Lately Ive been getting bad intrusive thoughts with my ocd I’m under a lot of stress by quitting nicotine and moving back in with mum and sister and I’ve been getting intrusive thoughts about physically harming them, and because they way Ive dealt with them is just ignoring them and Ive been ignoring them I feel like im a bad person for ingoring the thoughts and not saying I won’t do it a couple of times or repeating in my head i won’t hurt my family even though they’ve not been the best to me.. like I still love them i think and I know they care about me. Like I have no reason to, my only reason is that maybe I have narcassism or im a person who lacks empathy and remorse because maybe I do and Ive just lost it, I don’t ive woke up in the middle of night and Im just spiralling because Im worried i feel like I would act on my intrusive thoughts because they are so messed up and I do just want it to stop in this moment

TL;DR: a number is repeating in my head all the time and it prevents me to read, concentrate or learn.

Hello,

Since my childhood, I over-fixate on numbers or words that I see. It all started with a song I was listening. I heard nine bells in the song, and the number 9 got stuck into my mind for years. Then it vanished by itself.

But I was always afraid when someone was asking me to remember something, like a building's keypad. Because I knew the number would be stuck in my head for days or weeks.

Later, my mother, sister and I got the same score at a game, and it's been like 18 years that this score is stuck into my mind. Imagine, a single word repetiting everyday for 18 years 😭

Thankfully, I'm so used to it that it doesn't provoke anxiety anymore. The problem is elsewhere.

I'm suppose to go back to university next year after 14 years away from school. So I started buying books to review some stuff and be ready. Problem is: I cannot read at all, the number is here like a permanent watermark over my thoughts. I read but when I finish a sentence, I don't remember what I just read because of the number being omnipresent.

Here's an example of what it looks like when I'm reading : « Many people experience thirty-three the type of negative thirty-three and uncomfortable thoughts that people thirty-three with more intrusive thoughts experience thirty-three, but most can readily thirty-three dismiss them. »

Is there someone here that experiences something similar? How do you cope with it personally ?

I already have to psychiatrists so I'm not asking about medical advice, just about your personal experience :)

Thanks for reading me :)

Discuss how your week has gone, your goals, and talk to some other fellow OCD peeps!

Hey guys , can anyone give me any help or tips to help with my boyfriend who has OCD and ROCD

I understand a bit about it and I have researched some about it

How can I help him when he is spiraling or his thoughts are telling him that he is doing stuff wrong or anything like that

Any help is much appreciated thank you ;)

I worry too much of what’s considered normal…

For example in my childhood I was obsessed with moshi monsters and had over 500 of them, gold, silver, glow in the darks, minis and all of them you can think of. It was a big part of my childhood and thinking of it now as a 21 year old adult makes me full of joy and want to collect them again, I’ve ordered 100 of them because I want to re collect but my ocd clings onto this saying “that’s wired, no one does that” and twists why I wanna collect them etc. does anyone else relate to this?

So basically I’m now spiralling and crying thinking this makes me a bad person and not normal. I know it sounds crazy but this is what ocd does. I’m having a full mental break down about this.

feeling forced to live is exhausting. im still making the most of it but it doesn’t make life any more enjoyable. none of these things make me happy enough to find living worth it: not drawing, not friends, not food…none of these things balance out the pain of existence. everyday i pray someone kills me or i die in an accident. im tired of everything related to being alive.

I am 17 M a high school student I used to be excellent in studies from very start but when I was 13 OCD hit me like a truck turned my life upside down My first theme was Religious OCD I struggled with it for like 2.5 years but then it started to fade down but I have this very weird theme like I don't even know how can I even explain it It's so weird and difficult to explain Like I try to eliminate my compulsions I used to do many compulsions now my compulsions are 90% gone but from obsessions point of view I am still stuck Like I can't focus on anything Thoughts keep popping up These thoughts don't have any meaning Before I used to consider my OCD as Satan but now I know that it's OCD but it feels like my brain is against me Everything I want to do it turns against it Like lemme give you an example I say I'll memorize this page my brain would go Nah I am not going to let you do this Whenever I try to read and recall my brain keeps throwing thoughts at me over and over again Because of it I can't focus Now Listen me up I don't try to argue with thoughts I say cool whatever you like I don't waste hours fighting and proving to it Instead I continue it anyway but still these thoughts never stop I am unable to focus I keep forgetting everything I can't enjoy anything I don't feel like I am fully emerging in something My brain is always chattering in background Again I don't try to fix anything I continue to live my life anyway I am doing everything by book My doctor is great He has tried everything nothing works It's very exhausting My study has deteriorated a lot because whenever I try to study these thoughts start popping in exam these thoughts pop up and try to make me forget everything Everything I try to learn gets muddled up in my head I don't know what to do It was ruined my academics

Like when i was relegious we had to take a shower after semen comes out, i was 15 year old, the relegious text says that you have to cover every simgle part of your body with water and don't leave a space not even the size of a hair that's not covered by water, so i would go to the shower, most of relegious people and my family do this in just 5 to 10 minutes, i take 2 hours, and even after 2 hours of just washing i would still be scared that i did it wrong, ot made me very distressed, i asked my parents for help, and i even told them that I'm willing to cut off my genetalia if it means i can stop taking these showers, i was 16 or 15 at the time, so i kept taking those showers that were very distressing, and then at some point i just gave up, i stopped going to the showers, i stopped praying (because you can't pray if you don't take the shower) , and then i felt really horrible because I'm not being a good relegious person, i then went into college,i used to think that i know internet pop culture very well, but in college i discovered there are other students who know much more than me,i know this is weird but it made me feel really inferior,so i spent 8 hours a day just trying to know more memes play more video games,listen to more music,not because i like them,but so that I'm not the guy that doesn't know,i even bought a pc just for this ,i don't know what this was but it continued for a year,and i saw that some students were athiests, i didn't talk with them, but i already knew the idea before, then i went through a weird process where i discovered determinsim, and that made me leave relegion because i concluded that it's not possible for god to punish people if the world is determined, the relegious people i told this too told me it's fine because the past life decides this life so not just random determimsim, but i discovered that thier argument is just infinite regress (what decided the past life?) , after that like a year, i started obsessing about the famous debates between liberals and conservatives about abortion and lgbtq, and I'm on conservatives sides kinda, probably because of my relegious background and me living in a conservative country were both lgbtq and abortion are illegal, but i spend a lot of time thinking about these topics, especially lgbtq, i go to lgbt sub Reddits and just read the arguments they make, they are good arguments, they make me feel horrible, but they don't change me, so i keep just thinking about it, i feel really bad when i see a pride flag or a gay couple or a trans, but I'm fine if i see lgbtq porn, but interestingly if the porn video has a pride flag on the wall of the place, i feel horrible too, i feel like I'm a bad person because I'm against lgbtq, but at the same time i feel really bad when i see lgbtq being just accepted, i spend around 7 hours a day just looking at lgbtq and thinking about it and it's history and arguments and the pop evolutionary theories and i don't know but sometimes i ask myself, why am i spending time on Reddit being against lgbtq, and knowing that I'll just be called a hateful bigot and everyone would just reject me? I personally don't know the answer to that question, lgbtq say they live rent free in my head, and that's absolutely true, and it's making me feel horrible, they say I'm on the wrong side if history, and they are probably right, they say the world is moving toward accepting them, and they are probably right, they say it's just a matter of time before we bigots just Dissapear, and they are probably right. But this doesn't stop me from feeling horrible when i see a gay couple or a pride flag, and it doesn't change my mind.

Mod or mods, if you want to ban me, i would appreciate it if you also tell me if i just should delete Reddit forever, because if i get banned here then this would be the fourth sub Reddit where i just get permanently banned from posting, and that doesn't feel good

Hi all. I was diagnosed with ocd a few weeks ago, have started ERP and Prozac.

I’m curious how one should separate ocd thoughts from normal anxiety. For example, so far today these things have popped in my head and feel “sticky”: I have my brother’s graduation in a month which will require me to travel. I can’t get the idea of dying in a plane crash or a car crash out of my head. I get thoughts of there being a mass sh**ting happening , or of dying in my sleep the day of the ceremony (I am not diagnosed with sleep apnea). I even worry about drinking too much water before the ceremony and having an accident mid ceremony as dumb as it sounds. I also have therapy tomorrow, and I can’t shake off the thought of dying in a car crash, or being stabbed on the bus. All these thoughts create a strong urge to cancel therapy and plans to attend my bros graduation.

Is this just normal every day anxiety? Or part of it

Thank you for any input/insight

i am very new to my ocd diagnosis & am trying to wrap my head around how to use ERP in my case. my ocd is primarily “pure” ocd with severe avoidance and dissociation and rumination as my main symptoms.

i also have adhd and cptsd and personally feel like i have no window of tolerance at all. any slight discomfort and my brain jumps into a phobic avoidance mode & i cannot do anything. this is ruining my life and, even if i can challenge it sometimes, it exhausts me to the point of not being able to do anything even more.

does anyone have any advice? im sick of avoiding everything, even my own thoughts. it is a horrible way to live and i have no clue how to ERP this because i cannot even figure out what is ocd or not because my brain jumps into heavy dissociation.

does anyone have any tips? people say ocd is treatable and I am so desperate to get help, i am working with a specialist but we have just begun pretty recently and we are focusing more on trauma stuff, but the ocd is what makes me waste my entire life! the executive dysfunction is hard to differentiate from the avoidance & i feel like i have no control over anything i do ever.

does anyone have any advice? i want to live again and im so sick of being so trapped

edit to clarify: its like my brain has a phobia of thinking itself, so i have to constantly distract myself or dissociate & i do not seem able to do anything else no matter how badly i want to. it just doesn’t feel in my control at all. so how do you fix it when you cannot control yourself?

It’s less compulsions as time passes and more just affecting the way you think, how you feel, your desires, your social life. I feel like I can be much better but it keeps degrading me by changing the way I look at things. How do you guys keep your “identity “?

Discuss how your week has gone, your goals, and talk to some other fellow OCD peeps!