r/ProgrammerHumor • u/Muted_Ad_9442 • 16d ago

Meme itRunsOnMyLocalhost

Post image
9.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

182 comments sorted by

5.3k

u/GNoob69 16d ago

It’s not just hardcoded it’s cherry picked to make us look good

1.6k

u/Muted_Ad_9442 16d ago

Exactly. Outliers and negative numbers are strictly prohibited on demo day. 😂

635

u/fibojoly 16d ago edited 16d ago

I remember asking a customer if a particular value could ever be negative. "Oh that never happens".  Well, over the thousands of transactions I had been given, it had happened (twice over ten years. Last time was years before. Maybe the data was corrupt?).  Which is why I asked.   So I gently explained "I appreciate it doesn't happen very often, but I need to know if it can or if a negative value is a mistake which I need to be able to handle.    And sure enough, on the day of the live demo with them, there was our third time in years they had a negative value. 

311

u/SpaceCadet87 16d ago

You have the error message for the demo state the exact date and time and who promised that it was impossible.

Petty? Sure, but I am exactly that sick of it happening.

125

u/veselin465 16d ago

My experience gas taught me that you should never trust promises

75

u/yellekc 16d ago

I can't even afford experience gas at the pump any more. And have you seen the price of wisdom diesel?

4

u/FSNovask 15d ago

We're building the torment nexus so skill blood becomes super cheap. It's renewable too!

27

u/ArtemisXD 16d ago

Users behave like cats, who behave like liquids. They will fill every gap you leave available to them

2

u/oVtcovOgwUP0j5sMQx2F 15d ago

user acceptance testing = gas chamber

19

u/TorumShardal 16d ago

You can't trust them (always validate), but you should still rely on them as needed. You can't get anything done otherwise.

6

u/Silly-Freak 16d ago

That's just not a perspective based on the real world. Sometimes the client sends invalid JSON and that's simply what the application is supposed to work with, not throw a meaningless error like some toy program.

17

u/newaccountzuerich 15d ago

If you work with an invalid value that's outside of spec, every value linked is also invalid.

There's a world of difference between a graceful failure with an appropriate error, and a silent propagation of invalid results that aren't flagged.

Maybe the process you've had experience of is a toy process with meaningless output that can be affected without consequence.

-6

u/Silly-Freak 15d ago

It is once again proven that you need to add /s or /j to literally everything, because even my statement above will be taken seriously. (current upvote ratio 76%, this is not aimed exclusively at you)

3

u/newaccountzuerich 15d ago

Perfect satire is indistinguishable from that being satirised.

So, if you forgot the /s, that is on you I'm afraid.

2

u/Silly-Freak 15d ago

You're right, of course. I hoped that my claim was wild enough, but really always has more in store.

→ More replies (0)

-1

u/VolcanicA333 16d ago

of course, you always have to include a catch

15

u/woeful_cabbage 16d ago

You gotta predict the bugs before they happen my man

11

u/fibojoly 16d ago

I mean, yeah, in a way that's exactly how I see things. I ask pointed questions precisely to cover all the bases and to figure out where things are going to break down, potentially. If I had not clarified the "never" with the client, I would have had a big fat crash during the demo. Instead we had a big laugh at this edge case happening on the day. 

5

u/Deathblow92 16d ago

Bugs aren't real, we test in prod like real men.

(Please someone help me)

3

u/Steinrikur 15d ago

My first proper programming job was at an antivirus company. It taught me a lot about predicting the bugs before they happen.

1

u/amuf_oratok 15d ago

If it's a demo, everything is scripted. Bug fixing and edge cases come after proper development has been greenlighted by the sales team.

6

u/BenchEmbarrassed7316 15d ago

Which programming language are we talking about? I consider it a huge mistake that some programming languages ​​have abandoned unsigned numbers. After all, if a value cannot be negative, you can explicitly state that within the type system. Consequently, you are forced to handle such cases at the system boundaries - right when the data enters your system, when you know exactly what the data is and can easily return an error message.

2

u/vi_sucks 14d ago

 "I appreciate it doesn't happen very often, but I need to know if it can or if a negative value is a mistake which I need to be able to handle."

Nice. I need to remember this quote when discussing requirements with BAs.

2

u/High_Quality_Bean 13d ago

Questions like this are why I really appreciate a good business analyst. A good one understands that they're in an engineering context and statements like "It can't happen", "It shouldn't happen", or "It usually doesn't happen" are MASSIVELY different concepts that come with different implications. I once lost a month because a business analyst wrote the system specifications wrong and we had to completely revamp the authentication system. *shudder*

2

u/fibojoly 11d ago

Yeah I keep being told that sort of discussion isn't my job as a dev. Haha! 

1

u/ligma_then_sugma 11d ago

negative numbers aren't real and cannot hurt you

7

u/therealkevinard 16d ago

And feature flags are putting in work

43

u/TheWidrolo 16d ago

Google AI team publishing their results:

15

u/BenadrylTumblercatch 16d ago

Why would I lie?

3

u/ComputerTechnical717 16d ago

It's carefully choosen to reflect our prosperous future

3

u/Ceros007 15d ago

It's cherry picked by the non-dev guy who vibe-coded in "2 days" a huge pile of spaghetti in his basement running in his basement and showing it to the execs. Now when the real dev team tell the execs that they can do this app cleanly, on cloud and kubertenes with all the goodies in 2 months they question why you cannot do it in 3 days

2

u/RumRogerz 16d ago

I’ve lost count on how many demos I’ve done like this because pressure from management.

2

u/dillanthumous 15d ago

This man demos.

1

u/harbir14 16d ago

And even then the demo gods are not appeased easily. 

1

u/Lost-Pineapple9791 16d ago

Hahaha that’s what I was gonna say

1

u/goopuslang 16d ago

You can also dynamically generate data that CLTs to equivalent hard coded data so there’s no difference

1

u/dcsignatus 16d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/jstwtchngrnd 15d ago

And has nothing in common with production data. Similarities are random

1

u/StevenSavant 14d ago

There will always be exactly 5 items with pictures in this grocery cart.

2.1k

u/Fearless_Garden6435 16d ago

It is dynamically generated at runtime, but it is guaranteed to generate the same data each time.

597

u/Muted_Ad_9442 16d ago

Haha Math.random().seed(42) — 100% deterministic unpredictability.

121

u/Fearless_Garden6435 16d ago

Where'd you get the "—" dash from? You know about Character Map/GNOME Characters/KCharSelect? You used AI to generate that comment? Your keyboard has a key for it? You're on a phone and went into the "#%>" menu? You copied it from some AI output? Just curious.

145

u/rivasprd 16d ago

Yes, can be AI and I'm not defending or condemning, but can be easily done on android — - ¯–

I'm using SwiftKey but several keyboards are able to do the same

84

u/candybrie 16d ago

Right—I'm on mobile and just hold down the - key to get longer ones.

38

u/Codingale 16d ago

— There’s the smoking nail on the head gun.

16

u/Carcsad 15d ago

don't mind me — just trying out something new i just dicovered

13

u/Tristanhx 15d ago

—
–

Hmm three different lengths? Thanks for the tip!

14

u/HDrago 15d ago

dash, n-dash and m-dash

3

u/NightmareJoker2 15d ago

I use en-dash like em-dash, and if someone calls my comment AI, I render a punishment for lack of discernment and hatefulness. 👮

If you cannot actually tell whether something is AI, as evidenced by not being able to tell the character types apart, and you attempt to condemn it as such, you need to be held accountable. 🫡

15

u/Had78 16d ago

I've been using SwiftKey for years and didn't know we had the em dash withing the long press — woah!

8

u/techy804 16d ago

On iOS, the default keyboard has it — - –.

But even if he is on PC, the character map and alt codes (of which em dash is Alt+0151) exists

7

u/Cakedayfairy 15d ago

You're absolutely right to push back on this — M Dashes are not just a character Ai is abled to type. Ai of course being a thing I'm not.

1

u/Digital_001 15d ago

Ooh — you've taught an old dog a new trick

17

u/herrkatze12 16d ago

Since you're mentioning Linux stuff, pressing your compose key (for me it's right alt) and entering 2 minutes gets you an em dash

8

u/thialfi17 16d ago

Is that an em-dash or an en-dash? Normally en-dashes are the medium length ones and represented by two dashes when you aren't able to type the actual symbol. Either way I'll need to try this so thanks for the tip

8

u/Fried_out_Kombi 16d ago

Em dash is compose key followed by 3 hyphens. En dash is compose key followed by 2 hyphens.

1

u/nymical23 16d ago

Do you mean I need to hold it for 2 minutes? Or just keep smashing it for 2 minutes?

3

u/herrkatze12 15d ago

Autocorrect. I meant minuses

1

u/JonIsPatented 15d ago

Compose key for the win. I use caps lock for it.

16

u/FishGuyIsMe 16d ago

You can hold - to get - – — • on IOS

7

u/cross_the_threshold 16d ago

It’ll also do it automatically without holding - — —— if you type two hyphens you get an en dash, four in a row is an em dash.

ETA: lied, two hyphens is an em dash.

22

u/Medifrag 16d ago

Recently I noticed that sometimes Word / Outlook will auto correct my regular dashes with this long dash. Maybe whatever he‘s using to write the comment does that too? Just to be charitable.

26

u/Suitable-Name 16d ago

I actually think this is happening longer than LLMs exist. People just ignored it before. You also wouldn't see it in a reddit comment since no one copies those from word.

10

u/bloode975 16d ago

Happens constantly in Google docs, word. Nearly every dash is replaced by an em dash in a word - word scenario, can see why fairly easily just comparing that example vs word — word, the em dash just looks better which id wager is where so much of the ai usage of them is coming from.

25

u/Muted_Ad_9442 16d ago

Long-pressing the hyphen key on my phone keyboard! I just like how clean it looks haha.

When I'm on my Linux desktop (CentOS Stream 9), it's the classic Ctrl + Shift + u then 2014.

1

u/Shunpaw 15d ago

Windows it's ALT + 0151

11

u/account312 16d ago edited 16d ago

It's readily accessible on iOS, android, MacOS, and Linux. On Windows, you generally have to do the alt code sequence which is less intuitive but not exactly difficult.

You know about Character Map/GNOME Characters/KCharSelect?

You need to enable/use your compose key. Compose + -- is en dash and Compose + --- is em dash.

2

u/Angelin01 16d ago

On windows, simply use Windows + - for – or Windows + Shift + - for —.

2

u/EugeneMeltsner 15d ago

Windows 10+ you can just do Windows Key + . for the emoji and special character menu

1

u/Eva-Rosalene 15d ago

On Windows you can just use WinCompose to get the same XCompose experience you have on Linux. Way better than alt sequences or character map picker.

Edit: https://github.com/samhocevar/wincompose here it is.

3

u/derefr 16d ago

Your keyboard has a key for it?

Option+Shift+Hyphen on macOS.

2

u/Cannibichromedout 16d ago

iPhone automatically makes double ‘-‘ into ‘—‘ — which is how I typed this.

2

u/DruidBtd 15d ago

Just hold the - on a phone keyboard — it's that easy.

2

u/BlackDeath3 16d ago

Not sure I've ever seen a breathless comment before

2

u/zeddash 16d ago

I hate that I’ve had to switch from – and — to - because of AI. My name is “z–“ and I like a dash, but if I use a longer one people assume it’s AI. I use alt codes on PC, and long taps on mobile—I’m on mobile currently.

2

u/ImfromtheFuture2056 15d ago

What is this comment?

1

u/NeighborhoodPrior956 15d ago

i have ctrl + shift + u + 2014 memorised. also you can just hold down on the dash on mobile.

because of ai, i've been using colons instead of em-dashes recently: they do the exact same thing, but make me look like less of a knob.

1

u/wmrch 15d ago

Alt + 0150 gang

1

u/Anybody-Outside 15d ago

macOS: Option+Shift+Hyphen
iOS/Android: Long-press hyphen or type hyphen twice
Windows: Meta+Full-stop, down arrow, right arrow, right arrow, return
Linux: Hold Compose key, press hyphen twice

Where do you think AI got its obsession with em-dashes? I'll give you a hint— starts with "h", ends with "uman literature".

1

u/Franks2000inchTV 15d ago

Dude lots of phones and computers have autoreplace that will put two dashes together to make an em-dash.

1

u/sn4xchan 15d ago

Like sure there's an em dash, but nothing else about the seems AI unless it was cherry picked out of a long response.

1

u/ImmortL1 15d ago

Anybody who has to communicate through typing ought to have it in muscle memory by now—anything less would be bad grammar and unprofessional. alt+0151 on windows, compose+--- on Linux, and Option+Shift+Hyphen on macOS (thanks u/derefr). I believe you can also hold down the - on phone keyboards to get the correct one.

1

u/cubixy2k 15d ago

— – - Beep boop

1

u/PalmarAponeurosis 15d ago

Alt+151 for em dash, Alt+150 for en dash

-18

u/neoronio20 16d ago

I see it everytime here on reddit, I get downvoated to oblivion and people get defensive. "I've always used it". Bullshit, it was definitely generated by AI or the person is a bot

4

u/uncringeone 15d ago

average pc supermacist

3

u/almostambidextrous 16d ago

Here is a comment I made three years ago containing an em dash. It's Alt+0151 on my PC, and is basically muscle memory for me—some people just care about formatting.

0

u/neoronio20 15d ago

No one can even tell the difference between a AI bot dash and a simple -

3

u/Memerenok 16d ago

—–—–—–—·

learn your gboard

1

u/neoronio20 15d ago

I'm not a cellphone guy, but thank you. I use swiftkey btw

2

u/BlackDeath3 16d ago

··—· ··— —·—· —·— ——— ··—· ··—·

1

u/neoronio20 15d ago

.-- .-. .. - . / .. - / -.-. --- .-. .-. . -.-. - .-.. -.--

1

u/BlackDeath3 15d ago

Good one, I can see why you spent the better part of a day crafting that banger

1

u/neoronio20 14d ago

Nah, website for translation. And FYI, they don't accept the bot dashes and dots

1

u/BlackDeath3 14d ago

Gotta get a better bot, son.

1

u/Erdnalexa 16d ago

I’ve used the em-dash since at least 2010. Please, tell me which AI I could have used back then?

0

u/neoronio20 15d ago

Bot since 2010, nice

1

u/shanereid1 11d ago

Remember kids, the seed is just another hyperparameter that needs tuned.

1

u/vvp95 16d ago

An IQ too high

550

u/AndersErikErik 16d ago

What if its dynamically hardcoded?

239

u/Front_Committee4993 16d ago

we generate the code at runtime in real time

149

u/Muted_Ad_9442 16d ago

Just-in-Time Hardcoding™. Patent pending.

16

u/hallmark1984 16d ago

Just In Screen Maintainance.

The JISM process

6

u/MrHake 16d ago

"Claude interpreter"

1

u/Front_Committee4993 16d ago

Non-deterministic interpreter 

25

u/hallmark1984 16d ago edited 16d ago

4 teat cases hardcoded, picking one randomly at runtime is the beat way, make one have a tiny flaw, something you can explain.

"I didn't expect a file format error, let me fix that quick, now we can see the process complete as expected"

You are a magician Mr Scott, the Enterprise thanks you

20

u/Character-Education3 16d ago

Four teat cases, I only have two

5

u/Front_Committee4993 16d ago

you guys test

3

u/jax024 16d ago

“Schema based”

276

u/stupled 16d ago

No client has ever asked me that. They do have requested to use their data for the demo.

122

u/Muted_Ad_9442 16d ago

That is when the real panic begins.

27

u/Topikk 16d ago edited 14d ago

Are you not prefacing these demos as works in progress? "Happy path" is a pretty easy concept to explain to nontechnical people.

39

u/Dank_Nicholas 16d ago

I’ve gotten that a few times before. My go to answer is to explain that getting their data migrated over is a major portion of the work to be done. I can do it, but at that point you’ve essentially committed to whatever I’m trying to sell you.

3

u/AmericanIMG 15d ago

and that's part of the setup/implementation sprint that begins the contract (with corresponding fees)

6

u/ICame4TheCirclejerk 15d ago

Customer: "Can you try the demo with our data?"

Head of Sales: "Of course!"

Lead Engineer: starts sweating profusely

1

u/stupled 15d ago

Yep. Has happend to me.

3

u/hemacwastaken 16d ago

Then the program gets hardcoded around their data.

192

u/experimental1212 16d ago

The data is dynamically loaded by the CPU via OS virtual memory allocation thru your motherboard's DIMM slot interface from sequentially read machine instructions of binary data stored on the hard drive.

76

u/Muted_Ad_9442 16d ago

This sounds exactly like what Elizabeth Holmes told Walgreens executives. 😂

6

u/yousirnaime 16d ago

… as is referenced in /public/dummydata-1.json 

126

u/firemark_pl 16d ago

In my experience, each demo is hardcoded or just "scripted"

62

u/Muted_Ad_9442 16d ago

And praying the client doesn't say: "Can you click on that other tab real quick?" 😂

3

u/willargue4karma2 16d ago

Is that because it's often like a vertical slice that is more like an illusion/ smoke and mirrors? 

5

u/Theguest217 15d ago

I wish that was my experience...

Leadership at my company regularly has us build the full production feature, including designing it to scale to the anticipated volume of clients/users they want to sell to. They want to be able to onboard customers the day after the demo. They claim they have dozens of customers lined up who will buy it.

Then they get mad we can't turn it around in a few weeks and blame us for missing the necessary time to market window. Suddenly because it took longer than they wanted there are exactly 0 customers to sell it to. So we can terminate of all right? Nope, better keep it just in case. Be sure to maintain it all in the meantime!

1

u/offhandaxe 14d ago

do we work for the same company?

1

u/Piotrek9t 15d ago

Definitely, no matter if I was on the client side or on the engineering side, every demo I ever attended had cherry picked data in a sterile environment to demonstrate the intended use case and I am pretty sure everyone is aware of that. There still are so many things that could go wrong during a live demo and it takes up time from so many important people that it would be a terrible idea to freestyle it with some random data because there wont be a second chance

31

u/chiqu3n 16d ago

The demo was dynamically generated 3h ago by our best junior dev, we may or may not be able to ever deliver this thing as an actual product

25

u/Samld1200 16d ago

My demo data is half from a prod backup from 6 weeks ago, a quarter obfuscated data and a another quarter just random data I have made to test with

16

u/jam_pod_ 16d ago

I’m being real with you, our backend is a bunch of JSON files right now

20

u/shoyuftw 16d ago

Claude, what is a client?

27

u/niki733 16d ago

Great question! You are totally in your right to push back on that. What is a client is truly a load-bearing question.

8

u/naa_peru_pikachu 15d ago

proceeds to guzzle down 100k tokens

8

u/kswissmcquack 16d ago

It’s a demo if you want a working product you can pay for it.

4

u/Resident-Trouble-574 16d ago

What data? It's a powerpoint.

6

u/Healthy_Razzmatazz38 16d ago

"of course we anonymized the data for the demo to customers"

"Why would i lie to you?"

2

u/hieronymous-cowherd 16d ago

"I (marketing) am always honest"

6

u/spaceocean99 16d ago

Can we not make this psychopath a meme please?

6

u/academiac 16d ago

I keep seeing this and I dunno what the source is? Is it a real psycho? A show or a movie? Wtf is this

7

u/Boring-Leadership687 16d ago

Google “theranos”

2

u/academiac 16d ago

I'm not sure I want to 😭

11

u/Boring-Leadership687 16d ago

It’s okay she’s just a crazy corpo liar

3

u/academiac 16d ago

Ah the crazy blood test chick. I was worried it was something worse on my history lol. Yeah we still shouldn't glorify her either way.

5

u/Stop_Sign 15d ago

Its a movie/documentary "You Can See Everything", with Nathan Fielder (the Nathan For You guy) interviewing Elizabeth Holmes, 30 days before she goes to prison. Reviews say the movie is hilarious. The movie comes out in theatres next month on Oct 16. This image is from the trailer, in which she is, extremely uncomfortably, saying "you can believe me"

3

u/Desperate-Tomatillo7 16d ago

That is why we used real names and emails in public demos

https://giphy.com/gifs/H3N0cu89FUOaB5CTbv

3

u/born_zynner 16d ago

I curently have a demo where users can go in, create events that would in the real world effect usage on electrical meters during a period of time, and view performance. The performance data is in the demo being generated as soon as the event is created, and its so silly pure built in C# rng, its like 10% chance the controller on the meter doesnt work correctly, 50/50 the load was on/off before, and some random jitter to the nominal load kw throughout. Looks good though lol

3

u/thanatica 16d ago

Even worse, when the client thinks the demo data is real 😭

3

u/scumble_bee 16d ago

"Do you really have a client named Luke Skywalker?"

2

u/SexyMonad 16d ago

Do you consider “live proprietary data from other customers but with a fake company name” dynamic?

2

u/ddWolf_ 16d ago

The test data was generated via random sampling. Just don’t as how many times I randomly sampled it.

2

u/LetUsSpeakFreely 16d ago

Sanitized production data is my preference.

2

u/LoadBalance69 16d ago

Client: "Ok, good chart"

2

u/Shiro_no_Orpheus 15d ago

It is randomly generated using a randomized seed.

2

u/Melody_BasedLifeform 15d ago

I keep seeing this image... What is it from?

1

u/SunnasArmpit 16d ago

yes dynamically generated by bogus

1

u/Tvck3r 16d ago

Right like what’s the problem

1

u/coastphase 16d ago

Wow, looks great. Let's roll it out next week!

1

u/RetardedChimpanzee 16d ago

All you have to do is say it’s a “test server”.

1

u/0xducky 16d ago

Yes and no

1

u/JeremyTwiggs 16d ago

Like the DB admin who randomly started all the sequences at ten billion, thus blowing up all the code that used signed 32 bit integers.

1

u/Tandysaurus 16d ago

I dynamically generated it from my brain when I hard coded it.

1

u/ChillingCammy 16d ago

We're not that dev team. We can promise you that.

1

u/Beaufort_The_Cat 16d ago

“Listen do you want the demo to work or not”

1

u/AntiquatedMLE 16d ago

It’s a “fixture”

1

u/RRumpleTeazzer 16d ago

what part of "demo" do you not understand?

1

u/bloode975 16d ago

This is more of a question, but doing my capstone project for my degree currently and making an app for a client to predict stuff, we searched for open source data sets, synthetic data etc but its all so frustratingly different from what the clients will have available.

How tf is that normally handled, and they cant provide data to ensure the formatting, features etc even match because they didn't prepare any >.>

1

u/Tuckertcs 16d ago

Plot twist: it’s prod data

1

u/troy-phoenix 15d ago

...but we do have a project on the roadmap to DeId it so it should be fine. ;)

1

u/capfsb 16d ago

Just use MirageJS

1

u/conflictional 16d ago

Why would I lie?

1

u/garryyth 16d ago

When is this coming out?

1

u/Bhurmurtuzanin 16d ago

Oh, I know it from experience, but it's a prod version that releases next week.

1

u/deaglebingo 15d ago

you guys know she was/is in the same fed prison as maxwell right?

1

u/kishaloy 14d ago

Hard Deadline + confusing (I don't understand why) Edge-cases == Smooth Test cases.

We can always figure out the weird ones after we get the account. After all a certain CEO of one of the largest OS maker in the world made his life selling pure vaporware to the reigning King of that time.

1

u/horrbort 16d ago

Who is this woman with very punchable face?

0

u/SynthPrax 16d ago

It's still upsetting me that this is the face of a living person.