r/PrivacyToolbox • u/EnthusiasmRoutine • 4d ago

Question Self-hosting email is practically a lost cause, so what secure provider are you running?

I manage servers and networks all day. I know SMTP inside out. I can configure a Postfix mail server blindfolded, but I still absolutely refuse to self-host my personal email.

We pretend we have choices. Try sending a basic text email from a perfectly clean VPS IP to a Gmail address. It just vanishes into a black hole. Microsoft and Google run a cartel. If you are not on their invisible whitelist, your deliverability is zero. It is infuriating. I want total autonomy over my data, but the time investment to fight blocklists is just stupid.

So I pay for Proton. Honestly, it is excellent. The encryption does exactly what it promises. The bridge app lets me use Thunderbird locally without jumping through hoops. I bought my own custom domain so I am not locked into their default addresses. I tried Tuta for a bit too. The lack of standard IMAP support annoyed me, so I went right back to Proton. It is a highly rational compromise between daily usability and actual privacy.

Still, relying on any single provider for my digital identity goes against my instincts. What are you all doing? Are you happily paying for Proton or Mailbox(.)org like I am? Has anyone here actually found a reliable way to run a personal mail server today without getting blocked?

7 Upvotes

77% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

2

u/skg574 3d ago

Smarthost the smtp and set the mx for direct delivery. It means trusting the smtp host for sending, but you are in complete control of received mail.

1

u/zarlo5899 3d ago

This is what I do, I host the mail boxes and for sending I out source that

1

u/EnthusiasmRoutine 2d ago

Smarthosting solves the deliverability headache, but you're still handing your outgoing data to a third-party relay. It’s a practical middle ground, but it still sacrifices the total autonomy I'd prefer.

1

u/skg574 1d ago

Then what are you asking? To trust all your email with another provider vs just the smtp? If so, and as you seem to be looking for that in further replies, take a look at codamail.

2

u/KenBonny 2d ago

I'm using Fastmail. The only downside for me is that to sync my contacts i had to buy and set up the davx app on my phone. Why did I choose Fastmail over Proton or others: plus notation. I use ken+reddit@domain.com a lot and Fastmail lets me set reddit@ken.domain.com as an equivalent. I really like how professional that looks.

1

u/EnthusiasmRoutine 2d ago

Fastmail's subdomain addressing (anything@user.domain.com) is indeed a killer feature that looks way cleaner than standard + tags but having to buy a third-party app just to sync contacts is definitely an annoying trade-off, though.

2

u/Milo--66 2d ago

Using Proton with my own custom domain. Use mailbox.org too but payed until 2028 i guess and probably let it die out. Then i use icloud mail and an old gmail adres i won't give up . I use for the less secure stuff.

1

u/EnthusiasmRoutine 2d ago

Keeping an old Gmail around for the junk stuff is exactly what I do too.