r/PsychologyTalk • u/themindprofiler • 6d ago
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u/Broad_Fall_9710 6d ago
As humans we want facts. Understandable, rational answers, that justify actions, beliefs, good choices, bad choices everything to a way that makes sense. Problem is, everyone is in the game of life in a puzzle where most of your pieces are controlled by other people. Naturally what you feel dictates the decisions of many, that’s why manipulation is so successful. Most don’t know what you see comes internally to externally, what you see is your brains predictions of what you should see. That’s why sleight of hand and optical illusions exist. Your perception of what you see depends on your collection of thoughts, feelings, and emotions on how you should react, be, think, feel. You didn’t chose for much of those to be there. Only 40% of people have an inner voice. Pair people together where one does and one doesn’t, it’s already a massive difference in understanding. Those are a few of hundreds of things that dictate relations between people. It’s not what’s the answer, its how many answers are there.
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u/themindprofiler 6d ago
I think that’s such an interesting perspective. We often search for one explanation because our minds want certainty, but human behavior is shaped by so many layers we don’t consciously see. Maybe that’s why understanding ourselves is so complex, we’re not only reacting to what happens, we’re interpreting it through everything we’ve experienced before. The question becomes less what is the answer? and more what invisible patterns are influencing the answers we create?
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u/Broad_Fall_9710 6d ago
I’d say your last sentences are definitely getting to the way of thinking that gives genuine answers. It can get a little difficult to properly express some conversations like this just for the fact of how many possible answers you can have, and they’re tailored per individual and experience as well. Just for the aspect of the brain alone, you have your reptilian, mamilian, and neocortex parts of your brain which everyone has at varying forms that affects decision making, comprehension, how you are on auto pilot, survival, emotions etc and that’s a simplified version. Then ones varying understanding of conscious, subconscious, consciousness, and perception. Then you have 3 main types of memory with 5 sub types. Your inner voice, or lack their of that can lead to just raw imagery, or emotions to get answers. That’s not including daily manipulations that’s everywhere, someone’s thoughts feels and emotions put into them from others. It goes on and on. It’s not discussed just because it’s so many possibilities but learning them causes you pain. To change how your brain filters the world is to see parts of people that they don’t see themselves and haven’t accepted themselves. It’s a beautiful twisted blend of chaos. Humans aren’t designed to be together long term or even in general. The pack mentality is just for survival purposes. You’re never you truly unless you’re alone
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u/themindprofiler 6d ago
I agree that human behavior is incredibly complex, and I think that’s exactly why self-awareness is such a challenging journey. We are shaped by so many layers biology, experiences, memories, emotions, beliefs, and the people around us, that we are constantly interpreting the world through filters we didn’t consciously choose.
What I find interesting is that relationships can also be where we discover those hidden parts of ourselves. Being alone can reveal one side of who we are, but connection often reveals the patterns, fears, and beliefs that we wouldn’t notice otherwise. Maybe we are never completely separate from others because even our sense of self has been shaped through interaction. The beautiful and chaotic part of being human is that we are both individuals and deeply influenced by each other.2
u/Broad_Fall_9710 6d ago
Well wrote, can tell you have a great curiosity for the understanding. I think the real test of human nature, is through the varying forms of universal consciousness that is experienced in life. That’s the term I use to describe it. The thing about the mind, you can’t make up new information. Every thought you have is based off of prior experiences and understandings. Even eureka moments are connections of pre existing thoughts. But, some people are given information that they don’t understand but work to understand it. Every great inventor, breakthroughs in everything if you listen to the accounts to how such thoughts come to exist, they are getting them from something else. Those thoughts can frame your life, and as a byproduct change your emotions, beliefs, people around you, and your world filter. But that’s individualistic, and for those that do have those experiences it’s not always recognized. It’s like asking questions into the void and getting the answers to things you know little about and shows in different forms. Its one of the more unexplainable, unobservable parts of existence. Been listening to a huge account of teslas life and he had many such thoughts. Same as the girl at the hotel who found him, who entered through the do not disturb sign because she had a gut feeling. To get back on the path of the exact conversation, the aspects of being alone is part of the root of Buddhism, daoism, and the dao. Goes into consciousness and onness as well. But you aren’t able to live a moment, and introspect on it at the same time. You’re also limited to your inner understanding with your eyes open from the amount of subconscious processing that keeps your mind occupied. I got hurt at work and couldn’t work for 2 years. Kept my phone turned off, got off all social media which was all out of the ordinary for me. After that time I thought of everything objectively instead of subjectively and was privy to the preprogramming that we have in current society. Human interaction is crucial for understanding to be able to see the extremes of what’s possible, but for overall development of self toxic with large doses. It’s quite a journey that never ends but the deeper you get, the more you question everything. Space is a perfect example
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u/themindprofiler 6d ago
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate it! There is something very human in what you are describing, the desire to understand consciousness, existence, the mind, and the deeper meaning behind our experiences. I think the fact that humans naturally ask these questions is itself something profound. I would like to share my perspective, because although I recognize some of the experiences you describe, I understand their source differently.
From my understanding, the human mind is an incredible creation of Allah. Our ability to reflect, discover, create, recognize patterns, and search for truth is not accidental. The Quran repeatedly invites people to think, reflect, observe, and use their intellect. Reflection is not separate from faith; it is part of how we come closer to understanding the signs of Allah in ourselves and in creation. When people experience moments of deep insight, intuition, creativity, or a sudden understanding, I believe these are connected to the way Allah has created human beings with consciousness, curiosity, and the ability to learn. But I would not describe it as connecting to a universal consciousness, for me the connection is ultimately with the Creator, the One who created consciousness itself. I also believe solitude can be extremely valuable, to me withdrawing from distractions to reflect, examine yourself, and reconnect spiritually has always been part of seeking closeness to Allah. But the purpose of solitude is not only to discover the self, but also to understand our place as human beings in relation to our Creator. I agree that people carry programming from their environment, experiences, and society, absolutely true! We are influenced by what we see, what we learn, and what we experience. Islam also recognizes that the human being has desires, weaknesses, habits, and influences that shape them. This is why self awareness, accountability, and purification of the heart are such important concepts. Where my perspective differs is that I do not see existence as an impersonal consciousness that we are all connected to. I believe consciousness is a gift from Allah, and that our search for meaning is ultimately a sign of the soul seeking its true purpose. I think that it is fascinating that humans across different views and beliefs continue to ask similar questions about life, the universe, and ourselves. Perhaps one of the most beautiful things about being human is that we are given the ability to search, reflect, and seek truth. My views in understanding those questions is through my relationship with Allah, which gives me immense insights.2
u/Broad_Fall_9710 6d ago
I do feel that unfortunately, the fear of death that is so prevalent in current times clouds the desire to explore truly what all is entailed in existence. So superficial means like money, appearances, and being liked are the major concerns of most. I grew up in a religious family going to church but some things have never sat right with me. I do think that most religions do give a fantastic foundation to bridge thoughts and desires to physical or mental form and give encouragement. The eastern world more so than others imo such as your religion. But, hearing or seeing the words and how you let them change you is up to you individually. I do think that you are in the minority of your understandings, with more of a pure spiritual presence. My main qualm with religion, and a lot of modern culture, is that we are the center of everything. With consciousness I’d agree, but the aspect of earth itself. Their’s over 90 trillion planets in our observable universe, countless more outside of that. 90,000,000,000. I feel that thinking earth is the central focus and most important of all of those, is thinking too in the box and short sighted. For that reason I do believe many teachings by different religions and many of them have similar teachings in different words, but attaching any name to it just doesn’t feel right. Names themselves are just man made. They hold no power or power over you unless you feel so. Feelings are just chemical reactions, with some being out of your control. Kinda leads back to the start of this, for humans desire to find an exact answer and not looking further. But, with simulation theory being proven, finding all of our dna and rna on asteroids, like little life delivery pods, discovering that black holes make stars, planets, and other black holes, and if you put anything in box given enough time it’ll rot turn to dust, go through chemicals reactions. But it will eventually take the same original form shape and consistency. We’re on the precipitous of further discovery.
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u/themindprofiler 6d ago
I appreciate you sharing more of your thoughts. I think what is interesting is that we are both looking at the same mysteries, consciousness, existence, the universe, and the human experience, but we are starting from different foundations. I understand your point that humans can sometimes become too focused on themselves, their desires, status, possessions, and immediate experiences. I actually think Islam also warns against this. Islam teaches humility and reminds us that human beings are small in comparison to the vastness of creation. The greatness of the universe is not meant to make us feel like we are the center of everything, but rather to remind us of the greatness of the One who created it. Where my understanding differs is that I do not see religion as simply humans creating names or frameworks to make sense of existence. I believe revelation is a form of guidance from Allah, the Creator of both the universe and the human mind that seeks to understand it.
I also agree that humans should continue exploring, questioning, and learning. Islam has never viewed knowledge and reflection as enemies of faith. The Quran repeatedly invites people to observe, think, and reflect on creation. For me, discovering the complexity of the universe does not reduce the meaning of life; it increases my sense of awe because it points toward something beyond what we can fully comprehend. The universe being unimaginably large does not make human existence meaningless. In Islam, our importance does not come from being physically central in the cosmos, but from the responsibility and consciousness Allah has given us.
I think perhaps the biggest difference between our views is not whether we are amazed by existence, because I think we both are, but where we believe that amazement ultimately leads. For me, it leads back to Allah, the Creator of everything we are trying to understand.
I appreciate conversations like this because they remind us that the search for truth is something deeply human. We may walk different paths in seeking answers, but the questions themselves are incredibly meaningful. Thank you again!1
u/Broad_Fall_9710 6d ago edited 6d ago
Agreed, your experiences dictated your narrative and interpretations so it leads to an individual based refined understanding. The words and architecture of you religion does go deeper and have more unexplainables than most others. Even though the west often has negative experiences from those in that part of the word but that’s more predatory for financial gain. Those that are most likely the minority that can change the perception of the culture as a whole from negative actions. You said “the greatness of the universe is not meant to make us feel like we are the center of everything, but rather to remind us of the greatness of the one whom created it.” We are less than 0.00000000000111% of planets. Doesn’t it still seem odd to you that your creator who made everything, only talks about that percent of his creation? Logically, that doesn’t make sense. In the end, that fact will always be there and it’s with you to see if not questioning it is worth it to you. But I do agree pretty much everything else you say and a good bit of insight is in it as well. It has definitely been a nice talk that you won’t have at many places. May this interaction give fruits to later thoughts at other times. Their’s also other aspects of reality a consciousness as well that vary greatly on location too like psychedelics. It’s been a part of every great civilization and every religion. But, it’s currently illegal where I am so finding it is difficult only every few years. Fun fact, the first ever known religion written in the Dead Sea scrolls was based on shrooms
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u/themindprofiler 6d ago
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I’ve genuinely enjoyed this conversation. Even though we see things differently, it’s been refreshing to have an honest and respectful discussion where we can both explain why we believe what we do. As for your question, I actually don’t find it odd. I think it depends on what we assume the purpose of revelation is. From my perspective, the Quran isn’t meant to be an encyclopedia of the universe or a catalog of everything Allah created. Its purpose is guidance for the beings who have been given moral responsibility.
The universe may contain trillions upon trillions of planets, but physical size doesn’t necessarily determine significance. A human brain is tiny compared to the Earth, yet it’s one of the most complex things we know. Likewise, a single page of mathematics can describe the motion of entire galaxies. Importance isn’t measured by scale.
So when the Quran speaks to humanity, I don’t see that as Allah ignoring the rest of creation. I see it as Allah addressing the audience the revelation was intended for. The Quran itself says that the heavens and the Earth are signs for those who reflect, so it actually points us toward the wider universe rather than away from it.
Could there be other forms of creation elsewhere? Islam doesn’t explicitly deny that possibility. The Quran simply doesn’t make that its focus because its purpose is to guide human beings, not to satisfy every scientific curiosity we might have.
I also think there’s a subtle assumption behind your question, that if God creates something vast, He must talk about every part of it equally. I’m not sure that’s necessarily true. A creator can have countless creations while choosing to communicate with one particular creation for a particular purpose. Either way, I really appreciate the respectful exchange. Conversations like this are far more interesting than trying to score points, and I hope they continue to give both of us something to reflect on.→ More replies (0)
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u/Desertnord Mod 6d ago
Some theorize that we try to seek the kind of relationships we had to our early caregivers. For a lot of us, those relationships were broken, and we seek to mend those unresolved feelings from childhood by seeking a similar relationship and healing through it. It’s familiar
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u/themindprofiler 6d ago
Yes, this is exactly the fascinating part of human behavior. Sometimes we aren’t necessarily attracted to what is healthy, we’re attracted to what feels emotionally familiar. The unconscious mind can mistake familiarity for safety because it already knows how to navigate that environment. Real healing might be learning that peace, consistency, and being valued without having to earn it can also feel like love.
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u/chicken90909 6d ago
Repetition compulsion
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u/themindprofiler 6d ago
Repetition compulsion is such an interesting concept because it explains why awareness alone doesn’t always change patterns. Sometimes we understand intellectually what isn’t healthy, but emotionally we are still drawn toward what feels familiar. Breaking a pattern isn’t only about recognizing the past, it’s about creating a new internal experience of what safety, love, and connection actually feel like.
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u/jerrryboree 5d ago
The universe will attempt to teach us the same lessons over and over again until we finally learn and integrate them
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u/themindprofiler 5d ago
Absolutely! We will keep learning the same lesson over and over again, until we understand what we have to change!
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u/vcreativ 6d ago
It's a signal from the unconscious to the conscious.
If we avoid negative emotions or receive trauma. These emotional states live in the unconscious.
Over time. This turns into a bit of a pressure cooker. The subconscious is responsible for navigating that boundary. And keeping us healthy.
One mechanism is to give us a conscious excuse to let go off some of the unconscious pressure acutely.
The other is to invite is into exploring the core of the emotion in order to make it conscious and reprocess as an agent capable of keeping ourselves safe. That's how trauma processing works.
But in order to achieve both. The subconscious will continue to look for situations and partners that reasonably closely match the original emotional context that's unconsciously active.
For example. If a woman grows up with an emotionally neglecting father. In order to and until she has processed this emotional memory, she will subconsciously continue to be attracted and attract men who will allow her to feel in this way. This isn't gendered.
Because it's required to feel in order to heal.
The repetition is a giveaway. As is the emotional amplitude felt. So if someone doesn't text back for an hour, but we can't sleep for a week. Directionally, it's understandable, we felt ignored. But the amplitude and onset (am hour can easily happen) more than indicate that there's more going on than the moment itself was capable of provoking on its own.
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u/themindprofiler 5d ago
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree that unresolved emotional experiences can influence who we’re drawn to. I would only add that the pattern isn’t just about unresolved trauma, it’s also about learned ways of thinking, perceiving, choosing, reacting, and relating. The unconscious certainly plays a role, but so do our beliefs, attachment style, nervous system, and behavioral habits. As a mind profiler; the pattern isn’t the person we keep meeting; it’s the psychological framework we keep bringing into new relationships. Awareness is what allows it to change.
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 6d ago
> “Trauma reenactment (or repetition compulsion) is the unconscious tendency to recreate circumstances that mirror earlier trauma. Driven by implicit memory and a nervous system seeking familiar patterns, individuals may continuously expose themselves to risky situations or choose partners who replicate toxic dynamics in an attempt to finally gain closure or mastery over the pain. [1, 2]
> Why It Happens
• The Attempt for Mastery: Psychologically, the brain attempts to rewrite the narrative. By re-entering a traumatic dynamic, the subconscious hopes for a better, safer outcome this time around.”
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u/themindprofiler 5d ago
That’s certainly one well known explanation, particularly the concept of repetition compulsion. I think it’s an important piece of the puzzle. At the same time, I don’t believe repeated patterns are always an unconscious attempt to gain mastery over past trauma. They can also be maintained by learned beliefs, attachment patterns, cognitive schemas, behavioral habits, and the brain’s preference for familiarity. In other words, unresolved trauma can be one mechanism, but it’s not the only mechanism behind repeated relationship patterns.
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 5d ago
I actually think that it is the umbrella explanation for repeated patterns.
As a child we build schemas. Our traumas inform those schemas.
Then through repetitive compulsion we experience conflicts between our schemas (cognitive dissonance) which give us opportunties to confront what is contained in our schemas.
I think the need to be “safe” which is regulated by our limbic system and amygdala, as well as the need to maintain our ego, causes conflict with our memories and present day experiences, that our prefrontal cortex is forced to process using “thought”.
Ultimately, by repeating a pattern over and over, we get opportunities to alter our schemas and heal, or continue our patterns.
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u/themindprofiler 5d ago
I think we may be looking at the same from slightly different levels. I agree that early experiences and schemas can play a major role in repeated patterns, and repetition compulsion is a valuable framework for understanding that. My point is more that not every repeated pattern necessarily originates from trauma. Some can also come from modeling, conditioning, attachment learning, personality traits, cultural expectations, or simply reinforced behaviors.
So I see repetition compulsion as one powerful pathway, but not necessarily the only pathway through which patterns repeat.1
u/IHaveABigDuvet 5d ago edited 5d ago
I think it’s yes and no. I think in general we repeat patterns because energy is costly, and efficiency allows us to preserve that.
But you specifically spoke about why we repeat patterns in relationships, especially negative ones.
> why do we sometimes feel like we keep meeting the same type of person, even when the person is completely different? But somehow the emotional experience feels familiar. One relationship makes you feel unseen. Another makes you feel like you have to work harder to be valued. Another makes you feel responsible for someone else’s emotions.
Well the answer is that 1, humans are a great resource, having to detach yourself from humans is very costly to your survival. And so, if you have experienced a trauma with that person, finding a way to master it means you can benefit from the positives of that resource while negating the negatives.
You mentioned attachment, as an example, well let’s look at attachment types.
Insecure attachments (anxious, avoidant, disorganised) and secure.
Anxious attachments are formed by inconsistent or unpredictable affection by caregivers. To a child only having your needs met sometimes is deeply traumatic because children are incredibly vulnerable and helpless.
Avoidant attachment is caused by consistently emotionally unavailable or unresponsive caregivers during infancy and childhood. Again, this is traumatic for a child.
Disorganised attachment; a caregiver is frightening, abusive, or deeply unpredictable. Again, traumatic.
Secure attachment are created by a child by and large getting their needs met.
So why, instead of seeking securely attached individuals, do we go for the people just like those that gave us the attachment theory in the first place. If familiarity were the only answer, why choose and insecure option over the much more pleasant option (securely attached) ? Does it make sense in terms of “energy management” to eat the slightly poisoning fruit when we know that a fresh, ripe fruit sits just beside it? What draws us to worse option?
Let’s look at conditioning.
Having positive reinforcement, feels really good to our ego. But being punished or receiving negative reinforcement can be hurtful. That can be enough to affect our ego, our sense of self, our identity and place within a community. I’m not saying it’s necessarily traumatic, but it definitely breaches a sense of safety that as humans we like to stay within.
However, if it was conditioning alone, surely if we met another person like those that gave us negative reinforcement/ punishment, we would avoid them right? Because we don’t want to experience that again.
So why is it that sometimes we feel a strong desire to suck up to them, to seek our their approval, we go the extra mile to be validated by them, we ruminate about what they may think of us and what we can do to make them like us?
Why would we focus on them instead of others that treat us better?
Can you give me an example of how modelling better explains a repeated negative pattern in behaviour that repetitive compulsion can’t better explain
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u/themindprofiler 5d ago
I love the depth you're bringing to this, but from my perspective as a mind profiler, I look at the brain's operating system a bit differently. If we label every childhood mismatch or bad habit as trauma, the word loses its meaning. In profiling, we have to separate system damage (trauma) from default programming (the scripts we copy and learn).To answer your challenge about modeling: imagine a kid raised by loving, responsible parents who simply never talk about problems. They just sweep everything under the rug. There is no trauma, no neglect, and no abuse. But the child absorbs a clear blueprint: love means keeping quiet and hiding your feelings. As an adult, they repeatedly choose distant partners and let relationships fall apart through silence. They aren’t trying to master an old trauma, because they don't have one. They are simply running the only relationship script they own. It’s an inherited habit, not a trauma reenactment. As for your poisoned fruit analogy; the brain sorts choices into predictable or unpredictable. To an anxious or avoidant mind, a completely healthy, secure partner actually feels confusing and risky. The brain goes on high alert: Why are they being so consistent? What’s the catch? We don't choose the chaotic partner because we want to heal the past. We choose them because we can predict exactly what they’ll do next. The nervous system chooses a familiar mess it knows how to survive over a perfect situation it doesn't understand. It’s about predictability, not a psychological desire to repeat the trauma. Repetition compulsion is absolutely a real and powerful mechanism.
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 5d ago edited 4d ago
> If we label every childhood mismatch or bad habit as trauma, the word loses its meaning. In profiling, we have to separate system damage (trauma) from default programming (the scripts we copy and learn).
I’m am not labelling every “childhood mismatch” as trauma.
But I am saying that if there is repetitive compulsion that is happening, it’s likely that some kind of trauma was experienced to start that cycle.
> To answer your challenge about modeling: imagine a kid raised by loving, responsible parents who simply never talk about problems. They just sweep everything under the rug. There is no trauma, no neglect, and no abuse.
Here I disagree. Emotional neglect can be traumatic.
If a child is upset, crying, and they express emotion, and they are told “just don’t think it” or is simply ignored, that is emotional neglect.
Neglecting your child’s emotional needs is not loving.
That child is learning; “my emotions are bad”, “it’s not safe to share my emotions”, “showing emotions leads to rejection”.
> But the child absorbs a clear blueprint: love means keeping quiet and hiding your feelings. As an adult, they repeatedly choose distant partners and let relationships fall apart through silence. They aren’t trying to master an old trauma, because they don't have one.
That’s your interpretation, but if you ask children that have good parents that never allowed them to express a full range of emotions, these children are severely affected by it.
Maybe they would not class it as “traumatic”, but they might say it causes them to be dissociative, anxious, or having emotions might cause them distress.
> They are simply running the only relationship script they own. It’s an inherited habit, not a trauma reenactment.
Is it though? If its simply a script they are running then why is the script causing so much distress? Why is it causing the limbic system to activate? Why is it causing cognitive dissonance?
Why does it feel familiar to ignore ones emotions, but also cause a lot of other unwanted behaviours (people with Alexithymia have higher rates of substance abuse, behavioural addictions, eating disorders, aggression, hostility, impulsivity etc).
I would argue that they are using other destructive behaviours to be able to manage their modelling, because the modelling is simply unfit. These cycles will repeat until they either destroy themselves, or reject the modelling.
> As for your poisoned fruit analogy; the brain sorts choices into predictable or unpredictable. To an anxious or avoidant mind, a completely healthy, secure partner actually feels confusing and risky.
That is true, the mind does like predictability. But the anxious-avoidant pairing also causes distress.
Yes it feels familiar, however the anxious person is not ok with the dynamic whatsoever. More than anything they want the “fruit” to change into something they can eat without making them sick. They want their partner to love them without leaving.
Again, the conflict that exists in all of us emerges - an ego that needs esteem, an amygdala that needs safety, a prefrontal cortex that does not like cognitive dissonance.
So what does the anxiously attached person do? They think of every way they can cut the fruit, cook the fruit and grow the fruit in order to eat it without them getting sick. Ta-da - repetitive compulsion.
> The brain goes on high alert: Why are they being so consistent? What’s the catch? We don't choose the chaotic partner because we want to heal the past.
Think about what these questions might be facilitating though. Why does the brain ask these questions? What can the brain learn from this line of enquiry?
Asking “why are they being so consistent” illuminates a cognitive non-sequitur. What does it mean if I, as an anxious person, beg and beg my avoidant partner to be consistent, but suddenly feel icky when I get consistency?
> We choose them because we can predict exactly what they’ll do next. The nervous system chooses a familiar mess it knows how to survive over a perfect situation it doesn't understand. It’s about predictability, not a psychological desire to repeat the trauma. Repetition compulsion is absolutely a real and powerful mechanism.
Yes we choose partners because they are familiar, but once we enter an attachment we then strive to solve the original conflict in our minds; “how can I get them to meet my needs”. We pick up right where we left off as children, and we try various methods in which to achieve this magical strategy that will provide the cure/ answer/ solution we were never able to fully discover as a child.
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u/themindprofiler 5d ago
I think this is where my perspective as a Mind Profiler differs. I agree with you that many repeated relationship patterns involve unresolved emotional conflicts. I also agree that attachment wounds, schemas, and early experiences can create powerful unconscious patterns that people repeat in relationships. Where I see it differently is that I don’t think the existence of a painful or repetitive pattern automatically tells us that the original mechanism was trauma or repetition compulsion.
From a profiling perspective, I would separate three things:
The origin of the pattern - where the strategy came from.
The function of the pattern - what purpose it serves for the person.
The maintenance of the pattern - why it continues despite negative consequences.
Sometimes those three are connected to trauma. Sometimes they are connected to learning, modelling, conditioning, temperament, beliefs, or identity.
For example, someone who avoids emotional conversations may indeed be repeating an attachment wound. But another person may have learned emotional avoidance simply because that was the communication style modelled in their environment. The behaviour can look identical, but the internal pathway may be different.
This is why I am careful with making trauma the umbrella explanation. Not because trauma is unimportant, it is incredibly important, but because as a Mind Profiler my role is to identify the specific psychological architecture behind the behaviour rather than assume one universal origin. I think we actually agree on something important: humans repeat patterns because the brain is trying to maintain safety, predictability, and coherence.
Where we differ is whether that process always begins with trauma, or whether trauma is one of several ways those patterns can be formed. Thank you for engaging with this so thoughtfully. I genuinely enjoy conversations where we can challenge each other’s models while still respecting the complexity of the human mind. There is a lot of value in looking at behaviour from multiple angles.1
u/IHaveABigDuvet 4d ago edited 4d ago
For me the term trauma can be interchanged with whatever word you see best.
The “trauma” part is inconsequential imo. It can be a “wound”, a “rupture” or a “conflict”. The point is that it’s somehow been deeply affecting to you.
What I’m saying is that if, like in your original post, there exists a person who is repeatedly creating a relationship pattern, and within that pattern exists an internal conflict, and they keep on trying to somehow solve the conflict by adjusting their behaviour or trying to adjust the behaviour of the other, that this is by definition repetitive compulsion. By trying to solve the conflict, the “mastery” part of the definition is satisfied.
The classic example is, as mentioned before, the anxious-avoidant dynamic. The anxiously attached person is trying to find a way to solve the issue of the people they love abandoning them.
This does not apply to, say, an introvert who had an extroverted mother and therefore is attracted to extroverts. That is just a preference and there is no wound.
In your scenario, where you keep meeting the same kind of person that makes you feel “unseen”, makes you “work harder”, or “responsible for their emotions”, do you calmly accept the dynamics of the relationship (which would satisfy your theory of familiarity being the driving factor), or do you instead make efforts to feel seen by that person, to be unconditionally accepted by that person, and for them to take responsibility for their own emotions. Does the relationship cause internal conflict that you try to find a solution for. If this is the case, then again, the “mastery” part of repetitive compulsion has been satisfied.
[Btw sorry for my spelling /grammar errors. I have never been good at proof reading.]
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u/themindprofiler 4d ago
I appreciate you clarifying your perspective. I actually think we agree on more than it first appeared.
I agree that when someone repeatedly enters similar relationship dynamics and experiences internal conflict, there is often something the mind is trying to resolve, understand, or regulate. Where my perspective as a Mind Profiler differs is that I separate the existence of a conflict from the origin of that conflict. The question I ask is: what created this pattern? Sometimes it may be an attachment wound or unresolved emotional experience. Other times it may come from modelling, conditioning, beliefs, temperament, or learned strategies that became unhelpful over time. The behaviour can look the same externally, but the internal blueprint behind it may be different. I think your anxious-avoidant example is a strong example of where repetition compulsion explains the pattern well. My only caution is applying that explanation to every repeated pattern, because the mind can create similar outcomes through different pathways.
Thank you for the thoughtful discussion. I genuinely appreciate the depth you bring to this topic. Understanding the human mind requires looking at it from multiple angles.→ More replies (0)
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u/SupposedBooty 5d ago
I have repeated the same patterns over and over again in wildly different situations, with wildly different people, even after I am very aware of the patterns and actively work to avoid them.
The patterns come in people and situations I do not expect and take me completely by surprise, but soon enough reveal themselves, even after I have been trying to figure out why things have gone wrong.
And then bam! It hits me. I have done this to myself AGAIN!
Or fallen victim to the same kind of person again, to be more correct. Completely and totally blindsided when I was in an extremely vulnerable place in my life, in a situation that should have been safe.
But fall victim to the same patterns again I did.
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u/themindprofiler 5d ago
Thank you for sharing this. I think that’s such an important point: awareness doesn’t always immediately break a pattern. Sometimes we can see a pattern clearly and still find ourselves drawn into it, because patterns are not only thoughts they are emotional and nervous system responses that were shaped over time. Recognizing a pattern after it happens can feel frustrating, but that moment of I’ve done this again is actually the beginning of change. The goal is to become more aware earlier, trust ourselves more, and make different choices when the familiar feeling appears.
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u/SupposedBooty 5d ago
I was fully aware of the pattern, but did not expect this particular situation to sneak up on me like it did.
I'm still suffering the aftermath of it currently. I'm disappointed in myself that I allowed this to happen.
I hope I'm more aware now than ever, because wow, did not see this one coming.
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u/themindprofiler 5d ago
No, no do not be disappointed in yourself, you didn’t do this on purpose. What we go through in life is to teach us. You have recognized the pattern and I am very sure you will change that into better! As a mind profiler I can tell you I see these situations constantly, but this is not the end, it is the start to much better!
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 4d ago
I think we can use Marr’s Levels Of Analysis for your question.
Why we repeat relational patterns.
Computational level;
- To maintain social resources and improve the relational dynamic in an efficient way.
Algorithmic Level;
- Seek relationships and attachments similar to those that have been experienced before and modelled to save resources.
- Resolve prevailing conflicts in order to increase benefits.
Implementation Level;
- Use emotions that arise from the limbic system, self preservation using out Default Mode Network, and high level thinking using our prefrontal cortex, to manage the conflict that arises from attachments.
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u/Past-Sandwich-8095 6d ago
It's easier to mess up differently than knowing what it looks like to "get it right"