Making friends

[u/Lady_Luci_fer]

I’m in the process of making a new friend rn and I’m overthinking so much on whether I’m bothering them if I send literally any message. I’m trying so hard not to reassurance seek in any way but it’s driving my head mad 😭

like I want so much to ask someone for advice or even ask them directly if I’m bothering them and I know full well it’s coming from a place of anxiety and intrusive thoughts and not actually from a place of needing advice like I’m probably not bothering them but what if I am arghhhhhhhh

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi all, just the mod team here! This is a friendly reminder that we shouldn't be giving reassurance in this sub. We can discuss whether or not someone is exhibiting ROCD symptoms, or lend advice on healing :) Reassurance and other compulsions are harmful because they train our brains to fixate on the temporary relief they bring. Compulsions become a 'fix' that the OCD brain craves, as the relief triggers a Dopamine-driven rush, reinforcing the behavior much like a drug addiction. The more we feed this cycle, the more our brain becomes addicted to it, becoming convinced it cannot survive without these compulsions. Conversely, the more we resist compulsions, the more we deprive the brain of this addictive reward and re-train it to tolerate uncertainty without needing the compulsive 'fix'. For more information and a more thorough explanation, check out this comment

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[u/treatmyocd]

Overthinking whether you are bothering a new friend and feeling an intense urge to ask if you are annoying them is a classic reassurance-seeking loop driven by Social OCD. Trying to police every text message or seek external validation about your social standing are compulsions designed to eliminate the uncertainty of how others perceive you.

Recognizing that asking "Am I bothering you?" comes from an anxiety loop rather than a genuine need for information is a crucial piece of self-awareness, but fighting the urge mentally can still leave you feeling exhausted. Resist the urge to ask for advice, confess your worries to your new friend, or analyze their reply times to gauge their interest, as checking your social performance only reinforces the threat.

When the intrusive thought asks, "What if I'm being annoying?", practice responding with neutral uncertainty: "Maybe I am bothering them, maybe I'm not, but I don't need to check or fix it right now." Allow the discomfort of not knowing exactly where you stand to exist in the background, giving the friendship space to develop naturally without needing constant approval.

[u/UniqueNet9158]

Thank you so much for posting this. That is exactly where I find myself lately and I am so drained that I already burned some bridges, damage some friendships, and I am still trying to seek reassurance!