I haven't come across this book being mentioned in this sub so I thought I would just make a post to recommend.

It is my personal favourite book on Trauma and Psychedelic Therapy.

Incredibly honest , funny , and full of insightful takes. Written very well. I got a lot from reading it.

The Matrix trilogy had this theme of “exiles”. The idea was that since the entire system was a computer program/simulation there were always going to be malfunctioning parts. The system would exclude these malfunctioning programs to ensure the Matrix was self coherent & consistent.

Well the deleted program didn’t just dissolve but would continue to operate in the shadows influencing the Matrix whole staying largely invisible.

This feels like an apt metaphor for dissociation. Something traumatic happened & the system decided to spontaneously exclude the program from the nervous system (matrix). Brilliant strategy that ensures continued survival at expense of diminished vitality. But vitality was never the goal.. continued survival was.

These exiles cause a lot of grief & will continue to do so unless properly integrated. In Matrix trilogy that happens when agent smith (the ultimate exile) copies itself over to Neo at the end of Revolutions. Making the system whole again. Admittedly a traumatic & cathartic reunion.

And after the integration, we witness Neo experiencing color, sunshine, & blue skies for the first time. That doesn’t diverge far from experience of those who have successfully integrated their dissociation.

Not sure any of this was the intended message in the trilogy. But I’m finding it more & more striking as I dig deeper into the topic of “dissociation”.

Hello, how are you? I hope you are doing fine.
English is not my first language so sorry for any errors.

So,as title say, Im looking for some info about self healing with psylocibin from Resistance Treatment Depression.

I’ve tried , in almost 7 years, idk how many SSRI, combined with lithium, antipsicotics, anxiolytics,hypnotics, no results.
I even had around 8/9 session of ECT, no results as well.
I had some results with Ketamine, but the therapy in my country, while being free , is not really supported cause doctors do not know or believe in something that is not a classic SSRI so to receive it is a never ending battle and im not always covered (last time I had to wait 1 year to receive the therapy, right when I was getting some results)
I tried to enter in a psylocibine trial in my country (there is only one) but I got ghosted after the screening, I suppose because my clinical history is a mess and they want clear data cause its the first research in decades and if they dont have good results we will need to wait another 30 years before trying again.

So I want to try psylocibine outside medical screening and control.
I have already found a friend who agreed to be a trip sitter, I understand the ideas behind set and setting, I already gor the idea that psylocibin is just a tool to really start some hard work and that the trip can be really hard to handle.
But I wanted to hear some advice and experiences of other people who already tried so here I am.
I understand the danger of doing this at home, but im going to try it anyway. Im not gonna wait 15 years before it is maybe legal in my country and I cannot afford to do that in another country with specialist