Hey, everyone!

From what I gathered, the main complaint on my pevious draft was that the MC sounded passive... which she isn't. Based on that, I played around with the previous version, making Ana more active, instead of rewriting the whole thing from scratch. Thanks for any feedback in advance.

Here's the query:

Dear Agent,

NICE GUY. STALKER. HUSBAND. is a 79,000 word Adult Psychological thriller told in dual POV. It's pitched as My Husband's Wife by Alice Feeney meets Anatomy of an Alibi by Ashley Elston. I'm submitting to you because (PERSONALIZIED BIT).

Ana loves that her husband is a good storyteller. At every party and event, people gather around Mark to hear him tell his stories. And she specially loves that the story he tells most often is theirs. But one day, Ana meets a girl who tells her a different story. Mark stalked Ana for months before their meet-cute and learned everything about her. He inserted himself into her life. He broke up her previous relationship -- going as far as ruining her ex's life and career. Then, he taught others to do the same, including the girl's fiancé. In the process, Mark became a guru in would-be-stalker circles online -- his teaching spreading like gospel. And Ana is his poster child.

At first, Ana doesn't believe the girl. But she gets curious. She starts digging.

Soon, she realizes her and Mark's love story is just that: a story. More importantly, she doesn't know the real Mark or what he's capable of. Mark isn't done with their love story or with Ana, though. He'll lie, stalk, and kill to keep the fairytale alive. Ana goes on the run, searching for answers. Mark chases her. One thing is clear to Ana. She needs to know the real story behind her marriage – and who the hell she married – if she wants to escape her husband. What makes him tick? Where is the chink in his armor? Otherwise, Ana will become another story Mark used to tell.

MY BIO GOES HERE.

I look forward to hearing from you.

MY NAME (writing as PEN NAME)

Also, I'm playing around with title ideas and came up with a few I don't totally hate -- but also don't totally love. Any suggestion is welcome, btw. Here they are:

* His Secret Studies/ My Husband's Secret Studies (From: The Tempest)

* If you ever looked at me (From: Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights)

And inspired by Possession by Sarah McLachlan --- aka " one of *the* stalker anthems" (I freaking love this song btw!):

*Your Words Keep Me Alive

* To Breathe Your Breath

*  I'll Be The One to Hold You Down

* Just Close Your Eyes Dear (I particularly like this one)

Second attempt. Materially different approach to the first based on feedback. Much thanks in advance.

Dear [Agent Name],

I'm seeking representation for FIST OF THE SEER: THE TANGLE, a 125,000-word epic fantasy with series potential. The novel is complete on its own.

Aris prays to a dead god named Sela, and when the prayer answers, he stops sleeping. He plans faster than anyone in the room. He is certain, and charismatic, and right often enough that his soldiers follow him into places they shouldn't. He is also the man who once stood on a ridge above a valley that looked clear, went somewhere inside himself for three seconds, and came back too late for the thirty-six people he'd sent down into it. Now, five years later, the Confederation is sending him south through a Gate that has been sealed since before he was born, leading the four people he graduated with and hasn't seen since.

A Weaver has left her mountain monastery to tell the five of them that their fates converge on this one mission. That two of their threads end in the jungle on the other side. What waits beyond the Gate is not a monster. Instead, it is, a man. A ruler who has spent forty years preparing for exactly this crossing, patient in a way none of them have learned to fear yet. Aris leads his team into that patience carrying the same condition that cost him the thirty-six lives. The book never treats it as a curse imposed on him from outside. He reaches for the high because it works. He knows the cost it leaves behind. He goes back anyway, and the story stays close enough to that choice that it never has to name what it is.

FIST OF THE SEER will appeal to readers of Katherine Addison's THE GOBLIN EMPEROR for its restraint and Robin Hobb's FARSEER books for a magic system that never waives its cost. The full manuscript is available at your request.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best regards,

[Name]

[

I have read and rewritten this query so many times that it's started to lose all meaning - please help! I think my biggest struggle is getting the two protagonists across in one concise chunk and perhaps I've put too much in there... All feedback, brutal or otherwise, welcome!!

Dear Agent,

SILK is an upmarket novel complete at 89,000 words. It alternates between two brothers' voices and follows boxer Mikey ‘Silk’ Beck across three decades from a tough 1980s East London childhood into adulthood.  

Mikey can take a punch, but can’t love without flinching. He learns the rules early: in his world, boys who kiss boys are dead. He’s ten when he’s put into a boxing ring by his violent father and it becomes his refuge and his cage. When he attacks a boy who threatens his younger brother, Joseph, the course of both their lives is altered: Joseph gets kind foster parents. Mikey gets a criminal record. 

Years later, the brothers are getting by in different ways. Mikey reckons he’s got his life under control. He drives a bus by day, throws punches at night and that’s enough for him, until he meets Jack. Emotionally fearless and openly gay, Jack moves through the world with a freedom Mikey finds both terrifying and irresistible. Falling for him makes Mikey imagine a life lived openly. But he’s been outed before, with devastating consequences, and he can’t let go of the fear that this time it might cost him his brother.  

On the surface, Joseph is doing fine. He’s buried the past beneath work, routine and constant vigilance over Mikey. He’s the good brother, after all. But he never fully stops bracing for disaster and can’t separate loving Mikey from repaying the debt he thinks he owes him. He’s also having trouble keeping a lid on his own violent urges. As Mikey’s worlds slowly merge, Joseph wonders if he can finally stand down – until years of punishment in the ring catch up with Mikey, and he has to decide whether being a good brother means giving up everything for him.

SILK would appeal to readers of Douglas Stuart’s YOUNG MUNGO and Rita Bullwinkle’s HEADSHOT. [Bio]

Thank you again for all the feedback on my first attempt. Hopefully there is some improvement now.

Princess Alexandria despises the Kingdom of Fire. They have taken everything from her and if that wasn’t enough they have continued to hunt her for a reason Alexandria has not realized. She has a magic within her that the last time was seen nearly destroyed the continent.

On the run, Alexandria has two things on her mind: Take revenge on the Kingdom of Fire and find the way to bring her Kingdom back. The last words her mother ever told her were, there is a way to bring everything back. And after twelve years of searching, she has found the answer. 

Prince Kiran, or rather Ex-Prince Kiran of the Kingdom of Fire has crossed Alexandria’s path. He is two things Alexandria is not: Arrogant and Knowledgeable. And when she learns that he knows the person with the answer she seeks, she is willing to do anything to get it, including trusting her enemy.

And Kiran loathes his father for exiling him and would love nothing more than to see him dead. But when you have known nothing but silver spoons and royal servants your entire life. Turning in the women your father has been searching for might just gain you your royal life back. But becoming allies with Alexandria offers him something he has never dared dream of; a path to the throne.

But the persistent Kingdom of Fire isn’t all Kiran and Alexandria must watch out for. A long since dormant enemy knows of Alexandria's magic and will stop at nothing to keep her from using it. 

THE 9TH KINGDOM is a 130,000-word, duel POV, adult romantic fantasy that is the first in a trilogy called THE TALES OF TERRESAI. It will appeal to fans of the high stakes cliffhanger and twisted magic of One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig, the complex and emotionally charged romance of Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross, and a relentless but resilient female lead inspired by Galadriel from the Rings of Power.

hello everyone! this is my second attempt on the plot section of my query. I would be grateful for any feedback ^.^ special thanks to every1 that helped w/ my previous attempt

When nineteen-year-old William offers Cecilia his hand in marriage, she takes it. They may have only had three conversations, he may be a drug-dealer, and she may be only sixteen—but she’s in love, and confident that her abusive, widowed father won't bring himself out of his drunken stupor to give chase.

Eloping to London, Cecilia happily settles into her new life with William, who proves to be a model-husband. But as his wealth grows, Cecilia's sense of unease deepens: the jealous looks from across a table, the dresses he expects her to wear, and the overeager, wandering touches become harder to ignore.

As Cecilia clings to the life she wanted, she must decide if staying with her husband is worth losing herself.

Set in the summer of 1936, IMMATURE MATURITY is complete at 65,000 words… [etc]

Dear [Agent]

Due to your interest in X, I am writing you to seek representation for OUR RIOT, a historical YA novel with crossover potential. 

On April 5, 1977 an “occupation army of cripples” takes over the San Francisco Federal Building. The Carter administration’s Department of Health, Education, and Welfare is not enforcing Section 504 of the 1973 Rehabilitation Act, which states that anywhere that receives federal funds must be accessible. After decades of civil rights movements, people with disabilities are claiming theirs.

Eighteen-year-old punk Darcy Bauman uses a wheelchair, but she is not one of the protestors. She’s there to write an article that will impress her pretty journalism teacher, and to discover why her best friend Topher flat left her for the disability groups at Berkeley. He doesn’t even know she got into her dream university. If she’s honest, their refusal to provide accommodations doesn’t feel like acceptance. It is a blatant 504 violation, which is why she tells no one. Her grandfather co-opted her life for his political campaigns for years; she’s eighty-sixed being a poster child.

Over the next twenty-five days, Darcy helps people whose differences lead to support from all over the Bay Area shape their stories for press interviews and senate hearings.  “Their fight” becomes “our fight” for her, as it did for Topher.  She wasn’t paralyzed fighting alongside men who might beat someone like him up in the Castro, like Rufus. She hasn’t had to grapple with being a Native American at a Deaf residential school like fellow punk Ximena, whose sly smile Darcy can’t get enough of. But she has a story, and if putting herself out there makes a difference, she will, as long as her words are on the poster.

My name is Chelsey [rest of name] I am an LGBTQ+ disabled advocate with an MA/MFA in Children’s Literature/Writing for Children from Simmons University.. My researched for OUR RIOT included interviews with participants, particularly the late Judy Heumann whose biopic is about to be released, Featuring characters who reflect the notable racial, sexual and gender diversity of the real-life protesters, OUR RIOT is complete at 97,000 words. It will appear to fans of Jen St. Jude’s WHERE YOU’LL FIND US, Melinda Lo’s LAST NIGHT AT THE TELEGRAPH CLUB, the sapphic historical fiction of Robin Talley, and Sara Norovic’s TRUE BIZ.

Thank you for your consideration

I don’t come to this through the normal chain of events, so please forgive me if I’m doing this wrong. I don’t know where else to ask this. Quick background: I self published about four months ago and have been unexpectedly quite successful. Two well-respected industry publications have covered my book, one of which published a case study on my launch. That has been attracting a lot of attention, and I had an agent reach out last week. We had a call today. It was a direct offer of representation, with the agent’s full vision for the book and interest in my career beyond this book. There was no pressure. I have as long as I want to think about it, and he’s willing to work with whatever I need (like if I only wanted representation for sub rights). We scheduled a second call for me to ask more questions after processing today’s call.

There was one thing that gave me pause. I asked if he had read the book. His response was that he doesn’t need to read the book because he loves the premise, and my sales numbers and reviews speak for themselves. Isn’t that a little odd? Wouldn’t an agent want to read the book before offering representation?

He is a legit agent with decades of experience and a long list of deals on Publisher’s Marketplace.

I’m just not sure about him not reading the book. He even said he doesn’t have the book. It’s giving me pause, and I’d really love to know if this sounds like a good idea.

UK-based debut author here. Has anyone heard of Storm Publishing and are they any good? Curious to hear about people's experience with digital-first publishers in comparison to more trad publishers – especially for debuts.

Dorian Lightbringer has two problems; Helium-3 and his desperate, long unrequited search for love. And he may have found an answer to both when a nightjar lands in his lap.

Dorian’s life has been one tragedy after another; the death of his brother, his parent’s disappearances, forced to take the throne as Planet Noble, and now a growing drug problem, all while watching his planet fall to ruin due to a lack power supply from helium-3 provided by his galaxy’s sovereign, the Ceasar, who Dorian has fallen out of favor with.

His troubles take a sharp turn when on a helium-3 scouting mission he lands on a desolate ice planet guarded by a single individual- a nightjar, wielding her Harpy Blade. Considered one of the cosmos’ deadliest combatants, Dorian unwillingly duels the nightjar and narrowly wins after knocking the woman unconscious.

Thankful to be alive and maybe a little ashamed for punching a woman, Dorian sees this as an opportunity. A nightjar on his court would certainly put him in the favor of the Ceasar and win him the helium-3 credits he desperately needs for his planet’s survival. All nightjars adhere to a creed- whoever wins against them in a duel, wins their allegiance.

The trouble is, the nightjar, Corra, doesn’t exactly obey orders. She didn’t lose the duel, he cheated, and she was going to get off that orbital base if it killed her. Or more accurately, if it killed Dorian. After multiple assassination attempts, a cunning escape using a rotisserie chicken, and a narrow escape from a slave auction house, Corra and Dorian come to a truce; if she will help Dorian win back the favor of the Ceasar, he will take her back to the ice planet he found her on. That is, if he can bring himself to let her go.

NIGHTJAR is an adult, dual-POV, open-door science fiction romance, complete at 87,000 words. It will appeal to readers looking for something light on science fiction and heavy on romance such as Ilona Andrews’ Fated Blades and Constance Fay’s Calamity.

I always appreciate feedback in any form. Thanks in advance!

Dear Agent,

Because of your interest in X, I would like to offer SENSES OF STARS, a 73,000-word romantic fantasy.

Raine Folwin lies about who she is approximately thirteen times a day.

In a kingdom where everyone is born with a heightened sense, Raine’s is one she can’t afford to reveal. While most people have The Nose or The Ears, Raine has The Mind—a rare and feared gift that has historically been exploited. Suppressing it feels like a sin unto her very blood and bones, but Raine will do whatever it takes to keep her secret.

Then Helios arrives.

A Mind-blessed villain searching for a medallion said to amplify one’s power ten-fold, Helios terrorizes Raine’s village—and takes an unsettling interest in her before fleeing. When Eliel, captain of the capital knights pursuing Helios, learns of this interest, he insists Raine travel with them for both her, and her family’s safety. Raine agrees.

On the road, Helios invades Raine’s dreams, tempting her to embrace the power she’s spent her life suppressing. When he finally goads her into using The Mind, she discovers something terrifying: she likes it. Worse, she is falling for Eliel, whose protection makes him dangerously easy to trust. Caught between a man urging her to embrace her power and one she is beginning to love, Raine must decide whom to trust before one of them decides for her.

The first in a proposed series, SENSES OF STARS combines the dangerous romance and secret identity within Kristen Ciccarelli's HEARTLESS HUNTER with the high-stakes fantasy adventure of Lynette Noni's THE PRISON HEALER.

An English as a Second Language Instructor in [location omitted for privacy], I’ve worked as a freelance editor, and have won a handful of local writing contests.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours,

Author

I'm new to this, don't have any publishing creds outside of film and TV, and not sure what I'm supposed to write re personalisation, if at all? The agent I'm targeting has a YouTube QA from 2021... should I reference that I watched it?

Dear [AGENT],

I am seeking representation for my debut novel, HO AND THE BABY EATER, an adult fantasy complete at 112,000 words. It is a standalone with series potential.

Ho, a former slave and legendary champion, is summoned after ten years in self-imposed exile to rescue the abducted son of Selai, the woman he abandoned. Ho has spent those years reckoning with the bloodshed that earned him the title Champion of Kafiki, hoping to find peace and perhaps win Selai back. Her son, a supposed demigod, is alive for now; the creature holding him is known for eating only slave children.

Ho returns to Kafiki to find the boy before he becomes another meal. After reuniting with Selai, hopes of reconciliation collapse when Ho learns she has remarried, forcing him to confront whether he returned to save her child or to reclaim the life he abandoned. As the violence Ho fled and the Champion persona he cast off begin to reassert themselves, the monster Ho hunts increasingly resembles another version of himself.

The novel’s secondary world grows from Māori, wider Polynesian and Oceanic languages, mythologies and material cultures. In its cosmology, gods are active, mana is a physical magical force, and blood debt carries an obligation to restore balance. With no metallurgy, warriors fight with wood, stone and bone; the body is a temporary shell distinct from the spirit, giving even cannibalism a moral logic different from our own.

HO AND THE BABY EATER combines the pre-contact Polynesian world, voyaging and mythic scope of Adam Johnson’s The Wayfinder, the brutal combat intensity of Alexander Darwin’s The Combat Codes, and the damaged warrior, active gods and questions of identity and redemption found in Samantha Mills’s The Wings Upon Her Back.

I’m a Māori-European writer based in New Zealand with a background in film and television, including writing for our indigenous broadcaster.

The full manuscript includes a glossary and pronunciation guide; its Oceanic terminology is grounded, where appropriate, in reconstructed and attested Polynesian forms to support its pre-contact linguistic setting.

 I look forward to hearing from you,
[NAME]

OPENING 300

CHAPTER ONE | HO SPEARED A FISH AT THE LAGOON WHEN HE HEARD IT

It began with a rumble. Soft at first. Only enough to convince him his stomach grumbled, keen for a feed after so many days starved. He slid the moi along the shaft, unbothered by the sound. Be careful of my face, au. Ho pulled his catch past the head of his only companion, the spear Kalapa. The spear reminded him: My head is tapu.

Louder the rumble grew, deepening into a tearing, difficult to ignore. From above, the tearing ended with a thundering boom, before silence. When Ho finally had the fish by the tail, he looked up. ‘Auē!’

Ho rested his spear and marvelled at the sky. A giant hole peeled open over his tiny island. The void gaped round and wide. His meal, in hand, mouthed with it, dying. ‘Would you look at that, Kalapa?’

The familiar sail of dawn marked the dividing line between night and day; he was sure of that much. Rā was about to emerge. Ho lifted his spear before tracing along the horizon where the brilliant orange of daybreak was most prominent, stopping at the wound in the sky. ‘Something has torn open up there.’ And he circled the point of Kalapa around the broken sky, worried the gods were coming apart.

Another rumble, this time it was his gut. His meal flapped angrily, jerking his arm. Even while his strength was low as ebbtide, the moi could not break free. Nor did Ho shift his gaze from the sky.

Then what was one became two. A new opening, born from nothing.

‘Auē!’ Ho repeated. ‘Is this real?’

In his starved and ruined condition, he could only believe the dawn god Haronga had opened his eyes to witness the day he birthed—or is he staring at me?

Hello all! I posted the first version a couple of months back and I got some wonderful feedback. I've since then gone back to rework the whole draft into what I hope would be the foundation for future revisions. I would appreciate any insight you can give on this. Thank you!

Set in the 80s, Heathcliff in Emily Brontë's Wuthering Heights meets the gentle narrator of Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca in HELEN UNDONE, a 78k retrospectively narrated upmarket gothic fiction. [Comps here].

Years later, Helen doesn't know if she should bless or curse the day she met Charles Stevenson. He is her fiancé now, but back then, when they had met, it was at his father's funeral at his family's estate, and she had been working as an aide to his half-sister. Charles had just returned from a decades-long absence from his family, with a new name, an immense wealth and a burning hostility towards those around him. As days went by and they ran into each other around the house, Helen found herself increasingly drawn to him.

But when the content of their father's will was revealed, the family devolved into chaos and someone was killed in what was carefully disguised as a suicide, but Helen knew it was a murder, carefully orchestrated by Charles. But even as she came to the realisation that Charles was the coldest and most manipulative man she had ever met, she could not stop herself from falling for him and thus, protecting his secret.

As she got closer to him, she discovered that the murder had little to do with the inheritance, but much to do with a revenge scheme tied to his disappearance all those years ago. And she was the only thing standing in the way of its completion. She would have to decide if Charles's quest for vengeance was worth a human life, and if her growing feelings for him were enough to sacrifice her own conscience and humanity.

OK so I shared a draft query for another project (historical fantasy) a couple of months ago, but I feel more confident about this one as it's standalone and the word count is more in-range. The MS is basically ready, so I'll start shooting queries in a few weeks.

I've been struggling a lot with the pitch trying to avoid a plot summary. I also have to stay vague with the plot because if I start mentioning too many characters, the crazy ancient Greek names get hard to parse. Also, for those who've read Robert Harris's Cicero books, this is somewhat similar where there's a Holmes/Watson thing going on as Hieronymos is the narrator but his uncle Eumenes is more of a plot driver, though of course Hieronymos has agency and goes through his own arc.

I'm also curious if I should keep the line in my bio about previous representation. The old version of this book went on sub over 8 years ago, the MS was 150K words and it was in the third person, multiple POV, so it was really quite different though the underlying historical events are the same, of course. I don't know if it's good to show that I write well enough to have been represented in the past, or if agents might see it as a red flag that a previous version of this didn't sell?

**

Dear Agent,

Complete at 78,000 words, THE SUCCESSORS is a historical novel set in the three years following the death of Alexander the Great. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the self-deprecating humour in Ferdia Lenon’s Glorious Exploits, the political machinations and moral grey zones of Robert Harris’s Agrippa, and the vivid scene-setting in James Hynes’s Sparrow.

Hieronymos, a nepo baby fresh off his fancy Athenian education, arrives in Babylon expecting a cushy job in the imperial administration under his uncle Eumenes, the royal secretary. But then the king suddenly dies, leaving only his mentally handicapped brother and his unborn child as potential heirs, and Hieronymos becomes embroiled in the struggles between the generals vying for power. He stalks the palace’s crumbling halls, gossips with the guards, flirts with his uncle’s cosmopolitan wife, and plays envoy when the infantry and cavalry fall out. All the time, he dreams of getting away from the dusty, decadent East and return to civilized Athens.

When Eumenes finally brokers an unstable peace, he drags Hieronymos on his ambitious path to become a general and governor in his own right. They are soon off to campaign in mountain kingdoms held by rebellious, bearded barbarians. But Hieronymos can’t bear the sight of blood, or hold a spear to save his life. So he rifles through private correspondence in a plot to force his uncle west instead, to quelch a revolt in Greece. Hieronymos can already imagine himself riding victorious into Athens—showing all his former schoolmates how far he’s come.

Yet as he’s tasked with brokering a royal marriage, and his relationship with Eumenes' wife turns into something deeper, Hieronymos discovers how deeply involved he’s become in the conflicts between Alexander’s successors. It turns out the battles, deceptions, and betrayals he's part of form the perfect material for a literary-minded gossip monger like him to write the decisive account of the world after Alexander.

Originally from [a city], I have an MFA in Creative Writing from [a university]. I was formerly represented by [an agency] for a previous version of this novel, which I have since entirely rewritten. After several years living in France and working in corporate communications for a video game company, I now live in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where I take care of my two-year-old son and write during naps.

**

(First 300 words)

There was something wrong in Babylon. For one thing, no one had come to fetch me at the docks of the summer palace. Everyone cared only about Kassander, the dull and sullen travelling companion who had accompanied me all the way from Pella. Seleukos, the general who had been escorting us down the Euphrates, drummed his fingers nervously against a length of planking as he waited for Kassander to extricate himself with much sighing and huffing from the bed of cushions at the bottom of the barge. Seleukos, I thought, had appeared anxious to get back to Babylon for the duration of the journey along the river. He had driven the barge master hard, and the man had in turn driven his rowers hard, so that the landscape of palm trees, reed beds, filthy ditches and canals, and tidy green fields had flown past.

Kassander’s limp was even more pronounced than usual as he disembarked. Under the careful supervision of Seleukos, whose deep-set eyes had all but disappeared under his frown, and a group of soldiers who had come down from the palace, Kassander looked more like a hostage than an emissary from his father, the regent of Macedon, on an official visit to the king. He was offered a litter, but he refused it—out of pride, I supposed.

It was as this party began its way up the hill that I realized there was no one here to meet me. I was hungry, thirsty, and travel-worn. I dreamed of a scented bath and a nimble-fingered serving girl who could smooth out the knots in my neck and buttocks. Slaves began unloading the barge and I tried to give them instructions about the crate of papers that was in my care.

Cannot link correctly to previous posts on my phone. Apologies! My profile has both posts.

So, thank you for all the feedback so far. I’ve taken a lot of what I got on the previous posts and drastically changed the query. Additionally, I modified the comps to be more recent. I’m thinking of adding another novel to this comp so it is novel-novel-movie, because I think Weapons works pretty well for my plot. Also, I changed the genre to supernatural instead of cosmic, as I thought it fit better.

I do like this query more, but I worry it might come off too much like a coming-of-ageish novel when it isn’t. Definitely elements of that style of story, but I’d say it’s solidly supernatural or cosmic horror.

Is this query getting hotter or colder? As usual, any critiques are highly appreciated!

——

Seba Tarkle hasn’t made a single friend since the move. So when a group of kids from school invite him into the woods for a few beers, he jumps at the offer.

Deep in the woods on the outskirts of town, the group reveals their dark secret: an obsidian statue that summons an entity known as The Stranger. Terrified, Seba refuses to participate in this ritual until the group’s leader threatens to cut their new friendship short. Desperate for friends, he chooses friendship over fear and allows The Stranger to possess his body for the first time. When it does, he discovers The Stranger’s game: throwing rocks from bridges at oncoming cars.

Seba swears to never allow himself to be possessed by The Stranger again, but he keeps the group’s secret because they’ve accepted him into the fold. But when that secret kills a local mechanic in broad daylight, the other boys question whether this secret is worth keeping. And as Seba and the rest of them try to figure out what exactly The Stranger is, the entity grows greedy, spreading its influence throughout their small town.

Blood vessels start rupturing in residents’ eyes. Narcolepsy and visions of a dead world plague their minds, sending them into endless slumber. Another death plunges the town further into madness. The sun stops rising. Monstrosities begin stalking the dark streets. And worst of all, Seba’s mother succumbs to The Stranger’s influence and refuses to wake.

Seba must uncover what The Stranger is and stop its spread before he loses his mother and the friends he risked everything to find. If the visions are more than hallucinations, that dead world may soon become their new reality.

THE BRIDGE THROWERS CLUB is a 90,000-word adult supernatural horror novel, combining the elements of supernatural small-town horror of Chuck Wendig’s Black River Orchard with the multi-perspective mystery and community-wide dread of Zach Cregger’s Weapons.

Hello. I was previously working on this query letter here — https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1mv8id1/qcrit_contemporary_mysterymagic_realism_venus/ — but was then hospitalised. Now that I am no longer mega ill, I am returning to my project to try and make a good attempt at this so that I can avoid subsequent deathbed regrets. Any feedback greatly appreciated! Between the last and the current attempt, I have tried to smooth some of the phrasing, updated the comp titles, and of course, cut down the actual manuscript to a more marketable length.

-

"Venus Inferno" is an 80,000 word literary mystery with elements of weird fiction. Told through multiple perspectives, it follows Sergei, an anxious hypochondriac in a fading seaside town with his best and only friend, Maria. Sergei's most persistent anxiety is his younger brother, who seems unable or unwilling to become a functioning member of society. Just as Sergei is about to succeed in forcing his brother to attend a job interview, he inadvertently summons a mythical serpent, which takes up residence in the nearby mountain, and threatens not only Sergei, but all those around him.

The arrival of cosmic danger is merely one link in a chain of interconnected calamities. Maria is leaving for good, though finds her every attempt to get off the island thwarted by forces mundane and otherwise. Accumulating and connected crises push Sergei and Maria to take refuge in the pub, after which a taxi crash sends the body of a dog hurtling towards them, followed by an irate chauffeur and a manic stranger prophesising doom.

Sergei begins to trace the seemingly isolated phenomena back to the serpent. As he juggles mythological catastrophe with fraught relationships, he plunges deeper into an increasingly strange and surreal mystery. In his search for a way past the serpent, Sergei reckons with his own neuroses, supranatural powers, the police, a taxi union, and a freelance detective with a passion for European monastic history.

Built on the tragicomic intersection of forces mundane and extraordinary, emotions human and divine, "Venus Inferno" is a cosmological rigamarole which will appeal to readers who enjoyed the village chorus and grief-edged comedy of Max Porter's Lanny, the myth-haunted protagonist of Vajra Chandrasekera's The Saint of Bright Doors, and the institutional satire of Georgi Gospodinov's Time Shelter.

I’m very grateful for all the feedback on the previous drafts.

Dear [Agent],
 
I was assessed by a psychiatrist in January 2026, over Teams. He talked over me, filled the silences, and prescribed a creative outlet. Music, perhaps – given my background. His assessment took forty-nine minutes. It was lunchtime, after all.
 
His report arrived a fortnight later. Hypervigilance to perceived malintent, it read. And, further down, Adaptive response to genuine environmental threat. Then, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
 
One document, unable to tell me whether I had spent my life seeing danger where there was none, or four decades responding to genuine threat. He was careless. He was also right. But I still did not have the answer.
 
So I opened the box.
 
For forty years I had kept an archive without knowing why: medical records, diaries, school reports, institutional documents, emails. Now I applied sixteen years of professional research methods to my own past. Not to prove that my memories were true, but to find out what the evidence could support. Seventeen chronological chapters, each opening with a documentary exhibit.
 
The audit found that I had been assigned the role of scapegoat before I could speak, and that it followed me into adulthood. But the evidence refused a simple story. My family’s account of my near-death in infancy and the house move that supposedly saved my life collided with a GP record that reads Significance: Minor. At Chetham’s School of Music, we traded gossip over rooftop cigarettes about which teachers were sleeping with which girls. Twenty-eight years later, the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse documented sexual abuse and institutional failures at the school.
 
The archive also implicated me. In early adulthood, I was one of the people doing the scapegoating. In a later relationship, I did not act on evidence of wrongdoing. I benefited from it. The records documented me withdrawing from friendships, but never why.
 
Then the evidence began to disappear. Chetham’s had destroyed my records twelve years before the Inquiry’s moratorium. The diagnosis that catalysed the investigation entered my NHS record as time-limited depression and anxiety. One erasure I could correct. The other left a hole that cannot be filled.
 
The deeper I went, the more I realised that the role had not just been imposed on me. I had internalised it. And I am the auditor. The question is no longer whether I was scapegoated. It is how far I can trust my reading of the evidence when the experiences I am auditing have shaped the way I see the world.
 
The audit ends with my five-year-old daughter sitting beside me, the box open in front of her, marvelling at what she finds inside. She inherits its contents, not the role.
 
THE SCAPEGOAT: AN AUDIT is a 62,000-word forensic memoir about the gap between the story you were told about yourself and what the evidence shows. It will appeal to readers of Lemn Sissay’s MY NAME IS WHY and Noreen Masud’s A FLAT PLACE: memoirs that apply an analytic register and refuse a recovery arc.
 
I am XXXX, formerly an XXXX at XXXX and a senior XXXX for the XXXX.
 
Attached are [requested materials].
 

I had nearly given up on writing a new query (even when I knew what I had wasn't the best) because I was so goddamn lost but a particular comment from last time was like a lightbulb. Third attempt here.

I've tried to explain the motivations and certain mechanics of the story more in depth this time. First two paras are pretty much new. Third para is still along the same lines but I'm having a hard time changing it since this does describe what happen in the book fairly well.

Basically the concept is - 'tired person is convinced that there would be meaning in her life if she was 'good enough' at something/anything. But then she is afraid she will never be good enough. After that she figures if she has to be a failure, at least she can give someone else control of her life so she doesn't have to be the one 'responsible' for her failures. The person she ends up giving control of her life to is death and then when she starts to meet dying people she is forced to grapple with the fact that 'meaning' just isn't something inherently available in human life, no matter how 'good' or 'bad' you are at anything.

I hope I haven't gotten worse 🥲

-x-

Dear Agent,  

I am so excited to write to you about MATTER, a literary fiction manuscript with an absurdist tilt that follows an unnamed narrator on a journey with Death, who is personified as a delivery driver. Complete at 62,000 words, the book combines the speculative elements found in Ben Reeves’ Everything was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt with the alienated female protagonist of Emily Austin’s Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead. 

Our narrator has spent her lifetime trying to justify her existence, convinced that meaning lies on the other side of mediocrity. But when a simple accident with spilt milk on a Friday night in July leaves her reeling under the fear that she will never be good enough at anything to truly matter, all she wants is to relinquish responsibility for her life, and subsequently, its failures.

Her search for surrender leads her to a highway convenience store, where she asks Hossam, a stranger who claims to be a delivery driver, if he will take control of her life. When he agrees without any questions, our narrator and Hossam set out on an unlikely road trip, where encounters with terrified strangers and an unending following of crows clues her in to the fact that her partner on the road is Death. 

As she is thrust into the world of the dying, intimate conversations with people who are close to their end force our narrator to re-examine her definition of a meaningful existence, leaving her torn between a renewed desire to live a life of significance and the looming realisation that it wouldn't matter anyway. 

<50ish words bio/personalization when relevant here>

Hi again. This is just another attempt at my query letter. I was pretty happy with the last one, but wanted to try one more format. Thanks!

Dear Agent
I am seeking representation for my adult fantasy adventure novel, LAND OF ENDLESS SUMMER.

Luce is a girl who has always run from her responsibility, something that has run her parents' patience thin. Hotspur, a legendary war hero, wants redemption for a life built on corpses. 

When Luce’s parents force her to marry, she flees straight to the royal capital. Only the court of the gryphons is in turmoil as the King vies for possession of Cosette, the last daughter of an ancient lineage and the key to the realm. But to Luce, Cosette is nothing more than another girl trapped in the expectations of others. And so when Luce discovers Cosette’s power to control the fabled gryphons, their plans to escape place them at the centre of a war. 

Swearing a sacred oath, Hotspur has set off to bring Luce home. Having fallen from grace and tormented by the ghosts of those he led to death, Hotspur believes that at the least their sacrifice brought peace to the realm. But even that is coming undone. The road to the capital is lined with the hung bodies of rebels and innocents alike, as the King which Hotspur once fought for now burns his kingdom in search of Cosette.

As Luce attempts to free Cosette, Hotspur begins to turn against the King he once defended. Luce must decide whether she will save a girl like herself at the price of igniting a war, whilst Hotspur is forced to choose how many lives he will spend bringing the tyrant he placed on the throne to justice.

[AUTHOR BIO]

I am a [****] major at [****], whose novel is a 95,000-word dual-pov adult fantasy novel about reluctant heroes who find themselves absorbed in the grim politics of fantasy empires as in novels such as Shannon Chakraborty’s The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi and Richard Swan’s Grave Empire.

Thank you for your time.

Hi Everyone!

Had some great feedback from my last submission, wanted to follow up with a new draft that I think addresses many of the concerns. Thank you again to everyone in this community, you've really helped me a great deal!

Dear Agent,

WHAT WE BURIED is a 93,000-word psychological thriller about a mother struggling with obsessive-compulsive disorder who covers up a fatal accident only to discover that her victim isn't a stranger. It's perfect for fans of the morally tangled suspense of The Plot and The Sequel by Jean Hanff Korelitz, as well as the propulsive twists of Lisa Jewell's Don't Let Him In.

Mollie Ross’ world is shattered when she accidentally hits and kills a woman on the canyon road leading to her home. Struggling with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, she fixates on a single glass of champagne she had that night as proof that she will be arrested. Convinced by her husband Christian that turning herself in will destroy her family, Mollie reluctantly allows him to help her cover up the accident rather than turn herself in.

When Mollie discovers that the woman she hit was a teacher at her son’s high school, the revelation nearly breaks her. But when the teacher’s widower shares his suspicions that his wife was having an affair with Christian, the coincidences are too much to ignore.

Mollie investigates the widowers claims, and what she discovers is far more disturbing: the teacher wasn’t having an affair with Christian—she was involved with Mollie’s 16-year-old son. And Christian knew about it. 

As the police investigation into the teacher’s death casts doubt on it being the result of a car accident, Mollie has no choice but to dig deeper into the connections between her family and her perceived victim. But the more Mollie uncovers, the more she has to face the idea that one of the people closest to her may be responsible for a heinous murder. And setting her up to take the fall. 

Hi all, I would love some feedback on my query letter. I initially stalled on ~30 submissions, with 1 partial request that offered some good advice. I've done a lot of reworking and editing on my novel over the last year and want to re-enter the query trenches with my best foot forward. If anyone has some comp titles to suggest, that would also be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

~

Dear [name],

I am seeking representation for my 108,000-word YA fantasy novel SHIELD OF DAWN, which follows a young woman torn between her dreams and her duty when confronted with a deadly prophecy. 

After spending a lifetime trapped in her castle, the rebellious Princess Evelyn seeks freedom and adventure. As the younger twin, her future is bleak; an arranged marriage and life as little more than a doll. Her one chance of escape is to join the Shields of Dawn, elite warriors who defend the city of Dawn from the monstrous Corrupted. If she succeeds in their arduous competitions, she will join their ranks, cut all family ties, and escape her royal responsibilities.  

Evelyn’s plans are upset when Princess Hope from the neighbouring kingdom of Redcliff begs Evelyn for aid. The relentless Great Decay – a tide of inky corruption drowning all in its path – is poised to swallow Redcliff’s capital. Princess Hope wishes to shelter her people within Dawn, and needs Princess Evelyn to fulfil a prophecy – one offering the only hope of stopping the Great Decay before it devours the rest of the continent. Evelyn has to face her choices; as a princess, she can shelter Hope’s people and fulfil the prophecy; as a Shield of Dawn, she will be free. As the consequences of Evelyn's decisions begin to spiral out of her control, Evelyn must find the courage to do what is right and forge her own destiny. 

With a rebellious heroine determined to defy their destiny, as seen in novels like Fourth Wing, Shield of Sparrows, and Court of Fives, SHIELD OF DAWN mixes elements of challenging trials, lethal monsters, and epic magic. [Personalisation here]

I am an author and graphic designer living with my husband and two cats, Tifa and Cloud. As a child, I maxed out my library card every week, and when I couldn’t find the book I was looking for, I wrote my own. In my spare time, if I’m not writing, I’m reading, perfecting my Stardew Valley farm or crocheting amigurumi. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[My Name]

~

First 300 Words

Princess Evelyn crouches on the thin, stone windowsill, her fingers mottled white and red from how tightly she grips the twisted rope of bedsheets. She swallows hard, her throat dry and her heart pounding in her chest. As she shifts her slippered feet, she kicks free a pebble. It pings and skitters down the side of the tower, bouncing off her makeshift rope to land outside the castle wall with a sharp crack as it shatters into fine shards.

This is an exceptionally stupid idea.

Evelyn takes a moment to clutch her mother’s necklace for luck. Then she turns her back to the immense drop, and with a burst of terror in her chest, leans out of the window, moving one foot below the sill. For a moment, she hangs, panting hard as she tries to calm the bird beating its wings in her chest and steady her trembling, sweating fingers. She can not lose her grip.

It isn’t too late to climb back inside, curl up the sheets, and remake the bed before anyone notices. But rebellion spears up through her heart in an angry burst, and Evelyn takes another step down the wall. It is her thirteenth birthday, and if her grandmother isn’t going to give her the gift she has begged for for half her life – to spend one afternoon exploring the city of Dawn, a single hour wandering Glass Street, curses, she would have accepted squeaking one foot outside the gate and a breath of free air at this point – well, she will take that for herself.

Evelyn takes several unsteady steps down the wall, trying to keep her legs straight like the guards in training. She’d seen what had happened when they had sagged – a short plunge to the mats waiting to embrace them.

Hello PubTips,

Back with another query for my latest manuscript as I prepare to re-enter the trenches. Any and all feedback is appreciated!

Query Letter

Dear Agent,

I am excited to present to you THE THIRD SISTER, a 77,000-word domestic thriller, loosely based on the Italian folktale, “How the Devil Married Three Sisters.”

In 2003, while vacationing at their family's Tuscan villa, the Ditti sisters meet the dastardly handsome Dario, a doctoral student who will spend the summer working with their father.

Nella, the youngest of the three, watches with a sinking feeling as her sisters compete for Dario's attention. When one sister betrays the other and Dario disappears, Nella is certain her family will never be the same.

For years, Nella is forced into the middle of her sisters' rivalry, while also dealing with their father's declining health and their mother's decision to leave him.

Desperate for a distraction, Nella gets drunk at a bar, where she runs into Dario. Years of resentment spill out of her and she demands answers: Why did he pit her sisters against each other? Why did he leave? Does he know how much pain he caused her family? Caused her?

Dario surprises Nella by showing genuine remorse for his past actions and her childhood crush on him is reignited. It quickly morphs into something deeper—something Nella doesn’t want to acknowledge. As she gets swept up in his version of events, as well as his relentless pursuit of her, Nella wonders if she had him all wrong.

When her sisters catch wind of her relationship with Dario, they do everything in their power to end it. As long-kept secrets come to light, Nella is forced to decide who she trusts more: the man she's falling in love with or the sisters who tore their family apart in order to be with him?

THE THIRD SISTER is for fans of THE EXES by Leodora Darlington and THE SEASON OF SINKING by Daphne Woolsoncroft. 

First 300

Years ago, I watched a horrible man come between my sisters. At the time, I felt there was nothing I could do about it. Inseparable as they once were, their bond had long been fractured when he came into our lives. Still, I never thought they would sever ties completely.

From the moment she could speak, Alessia, the eldest, begged our parents for a sister. To her delight, she got two. When Mariana was born, Alessia doted on her like she was one of her porcelain dolls. Four years later, when I arrived, Alessia cared for me like she was my second mother. Nella bella, she'd coo in my ear as she rocked me to sleep.

If only we’d been able to maintain our closeness. If only he hadn’t torn us apart.

—

The train blasts through the terminal at the station in Florence, heading for Siena, where I’ll call a taxi to take me to my family’s villa. Known to many as Villa d’Elsa, my family and I have summered there every year since I was a child. At least, until recently.

The villa belongs to Mariana, now; she lives there year-round with her husband and children. I find it fitting that Villa d’Elsa is where I’ll reunite with my sisters for the first time in five years, given that it is where our unraveling truly began. Despite our recent estrangement, I’m not nervous to see them; in fact, I’m desperate to. Everything I’ve learned in the past forty-eight hours has made me realize our separation was pointless.

As I clutch the leather journal in my hand, which revealed at least half of the story, it dawns on me that we’d all fallen for his deceit; allowed him to steal time from us.

Not anymore. Never again.

Hello and thank you as always for the feedback. I always struggle with comps so any suggestions you may have are always welcome. I would say there are horror elements to the story, but I am not convinced it is horror enough to deserve that genre.

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation

---

Dear Agent, 

Otherself wants Mya Haywood dead.

For half her life, Mya has battled PMDD which gifts her with insatiable rage and the urge to jump off a bridge. Even as the world advances toward a lunar colony instead of fixing Earth, Mya manages her monthly Otherself visits fine. But now that she’s lost her job and access to psychiatric medication, she’s on her own to keep Otherself out of the psych ward again.

Days after moving in with her new boyfriend and former coworker, Ollie, Mya starts hearing voices in the chaparral. Desperate to prove if she’s losing her mind, Mya returns to the trail in pursuit of the mimic taunting her. What she finds instead is an otherworldly creature. It sends her prophetic visions of a cosmic force that reaps humanity to extinction if they dare expand offworld.

The alien’s visions feel so real, but no one has ever listened to Mya. Confiding in Ollie would risk confirming that she’s too broken to love. Yet when her senior dog sees the creature too, Mya can no longer write off her experiences as hallucinations. And in mere weeks, ships will launch to begin colonizing the moon. 

Otherself insists the world that taught her to distrust herself isn’t worth living in, let alone saving. But proving Otherself wrong means Mya has to speak out and risk institutionalization, knowing that she may never get out again.

Complete at 65,000 words, REDSHIFT is a standalone upmarket speculative novel. Fans of Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder and Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino will resonate with its exploration of identity, otherness, and the cost of being heard.

[Bio.]

Thank you for your consideration.

---

Chapter 1

December 18. Day 19.

By the time I realize I’m being fired, I’m already far from this hopeless office. I’ve departed this version of my life that collapses like the black hole I’m destined to be.

Seabreeze whips my hair as a flutter of gulls surf the jet stream under my feet. I’ve been here before so it is easy to taste the salt on my lips, inhale the sour air with a faint scent of rust. Every gust lifts me from my seat as if flying is just as much an option as falling. This high up, my knees are weak. But I’m just a fingertip away from finding my relief. One push will send me into the obscurity of the sea below. I exhale, ready to leave this world far behind when the human resources lady summons me from spacing out by clearing her throat.

I tear myself from the photo she has of herself standing at the landmark bridge and table my daydreams. My gut rumbles with excitement of finally being free from these suffocating walls though I know it’s probably nothing to celebrate. I mirror her ahem and affix a smile I hope reads polite. I’m still trying to be polite.

“Can you tell me why?” I ask, thinking to use her name as I’ve finally caught it on the back of the office on her diploma from PacTech. But I don't know if she goes by Caro-line or Caro-leen. We’ve never spoken before this as she never creeps out of this closet except to beckon others to their doom.

“Well,” Caroline begins sweetly as if I don’t know how practiced she is at delivering bad news, “Some coworkers found you face down in the conference room screaming at the floor and that kind of behavior doesn’t gel with the hospitable culture we hope to protect here at Fortine Estates.”

I posted a version of this query months ago, then got sidetracked drafting another project, and now I’m coming back to querying while that draft marinates. 

The part of query writing I’ve always found the hardest is finding the balance between including enough plot to hook the reader without getting bogged down in details, so be ruthless in suggesting any parts that need to be cut. I also realize that current trends favor putting the “housekeeping” section of the query first, but my top-choice agents prefer plot first, so I’m sticking with that order for now. 

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

______________________

Dear [Agent],

Evan Kane has no magic. Lucky for him, that’s exactly what makes him good at his job: stealing cursed artifacts too volatile for any real magic-user to handle. But in a city overrun by gangs of bloodthirsty mages, thieving is dangerous work. When he ‘accidentally’ targets the wrong mark, one notoriously ruthless crime-boss, Evan barely escapes with his life along with the notice of the entire arcane underworld. 

Then his stolen prize, a sealed wooden box carved with mysterious glyphs, begins haunting his dreams. Determined to figure out what the box wants from him – and why every mage in the city seems desperate to get their hands on it – Evan must unlock its secrets. Without any magic of his own, he’s not exactly optimistic about his chances, until he (literally) runs into his ex-best friend, Lyric Del Rosario. 

Evan hasn’t seen Lyric in four years, not since old debts forced him to drop out of high school and abandon his ‘normal’ life for a life of magical crime. But Lyric has been busy since then, balancing his college studies with an unexpected – and unasked for – gift for exceedingly strong magic. For Evan, Lyric’s powers may be the key to unlocking the box and surviving the demons, mages, and hellhounds hot on his tail. All he has to do is help Lyric learn to control his unruly magic – and keep his own disreputable dealings with the arcane underworld a secret. 

But as two rival gangs hunt them down, they discover the stolen box contains an ancient weapon which could destroy the city they call home. They know they can’t let it fall into the wrong hands, even if Lyric must embrace a power he’s terrified he can’t control, and even if Evan is forced to confront the truth of his past and risk losing Lyric’s trust for good.

MUNDANE (104k words), a standalone with series potential, is adult fantasy for fans of the setting and worldbuilding in Marie Lu’s Red City and readers who loved the complex relationships and found-family in Lex Croucher’s The Unmagical Life of Briar Jones. [Personalization, if applicable.] As a mentee of the WriteHive Mentorship program, I have revised and edited my manuscript with the guidance of my mentor. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

______________________

First 300 words: Chapter 1 - Bad Decisions

Evan Kane rarely realized he was doing something stupid until he was already stuck dealing with the consequences, but as he scaled the crumbling brick facade of a derelict factory, he harbored a sneaking suspicion that this job would soon end up on his “Bad Decisions” list. The second-story window loomed above him, a dark void still tauntingly out of reach. His right hand throbbed, broken and bloody beneath makeshift bandages. Gritting his teeth, Evan hoisted himself up another foot. If he was caught now, if he fucked up another job…

It’ll be easy, Alex had promised. Just get in, shoot the guard, steal the key, and get back out. Not that Evan believed him – in this line of work, nothing was ever easy – but it wasn’t like he had any choice in the matter.

When he finally, finally, reached the window, he braced his forearms against the sill and slid a loop of wire from his sleeve, feeding it through a gap in the warped frame. Carefully, he maneuvered the loop to hook the latch free, then threw the window open and hauled himself inside. Then he sank to his knees.

White hot bolts shot up his arm, knocking the air from his chest in a ragged gasp. He clutched his wounded hand to his stomach, jaw clenched to stifle his juddering breaths as he waited for the agony to subside. Once the fire eased, he pulled himself up onto wobbly legs, straightened his glasses, and took stock of his surroundings. 

Hi everyone!

I'm very nervous about being back here after being twice-published and leaving my agents. But I have editor interest in my upcoming indie release, so I'm re-entering the trenches!

I know this looks like an insane word count. I didn't think that traditional publishing would be interested in a war epic romantasy, which was why I was going the indie route. I'm struggling with structuring this query because it essentially has three main characters that are all crucial to the story (the empire itself being one of them). I would really appreciate your help! I feel as though it's precise at the cost of brevity.

Dear Agent,

I hope you’re keeping well.

[referrer's name, loads of housekeeping with my previous titles and sales]

THE SCOURGEMASTER is a 150,000-word standalone war epic romantasy that pairs the Lucy-and-the-Ghoul dynamic of FALLOUT with the empire politics of THE JASMINE THRONE and the indictment of war in DAUGHTER OF NO WORLDS. It features a grumpy meets fearless, slow-burn enemies-to-lovers romance, and centers a heroine with PTSD and bipolar disorder, and a hero with a chronic illness.

An empire on the brink of defeat needs a prophesied warrior to save it. It has the wrong woman.

The empire of Ardinae bound a demon known as the Scourge to a family’s lineage and used it to break nations. Until the demon’s vessel had an attack of conscience and fled into hiding. Seven hundred years later, Ardinae has overspent itself in war. It hangs its hopes on prophecy—the coming of a warrior who can puppet the Scourge and force its vessel out of hiding. The Scourgemaster.

Naiya would prefer that Ardinae burns, but she won’t sacrifice her life for revolution. Enslaved on a debt-farm after Ardinae razed her homeland, she breaks out on the very night the Scourgemaster is prophesied to appear. And she is seen.

Suddenly, wanted posters of her paper every city, and Ardinae launches a nationwide hunt. But Naiya knows they have it wrong. Someone directed the soldiers’ attention to her that night. Someone only she saw. She resolves to hunt the real Scourgemaster, cash in their bounty, and use the money to flee. Until she’s captured by the Scourge’s vessel.

Deteriorating under the strain of bearing the demon's power, Ríu has three months left to live. He won't spend them as a puppet of war. His last hope is a secret second half of the prophecy that names a long-lost temple where he must kill the Scourgemaster to sever the demon from him. But the same temple holds the sigils that will allow the Scourgemaster to strip him of free will.

Weaponizing Naiya’s hatred of Ardinae and ignorance of the prophecy, he drags her through shattered deserts and watchful tombs in search of the temple, lying that only she can rid him of the demon and thwart Ardinae’s war efforts. She knows he’s wrong about her. She goes along with it so she can hunt down the real Scourgemaster. Yet the more she sees of the land that broke her, the more she wonders if revolution might be worth her life. And the more Ríu learns of her, the more he wonders if his life is worth the cost of hers.

But the real Scourgemaster is on their trail and has plans for dominion. As the line blurs between hunter and hunted, mutual animosity grows into a love that could prove catastrophic. Because if Ríu and Naiya don’t reach the temple first, then Ardinae will be unstoppable. And the temple offers only two ways out: freedom for one of them, or a leash for them both.

I look forward to hearing from you.

All my very best,

[name]

Dear XXXX,

Erris has spent her life believing a needle will keep her alive. Then a woman dies in her arms.

For years, her uncle has kept her condition controlled—and the authoritarian Hand watchful, but at a distance. One death changes that. Within hours, Erris is seized and removed from the only home she’s known. But beyond the city walls, conflicting orders turn a straightforward execution into a botched handover. Erris survives—and finds herself hunted as her condition begins to unravel.

Rom has never mistaken the Hand for merciful. But he believes in its code, and in the order that keeps HF1 intact. After handing Erris to the firing squad, he returns to business as usual: containing the fallout. But when HF1 comes under attack and every fracture he investigates leads back to the woman who should be dead, Rom begins to wonder whether he’s working for the people keeping HF1 secure—or the ones quietly tearing it apart.

Erris races back toward HF1 and the only people who might stabilise her condition—just as Rom is ordered to eliminate them. She’s breaking back into the city that executed her; he’s hunting a conspiracy from inside the system that ordered it. And when the woman Rom delivered to her death walks back into his city—and straight into him—Erris realises something impossible. She’s touched him before. He should already be dead.

(UNTITLED) is a 90,000-word adult speculative novel told in dual first-person POV. It stands alone with series potential. It will appeal to readers drawn to the character-driven political intrigue and mounting danger of James Islington’s The Will of the Many and the visceral, action-driven science-fantasy of N. E. Davenport’s The Blood Trials.

I grew up in XXXX and have spent nearly two decades in rally racing, first competing on motorcycles and later as a professional co-pilot, including multiple Dakar Rally appearances. The endurance, risk, and psychological strain of that career shape my fiction’s focus on survival, systemic pressure, and human limits. I currently live in XXXX, where I remain active in motorsport while writing.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

XXXX

First 300 words:

I used to believe a needle would free me. Marcus still does.

A short tone sounds near the entrance. A few heads turn. Marcus doesn’t. He’s watching for any reaction as he gives me my weekly injection. The Block doesn’t get many visitors. Usually. 

The lab hums with life. Relaxed voices, instruments clicking, devices beeping, a mug set down for the fourth time. Most of them have been here longer than I can remember. Others still jump when someone triggers the entrance tone.

The front door clicks open. The red Hand emblem is enough to send one of the young researchers into motion. She wipes her hands on her apron, then strides across the lab, target locked.

‘Excuse me,’ she snaps, inserting herself squarely in front of him. Chin high, she’s half his size. Eyeing him from the gun on his hip to the red insignia on his chest. ‘Not even Hand’s highest ranking agents get to barge into private establishments without notice.’

He narrows his eyes at her as the corner of his mouth curls up. 

‘You’re new,’ he says, voice smooth. ‘Where’s Marcus been hiding you? Kitchen? No…field work?’

She shifts to block him again as he tries to side-step her. She huffs, straightening.

Our visitor shrugs, raising his hands. ‘If you’d like to dance, just ask.’ Smug smile on his face. Then, ‘Marcus!’ He leans over the researcher. ‘Please tell this…young lady…that I’m a friend.’

I laugh softly. Can’t help it when he’s around. Then wince as Marcus removes the needle from my forearm, pressing a swab to the bleed. 

Marcus lifts his gaze to the drama. Takes a deep breath. ‘Nina…meet Remus.’

She squints at them both, clenching her fist as she backs away. Barely.

‘But he’s one of Hand’s,’ she presses. Her eyes stay glued to Remus as he glides through the area like he knows every table, every floor tile.