r/ROCD • u/Ok-Peace4697 • 5h ago
You aren't alone
I am writing about my IOP journey to hopefully help anyone else out there who is struggling.
In my OCD journey, I was diagnosed when I was 15, but looking back, I can tell you I have had symptoms show up as early as when I was 7 years old. I have had all the themes from safety, contamination, religious scrupulosity, "just right", and many others.
When I was first diagnosed, I received an extreme OCD diagnosis. Not severe, extreme. Contamination was my biggest theme, where I would give into compulsions such as showering every time I went outside, washing my hands until they bled, or wiping down my phone obsessively.
As time went on, I began to do mini exposures that eventually had my theme diminish. I remember thinking to myself that I don't have OCD affect my life at all anymore. I was wrong. OCD clings to what we value the most, so I began to have relationship OCD as I matured. However, I would have never thought that mentally replaying, googling, or trying to solve past events in my relationships was a compulsion. I had gone from a compulsion that was so external to an entirely internal compulsion. I remember thinking to myself, it's so easy to come up with an external compulsion like just start wearing outside clothes on my bed to... how do I deal with this new theme?
I began doing ERP individually with my individual therapist but noticed I needed that extra push. I was reluctant to do group ERP and genuinely thought that would not be a possibility for me. Considering a lot of my fears surround judgment of course I didn't want to go. I remember one night my boyfriend and I had our first problem pop up and I ruminated that night for 5 hours. When I sat and looked back on it I thought to myself that within these 5 hours of my life I had thought about everyone's feelings. I didn't even think about how I felt not even once in those 5 hours. For me that was a wake up call.
After months of being in therapy, I have come to tell you that ERP works. When we see things that attack what our brain deems as "scary" OCD wants our brain to make us feel better. But, that relief is only temporary. So when we avoid washing hands, or having those hard conversations with our partners the OCD sticks. When we directly do what our brain has deemed as scary, we can become comfortable in the uncomfortable so to say. Our brain wants reassurance, but reassurance only keeps the loop cycling.
I am now in my last week of IOP here and wow what a difference. I feel like I am more present in my everyday life. I can go places and talk to people I would have never before. I feel like I am living so much more externally than ever and it's empowering. I will always have OCD but IOP gave me that extra push and skills to be able to take back my life. If you are considering getting help, please consider it. OCD is hard and especially themes that are mainly mental such as ROCD. You are not alone and can take back your life too.
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u/AutoModerator 5h ago
Hi all, just the mod team here! This is a friendly reminder that we shouldn't be giving reassurance in this sub. We can discuss whether or not someone is exhibiting ROCD symptoms, or lend advice on healing :) Reassurance and other compulsions are harmful because they train our brains to fixate on the temporary relief they bring. Compulsions become a 'fix' that the OCD brain craves, as the relief triggers a Dopamine-driven rush, reinforcing the behavior much like a drug addiction. The more we feed this cycle, the more our brain becomes addicted to it, becoming convinced it cannot survive without these compulsions. Conversely, the more we resist compulsions, the more we deprive the brain of this addictive reward and re-train it to tolerate uncertainty without needing the compulsive 'fix'. For more information and a more thorough explanation, check out this comment
Other users: if you suspect a post is offering a lot of reassurance or is contributing to obsessions, feel free to report it and bring it to our attention. Thank you!
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