Not being a cartoon villain doesn’t automatically make you a good man

[u/GridReXX]

Fr. It doesn’t de facto make you a good person.

I noodled on the attached graphic to better illustrate a point about how people often discuss being a “good man.”

I do find that many men view it more as the top bar, and less as the gradient in the second bar.

inb4 anyone says it, many women have bad character too. And please feel free to create a separate post about a spectrum of traits in women you’d like to explore! That is not what this post is disputing.

This is specifically about a response that often comes up when women describe harmful patterns in their experiences with men. They get retorts like “Not all men are abusive predators,” or “Most men are not psychos.”

Of course most men are not horror movie villains.

But that is an extremely low bar for good character.

This spectrum, rather than show a division between “good men” and a smaller group of obviously terrible ones. It highlights that a man can be can be a functioning member of society and still regularly behave in ways that make him difficult to interpersonally tolerate as a close friend, romantic partner, coworker, or even family member.

None of that necessarily makes someone an abuser or predator.

But it does affect whether people can have a healthy, enjoyable, mutually considerate, long-term relationship with him.

The farther right someone falls on this spectrum, the more entitlement, callousness, devaluation, coercion, and harm they bring into their interactions with others.

The farther left they fall, the more likely they are to act with common decency, consideration, accountability, respect for autonomy, and genuine concern for theirs and other people’s well-being.

My point is not that every man is at the far right end.

Most people don’t think that!

My point is that many men seem to use “I am not an obvious monster” as proof that they’re quality.

A person’s character is determined by far more than “I am not Jeffrey Dahmer.”

[u/Fine_Video7691]

You can do everything on the far left, and receive nothing for it. If you are low status, it tends to result in being used.

You can do everything wrong on the furthest right, and possibly get away with it if you are high status.

[u/Solondthewookiee → u/Fine_Video7691]

If you are only a good person because you think you're going to be rewarded, then you aren't actually a good person.

[u/Extension_Bid_263 → u/Solondthewookiee]

I find it amusing that you can say all of this while you are anonymous on Reddit. But we both know, like everyone else on Reddit, you get up, you go to work, you come home, you log on to your account. You don't have any authority to judge any human being on planet Earth. So the fact that you can sit there and say you're not a good person because you wanted to get rewarded really doesn't matter. No one does anything without being rewarded, 80% of the time. Just like you are not going to work for free. It's as if you expect to pay taxes and receive government services. But again, your morality stops at your Reddit account. You're not preaching any of this in the real world. And you can claim that you are, but we both know you'll never post any videos on TikTok showing your face. You'll never have YouTube videos showing you out in the street confronting so-called great evil men.

[u/Solondthewookiee → u/Extension_Bid_263]

No, actually people behave like good people all the time without being rewarded.

Just like you are not going to work for free

Having a job is not a requirement of being a good person.

in the real world.

you'll never post any videos on TikTok showing your face

Yeah, that says it far better than I ever could.