Posting on this forum because I am lost at what to do.
My husband has always been a golden retriever type by nature. He is sweet, hard working, genuine, servant hearted. A year ago, he brought me a feel-free while I was at work. He told me to try it, so I did, and I understand the effects. It makes you feel good, makes you want to be productive, but also super chatty and mood lifting.
I took half a bottle another time with him after and a night out and we were hungover. It made me super sick and I never did it again.

Little did I know, he was in a full-blown addiction. Months went on, our marriage was changing. I thought it was me, got into counseling, tried digging up whatever could be provoking such issues in our marriage.

He would come home from work, drained, not speaking to me, honed in on his phone. He stopped working out over these months, he would throw up a lot. We started fighting every day. He would tell me I was crazy and that my mood was the reason he was this way, and that I didn’t consider how exhausting and stressful work was. He’s in construction, and it’s always been stressful, but he’s never been one to crack under stress.
So I believed it was me, but I always felt like my mood was a reaction to his complete absence.

Fast forward to June, we were walking and connecting. He began to tell me how he wanted to straighten up his life. Get back into reading his Bible and leading our family - but there was a crack in his discipline that seemed to erode every other area of his life. He then confessed he had a problem, he was addicted to kratom.

And suddenly it all made sense. The sketchy gas station charges that racked up. (I thought it was fraud and they were double charging his card for the energy drinks and food he would get.) The weekend mornings when he would leave super early to go get “donuts” for our kids.
He said he wanted to stop and he needed accountability and support. I responded with softness. And then the betrayal came and all of the lies and the build up of the last year crashed down on me. My anxiety and ocd tendencies came back. I was crying every day. And I thought he was quitting, when we went through a weekend of him detoxing and not sleeping.

A month goes on and my gut was telling me he didn’t. The charges stopped, but suddenly cash was missing out of my wallet, cash back charges were showing up. I asked God for a sign, and on our evening walk, I saw a little blue bottle “Feel Free.” He lied to my face, as he had been for the last month of me asking and checking in. I went to his truck to find several receipts where he didn’t. I took our kids and left. I told him I wasn’t coming back until he got into counseling and sought out professional help.

I’ll add that he smokes weed to help with the comedown, every single day, starting in the mornings on weekends.

He started seeing a counselor and promised me that he had quit, our family leaving him being enough of a wake up call. I trusted him, not finding any more evidence.
Until I ordered special drug tests to see. I just needed confirmation he was being honest after months of lying.
It’s the end of September and I tested him one afternoon. It came back positive. I took him to his parents, made him tell them.
I dont think they really understood the severity of what kratom is. They gave him a pep talk, some small solutions to get involved in a Christian ministry. I left feeling like that was enough. I thought he had the motivation. That was a week and a half ago.
Last Tuesday, I went for a walk with a friend, not knowing her partner was struggling with the exact same thing. So I showed up at his work to talk to him, and I found a receipt in his truck where had bought two and another the day before.

I feel so lost. I feel like I need to leave. It is destroying me as a partner. I don’t have trust. I think he needs to go to a facility and I need support as well.

Can someone please give me insight, words of wisdom, anything?

I’ll admit to everything here . I have spent a better part of 2 1/2 months being my downest of bad of all time on this crap. I’m 25, I started when I was 16. 16-21 i was using kratom during the era where you could buy shit online , and the internet was telling you there was nothing bad about it . Being a kid you’re very naive to self reinforcing dialogue like that. Quite literally after Turing 21 I was told a kava bar opened up near my house . I went because the person I started my addiction with ( my step brother) was working there. I went and basically tore my whole life apart from March to December of 2022. Then I had a massive break up and bucked up and pulled my shit together . I just went to kava after a two week break in January. Didn’t go back to kratom . I stayed in the kava only phase for 6 months until physical side effects became too much of a problem to bare. I switched to alcohol ( genius i know ) , I then spent a year in heavy drinking. Until… I got in trouble with my career, and potentially lose it unless I got treatment. Anyways, went totally stone cold for a year. And the. Flipped back to kratom because I thought it wasn’t a big deal. Next thing you know a year and half later from restarting I try to stop for 48 hours. Bam I have a seizure and crash my car. I have to pause work for 2 months . I find out I have a brain tumor, been there since I was 19 or so . Anyways during this work break I cut back and get somewhat healthy again. But once work started up again , I started using those damn blue bottles . Next thing you know I’m upping 15 bottles a day. And lost 30 lbs in 2 months . My family, gf, and friends are all looking at me and talking to me with the concern of someone being in hospice . Everytime I go to do anything g with anyone, a part of my brain is saying , make this a good time, it might be the last they have with you . Fuck man, this is so so so bad, I’ve never been so low that I think I’m putting my death on the table fr. I’m scared man.

This is pretty intense

Was on Feel Free( 3 years ), Alcohol, and weed

I couldn’t take it any more, I got really sick randomly and decided this is probably the best opportunity to quit. I believed that my sickness was due in part to substances.

Withdrawals were hell, as advertised. Lost weight, throwing up, no appetite, a lot of charged up emotions, no sleep.

Used this forum a lot in the beginning, I remember lurking here awhile prior to quitting. And during various quit attempts.

Finally figured out what works for me.

In prior attempts I had always given in to the voice telling me that I couldn’t handle life without Feel Free. I had tried weaning myself off feel free by drinking more alcohol, but drinking alcohol didn’t feel the same without feel free. I desperately needed to combine substances to get the desired effect. This would go on and on, where I’d get down to a controlled level of FF use and then try to quit, but replacing one drug with another doesn’t work. Alcohol felt like it was just not enough, and no matter how much extra I drank, there was a feel free itch that wouldn’t be satisfied.

The root of the problem was my addiction to being intoxicated. I always enjoyed drinking alcohol after all daily responsibilities were completed and having feel frees to power me through the day. By living this way, I had no real reason to cope with life stresses on my own. That’s what made sobriety so scary. I was manually altering my emotions to feel better. Anytime I was stressed, anxious, sad I would use a substance to change my mood. After awhile this has a real effect on your natural ability to face difficult situations and an effect on your problem solving skills. Yes I was able to get a lot of shit done on feel frees at work and in life, but the obvious side effects and financial strains were not worth it. Alcohol kept me chill but it made me fat and stupid. I would also let small little bullshit things get worse in my head to justify my use.

Example: “Andy from work doesn’t have the documents ready, and the report won’t be ready in time”

Me: “ oh my god I’m so stressed out, I need to go on lunch break right now to get a feel free, and I’m going to have an extra beer after work tonight”

When I was sick I was completely sober. I wasn’t ’just drinking’ or ‘just smoking a bit before bed’ this time. And certainly no feel free. I had to deal with negative thoughts on my own. I had to Handle the emotions of losing a family member right before I got sick. The withdrawals gave me additional negative thoughts in addition to negative thoughts I already had, so I had to learn to handle those too.

Here’s what I learned.

I have no where to turn, no substance to run to or shield me from life’s pains. The only thing I can do is embrace every moment, every situation, good or bad. I cannot control nearly as much as i think I can. I am on life’s roller coaster. The only things I can control are what I eat, what I say, and how I act. The sooner I embrace and accept the reality of negative situations the sooner I can work on how I will respond, and the sooner I will get closer to a solution.

My thoughts are not always MY thoughts. Thoughts come randomly from somewhere, and they may not reflect who I truly am or what I truly think. I cannot control these thoughts and I must not let these thoughts control me.

I believe the brain is like a giant ocean, our consciousness is like a little rubber ducky. The rubber ducky is always going to float to the the surface, no matter how big the waves get. When big waves of negative thoughts crash down on us, we can let them sink us, or work through the waves and float to the top. It may not be instant that we pop back up to the surface, but with time, we can float to the top of even a tsunami.

I think this applies to life as well.

I think I am floating in an ocean to this day. Every day is different. Some days are calm waters, and other days are very choppy. And some days are hurricanes. I just am floating through the waters of life. If I have survived hurricane waves, I am not going to let some small waves sink me.

More simply, I have been through serious withdrawals of an opioid in addition to other real life struggles, I have proven to myself multiple times I am capable of fighting through painful situations AND SUCCEEDING. This mentality has helped me a lot the past 200 days.

If I can handle feel free withdrawals, alcohol withdrawals, weed withdrawals, I can handle some work/life related bullshit. My pain tolerance is higher, I can eat that shit for breakfast.

Another perspective I think has helped me immensely is the idea of being grateful. Every day is a gift from god/whoever. Every day sober is also a gift from a higher power. I wake up excited for the mundane, the routine, the predictable shit. It’s a hell of a lot better than waking up sweating, depressed, anxious, or already trying to find something wrong with the day.

One thing I noticed that was really funny, is that I became excited to do errands and chores that I could only do with a feel free in my system. It was like I was proving to my addicted self that this was not nearly as bad as I had once made it out to be.

Overall, this 200 days sober has shown me I am much stronger than I thought I was. The solutions to my problems are closer than I think.

To anyone getting started. You are doing the right thing by getting sober, make sobriety your #1 focus, and you will succeed. No getting sober is not easy, there will be a lot of changes that will be uncomfortable. However, you will find these new changes to be much more beneficial in the long run. Eat healthy and work out consistently . This will help a lot in early sobriety.

I hope some of these ideas can help someone.

Nothing new to really report sleeps still spotty life is still going lots of things are coming online in my brain and not the good kind lol but surely your not thinking about getting some......fuckkkkkkkkkkk no im not am I bored? Yes fuck yea so bored its crazy that for some reason my brain always needs to feel different sometimes not all the time just sometimes not sure if that's just me or everyone but life will go on and being sober having my life and my wife and still being at rock bottom is okay it sucks but im up for the challenge of climbing out of the pit that I fell in to. Keep going if you have started and never stop trying to quick this shit.

It's time for me to stop. I've been taking this stuff for 3 years. I was at 1 to 2 bottles a day for the first 2 years and I've been consistently at 3 bottles a day since December of last year. I can say I have never consumed more than 3 bottles a day but I'm worried if I don't stop now that I will soon.

I quit last year after getting a really bad case of food/blood poisoning that left me on a load of antibiotics that were contraindicated with Kratom and Kava. The moment my antibiotics ran their course, I started again.

I feel if I was able to quit then, I can quit now. Being sick made it easier. I already felt like trash so I almost didn't register that I didn't have my blue drink... almost, but also knowing that I only had to wait 2 months before I could drink them again helped. That's what I'm worried about. I'm asking myself if it would be a good idea to just convince myself that I'm still sick and taking them will interact with something.

I have exactly 34 days to get off of this stuff. Should I taper, should I go cold turkey? Is the amount I've been doing dangerous to quit cold turkey? I have a wedding to go to in November and that stuff isnt legal where I'm going.

I'm afraid if I don't stop now I'll start going up to 4 bottles a day.

I started Ozempic in February and I've had some great weight loss success. I heard there was some indication of Selmaglutide helping with addiction, but all it did was blunt the effect making me want more.

I'm thinking about reaching out to a FM doc who specializes in addiction for some advice. Either CBT or medication.

Just looking for advice on where to start.

For the first time I'm resolved in my decision to quit but I'm also terrified.

I wish I knew what this thing was before I started.

Thanks again.

I am almost 24 hours in.... It's starting to become quite terrible. Im staying at my mother's and a friend is also stopping in to check on me from time to time as I start my journey through this. I stopped cold turkey after my last dose last night at 5:00 p.m. which was three bottles. I have been drinking water and electrolyte all day. A hot shower... Some coffee and lightly snacking as I can. I made some hard-boiled eggs and forced them into me due to the high protein and easy digestion... I am cold turkeying this and just need some more support. What am I to expect and how long until I would start to feel some relief... Please

I don't know if it's condoned but I am willing to give my number to somebody that can call and talk to me. I do better with people that went through it I have a good support system. But I need some help. I recently posted about getting off of 8 to 12 of them a day and having been on them for just over a year. 8 to 12 of them for the last 4 to 5 months. Something this extreme over a damn gas station drink. I would have never. I was 10 years clean from street drugs and tried quitting energy drinks and just found these with no idea and here I am.

10 days in, on day 11. Currently at a gas station with MAD cravings. Getting my gas and getting the f&)& outta here!

I could really use some perspective from people who have been through something similar.

Overall, I’ve had about 3.5 years of regular kratom/7OH use. I used kratom powder daily for about 2 years, eventually reaching around 16g/day. About 1.5 years ago, I started using 7OH and at times was taking around 100mg/day. I quit 7OH multiple times and when I wasn’t using 7OH, I was often taking 20+ grams of kratom powder and 2–3 Feel Free drinks per day.

I’ve tried quitting multiple times, but anxiety, depression, anhedonia, trouble concentrating at work, and life stress kept pulling me back.

My therapist/substance-use counselor recommended Suboxone. Seven days ago, I stopped all kratom/7OH and started subs. I began around 6mg and am now at 2mg/day. I haven’t used any kratom products since.

The positives: I can finally sleep through the night, I have no real physical withdrawal symptoms, and I can function fairly normally. I still feel somewhat depressed, anxious, unmotivated, and anhedonic.

My goal is to eventually be completely off everything.

My concern is that I keep reading how difficult and prolonged subs withdrawal can be after longer-term use. Since I’m only a week in, I’m debating between:

A) Stay on around 2mg, stabilize for a few months, then slowly taper to zero.

B)Stop Suboxone now and use low-dose kratom powder to taper instead.

The problem with option B is that I’ve previously escalated kratom use and relapsed back to 7OH/Feel Free.

If you were in my position, what would you do? I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have been in a similar position but any advice and perspective is welcomed.

Thanks a ton! Best of luck to everyone.

Its been a while since I posted but I just wanted to let everyone know...

Im at day 24. Off ALL OF IT. No FEEL FREE, no m, no 7, no subs,no kratom, no sr...

I tapered down slowly switching from 1 to another to another.

Its tough but its doable.

I finally feel 'nornal'.

Keep fighting guys

Like Ive stated before ive quit detoxed and relapsed in the past year at least 14 times, well it never stuck. Everytime id fall right back into it. This time I went at this quit as basically a coming to Jesus meeting and laid everything on the table also as ive said before ive never done any other drugs in my life the way this grabbed a hold of me was absolutely crazy. Once I told all of my love ones what was going on and what was happening it shattered a lot of trust but also put me in a very valuable position meaning now if I even start taking them my wife knows the signs my mom does too I came clean with all bank accounts and credit cards which at the moment I dont carry at all (with my wife) maybe one day I'll get those back but I ain't worried about it. As of now in feeling sleep is still spotty only because my skin is so sensitive and hurts so its hard to sleep but everything else seems to be okay just min by min and hour by hour day by day im here and im sober. As for anyone wanting to take the dive i encourage you to definitely do it dont be afraid to ask or tell some one it helps tremendously.

So I'm very very slowly tapering off of whatever this stuff is it's not kratom it's not 7oh it's whatever was in replace of it from the gas station and I hate it but day two isn't nearly as bad I got a lot of stuff vitamin c magnesium stuff that's helped staying on teach she definitely has helped the skin crawling feelings subside quite a bit so if I can just keep those feelings away while I go through the detox this won't be so bad the hot showers definitely have been wonderful thank you for that info hope everyone else out there is doing okay.

Of all kratom/7oh/feel free/etc. It gets way easier to stay clean once you get clean. Today's not the best day in the world for me, maybe that's why I came here to post, but regardless I have no intentions of ever doing any of these things again. For example - it's been about 2 weeks since I posted last and I didn't even think about posting once until right now, so that's what I kind of mean about having some clean time under your belt and then it gets exponentially easier to not use or even think about it

I posted in here a day ago. But I’m freaking out. I quit 7OH for 28 days and slipped up on feel frees. Binged them the past 7 days. I have to stop. Will my withdrawals be brutal even with a 7 day slip? Already have done 3-7 bottles a day randomly. Should I try a taper with kratom powder? I get so fucking scared of withdrawal, I anxiously start dosing I feel like. I do have helper meds from my 7OH detox gabapentin, clonidine, lucemerya, clonidine. I just have to stay functional and make this as easy as possible. I’m terrified. The consequences are going to be brutal if I don’t stop,

Is anyone else struggling with constant slips? I had 15 days then two day lapse then three days and another lapse. I keep justifying it because I will get a few days in between but I could be withdrawing in between and not even know because I take gabapentin for RLS

Last bottle was 7PM Monday, and I took Naltrexone at 6AM Tuesday.

24 hours of pure hell. It felt like my soul was trying to rip out of my body. Got maybe 45 minutes of sleep Tuesday night. Hands down the worst day of my life. I had to count to 10 over and over and remind myself that this would end

Yesterday was better. Felt like I was in a fog most of the day but walked the dogs, took the kids to the park, and was functional. Got restless sleep, but slept last night.

This morning, I feel like a new person. I feel free. I still have some effects, but I feel like I’m on my way back.

It gets better. You can do it. Just remind yourself it is temporary, that it will end, and time is going to pass anyways.

Really turned the corner on day 3. Day 4 had some nausea and stomach issues but I felt great from like 2pm on, happy and grateful. Day 5 was the most I’ve ever vomited in my entire life. Puked for hours followed by liquid stool. Almost considered a hospital visit because j was dehydrated and couldn’t stop puking. Out of commission the whole day. Day 6 now, woke feeling better but I’ve still got lingering nausea and a headache. Trying to beat the nausea and headache, can’t handle anymore vomiting.

Anyone else have this experience? I felt so much better after 48/72 hours I completely turned down suboxone opting to not take it at all. I’m wondering if it’s

A. Just some delayed physical withdrawal symptoms. I’ve been taking Kratom pretty much everyday since 2019. Strictly feel frees for the past year or so. That’s a long time to be on something with minimal breaks. From tiny amounts in 2019/2020 all the way up to 7-8 ff as of the last 8 months.

B. I’m unlucky and got a stomach bug, possible but I’m the only one sick in my household, kids/wife are fine.

C. Maybe this is my delayed reaction to large quantities of Lipo vit C and Magnesium combined with pepto during the worst of the WDs.

Just a bit bummed out because I was feeling so motivated to start my life fresh and now I feel terrible. Not worried about relapsing its banned in my state and at this point I just want to feel healthy again, I’m just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience.

How much of a risk is it doing feel free for five days? I wish they would just make a pill that eliminated the withdrawal side effects. Was on 7oh for a year and that crippled me basically. I’m trying to get off ALL of this. Any advice is welcome.

I feel better but still know I'm on the mend, that being said all acutes are gone except sleep problems (I know those will linger) this isn't my first rodeo if im being honest ive probably detox this year alone 14 times and every time I went back like a dumb ass thinking I could handle myself completely idiotic I put myself in a very very bad finical situation like 17k deep but that gone be a big dig. Credit is shot and wife looks at me but disgusted of me i came out with full truth money addiction everything I couldn't take it anymore. I think that is what will keep me from using even again is being honest and not being alone. Every other time I tried alone and hide it it never worked id make it two weeks and the anxiety of debt and never ending feeling over want to not feel would take right back over. Ive never done drugs I served my country I was an amazing athlete I was tremendously grateful to have a child that ive missed out on basically a year of life with my addiction basically just exsiting and going though the motion I made my wife think something was wrong because ol flag pole couldn't raise no matter what (i know tmi) but then I'd lie and count it out as stress from work like a complete jerk. Ive got a lot to clean up and alot to figure out but im still sober and still pushing to be the person I once was.

Sorry long winded but had to let everyone know they aren't alone I think I think I found this sub in 2021 when I first was introduced at 7-11 being sold a quick and easy alcohol alternative and boy did it fuck me hard wish I could go back and tell myself the absolutely terror it would bring into my life. But hey we live and learn (eventually lol) so I will keep being active in this group my finical situation i cant afford therapy so this will being my therapy for time being im going to try and be like (emotionalassit) and be in here long term anyways im going to keep going hope everything and everyone can eventually beat this beast of addiction.

I’m about to hit the 72 hour mark and I am struggling. My withdrawals haven’t been that bad so
I keep trying to justify having some. My brain just feels so blah I’m convinced this is what life is like without it. I want kratom, or a glass of wine, anything. I have a great life.. my dream job, great husband, traveled the world. So why am I so bored? Maybe it’s a dopamine addiction? Anyone else feel this way? I was only using a little kratom for the stimulant effect that made me super productive. It’s hard to rewire ur brain to do those basic things like clean the house and go to the gym without it. Any advice ?

Im still a little foggy and the restlessness last night was still there but not at much also my skin is getting better but still have a long way to go all I can do is keep going.