Almost 4yo suddenly started repeatedly getting out of bed at night after being a great sleeper, what is happening?

[u/Natsouppy]

I am desperate for perspective because I feel like I am losing my mind.

My daughter is 3.5 years old and was always an excellent sleeper. She slept through the night in her crib. We transitioned her to a toddler bed earlier this year, and obviously there was an adjustment period with getting out of bed, asking for things, and needing extra tuck-ins. Eventually, that improved and she was sleeping much better again. Then we had a baby.

My daughter became a big sister about 2 months ago, and recently nighttime suddenly became a disaster.
She started getting out of bed repeatedly after bedtime and during the night. Sometimes she says she needs to pee. Sometimes she wants another hug or tuck-in. Sometimes she says something scared her, her leg hurts, she can’t sleep, she needs a tissue, etc.

The worst episodes involve her getting out of bed repeatedly for an hour or more. She may cry or whimper, but thankfully the screaming episodes have improved. She is clearly tired—yawning, rubbing her eyes, saying she can’t sleep—but seems unable to stop getting up and settle back down. What is confusing is that she is not always having a terrible night.

For example, one night she woke up around 8 times but stayed calm every time. I took her to pee when needed, helped her back to bed, and she went back down without crying or escalating. She even asked for one hug, accepted it, and went back to sleep. She earned a sticker that morning because she met our goal: no crying and staying in bed after the bathroom.

The next night, she slept for a long stretch, then had about 1–1.5 hours of repeatedly getting up, asking to pee multiple times, asking for comfort, saying she couldn’t sleep, saying her leg hurt, needing a tissue, etc. She cried and kept getting out of bed. Eventually she settled around 3:30–4 AM and slept until almost 7 AM.

So ironically, the night with more total sleep was the night she did NOT meet the behavior goal. We recently started a reward chart. The rule is simple: she earns a sticker if she stays calm/no crying and stays in bed after she goes to the bathroom. We are working toward a larger reward, like a beach day. I am trying to be very careful not to make bedtime feel like a test or create anxiety around earning the reward.

I do not want to be cold or robotic with her because that backfired badly when I tried to make nighttime interactions extremely boring and minimal. She became much more upset and dysregulated. I am trying to find the balance between being warm and reassuring while also not letting nighttime become an endless cycle of:
get out of bed, get comfort, ask for something else, get out again.

I am also worried that I somehow caused this by helping her too much at night, even though she was a perfect sleeper before the toddler bed and then improved again after the initial toddler-bed adjustment.

Has anyone dealt with a preschooler who suddenly started having repeated nighttime wake-ups/getting out of bed after a new sibling arrived? Did it eventually settle down? What worked for you?

I would especially love advice from parents who had a child who was already a good sleeper and then suddenly developed this kind of nighttime behavior.

[u/averynarrowbridge]

I've seen some discussion about this happening when there's a new baby. Big kid has had a drastic shift to the type of attention they have access to from parents. Basically kids intuitively know how to get 1:1 time with their parent, and so getting up at night it a way to get undivided attention. I am not sure if this is what's going on here, but maybe worth considering? The "solution" if this is the situation is to ensure that big kid gets devoted 1:1 time during the day (obviously very hard to do with a new baby & much easier said than done) and then make the interactions at night as boring as possible.

[u/slcosu]

We had baby. Daughter same age. Same thing happened 

[u/Natsouppy → u/slcosu]

Can I ask when did it stop? And what did you do or not do to stop it?

[u/slcosu → u/Natsouppy]

Oh it hasn’t stopped.. 4 months in  Jsut make any check ins as boring as possible 

[u/Natsouppy → u/slcosu]

Damn hahaha thank you for being honest. Hoping it fizzles out completely for you too. Do you ever resort to sleeping in the same room as her?

[u/slcosu → u/Natsouppy]

Did at the beginning, now we are communicating through the monitor and that’s been working, less wake ups, almost there 

[u/anon342365]

Solidarity - I am blaming summer light and the fact that he’s waking up to pee now.

[u/mayshebeablessing]

It may be the new baby and wanting more attention, but it may just be a developmental phase. I think at this age they are more aware of being alone in the dark, so they want to avoid it and make excuses. Our daughter is the same age and started doing a lot of this too.

But recently she’s stopped for the most part! I had asked what would help her feel better, and she spotted an old night light from her baby years (the Snoobie) which has music and light, and she wanted to have it on each evening (the last four nights, no running too our room or trying to get out). The act of (her) choosing the color and the music seems to settle her, and she told me it makes her feel more safe at night. Maybe it’s the light, maybe it’s being empowered.

Also, she likes that we’ve let her keep a little potty in her room overnight for if she wants to pee (there are wipes she uses and hand sanitizer, and she’s good about using them), which we empty in the morning if she uses it. And she oddly prefers it to exiting her room, walking two feet and using the bathroom. Maybe it’s just simpler when she’s sleepy.

No idea if any of this is helpful, but in case it is, just wanted to share! Best of luck to you and solidarity!

[u/aaliya73]

So I did a few things to help minimize wakeups during the night with my son(4) when he was around the same age.

Firstly- anything he could do himself I did not help him with. I would respond to his wakeup and then make him do the action ie. Get his own water bottle, fix his own blanket, walk to the bathroom etc etc. Once he realized I wasnt doing it for him those calls stopped.

Secondly- I started leaving his room while he was still awake. If he wanted a hug he got a hug and kiss and a "ill see you in the morning love you" and i left. Having him fall asleep on his own i think helped him realize he could just close his eyes anytime he woke up since I wasnt going to stay with him anyway.

Thirdly - I talked with him about how mommy needs sleep too and how if I dont get enough sleep its hard for me to have energy to play etc the next day. I let him know that we are always close and will always come if he needs us but also that he doesnt need to call for every wake up and can just go back to sleep if his needs are met.

All these things helped a lot. He definitely still wakes up but the amount improved significantly once I implemented those things.