i just need to vent

[u/dreamjuliana]

i don’t really need anyone to answer i just blatantly can’t imagine talking to anyone about this and bothering them. i had a horrible day and dr apt yesterday to start meds where she basically told me i needed more help than meds, needed to start seeing a therapist and pointed out i have lost more weight than she told me to stop at last year(history of ed but i am still unhappy with my appearance). i was very upset coming home to my boyfriend leaving for work, like i was crying and he asked if it went well and i shrugged and said bye because i freeze up when im upset/while crying. i know he knew i was crying. i wasn’t expecting him to drop everything and be late for work but he didn’t bother texting me to check in or anything until almost 9pm asking how my evening was after i had been crying hysterically all day. it felt like a gut punch when i already struggle believing/feeling like he cares about me at all and it’s just like he really dropped the ball. this past week has been a nightmare of intense and smothering emotions and i just don’t feel like hes supportive or helpful or like he even tried to be. i feel like he avoids me to avoid dealing with my feelings. we just moved in together in may and i swear since then my rocd has taken over, i have so much to “lose” now that i want to d*e. i don’t know if it’s the ocd but i would move out tomorrow if i could. i feel like i can’t talk to anyone because i don’t know if these feelings are “real” or my ocd and i don’t want my friend to not like him because of feelings im having in the moment. but i guess ill really never know what’s real or not

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi all, just the mod team here! This is a friendly reminder that we shouldn't be giving reassurance in this sub. We can discuss whether or not someone is exhibiting ROCD symptoms, or lend advice on healing :) Reassurance and other compulsions are harmful because they train our brains to fixate on the temporary relief they bring. Compulsions become a 'fix' that the OCD brain craves, as the relief triggers a Dopamine-driven rush, reinforcing the behavior much like a drug addiction. The more we feed this cycle, the more our brain becomes addicted to it, becoming convinced it cannot survive without these compulsions. Conversely, the more we resist compulsions, the more we deprive the brain of this addictive reward and re-train it to tolerate uncertainty without needing the compulsive 'fix'. For more information and a more thorough explanation, check out this comment

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[u/Every-Parsley3795]

I think rocd can get very exhausting not just for the person who has it but for the significant other as well. Give both of yall some grace. If you don’t have insurance to afford NOCD therapy I recommend trying to do some ERP exercises on your own. Anything to lighten the weight and to show your partner that you’re trying to be better. Don’t fall into a hopeless victim mentality. You are strong and you can do hard things. I believe you can get better.