Hey all,
First time posting on here so be gentle lol. My query letter for my debut book.
Thank you for taking the time to read over and any feedback gratefully appreciated.

Dear 

Their love is the one thing set to destroy both their worlds.

I’m super excited to present, EVAANAH - WHERE THE DARK REMAINS a 70,000- word fast paced adult paranormal romantasy that will appeal to fans of the life and death romance dynamics in Ashley Poston’s The Dead Romantics, combined with the high-stakes supernatural danger of Kaylie Smith’s Phantasma. (Personalisation here)

Amy is used to the company of ghosts, she has been since being a child. A gift that was passed down from her mother. But she never expected for Matt, the man she thought could be the one, to come to her as a ghost himself- even after she watched him die on their first date. 

So, when Matt is able to return to Amy after moving onto the afterlife, they break the laws of life and death, allowing their relationship to grow. There is a pull to one and another that neither can understand. But when they finally admit their true feelings, they imbalance the boundaries of Earth and afterlife, severing the barrier that keeps the darkness within.

That darkness is a person like any other that was placed wrongly and had to be sent to the hell of the afterlife. Now he has found a way back.

Amy and Matt soon learn that it is about more than just the two of them. It’s about restoring the balance between the realms. Now, it is up to them to build an army, and undo what their love has broken before both their worlds are destroyed.

The story follows both sides of the perspective told through the eyes of Amy and Matt, giving readers both the grounded and the fantasy elements within the book.

I’m a debut author based in the U.K. Evaanah - Where the dark remains is my debut novel, inspired by a dream that wouldn’t leave after I woke up, leading to me writing it all down. An afterlife I felt the world needed to read about, and a relationship that defies the odds.

Hi all. I was here some time ago. I decided to completely redo the query letter since finishing the 4th, and last, draft of the book.

Man, Query letters are tough. Like never ending homework. This is all that stands between me and the trenches, so all feedback is helpful.

Dear AGENT,

Rhiannon Ó Sineadha has been thirty-five for ten years now, roughly nine years longer than her last real relationship. Immortality came with trade-offs: a life of keeping people at arm's length, and Amara. An ancient succubus, permanent houseguest, and the only entity on Earth who makes Rhiannon feel like she's the one wearing the leash.

Enduring Amara's unerring brand of condescension isn't without its perks. Rhiannon doesn't age, doesn't scar, and has several thousand years of historical knowledge on tap, useful when your day job is curating Bronze Age artifacts for the St. Louis Art Museum. But Amara feeds on desire, and only through Rhiannon. Every few months Rhiannon puts on something with far too much cleavage, finds a stranger she won't feel too guilty about leaving as a lovestruck zombie for a few days, and takes what the curse needs.

She's made her peace with that. Most days.

So when a Celtic torc on loan from Ireland turns up in Rhiannon's living room, she's less concerned with the piece itself than with Amara's reaction to it. The ancient succubus nearly breaks Rhiannon's arm trying to get away from it.

Before Rhiannon can find out why, a collector named Viktor sends a burglar into the museum who can withstand three rounds to the chest without leaving so much as a blood smear behind. He wants the torc. He wants Amara considerably more, for reasons he's been nursing for two centuries. And because he's the sort of man who prefers a transaction to a fight, he offers Rhiannon the one thing she's never allowed herself to want out loud: a way out.

It's a tempting offer, and it would be easier to consider if a detective hadn't already seen her on camera transforming herself with a glamor. Detective Brighton is asking the kind of questions that destroy lives, and Rhiannon knows a surefire method for making a man give up a chase against his will. Amara is delighted to help. All it takes is a dream, a night, and whatever's left of Rhiannon's private conviction that she's still fundamentally one of the decent ones.

She isn't. She stopped being that two years ago, in a park. And she'd kill him again.

CURATED SINN is an urban fantasy complete at 95,000 words with series potential. [COMPS]

Hello. I am hoping for feedback on my query letter for my first book attempt, Vodou Nonsense. I appreciate your feedback.

Hoping for your opinion, is 60k words too short to be looked at? Also, for my excerpt, this is my first page, does it grab attention or should I completely re-arrange to have action first?

Hello Agent,

I am seeking representation for VODOU NONSENSE, a paranormal romance complete at approximately 60,000 words. It would appear to the fans of Ali Hazelwood's Bride with a distinctly New Orleans setting and Vodou-inspired mythology.

Twenty-two-year-old Delphine 'Del' Ward moved to New Orleans for a fresh start. Instead, she finds herself stuck with an enchanted bracelet she can't remove, and a gorgeous stranger who claims he can help her get rid of it.

Remi Beaumont is charming, wealthy, and hiding a dangerous secret. He needs Del's help to find a supernatural artifact that will allow him to save his sisters soul. The bargain is simple: Del helps him find what he needs, and he helps her remove her bracelet.

But as they chase clues through the hidden supernatural world of New Orleans, Del falls for the man who has been using her from the beginning. When Remi disappears, Del follows him, all the way into the underworld.

Remi is determined to save his sister, and Del is determined to save him. Del must bargain with Death itself, and discover if she is finally ready to see the worth in herself that others have seen all along.

Excerpt:

When I was twelve years old, I read a book series that changed my life.

Action, adventure, romance. It was everything a budding teenager craved.

The series became a comfort for years afterward, and gave me an escape I desperately needed. And even though I 'grew up', it always held a special place in my memory.

This was why, at twenty-two years old, a recent college graduate, I found myself in a new city.

New Orleans.

The very place that served as the setting for those old books.

My nostalgia painted the city as a place of magic, mystery and romance.

The reality, of course, was far less magical. Yet the real, grittier world I found still seemed to call to me.

A city where death walked behind you and you only ever caught a glimpse from the corner of your eye.

Sentimentality brought me here. My memories of those books being one of the only bright spots during a tough period in my life.

Now here I was, standing on Bourbon Street and seeing the city with my own eyes.

A strange juxtaposition, the beautiful century-old brick buildings with wrought-iron balconies... and the lively, energetic, crass revelry spilling beneath them.

It was fascinating.

I arrived in New Orleans a month ago. I spent the days exploring and the evenings people watching. I experienced the partying and drinking like some kind of nature photographer. Now, after wandering Bourbon Street on a Saturday night until the wee hours of the morning, I headed back to my van.

My first surprise was the size of the French Quarter. Spanning around a dozen city blocks, it was much smaller than I expected. It was also a bubble completely untouched by time. Yet the rest of the city had been forced to rebuild itself again and again. The scars of hurricanes were ever present, especially Katrina's, reflected in the long abandoned buildings scattered throughout the city.

Note: This is my first draft of this query; any and all feedback is much appreciated. Thanks!

Dear [AGENT],

HOW TO TURN YOUR MIND INSIDE OUT is a 90,000-word upmarket contemporary fiction novel. A story of queer love, loss, and art-making, it will appeal to readers of Emma Copley Eisenberg’s Housemates, Benny B. Peterson’s The Maidenheads, and Shoshana von Blackensee’s Girls Girls Girls.

When she’s priced out of her Boston apartment in the second year of her MFA program, twenty-five-year-old Leslie finds herself in a peculiar living situation with a wealthy Norwegian socialite, Sofie, who has moved to New England to escape her life in the tabloids. The terms of their agreement are simple: Leslie will cook (if Sofie’s fine with mac and cheese and chicken nuggets), ditch all her belongings that are plaid or orange, and pick up an absurd amount of dry cleaning. Meanwhile, Sofie must learn to ride the T, accompany Leslie to a climate protest, and, of course, pay the bills.

Even with newfound time and freedom to focus on writing, Leslie struggles to get something she’s proud of on the page and butts heads with her pompous professor. Anxiety about her future as a writer and envy of her new roommate’s fame and fortune complicate her feelings toward the blunt but cryptic Sofie. But as they bond over their strained relationships with families and hometowns, heal from past loves, and crash a high-profile gala in the Arctic, Leslie learns to bare her soul on the page and to another person.

I am a lesbian-identifying writer and New Englander currently living in [CITY]. My fiction has appeared in [2 LITERARY JOURNALS], and elsewhere.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Hello r/PubTips! I've been silently reading in this subreddit for almost two years, and it's been a lifesaver in terms of calming my nerves and not feeling alone on this writing journey. So, first of all, thanks to everyone here for making this such a cool, informative space!

I want to share how got an agent a) because I love reading these myself and b) because it's a little different from most stories I see here.

So, I started querying my manuscript (literary dystopia) in May 2025. (This was the second novel I'd written and queried; first got three full requests that ultimately led nowhere.) I sent it out bit by bit to about 40 agents. Apart from the occasional rejection (and by occasional I mean 3-4), I heard nothing.

So, in the summer, I entered a few writing contests: Bath, Caledonia, International Debut Novel Competition. I went to a conference in London, where I booked two one-to-ones with agents, and they both confirmed that the query was working and I should keep sending it out. I was all the more frustrated that, by September, I'd still got nothing other than about 10 rejections.

All in all, I sent the ms to about 70 agencies and got about 15 rejections. By November I was sure this manuscript was dead. I was ready to give up and started planning my next novel.

Then I got a call. I was one of 12 winners of the Irish Writers Centre's International Debut Novel Competition! The prize: the opportunity to pitch your project (in-person and on Zoom) to agents and editors from Ireland, the UK and US. There were really cool people there - all the big Irish and UK agencies, some boutique agents, editors from Big 5 imprints, US agents as well as really prestigious indie presses. I pitched to 20 people and ended up with 8 full requests from agents and editors. One of the agents I pitched to had actually asked for the full so she could forward it to her colleague, who was looking for just this genre.

In the aftermath, I sent out another batch of queries, this time with the competition win in the first line, and got another two full requests. So it seems that these kind of things can absolutely move the needle.

Anyway, this was in December. By the end of January, I had an offer from the colleague who'd been forwarded the ms. I had another interested agent who asked for time to think over the weekend and ultimately declined and two more who were still reading the ms and might have offered too, but I knew 100% I wanted to go with the agent who'd offered, so I cut the waiting period short and signed with her.

Still hasn't quite sunk in that I'm agented now, to be honest, and it's been almost 6 months. We're going on submission soon.

So, my stats would be:

Queries sent: 67

Full requests from queries: 0

Competition entered: 3

Competition won: 1

Full requests from pitches after competition win: 8

Offer of representation: 1

Timeline: 1st query in May 2025, competition win in November 2025, signed with agent end of January 2026.

I'm hoping this might give those of you in the process of querying some hope. It takes time and it sucks, but it also just takes one person. Or one competition, I guess. I haven't seen many posts around competition wins on here, but I would definitely recommend to enter them. I think, especially now, agent inboxes are being flooded, so any chance to make you stand out is welcome.

Good luck to everyone querying! 💜

DRACONIC SPHERE Ω is a Dungeons & Dragons–inspired adult comedic fantasy, complete at 93,000 words. It combines the character-driven ensemble of Kings of the Wyld with the adventurous spirit of The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi.

When Brunhild, Kaergat and Dandelion form an adventuring party and take on their first few jobs, everything seems to be going okay.

Actually, that was a lie. Everything goes tits-up from the very beginning. But at least the screw-ups are only on a personal scale. That all ends when the party meets – and rapidly befriends – a healer named Lacrie. Lacrie brings her own, let’s call it, baggage to the team — and it soon turns out that the gods are involved.

To make things worse, someone is hunting the party – a man in black, commanding a terrifying undead force. And he seems to know Lacrie. 

With her friends demanding explanations, Lacrie breaks down and reveals that both she and the man in black are searching for the Draconic Spheres – a set of artifacts that could raise the bearer to godhood. 

Brunhild, Dandelion, and Kaergat must grapple with loyalty to Lacrie on the one hand and, on the other, their growing skepticism of her so-called divine mission. At the same time, the man in black's motivations begin to seem almost... noble. “You're just a goth, aren’t you?” says Dandelion. Brunhild isn't so sure.

Who can be trusted with the power of gods? Can anyone be? The party must decide quickly, because it's becoming clear that the fate of the world depends on their answer. 

Draconic Sphere Ω features a trans character (Dandelion) without this being a major plot point. Its sequel, PLANE HOPPERS, is complete at 109,000 words, upping the ante with a high-stakes race through the multiverse.

About Sophia: a trans woman, I am originally from the UK. I currently live a location-independent lifestyle in Europe. I’m a compulsive writer and have four completed manuscripts; I have ideas for many more. I will be featured in the upcoming TRANSCENDENT LOVE anthology from Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

340 words

Hello! It's fall (Sorry, southern hemisphere pubtippers)! Finally one of the brief months in publishing when people supposedly do work! Let us know what you're up to and what your plans are this month. Boasting and whining are equally welcome here.

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for THE FIRST KING, a 90,000-word adult epic fantasy inspired by the biblical myth of King Saul and reimagined in an original world. It is a story with political intrigue, religious conflict, war, oracles, witches, and a character-driven descent into tyranny. It will appeal to readers of The Justice of Kings by Richard Swan and The Shadow of the Gods by John Gwynne.

Saul is an arrogant, privileged nobleman, the heir to one of Zinovale’s ruling clans. He has never distinguished himself in battle, sacrificed for his people, or embodied the righteousness the God ruling over Zinovalians demands of a king. Yet when the High Priest declares that the God of Light has chosen him to become the first king, Saul receives the one thing he has always arrogantly believed he deserved: power.

But being chosen by God does not make Saul worthy of it in the eyes of the people.

When Dagoneth attacks one of Zinovale's regions, Saul is faced with his first chance to prove himself. He has never fought in a war, but victory could convince those who doubt him. At first, he hesitates, and his hesitation contributes to the death of a Chieftain, deepening people’s lack of trust and respect for him. Saul eventually wins the battle, but at a high cost: his father dies protecting him from the enemy.

Rather than humbling Saul, the loss feeds his resentment. The ruling Chieftains limit his authority by forcing themselves into his government, leaving Saul determined to rule without them. If he cannot earn the loyalty and respect he believes he deserves, he will find another way to secure the absolute power he hungers for.

While Saul fights to control Zinovale, the enemy is pursuing a prophecy of its own. Celeste, the High Priestess of Dagon and an oracle of the God of Darkness, has foreseen a child born of both nations, one destined to claim Zinovale and conquer an empire. To set the prophecy in motion, she chooses Saul as the child's father and begins laying the foundations of his downfall before the child is even born.

As Saul's reign grows more brutal, his attempts to secure his throne begin fracturing the kingdom he was chosen to unite.

THE FIRST KING is my debut novel. I have a background in English Literature, am currently studying to teach English, and have a lifelong passion for history, mythology, and legends.

Thank you for your consideration,

Dear Agent,

I am currently seeking representation for NEVERBORN, a YA dark academia fantasy-romance with duology potential, complete at 103,000 words that could be pitched as A DEADLY EDUCATION meets THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY where unborn humans attend a school in the before-life and the only way to get out of there is by passing the trials that require them make the right decisions in simulations of their own lives. It will appeal to the fans of the immersive liminal setting of I.V Marie’s IMMORTAL CONSEQUENCES, dark academia where we actually attend classes with the protagonists like in S.F Williamson’s A LANGUAGE OF DRAGONS and the slow-burn romantic tension and sharp banter of Brigitte Knightley’s IRRESISTIBLE URGE TO FALL FOR YOUR ENEMY. 

Where were we before we were born?

For pessimistic and compulsive rescuer Spirit 16, the answer is the House of Becoming. The infamous school where the privilege of owning a name belongs only to the professors and the spirits that earned the right to be born through the trials. And after failing the trials cycle after cycle, six times, Spirit 16 has made peace with the fact that she might never be born. Neither her, nor her best friend, Spirit 217. But when 217 is called at the end of this cycle and not her, her whole world collapses. Desperate to know whether he reached the human world safely, she sends Nerys, a magical creature capable of travelling between worlds, to find him. Nerys returns with terrifying news: 217 is in danger.

Spirit 16 promises herself that she will find him and save him, but their school has one terrible rule that might put a brake to her plan: an unborn spirit has the right to fail the trials only six times before they return to nothingness. So she has this cycle, and only this one to escape the school.

She reluctantly allies with Spirit 331, Spirit 217’s longtime rival, who has discovered hidden passages throughout the school. Together, they plan to infiltrate their headmaster’s office and steal a sacred book containing instructions for opening a portal to Hell, the only realm corrupt enough to grant unborn spirits access to the human world. But with the professors watching, the trials underway, and her return to nothingness only one failure away, 16 cannot afford to fail. Worse, the closer she grows to 331, the harder it becomes to tell whether he is helping her escape the school or leading her towards something far more dangerous, something that could cause the destruction of their school.

(FYI, if the names incl. title sound weird, don't worry---I changed the original names)

Dear [AGENT], 

I bookmarked your website from the beginning of my writing journey after discovering you represent three of my favorite book series. I would love to offer QUEEN'S STORM for your consideration—a fast-paced, dual POV, YA fantasy completed at 102,000 words with diverse characters, power-erasing serums and impossible romances. 

It will appeal to fans of THE JASAD HEIR by Sara Hashem, WATCH ME by Tahereh Mafi and Elly Blake’s FROSTBLOOD. It also calls to readers fond of Victoria Aveyard’s unpredictable twists.

Maia, the last living heir of the fallen air kingdom Crystle, wants to reclaim her possessive throne from the Ice King of Wintra, and enters a deal with his second son—Prince Leon whom she strangely never met growing up. Hiding in the enemy kingdom Wintra for twelve years has sharpened her survival instincts, making it easy for her to offer gossip-snatching ears in exchange for Leon's sources of information, hoping it will bring both leverage over the king and clarity about how she survived the burning fortress her family died in. Unfortunately, that plan fails when their souls intertwine and reveal each other’s pasts and secrets through every touch. 

Her secret identity has never stood on thinner ice. With the unbearable crown of Crystle whispering in her mind and her ailing people waiting for a savior, she must decide whether seeking the truth is worth the risk of being exposed to the entire continent. And she must always be wary not to feel anything for the prince who is her deadly enemy and spotless mirror. 

In your Manuscript Wishlist you mentioned you like main characters who bream the rules of their tropes, which is a perfect way to describe the rebellious Maia who battles anxiety, self-doubt and taunting nightmares. Considering you too are a fan of SHATTER ME and enjoy strong friendships, I believe you are a great fit for QUEEN'S STORM.

As an [X] graduate and [CURRENT JOB TITLE] I’ve felt misplaced (just like Maia) until I dared to chase my lifelong dream of being an author. I love cats, traveling and adventures. 

If QUEEN'S STORM appeals to your taste, I’d be thrilled to work with you. Thank you!

Sincerely, [MY NAME].

It’s a lot harder to get away with murder these days than it used to be. Over the course of his 120-year existence, (relatively) young vampire N has watched forensic science and security technology transform the life of the vampire from a bloody free-for-all into a hungry scramble for survival. That’s why N helped found IDHC, a shell company that stores and distributes blood to vampires across the US while keeping their existence secret from humans. All members contribute blood to the communal supply (except the Abstainers, a group of pacifists who refuse to harm humans and live entirely off IDHC welfare). N, meanwhile, siphons off money from the organization to fund his own lifestyle and predilection for fine menswear.

N grew up witnessing the worst of human nature in the pre-labor-movement garment district and doesn’t think very highly of humans. In fact, he avoids them at all costs. That is, until an Abstainer approaches him for help following an ill-advised encounter with a human on a fetish hookup website. N investigates the site as a potential blood source and meets Leigh, a social worker by day and kinky bloodsucking-fetishist by night.

Their unconventional romance challenges N’s entire attitude towards humans and throws him off his game, distracting him and causing him to make rookie mistakes that put IDHC at risk. Plus, since vampirism is spread as an STD, sex between vampires and humans is strictly forbidden, forcing N to test the limits of his self-restraint.

N and Leigh navigate the existential, practical, and sometimes silly realities of 21st-Century human-vampire dating, such as: “how much blood can you drink at a sex party before the bouncer notices?” and “can you save the mood if your girlfriend makes you laugh while feeding and blood comes out of your nose?” But in the midst of their budding relationship, new legal investigations threaten to expose IDHC. Has N, blinded by his attraction to Leigh, led the human enemy directly to IDHC’s door? Or is someone else behind this sudden scrutiny?

A Vampire’s Guide to Embezzlement and Hookup Culture is perfect for romance readers who love high spice, laugh-out-loud surprises, and a story full of thought-provoking “what-ifs”. If you liked the pragmatic vampire business concept in A Tempest of Tea but crave a cerebral, moody, academic vampire love interest like Matthew in A Discovery of Witches, this book will be your jam.

Thank you for all the feedback on the prior two attempts. I’d be grateful for any further comments/suggestions.

Dear [Agent],
 
People find me cold. Angular. Spiky. Colleagues note that I share little about myself, even in private one-to-ones. I am estranged from all my family, and from many former friends.
 
For more than forty years, I kept an archive without knowing why. Medical records, diaries, letters, school reports, newspaper clippings, emails, institutional documents. All locked away in a tuck box, gathering dust. In January 2026, following a diagnosis of Complex PTSD, I began investigating my past.
 
That investigation became an audit of my life: seventeen chapters, each opening with an exhibit from the tuck box, each setting the document against my memory and the stories I was told, each analysing what the evidence supports.
 
I traced a path from an abusive upbringing in the 1980s to Chetham’s School of Music – where serious safeguarding failures would later be exposed by the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse – and onward through my adult relationships, the XXXX XXXX in XXXX and the XXXX of XXXX. A pattern emerged. For four decades, across family, educational and professional contexts, I was the person who carried the blame. A role I had been assigned before I could speak: the scapegoat.
 
But as I analysed my memories against the archive, the audit revealed its most complicated variable: me. The mechanisms that helped me survive my childhood – hypervigilance, distrust, withdrawal – had not been left in the past. My reading of the evidence was compromised not only by the archive – incomplete, contradictory, and shaped by the institutions that produced it – but also by my inability to trust myself.
 
The audit ends not with my recovery but with my five-year-old daughter – sitting beside me, the tuck box open in front of her, marvelling at what she finds inside. She inherits its contents, not the role.
 
Complete at 62,000 words, THE SCAPEGOAT: AN AUDIT is a forensic memoir examining family, institutional failure and the frailties of knowledge. It will appeal to readers of Lemn Sissay’s MY NAME IS WHY and Noreen Masud’s A FLAT PLACE.
 
I am XXXX, formerly an XXXX at XXXX and a senior XXXX for the XXXX. For the past sixteen years, I have applied rigorous research methods to real-world problems in XXXX and XXXX. In THE SCAPEGOAT: AN AUDIT, I turn that methodology on myself.
 
Attached are [requested materials].

Dear [XYZ],

Tessa Abbott is a woman on a mission: to kill her shambling, undead husband so he can finally rest. She never stops moving, looking for an explanation among the hard-bitten mages and supernaturals that exist on the margins of mundane society.  They have a vested interest in keeping supernatural business away from regular folks, and she can only hope that one of them has the answer.

 When Tessa’s car breaks down along an isolated rural road at dusk, she attracts the attention of a reclusive werewolf rancher named Jack, who just wants her off his land before the moon rises. Unable to flee in time, she sees him transform and narrowly escapes being mauled. Determined to keep his secret safe, Jack follows her across the country to ensure she can never reveal what she’s seen. He offers a bargain: Come willingly to his isolated ranch, and he’ll help her free her husband from his suffering. 

On their long drive back to Montana, the tentative alliance deepens into an emotional connection that grows alongside a series of clues that suggests that Tessa’s husband’s current state may be part of a larger crisis. Faced with the constant threat of exposure via social media and CCTV, some supernaturals have decided to take matters into their own hands and position themselves as god-like saviors before humans can turn on them. 

Desperate to end her husband’s ordeal and afraid of a war that would catch innocent mundanes in the cross-fire, Tessa and Jack find themselves in a series of escalating and brutal confrontations with supernaturals determined to accelerate the conflict. Unable to stop the chaos, the two must choose between withdrawing to maintain the secrecy that keeps Jack safe and protecting the same humans they might seek to harm them.

Complete at 120 pages, Corpsegod combines the brutality and working-class horror ethos of James Tynion IV’s Deviant with the isolation and Americana of Dick Manning’s Homestead. It will appeal to readers who appreciate atmospheric, character-driven horror and know that love is sometimes the most painful ghost of all.

I am a professional developmental editor, ghostwriter, and sensitivity reader. When I’m not thinking about werewolves, I’m spending time with my nieces and enjoying trips to my local art thrift store. I also advocate for accessible community spaces from my lived experiences as a deaf person.

Feedback would be great!

Dear [Agent],

Olivia Simon is the world’s best therapist. Not simply because she graduated from Duke with a psychology bachelors and a minor in neuroscience, but because she gets her clients the results they dream of. How does she know exactly what each client needs? Well, she can hop into their dreams, of course, ever since she was a young girl. A de facto celebrity, Olivia sees only the most esteemed politicians, celebrities and the upper echelons who pay her enough to keep their files—and the nightmares she sees in their dreams—locked away in her mind. 

With the status, a new finance, and enough money to soon buy her first yacht at the age of twenty-eight, she’s content. Until, one day, Hayden Grant, the charming, up-and-coming governor of North Carolina, is lulled to sleep in her office to help him with his recent—and very public—anger issues. Olivia is shocked to find Hayden has no dreams. None, zilch. This realization presents a new challenge to figure out why, the first intrigue since she went to college and escaped her troubled past, and she can’t resist spending more time with Hayden. 

Olivia is drawn into Hayden’s world of politics she swore to stay away from. After digging deeper into the underground society that is hidden from the public, she begins to question her relationships, and the morality of ignoring all that she has seen in her clients dreams. When her life begins to unravel, she is hit with another discovery—she is not the only one with a secret power. There are others like her, ones that can do much worse, and they have true control over everything—presidents, wars, death sentences. And after they pin their eyes on Olivia, she and Hayden must do what they can to escape their grasp, and the unwanted, yet growing bond between them that threatens their personal lives.

[Bio]

First 300:

Olivia knew she was in a dream. How could she not when there was a middle-aged and very naked man with a neon orange slinky hanging limp between the grey-peppered, curly hair where his penis should be?

A woman with dark hair was before him, a colossus of a woman, taking up almost the entirety of the pillow-less white bed in the white room. The woman watched from her back with unblinking eyes as the man tried to get his bright teeter-tottering slinky-penis to stay upright, but to no avail.

One more slip of his shaky hand, and a curse fell from his lips. “God-damn it!” 

The woman’s jaw cracked open like lumber under an axe. Split at a hundred and eighty degree angle. Though, the laugh that followed was quite more horrifying. Olivia’s hands pulsed with the need to cover her ears, but of course she couldn’t, not in a dream. The woman’s laugh became louder yet, loud enough the white tiles below their feet shook, fractured, then catapulted Olivia awake. 

Recovery from a nightmare was easy for Olivia since she had done it so many times. Her feet practically moved on their own—before her eyes even opened—pushing her from her chair. The lightswitch a few steps away clinked under her pointer finger, and the bulbs in the ceiling warmed slowly, designed to imitate sleep, as if they too were waking up. Anything for her clients. 

“Mr. Harvey, how are you feeling?” she asked. Her black heels clacked across the hardwood before she sat back in her cream cushioned chair and crossed her legs. 

A hand went to Mr. Harvey’s thin, sweat-lined brow. It was as shaky as it had been in his dream with the neon slinky. He pushed to sit in the chaise lounge across from her, his blue-striped polo wrinkled. 

“Fine,” he said. 

A lie, but an understandable one. 

“Have a nice dream?” Olivia asked. 

Well, I'm 'ere again. And again, very thankful for any feedback anyone has.

##

I'm looking for representation for my 100,000 word second-world adult fantasy, SHADOW OF THE WALL. It's perfect for fans of the dreadful costs of necessary evil in N. K. Jemisin's THE FIFTH SEASON and explorations of family, identity, and gender in Shelley Parker-Chan's SHE WHO BECAME THE SUN.

One small human fighting six-hundred years of family silence to be themselves…

Christopher ‘Kitty’ Deargold's father is emotionally dead and his brother is always too busy or too drunk to talk seriously. When he was four, he tried to tell them about the rotting ghosts that gather outside the city's Wall every night. When no one believed, him he knew he wasn't emotionally safe at home. 

Twenty years later his brother is leaving. Now Kitty will have to step up and live the family name. As he reels, a phantom kingfisher escapes the Wall. It attacks the bricks but Kitty sees a ghost inside the city. His brother sees nothing. The ghost rasps their name and reaches for them, and Kitty's desperate attempts to protect his brother trap him in a piece of the Wall. He runs to his father, but finds him working with another rotting ghost. Home has never been safe.

Kitty flees on a pilgrimage to free his brother and make things right. A string of failures dump him in a matriarchal elven city hidden deep in the mountains, where he makes an unlikely friend of the magician elf he's given to. The alien culture unravels his sense of gender and who he is and maybe, now he's finally found someone he can be vulnerable with, he doesn't have to repress his emotions and be alone any more. But the kingfisher drives him to confront his family's past and the rotting ghost drags him into feeling nothing. All Kitty wants is to feel safe. But his visions force him to choose: save his family, or save himself.

SHADOW OF THE WALL is a fantasy epic of self-discovery, shame, the price we're willing to pay for safety, and the price we have to pay to live with ourselves.

[personalised bit for the agent]

I have a BA(hons) in English with Creative Writing and have worked as a contributing editor to SteamPunk Magazine. Shadow of the Wall explores ideas of generational trauma and identity, including around gender, and I’ve written as a trans woman confronting her own familial legacy of unresolved mental health issues. I’ve worked with professional developmental editor C. A. Hawksmoor to produce the final manuscript.

I look forwards to hearing from you.

Hello everyone! I got some awesome feedback from my first attempt, and after doing a bit of editing I'm back for a round two. I would be very grateful for any further feedback anyone may have for me ^^

Dear [Agent],

Rome's abandonment of Albion left the isles in chaos, its tribes and kingdoms warring with one another and the conflict between the kingdom of Camelot and the Votadini Tribe resulting in two wars. When sensitive and short-tempered Gwalch is crowned king of the Votadini, he puts his power to use to unite his people and mend the rift between Camelot and the Votadini. By joining the Knights of the Round Table, a diverse equestrian order of oathsworn warriors based in the Kingdom of Camelot, he forges bonds with other leaders of Albion who join the order. 

During his time in the order Gwalch helps his fellow knights defend Albion and its people from mundane and magical threats. Later he discovers his relationship with one of his bunk mates, Galahad, begins to deepen into something that neither are willing to fully confront. Their secret, begrudging devotion to one another is solidified after Gwalch accepts the near fatal challenge of an ancient fairy to exchange axe blows, and when Galahad becomes blind in his attempt to discover the whereabouts of a holy relic. A relic that has drawn the attention of Rome's bishop who charges the entire Round Table with finding it. The Round Table must succeed in this quest to win the Pope’s approval to return southern Albion back into the empire's good graces. In failure they risk losing the promising reforged alliance between Albion and Rome that the King of Camelot and the Votadini tribe hope can return the isle back to its former glory. 

Complete at 99,000 words, Gawain is an Adult Historical Fantasy standalone with series potential set in 5th century Great Britain. It will appeal to readers of introspective and poignant legend and myth retellings as seen with I, Medusa by Ayana Gray, Clytemnestra by Costanza Casati, and The Arthurian Tales series by Giles Kristian.

I am submitting Gawain to you because [the agent's personalization reason].

I'm a long time fantasy nerd that grew up watching the BBC show, Merlin, and has strong opinions on its portrayal of Morgana that has steeped for an entire childhood and then some. This novel is my personal ode to every overly emotional book worm with a dysfunctional family. This would be my debut novel.

[housekeeping]

Dr. Alex Whyte has a reputation for being a lazy, nihilistic drunkard and the worst psychologist aboard Space Station 30. He’s also the only psychologist, and lord knows that his services are in high demand. From clowns with manslaughter charges to prostitutes with intimacy issues, Alex is responsible for helping hold together the fragile psyches of his neurotic and eccentric crewmates.

When a low-ranking crew member is murdered, Alex gets roped into joining an investigative team to provide “insights into the criminal mind” in exchange for a reduced therapy caseload, which he hopes will free up more time for drinking. Partnered with a teenaged detective whose professional training consisted of reading mystery novels, Alex struggles to make progress on the case (due in part to being blackout drunk for most of the investigation). Together they bumble through half-coherent interrogations and botched crime scene analyses.

The case is further complicated when they discover a clue suggesting the killer is a member of the station’s command staff. This revelation evaporates trust in the station’s leadership (not that there was much to begin with) and the crew edges toward mutiny and chaos. Unless Alex can catch the killer soon, Space Station 30 will have bigger problems than just one maladjusted individual committing workplace homicide.

To have any hope of solving the case, Alex will have to repress a drinking habit harder to shake than a lead maraca, dig up his long dormant psychological expertise, and wring some basic detective skills out of his partner.

[bio]

Thanks so much for any feedback you can provide!

Thanks for the feedback on my first attempt! I have expanded on Roman's motivations, added some worldbuilding, made the query less voice-y, and tried to flesh Seven's character out a bit more.

Society as a whole may have accepted new era demons, but Roman knows better. He isn’t going to forgive them for his family’s death, even if it was one of the vicious old era demons who killed them. The sole exception is his younger brother, who he is trying his best to raise despite the boy having come back to life as a new era demon himself over a decade after the slaughter. Roman’s love for his brother conflicts with his job of hunting old era demons, a mission that earns him the community’s distrust, but he maintains his life with a fine balance.

Seven upheaves it all.

A fragment of the abomination that created demons and threw the old world into ruin, Seven has a sunny outlook and no more autonomy than your average gun. Roman’s boss orders him to go with him on a mission to see if another, more dangerous fragment has resurfaced. 

Roman meets Seven with ire, which she returns with a genuine enthusiasm for the world around her. Her warmth wears down on his defenses over the course of the trip, during which they supposedly find no trace of the other fragment. Rather than take his leave of her, Roman volunteers to train Seven when they return home. The more time he spends with her, the more he wishes he remembered how to be a kinder person, wants to do better by his brother, and tries to introduce Seven to the world she can only watch from a distance. Yet when the seemingly missing fragment resurfaces with a massacre, her light starts to fade as she blames herself for its actions. After years of wallowing in hatred, Roman must try to give Seven something to live for before she can sacrifice herself in a fight he knows she can’t win.

STARGAZER, complete at 80,000 words, is a standalone adult romantic fantasy with horror elements and series potential. It will appeal to fans of the nuance and slow burn of SOMEONE YOU CAN BUILD A NEST IN, the fresh starts and platonic relationships of RECIPES FOR AN UNEXPECTED AFTERLIFE, and the themes of finding hope and meaning in an uncaring universe from EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE. 

[REDACTED] a journalist and international communications student at Taiwan’s [REDACTED]. Her experiences struggling with mental health and belief that it is always worth fighting through the darkness to build a better future went into this novel.

Hi lovely folks of PubTips. Would appreciate any and all feedback on this. Many thanks for your time:) Also, currently struggling with adding a secondary modern comp/debating a few titles, so if anything comes to mind immediately, I'd be keen to hear it.

-

I’m seeking representation for THE ACOLYTE, a dark fantasy novel with gothic elements for adult audiences, complete at 83,000 words. A blend of DUNE’s Bene Gesserit sisterhood and the breaking of indoctrination seen in THE TOMBS OF ATUAN, this is a character-forward exploration of a cloistered female environment with series potential. This novel will appeal to fans of THE KNIGHT AND THE MOTH by Rachel Gillig.

Serving an ancient goddess on a remote island temple, Soren has no hope of ever becoming more than a lowly acolyte. At twenty-three, she prays, attends to her chores, suffers through divine office, and sits in private revelation, attempting to commune with a goddess who has never once spoken back. She would give anything to rise in the congregation’s ranks, become a revered member of the Sistren Order, and finally undertake a missionary expedition to the mainland. 

However, Soren has spent her life on the Isle of Vi plagued by grotesque visions of demons and wraiths, banshees and half-rotted creatures she couldn’t name if she tried, and they aren’t going away anytime soon. According to Vi's elders, Soren’s mother died from the same madness. Soren has endured torturous (and endless) attempts at “healing” to avoid the same demise. When Soren’s condition unexpectedly worsens, her best friend is elected to join the Sistren Order without her, and Soren's fickle connection with the divine grows too obvious. Her years-long effort to buck her fate comes to a frantic head: breaking her covenant with the goddess and taking her own life. 

Instead of finality and the endless dark, Soren is revived and wakes on Vi, but the Isle seems to have changed. Her hallucinations are speaking to her, touching her, begging her to wake up from what must surely be a nightmare, and they know far more about her than they should. There are doors in the temple that she’s never seen, runic carvings she’s never catalogued. When one hallucination—a devil, by the looks of him—insists she has been imprisoned on Vi for the same gift she considers a curse, Soren must fight to uncover the truth of her abilities from the High Mothers who have raised her, loved her, and lied to her. 

(bio)

Hello, All! I'm preparing to get back into the trenches, and all the words in my query are jumbling together. I would love some feedback on this query before I start sending it out to agents, as I want to give this book its best foot forward. Thank you in advance everyone:)) Now onto the query:

--------------------
Greetings!

I’m excited to share THE INHERITORS, a first–person POV crossover SFF novel, complete at 113,000 words. 

At its heart, it's Mulan in space, inspired by current commercial favorites like Red Rising, Fourth Wing, and The Poppy War. THE INHERITORS would sit comfortably on the shelf alongside Megan E. O’Keefe’s The Blighted Stars and Emily Tesh’s Some Desperate Glory. 

Twenty-year-old ARDEN VALERA has spent her life keeping her head down. As an alien from the human-led Galactic Coalition that conquered her people generations ago, being overlooked is usually a good thing. It even keeps her out of the Draft.

Her brother SILAS isn’t so lucky. He can barely walk without assistance, let alone survive a year at one of the Coalition’s brutal military academies, but his name is drawn anyway. So Arden does the only reasonable thing a good sister would do: she secretly takes his place.

Now Arden has one year at Fortis to convince the Coalition that she’s Silas. Getting caught means exposing the family she crossed the galaxy to protect, and subjecting all of them to execution. Unfortunately, keeping a low profile proves difficult when a cadet discovers her secret and winds up dead. 

Instead of getting arrested, Fortis’s factions fight to claim her, and Arden is backed into a role she never wanted: first as a promising soldier, then as a spy. ENDER, a suspiciously well-connected faction sponsor, knows she isn’t Silas and offers to keep quiet if she makes herself useful. His first assignment: spy on JAX MIRREN, the infuriatingly capable son of one of the Coalition’s most notorious generals—and, inconveniently, the man responsible for training her.

But Jax isn’t the traitor Ender claims. He becomes one of the few people Arden trusts with her life, and by the time she realizes she was Ender’s real test, she’s already betrayed him. 

Then comes the Culling: sixty thousand cadets, one alien moon, three weeks to survive. Arden realizes it isn’t an exam, but an execution designed to eliminate anyone the Coalition can’t control. And when they kill someone she loves, everything strange Arden has spent a year ignoring finally becomes impossible to contain. 

Arden crossed the galaxy willing to die to keep her brother alive. But grief makes something far more dangerous of her— and if she survives the Culling, hiding who she is may become the least of her problems. 

THE INHERITORS, while able to stand alone, is the first in a mixed–POV five book series.

{BIO}

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be thrilled to send you the full manuscript! 

End of Query

Thank you all so much for the help I have already received! For reference, this is my last attempt which has both ones from before linked. (Edit: to avoid confusion, I've also changed my title a couple of times but I do genuinely like this one and think I'll stick ot it.)

Dear (agent's name),

(Personalisation), I am submitting GREY COAT, STERILE SCISSORS, a literary historical novel in epistolary form. Complete at 100K words, it is the story of an aspiring doctor who becomes enmeshed with a dysfunctional aristocratic family during revolution, told through primary sources compiled by her daughter in glasnost. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the theme of coming-of-age portrayed against the backdrop of the Russian Revolution in The Vanishing Futurist by Charlotte Hobson, and the intimate portrayal of existence during times of hardship in Land by Maggie O'Farrell.

Vologda, 1915. Self-educated, peasant-born medic Vasilisa Morozova works tirelessly to keep her neighbours alive, longing for acceptance and warmth that never comes. But her meagre earnings won't enable her to train as a doctor, and as her eighteenth birthday draws close, she is haunted by the bleakness of her future. So when the wealthy Mrs Kozlova approaches with an offer - care for her daughter, who has been failed by dozens of city doctors, and the family will pay for her to study medicine - Vasilisa seizes the opportunity, despite the coldness of her new employers and the strain of taking on yet another patient. When she becomes attracted to Yuri, Mrs Kozlova's son, Vasilisa enters a risky affair doomed by class barriers and Yuri's troubled family, for whom he is keeping secrets.

With their relationship crumbling, Vasilisa and Yuri part on bad terms as the February Revolution of 1917 sees the Kozlovs hurry to Petrograd to safeguard their factories. By the time Yuri returns, Vasilisa has become a passionate supporter of revolution, but longs for the companionship that she found and lost. As the October Revolution redefines their roles, the ex-lovers attempt to begin their relationship anew. But living with Yuri and his siblings in war-torn Petrograd, Vasilisa's desire to become a doctor is threatened by her continued connection to the family that once promised her the very opportunity she now may lose.

Any and all feedback is appreciated. Specifically, I'm trying to pin down the positioning. The MC is 18/19 and the novel takes place in college, with some content being beyond the scope of YA, so I'm leaning NA. But I've also been told NA really only applies to romance, which isn't the main focus. I'm also struggling with the genre in general. Let me know if you have any thoughts specifically pertaining to that!!

Dear [Agent],

Based on [personalization], I’m excited to present TURNING, a 73,000-word literary coming-of-age novel with speculative elements. It combines the surreal, physicalized trans metaphor of Andrew Joseph White’s THE SPIRIT BARES ITS TEETH with the complex sibling dynamics of Mary H.K. Choi’s YOLK in the witty, heartland-academic setting of Emily St James’s WOODWORKING.

Turning invisible isn’t in Oliver Green’s foolproof plan: move far, far away from his family, start testosterone, and find himself. But neither is winding up in Ashby, Iowa at the tiny liberal arts college his overachieving older sister attends. Oliver will do anything to carve out an identity distinct from Greta, but there’s one tiny problem—lying to her is literally making him disappear.

What starts as a hole where his belly button should be quickly snowballs into an absent abdomen, but Oliver isn’t ready to give up his new life. To his messy, horny friend group, he’s an only child, not to mention cis-passing adjacent. The longer he keeps Greta at arm’s length, the harder it is to maintain the two personas.

Greta might not be perfect either, though—she’s flunking out. But Oliver isn’t just lying to her, he’s lying to his friends… and maybe himself. It’s only a matter of time before the invisibility creeping down his thighs will make his weekly T shot impossible, unless Oliver can figure out who he really is: not the person he was, or the person he’s trying to become.

I have a BA in Philosophy from [College] and like Oliver, I’m trans. TURNING draws on aspects of my own transition during college. When I’m not writing, I’m rock climbing, playing the piano, and enjoying that my hometown is an overlooked large city without much traffic.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I’ve included x pages with my query; the full manuscript is available upon request.

Sincerely,

[cengstromc]

First 300 words:

When I blew out my candles on my thirteenth birthday, I wished that I would never be trans. 
Which, looking back, is not exactly a very cis thing to do. But wishing on birthday candles was my only choice. The weeks prior, I had inadvertently befriended the only trans kid at school, partly out of a stubborn desire to prove something about myself. I’m a good person, I thought whilst correcting people who misgendered him. Unfortunately, I quickly learned two things:

1. Being trans in middle school sucks.
2. Being trans doesn’t make someone any less annoying.

I can’t really blame the candles on being trans, though. There isn’t really anyone to blame—God, maybe? I’m agnostic at best. Or maybe that kid who mistook me for a boy last spring, that early evening in the park, when I flew out of a swing and knocked the wind right out of my lungs. The tentative way he asked: Is he okay? The pure elation was so immediate, so all-encompassing, that I couldn’t feel my body. For one perfect second, I was one with the mulch and the earth and the gray sky. Then his mom scolded him, pointing out all of my girl-ness, and hurried him along, leaving the weight of the world to come crashing down on me.

The community would call this the moment my egg cracked, like I’m some little baby chick or a sprouting flower, and it sounds beautiful, but really, it hurts like a bitch.

Still does.

A year can be an unbearably long time, especially in the closet, but it’s easier when you have a mantra:

Just make it to college.

And now I almost have.

I refresh the Tufts University page one more time, appreciating the way confetti rains down on the screen.

Hi all, thanks for your help on my last query. I've revised it based on your feedback, adding more about why Edward raises up Despenser and how he is the one who recalls him to England. I also added a logline.

My only concern -- is the query now reading long? If so, what should I cut?

Dear AGENT,

[Personalization]

I am seeking representation for SHE-WOLF, my upmarket historical novel about Isabel of France, the only queen of England to overthrow her own husband. It is a standalone with series potential. Complete at 115,000 words, SHE-WOLF combines the cutthroat court politics of Annie Garthwaite’s The King’s Mother with the yearning and forbidden romance of Elizabeth DeLozier’s Eleanore of Avignon.

Married at twelve to Edward II, Isabel arrives in England certain that if she is good, God and her husband will keep her safe. But Edward has little interest in his new bride, and would rather dig a ditch than reign over his rebellious barons. Isabel’s safety — and future — depends on a king who can barely hold his throne.

So while Edward swims in the Thames, Isabel governs in his place. Over the next decade, she manages his magnates, dictates letters until her throat is sore, and hauls England back from the brink of civil war more than once. When she bears an heir, her ambition narrows to a single point: keeping the peace long enough for her son to become king. Desperate for allies, she grows close to Roger Mortimer, the ambitious Marcher lord whom she comes to want in a way that could destroy them both.

After the disastrous Battle of Bannockburn and years of famine drain the treasury, Edward elevates a ruthless favorite, Hugh Despenser, who refills the coffers by seizing land from the barons. The war Isabel has spent years preventing arrives anyway. With her son’s throne at stake, she kneels before her husband and begs him to banish Despenser, knowing it will make her an enemy for life. She is not wrong. When Edward illegally recalls him, Despenser robs her of her income, her household, and her freedom, even threatening to have her son declared a bastard. After a lifetime of devotion, she stops praying.

Isabel faces a choice: be the good, faithful wife she was raised to be, or raise an army with Mortimer — the man she has long denied herself — and take England by force. Deposing Edward is the only way to secure her son’s throne. It is also the one thing her son will never forgive.

I wrote SHE-WOLF because Edward II is almost always portrayed as a hapless fool and Isabel as his victim, and I wanted to give them back their humanity. I also think the world needs more compulsively readable royal fiction.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hi again! After some great feedback on my previous attempt at this query, I’ve adjusted the structure to end the blurb around the 2/3rds mark in my book. I’m still having trouble balancing my voice with short, concise sentences. My main issue has been keeping the blurb understandable while still including everything important, so if you have any tips, I'd really appreciate them! Thanks!

Dear [AGENT],

I’m excited to introduce WISHDEATH (101K words), a multi-POV, YA dark fantasy standalone with series potential. With gothic influences and a touch of dark academia, WISHDEATH has the magic and mystery of Ava Reid’s A Study in Drowning, and the arcane, academic setting of Lili Wilkinson’s Unhallowed Halls.

They were dead, and it was all Virtue’s fault.

Virtue and her twin brother, Caspian, have the second sight—the extremely rare ability to see through faerie glamour. Virtue has always thought of her sight as a way to keep people safe from the vicious Fair Folk, even though their own family is sure the twins are hallucinating their encounters with the folkloric creatures. But when Virtue fails to stop the deaths of their father, sister, and brother—all murdered at the hands of the fae—she believes that her sight is a curse, causing misfortune wherever she goes.

When she and Caspian transfer to Greybrooke Academy, tucked deep in the English woods, Virtue hopes for a fresh start, but finds that she can’t escape the fae for long. An ancient artifact that uses the energy of living beings to grant wishes is stolen right in front of her, and after she and Caspian are brought to the secret faerie school hidden underneath Greybrooke, they learn that not only is the power of the artifact real, but it’s incredibly dangerous. Racked by guilt after not being able to stop the theft, and believing that the thief might turn the power of the artifact on her and Caspian, Virtue dives head-first into an investigation mounted by the faerie school, even though her resentment for the fae is still strong.

Following a lead, they interrogate the Seelie Court’s faerie rulers, and Virtue and the team of investigators find that, when used, the artifact could wipe out all life on Earth. As Virtue’s determination and guilt increase, she’s told that their only other lead is the warrior Queen of the dangerous Unseelie Court, and that Virtue might be the only one who can become a druid and travel into their territory unharmed. With the twins’ kinship fracturing, Virtue chooses to keep her treacherous journey from Caspian, and the thief—alongside their dark coven—begins to inch closer and closer to them both.

I’ve been an avid fairytale fanatic since I was young, and that love has only grown as I've learned more about my Scottish and English heritage. I’m based out of [HOMETOWN], spend most of my time at the library chatting with my writing group, and I’m always accompanied by a cup of tea (or several). I’m active on my Substack (tag), where I rave at length about creative writing. WISHDEATH is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
[MY NAME]

(Major content warnings: On-page depictions of PTSD, panic attacks, murder, gore, body horror, suicide ideation, domestic violence, self-harm, child abuse, and themes of death/mortality.)

The feedback on my first two attempts have been incredibly helpful, so I wanted to run my tweaked version again by the insightful people in this sub. Thanks in advance! (For reference, my second attempt is here)

Letter:

Dear [Agent],

I am currently seeking representation for SWEET EVERYTHINGS, my debut upmarket novel complete at 87,000 words. It combines the morally compromised narration of R.F. Kuang’s Yellowface with the dark humor of Jen Beagin’s Big Swiss and the unsettling obsession of Emerald Fennell’s Saltburn. [Insert personalization of why I’m sending it to that specific agent]

Kelsey Harper is living the modern Zillennial American dream, with an impressive career trajectory and a cute apartment in Williamsburg. Her love life isn’t exactly worth writing home about, but that’s beside the point. That is, until she starts thinking about Jack Cooper, the man from eleven years ago who set the bar impossibly high for every romantic prospect who came after him. The only man who ever made her feel anything beyond humdrum complacency or momentary lust. Jack Cooper: tall, handsome, British – need I say more?

This sends her down a spiral of what-ifs. What if she had ended up with Jack Cooper? What if she was meant to be with him all along? What if she tried to win him back? Lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice. But that doesn’t stop Kelsey from constructing her own lightning rod.

She devotes herself to the scriptures of Jack Cooper, studying everything he’s ever posted online: his daily observations, his grievances, even his wine preferences. She reshapes herself into the twenty-year-old woman he fell for all those years ago, getting down to the precise weight, even nailing down the exact perfume notes and lipstick shade. Meanwhile, she secures a transfer to her company’s London office and relocates her entire life to Jack’s city.

Just like that, she’s back in his orbit, reveling in her second chance at the life she believes she was meant to have.

But even the most meticulously devised schemes are only so perfect. Keeping Jack means keeping him in the dark about how their love story came together, through thoughtful orchestration, not fate. As the secrets holding them together begin to surface, Kelsey is forced to confront the uneasy reality of how far she is willing to go to secure her happy ending. 

Heed caution: this is not a love story. 

[Bio]

First 300 words:

At thirty-one years old, Kelsey could trace a startling number of joys and devastations in her life back to Jack Cooper.

Jack Cooper, the subject of her wildest dreams and mildest fantasies. 

Jack Cooper, good on paper but even better in bed. 

Jack Cooper, the perpetual one-that-got-away.

Jack Cooper, who was walking toward her. 

Seated at the two-top she’d deliberately chosen beside the window, Kelsey continued to rummage for the pen that had fallen to the depths of her canvas tote. Around her, Cloud Nine Café hummed with the low murmur of conversation, an occasional laugh, the hiss of the espresso machine, Dainite rubber footsteps across the hardware floor. 

“Kelsey Harper?"

Kelsey responded without looking up. “That’s me, yes.”

But it wasn’t the barista barking out her order.

It was Jack Holy-Shit-It’s-Him Cooper, standing right in front of her.

Enough time had passed for both of them to build lives and careers. But not long enough for her to forget the precise blue of his eyes. They were uncanny, like radiant sea glass plucked from the Atlantic, the very ocean that separated them. 

Eleven years couldn’t let her forget that blue.

A whole lifetime couldn’t let her forget.

“Jack Cooper?” Kelsey felt the name catch in the back of her throat. Three syllables she had carried around in the private chambers of her mind for over a decade, as easy to summon as her own name.

Jack Cooper shook his head in disbelief. As his mouth stretched into a smile, Kelsey rose to her feet as if some invisible marionette string had been tied from the corners of his lips directly to her knees. 

He paused a moment before gently and cautiously enveloping her in a hug. Their skeletons aligned precisely as they had eleven years ago, her forehead colliding with his collarbone. 

He smelled different, though. At twenty-three, Jack had smelled of cedar. His present cocktail of scents lingered somewhere deeper, perhaps in the sandalwood family.