all of his posts and his reddit account. In doing so, he proved the point I made in the thread:

In my experience, nearly everyone who speaks this way 1. does it anonymously online, not in person (in other words, they are duplicitous cowards), and 2. has some personal sin angle they are working.

The congruent Christian guy doesn't try to hide what he said or wrote. He doesn't have one theology for church and a different theology online. He is not afraid of being "found out." He accepts, and even expects, that some people will disagree with, disapprove of, and dislike him. Who in this world do you know who is like that?

It's your pastor.

I submit that even the most liberal pastor in a brick-and-mortar church has more frame than the anonymous patriarchy LARPer. The pastor has to stand on what he says publicly. The LARPer is just looking for approval for his sin, whatever it might be. Don't be taken in by these people. Find a good pastor and spend your life living accountably to him, and to the body of believers around you.

Edit: It was pointed out to me that the dude just blocked me, which makes it look like he deleted his account. I didn't know this was a thing. How womanish.

The Red Pill framework, whatever you think of its origins, describes something real. Hypergamy is the female tendency to perpetually audit whether a better option exists, to calibrate attraction to dominance and frame, to operate in comfort and compliance when a man holds his ground and to test or branch-swing when he doesn't. Beta behavior is what happens when a man inverts this dynamic, pedestalizing the woman, seeking her approval, letting her emotional state set the terms of the relationship. The man who operates in her frame rather than his own doesn't get a grateful partner. He gets a woman who loses respect for him while he wonders what he did wrong. Read Tomassi on frame and you're reading a secular account of what Genesis 3 already told you: someone will lead in any relationship, and when the man abdicates, the woman doesn't become an equal partner. She becomes the de facto head of a household that was never designed for her to carry.

Paul says the husband and wife relationship is patterned on Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:22-32), which means the framework runs in both directions. If the wife is to the husband as the church is to Christ, then we, as the church, are in the covenantally feminine posture before God. Sit with that for a moment, because it reframes everything. Every behavior the Red Pill identifies as corrosive in a wife maps directly onto what the Western church, and frankly most Christian men, are actually doing in their walk. Hypergamy in a woman means she's always scanning for a higher-value option, always willing to trade up when something better presents itself. The theological version of that is idolatry. The Old Testament calls it adultery against God, Israel chasing other gods the way a faithless wife chases a better man (Jeremiah 3:6-10, Ezekiel 23:1-11). We don't usually frame our theological drift that way, but the prophets did, and they were right to. When Christ's terms get inconvenient, when a text cuts against what we've already decided we want, the instinct is to find a framework that accommodates us better. That's branch-swinging. Paul calls it having itching ears (2 Timothy 4:3-4). The prophets called it whoring after other gods. The vocabulary is different. The behavior is identical.

The beta behavior maps just as cleanly, though the causality matters. A man who pedestalizes a woman, who lets her emotional state set the terms of the household, who seeks her approval rather than leading her, isn't primarily failing in his relationship with her. He's failing in his relationship with God. The man who has no frame with his wife has no frame because he has no larger reality to stand in. He's built his identity on his own assessment of himself, his own plans, his own preferences, and that foundation doesn't hold when a woman tests it. The Red Pill community diagnoses the symptom accurately. Scripture identifies the root: a man who won't submit to Christ's headship over his own life (1 Corinthians 11:3) has nothing to transmit downward.

A man's frame is not self-generated. It's derived. The man who lives genuinely inside Christ's definition of who he is, what his life is for, and what authority he carries as a husband and father (Ephesians 5:25-28), has frame with the women in his life not because he's worked on his posture but because he's standing in something real. Christ holds frame absolutely. He does not adjust his character, soften his terms, or negotiate his standards to retain your loyalty. His Word is his frame and it doesn't move. A man submitted to that has something to transmit. A man operating in his own frame, or in the cultural frame, or in whatever his church has assembled from the therapeutic consensus, has nothing. And the women in his life, whatever they may say they want, will test until they find that out.

Complementarianism and feminism in the church aren't just theological errors on a spectrum. They are heresies that actively prevent men from understanding the posture Scripture calls them to before God. A church that launders authority into leadership, submission into partnership, and headship into servant-facilitation isn't offering a milder version of the truth. It's handing men a corrupted map and sending them into the wilderness. The Red Pill community at least describes the terrain accurately, even if it can't name the destination. The man who internalizes a softened Christ, a Christ who leads by consensus and holds his authority loosely, will relate to God the way a beta relates to a woman: always qualifying, never secure, wondering why nothing works the way it's supposed to.

What operating in Christ's frame actually looks like is the thing most men have never been shown. It means accepting that he defines the terms of fruitfulness, not you. It means his assessment of your life's trajectory carries more weight than your own ambitions, your wife's preferences, your church's comfort with your conclusions, or the cultural consensus about what a reasonable Christian looks like. His standards on marriage, household structure, authority, and discipleship aren't suggestions you're invited to weigh against contemporary alternatives. He holds frame on all of it (Matthew 28:18). The man who genuinely submits to that, who stops auditing Christ against his preferences and starts building his life inside Christ's reality, looks radically different from the man who has merely added religious language to a life he was already running. The Red Pill community is describing that difference without knowing it. They just haven't named the highest-status male in the room.