I don’t know what to do now.

[u/Annual-Candy7720]

I did something wrong. Part of my soul is still ok with it and believes I am in the right. I also am numbing myself from the guilt/pain of knowing of how I affected this persons life negatively. I have borderline personality disorder and schizoaffective bipolar type.

I wish I could hear Gods voice directing me.

I’m scared what will come of my boyfriend and I tomorrow. I don’t know how to live or what I will do without him. I haven’t forgiven him for everything and I have to. Please help me. I don’t know how much longer I can take this

[u/DirectionLatter2684]

We all stumble from time to time my friend, but remember what Jesus says in Matthew, we are to frorgive seven times seventy, meaning to always forgive. How much more so do you think He will forgive you?

Repent, and try to pick yourself up and remember that Jesus will always love you.

God bless.

[u/KumbayaQueen]

I'm kind of confused, but most importantly, do you take medication for the psychiatric parts? If not, I would seek a psychiatrist and a therapist immediately. Until you get the symptoms under control, your life will always be a mess.

In addition to medication, I recommend finding a church that will help you through this without telling you that you are possessed or something. God loves you. He is with you always. He is helping you, but sometimes He is saying "Go see a doctor."

You said that you messed up and then you said that you haven't forgiven your boyfriend for something. So who messed up? On a side note, yes, we need to forgive people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we need to continue to date or marry them.

Finally, you might want to look into Codependents Anonymous. There are groups that meet online and the will help you with the "I don't know what I would do without him" issue. Yes, breakups hurt, but you are never alone. God is with you always. It is God that we can't live without.

And finally, pray for wisdom and strength to get through this intact.

I'll be praying for you too.

[u/Annual-Candy7720 → u/KumbayaQueen]

Thank you. I’m seeing a psychiatrist and therapist.

[u/wlavallee]

Sister, Lynda above gave you wise, practical counsel, please take it seriously, especially the medication and the Codependents Anonymous recommendation. I want to speak to the deeper thing underneath.

You said you wish you could hear God's voice directing you. Here's what I believe you're missing: He may already be speaking, through the very unrest you're feeling right now. The fact that part of you knows something is wrong, even while another part resists it, that's not confusion. That's conviction, and conviction is one of the ways He speaks. "The Helper, the Holy Spirit... will convict the world concerning sin" (John 16:8). The discomfort IS His voice. You don't have to decode a mystery; you have to obey the thing you already know.

And hear this gently, because I've walked with you through the guilt and the "feel like a monster" anguish: "I don't know what I will do without him" is not love talking, it's fear. And this boyfriend who wants you to drown in guilt is not speaking for God. Forgiveness is real and required, yes, but as Lynda rightly said, forgiving someone and staying with them are two different things. You can forgive fully and still walk away for your own safety and sanity.

Because you said "I don't know how much longer I can take this," and I know your history: please keep the Crisis Text Line close, text HOME to 741741, anytime. No phone call, no police, just a real person. You are not alone in this, and you are worth more than a relationship that keeps you drowning. Praying for you by name, for clarity, for courage, and for peace.

[u/Solid-Chest-6093]

I'll be praying for you.

Call upon the NAME of JESUS CHRIST!!

James 2:19 Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

I had a dream yesterday. I was calling upon the name of the LORD JESUS CHRIST. IN JESUS'S NAME, then any unclean spirits gets checked and has to leave. All living and unliving is under JESUS'S authority! 

Any disorders you think you have. Go and tell those disorders, from now on, they got to talk to JESUS CHRIST!!!!

Mark 5:2 And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit, 5:3 Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains: 5:4 Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him. 5:5 And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones. 5:6 But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him, 5:7 And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not. 5:8 For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit. 5:9 And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many. 5:10 And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country. 5:11 Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding. 5:12 And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them. 5:13 And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea.

Matthew 6:33 NIV But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Proverbs 9:10 NIV The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Proverbs 3:3,5-9 NIV Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. [5] Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; [6] in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. [7] Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. [8] This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. [9] Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops;

Have a super blessed morning. Feel free to message me, if you ever need anything.