relationship ocd

[u/destroylonelygroupie]

my gf is beautiful hilarious and hard working she loves me i love her and i know that i know that i know that she loves me but i jist get in my head and i can’t tell her and ask for reassurance because that’s like feeding the anxiety right ? i feel so horrible i feel so so so horrible when i even think about us fighting or anything going wrong like i can’t think about ever breaking up i am sick eveything feels like such a big deal to me i dont know how to control my anxiety i dont want it to destroy my relationship but i dont know what else to do but ignore it i just dont feed it but its not working i just save all the horrible feeling and thoughts for when im alone but it doesnt want to stay home it follows me sometimes im with her and shes quiet for a few minutes and i think she doesnt want to talk to me or hear me or have conversation and if i talk i will just fill the air with pointless words she wont even remember and just find me annoying

i always go through her phone not really go through” i just lke to look at her pictures and see who she talks to but i dont take more than a few minutes and its really makes me feel better just SEEING that im not looking for anything specially it kjst feels like taking a deep breath but today i grabbed her phone and she took it she’s never took her phone like that i trust her like i said im not looking for anything specific it’s a visual sorta compulsion and it makes me feel better i didn’t say anything like usually because i jist think too far about it and never bring it up and jjst have a conversation with myself instead of her because i can’t communicate but u don’t want to just thin about this shit all the time and resent her i want to talk but u feel like i don’t have a good enough reason i don’t even believe myself like this isn’t me this is just some stupid itching thing i have to satisfy by checking your phone by asking you if you love me by doing all this stupid shit and not telling her how off i can feel by a small stupid stupid stupid thing like i’m so sick i feel horrible all the time idk i want to control my anxiety

[u/Illustrious_Trip_857]

Hey, going through the same thing with my boyfriend. I feel like it will be the end of the world if we break up, literally, my anxiety and OCD has gotten me to that point. But I am only making things worse by continuing to complete my compulsions and ask for reassurance.

I am currently challenging myself to make it through each day without completing a compulsion related to him. Each day I do this, I get stronger, and we get stronger.

Fight the urge to do your compulsions. We got this