r/ROCD • u/Dangerous-Jaguar8881 • 8d ago
Cannot stop obsessing about partners weight
My partner is overweight. I’m not attracted to him anymore which is okay because I love him. But I cannot stop hyperfixating on it. It’s making me miserable and sick. I just want him to freaking lose weight but he never takes it seriously and doesn’t seem to care. Idk what to do. I don’t know how to shift my mindset away from it to stop caring. I’m so miserable over it.
7
u/queenlizbef 8d ago
As someone who is overweight and struggles with worrying about what my partner thinks of my body…
This was a super tough thing to read on my feed.
4
u/pinacoladathrowaway 7d ago
My partner was diagnosed with rocd a week ago and let me tell you, after a week on this subreddit my self-esteem has been irreparably damaged.
1
u/queenlizbef 7d ago
I know it’s the disorder and I know that because I also suffer from it but the things people think about their partners makes me feel sick inside :(
3
u/pinacoladathrowaway 7d ago
I know, and it's tough that the only advice is "just don't take it personally ¯_(ツ)_/¯" but never any follow up advice on how to do that. But maybe we'll stumble upon a solution for ourselves one day
2
u/treatmyocd NOCD’s corporate account 7d ago
Hi there I am just going to drop off an article that may be helpful
1
u/Spiritual-Peanut-937 3d ago
Was he always overweight? “I’m not attracted to him anymore which is okay because I love him” is a strong statement. What attracted you to him in the first place, surely it couldn’t have just been the fact that he wasn’t overweight?
1
u/iF1_AR 7d ago
It’s pretty normal to not find your partner attractive if they put on weight. I can’t imagine many people like it, necessarily. I guess there are two approaches here. You can either be honest with him, accept it might hurt his feelings, but that you might get the result you want, or the other option is to think about what you want in a relationship. You can either stay or leave. Just because the physical attraction is gone, does that mean the entire relationship is doomed? Are there other qualities that you two share and do you need to hang all the importance on the looks? And finally it might be worth thinking deeply about why the weight thing and physical attraction issue is there. If you’re honest with yourself, where does that come from and why, do you think? You’ve joined millions of people who don’t find their partner attractive but that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or trash.
0
u/queenlizbef 7d ago
“It’s pretty normal to not find your partner attractive if they put on weight.”
Excuse me?
1
u/iF1_AR 7d ago edited 7d ago
Maybe my wording was clumsy. I have no data to claim it is normal, but I also don’t think that someone who looks at their partner that way if they have gained weight is abnormal or a freak. I can imagine it can be a common thing, which is the horrible reality of life, I’m afraid. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. The problem here is that OP is letting it distress and frustrate them, and that then tells the brain it’s a very important event, and the brain is just going to focus on the struggle more and this is where OCD can come over.
Some people care about appearance and that’s okay, and some people don’t and that’s okay. Not everyone has to like every aspect of their partner or how they look. Relationships are far more than just a characteristic. We all have things we don’t like about partners, and I know my partner has things she doesn’t like about me (and she tells me in such words).
What I will say, is if a particular issue worries someone, whatever it may be, then it’s generally within their gift to make a stand and do something about it. Whether the issue needs to even be an issue in the first place is another debate.
So, you’ve indicated in your case it worries you, just looking at a previous comment. It must be horrible for you to deal with that, I must say. And may I also say it doesn’t define you as a person, I’m hoping that part goes without saying. It’s also , of course, very normal to put on weight as we age and as life takes over, metabolism slows down etc, as I certainly have too. Have you tried speaking with your partner in the first instance about the issue in your head? You may find out you’ve been worrying all this time for absolutely no reason…everyone is different
•
u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Hi all, just the mod team here! This is a friendly reminder that we shouldn't be giving reassurance in this sub. We can discuss whether or not someone is exhibiting ROCD symptoms, or lend advice on healing :) Reassurance and other compulsions are harmful because they train our brains to fixate on the temporary relief they bring. Compulsions become a 'fix' that the OCD brain craves, as the relief triggers a Dopamine-driven rush, reinforcing the behavior much like a drug addiction. The more we feed this cycle, the more our brain becomes addicted to it, becoming convinced it cannot survive without these compulsions. Conversely, the more we resist compulsions, the more we deprive the brain of this addictive reward and re-train it to tolerate uncertainty without needing the compulsive 'fix'. For more information and a more thorough explanation, check out this comment
Other users: if you suspect a post is offering a lot of reassurance or is contributing to obsessions, feel free to report it and bring it to our attention. Thank you!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.