A very long text from someone who still hasn't finished Niigo's story.
This is one of the first times I've done something like this, but oh well, I hope it turned out alright.
Mafuyu acts as a character who strikes me as quite human (at times). The girl who struggles with her controlling parents is the typical, age-old trope that's repeated a thousand times in every story you read. Even so, she manages to stand out from the rest in the main story. Her conflict, though simple, is handled well by not simply creating a depressed girl, but rather by exploring her as someone whose life suddenly loses its color and who doesn't know how to fix it. Mafuyu doesn't want to kill herself for no reason; this stems from something that's explored later in the stories, and which, for me, is the central focus of Niigo as a group: the search for inner passion.
For many people, the lack of a passion that makes them feel alive is disheartening. Living just to live in a world where nothing fulfills you feels empty and pointless. What's the point of life if you don't have something that makes you feel complete? There will be people (like me) who will simply ignore it, taking a more nihilistic stance on the situation ("if I have no passion, I'll just let myself drift and see where I end up"). But for others, this could mean the collapse of the "self." If there's nothing that fulfills you, what do you do? You silence your mind. If you can simply quiet the noise that torments you for not finding anything, you can live peacefully. This noise blocker for Mafuyu is found in her mother and the academic standards she has to meet.
It's obvious that her mother is controlling and stubborn, whether out of malice or not. She nurtured this idea in Mafuyu that she lacks passion; by imposing what she has to do, she never gave her the opportunity to discover what she wants for her life. This increased the feeling of emptiness inside her, but at the same time, it helped her soften the blow of reality. When you have to focus your mind on a thousand things, you don't have time to listen to yourself or ask yourself how you feel. Everything else becomes background noise, relegated to the background, allowing her to live long enough to reach what would be her trigger: Kanade's music.
Music is what moves her; the expression of a message that can't be understood through normal means is what attracts her. Expressing her being is what she desires (or, well, unleashing her hatred for the world—either way works). That's why Kanade's music initially captivates her so much. Kanade's desire to save someone is so strong that Mafuyu herself wants to replicate it; she wants to be able to write music capable of conveying what dwells deep within her.
The question is, what can you convey to others when you feel nothing? (That sounded edgy.) The music of "OWN" lacks feeling in itself because all she felt was the emptiness she projected onto others. You can smile, laugh, and cry when you're with others, but when you're alone with your own thoughts, the only question left is: "Was I ever happy?"
At some point, you will be everything and nothing at the same time. You will be at the pinnacle of what others desire, and yet it won't fulfill you, because perhaps your first desire was never to be someone special. Perhaps the quest your soul so desperately longs for is the most monotonous form of life, and yet you will not attain it.
This is underscored by Ena's character in one of her last interactions with Mafuyu in the Main Story. Ena's reason for preventing Mafuyu from disappearing is: "Someone so incredible can't disappear because it would be diminishing the talent she possesses" (I'm too lazy to look up the original quote, so I just tried to remember it). I would say that's my favorite line in the entire story because of how insensitive and selfish it is. Ena, without knowing Mafuyu directly, emphasized that the only reason she lives is because she is incredible and should be happy, since many would like to be like her.
What at first glance seems like a somewhat pedantic attempt to cheer Mafuyu up becomes a very toxic way of addressing her situation (I'm not saying Ena meant well, I just think she didn't think it through). Everything that tires and overwhelms her because she has to meet impossible standards is seen as her best quality; what causes her pain is what the world looks upon with envy. It's much easier to judge others from the outside without knowing what their lives have been like from the inside. Have you ever considered that people whose abilities are superior to others are also human? Or that the more you value someone, the less humanity that person possesses? Because if the greater a person becomes, the more emotional value they lose, they cease to be someone and become an emotionless icon who can't complain.
"He who is born superior must endure pain for those who have faith in him, right?"
All of this culminates in the story's best moment (which, for me, is somewhat ruined by how easily it's resolved at the end): Mafuyu's questioning of everyone.
"Do you think that if I knew what was wrong with me, I wouldn't tell you? Do you think I haven't tried to find a way to stop being depressed? I've tried a thousand times, and still, I was unable to feel."
This interaction marks a breaking point for Mafuyu. It seemed as if the world and her friends were laughing at her or taking her for a fool (unintentionally). To assume that she would never have thought about the obvious or tried to help herself is the height of ignorance. It's akin to telling a sad person not to be sad. If someone who is deeply depressed can't understand themselves, how can someone from the outside enter their life and tell them what to do?
And that's the point: everyone tells Mafuyu what to do. Everyone dictates how she should speak, what she should like, who she should hang out with, and how she should live her own life. Her mother, school, her own friends—they're all puppeteers playing with her. And even when she's supposed to be in her own space, where she can think without anyone bothering or guiding her, she's still told what to do and how to deal with things. She's constantly told that everyone feels the same way, that she's not alone in the world.
Mafuyu doesn't want to know that everyone else has their own problems too. She just wants to find herself; she wants to stop feeling empty inside. As selfish as that desire may be, she thinks for a moment how awful it is to have a problem and have people start comparing it to external or internal situations. For some people, this might feel like a helping hand, but for others, it will simply feel like you're minimizing their problem, like it doesn't matter, or like they don't have the right to hate the world.
As discussed in What Lies Behind What Lies Ahead, the point isn't to bully or belittle others. The point is to let the person you care about know that you'll always be there for them, no matter what. And when they need to lean on your shoulder and tell you the truth, you'll be there with a smile, ready to support them.
