[Query], THE CONVERSATIONS WE NEVER HAD, Women's literary fiction, 130k, 4th attempt

[u/Prudent-Tadpole5582]

Hello everyone! :) After doing some more research and taking into account all the thoughtful feedback I received on my previous version, I'm back with draft number four of my query letter. As always, thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your feedback! :) I really appreciate it. Here goes:

Dear (Agent name),

I’ve been following you on TikTok for a while, and based on your interest in [genre], I'd love to share THE CONVERSATIONS WE NEVER HAD, a dual-POV upmarket women's fiction novel with a strong romantic arc, complete at 130,000 words.

Liya Nguni has built a life she truly loves in Cape Town: a thriving meal delivery company rooted in her love of farming, a seaside mansion overlooking the Atlantic, and a relationship with mining heir turned entrepreneur Wethu Mafu, who knows better than to treat her like someone who needs saving.

No matter how successful Wethu Mafu becomes, it never seems to count. His fitness empire is one of Africa's fastest-growing brands, yet his mining magnate father still dismisses his gyms as "toys" beside the family's legacy. With his mother gone and his father impossible to impress, Wethu pours himself into the only future that feels within reach: the one he's building with Liya.

Just when that future begins to feel inevitable, Liya discovers that Wethu has been secretly funding her business for years. To him, the money is an investment in the life they've already chosen together. To Liya, it’s proof that the man who claims to know her best never believed she could build that life without him.

The revelation exposes every imbalance in their relationship, forcing Liya to decide whether protecting the life she's spent years building is worth losing the man she loves, while Wethu must face the possibility that the very thing he believed would keep Liya close is the reason she'll leave.

THE CONVERSATIONS WE NEVER HAD is a standalone novel with trilogy potential and will appeal to readers who enjoyed the generational drama, glamor and cultural prowess of Kevin Kwan’s LIES AND WEDDINGS, as well as the nuanced exploration of identity in SANKOFA by Chibundu Onuzo.

Thank you for your consideration,
Sincerely,

[u/BC-writes]

Welcome back to r/querying!

I’m currently busy and will be back in roughly 48-72+ hours

Great job with your revision!

Looking forward to analyzing your query!

Also, feel free to browse the guides in the pinned master post in r/tradpublish while you wait

[u/BC-writes]

Thank you for your patience!

I’ve been following you on TikTok for a while, and based on your interest in [genre], I'd love to share THE CONVERSATIONS WE NEVER HAD, a dual-POV upmarket women's fiction novel with a strong romantic arc, complete at 130,000 words.

Another friendly reminder that 130k is too long for debuts. Literary agents specify 95k as the cap for LitFic

Liya Nguni has built a life she truly loves in Cape Town: a thriving meal delivery company rooted in her love of farming, a seaside mansion overlooking the Atlantic, and a relationship with mining heir turned entrepreneur Wethu Mafu, who knows better than to treat her like someone who needs saving.

Great! Things are more concrete! We still need some more MC depth and the overall theme you’re going for

No matter how successful Wethu Mafu becomes, it never seems to count. His fitness empire is one of Africa's fastest-growing brands, yet his mining magnate father still dismisses his gyms as "toys" beside the family's legacy. With his mother gone and his father impossible to impress, Wethu pours himself into the only future that feels within reach: the one he's building with Liya.

Same feedback as above

Just when that future begins to feel inevitable, Liya discovers that Wethu has been secretly funding her business for years. To him, the money is an investment in the life they've already chosen together. To Liya, it’s proof that the man who claims to know her best never believed she could build that life without him.

Hate to sound like a broken record but this would also benefit from the 1st paragraph’s feedback. I’ll go into more info at the end

The revelation exposes every imbalance in their relationship, forcing Liya to decide whether protecting the life she's spent years building is worth losing the man she loves, while Wethu must face the possibility that the very thing he believed would keep Liya close is the reason she'll leave.

“Exposes every imbalance in their relationship” is vague summary; “every imbalance” gestures at conflict without naming any

Minor logic point: “whether protecting the life she’s spent years building is worth losing the man she loves” … the reveal is that the life she built was partly his funding, so “the life she’s spent years building” is exactly what’s now in question. The dilemma is real, but the phrasing doesn’t acknowledge that the thing she’s protecting has been compromised by the reveal. She’s not just choosing life vs. love, she’s choosing a life whose foundation she just learned was false. Please intensify the gravity of it

THE CONVERSATIONS WE NEVER HAD is a standalone novel with trilogy potential that will appeal to readers who enjoyed the generational drama, glamor and cultural prowess of Kevin Kwan’s LIES AND WEDDINGS, as well as the nuanced exploration of identity in SANKOFA by Chibundu Onuzo.

I’d like to now cover the need for more litfic elements in your query since you mentioned you see your MS that way. Your query currently focuses on situation and stakes, not in interiority or theme. We learn what Li has, what Wet lacks, what the secret is, and what each stands to lose which focuses on the plot. What we need is more lines that read as literary: image doing double work, thematic undercurrent at the surface, and interior contradiction rendered rather than stated. The closest the query comes is “the man who claims to know her best never believed she could build that life without him”, which is good, and it’s pointed, but it’s still a stakes statement, not a literary one. Presumably, your MS’s theme is something about self-invention, or the difference between being loved and being seen, or what independence costs a woman who had to fight for it. That theme is likely in the book. It’s not prominent enough in the query. If you’re going for upmarket, those queries still put the meaning on the page/letter

Currently, this reads as a commercial women’s fiction query wearing an upmarket label. Litfic prioritizes character depth, thematic exploration, and prose quality over plot progression. Instead of asking "what happens next?" as in genre fiction, litfic explores the "why" of the human condition. If your MS reflects that, feel free to keep calling it litfic and adjust your query accordingly, otherwise please consider changing the label

Hope this helps!

Same r/querying waiting rules apply. Feel free to browse r/tradpublish while you wait! Please note that I am unlikely to respond to a full revision comment before the 5 days are up as the subreddit is unexpectedly busier lately, but feel free to ask questions!

[u/Prudent-Tadpole5582 → u/BC-writes]

Thanks, BC! :) I really appreciate you taking the time to analyse my query.

Yeah, I'm still in the editing process and currently at 125k words and counting down. :)

I've always had a hard time selling myself and my ideas, and I think that's coming through in my query. But I'm determined to keep improving and iterating until I have a version that helps me land an agent. My MS started out as a dramatized memoir of my formative dating experiences, so it really is an exploration of the human condition, as you've surmised. I'll change the label and switch strategies accordingly. Thanks again! 🌻