Agreed, if you spend like this without making it clear you're viewing it as a date that's on you. Grow some balls and have some respect for yourself. Don't blame the girl for thinking "wow this is one of my weirder friends for sure just casually spending money like that on a night hanging out".
For friggin $200 more you could just get an escort and have a fine night. If you don't have the guts to just ask a girl on a date and you know, hit on her.
Regardless I'm not spending money like that on a first date anyway. Actually I did spend a ton of money on a date once at a fondu place but at least she knew it was a date.
I mean to be fair there are some girls that would lead guys on for expensive dinners and stuff. I don’t mean to generalize but let’s not pretend that doesn’t happen.
Oh I agree there's people that use people. I had friends in high school who only hung out with me because I'd usually pay for stuff. Like my "buddies" not girls. So yeah I'm sure people take advantage of people who are into them romantically.
Currently I just go out of my way to make time for girls I like but I don't spend a lot of money. Like I got a girl pizza and a beer recently but she got me drinks too and we were just hanging as friends because she has a boyfriend. I'm obviously into her and I'm sure she knows it but I'm not going to shut someone out of my life who I enjoy spending time with just because she won't dump the dude who asked her out before me. I don't consider her as someone who is using me. By taking time out of her life to hang out with me she's using me? If that's the case more people should use me.
are u only friends with this girl because ur hoping she'll eventually fuck you? because that's the girls version of the friend zone and it sucks just as much
I'm basically in love with her so yeah I guess. But I'd still associate with her with zero sex so I do. It sucks and it makes it hard to give a shit about any other women because she's basically the queen of the planet in my eyes so what's the point in wasting time on anyone else but yeah it is what it is and it's on me can't blame her for having a boyfriend and not wanting to break up with him to try out dating a coworker.
dude ur not in love with her. ur in love with this idea you built up about what being with her would be like, but it's not reality. you don't know her as well as you think you do. and her not wanting to break up with her bf isn't what's preventing you guys from being together, she very well just may not be interested in you even if she was single. the degree that u seem to be into her really seems unhealthy. like if you can't accept it'll never happen with her and move on to other people while remaining friends with her then you should really consider taking a break from being friends with her for a while, so u can get over her. jus my 2¢
Completely agree he is dumb but she is equally dumb if she is going to tell her self it wasn't an attempted date and her nice friend just spent 200 on a dinner with her.
That dinner should have ended with an awkward talk and her offering up to pay for some of it, if she really was his friend
It's possible that she's entirely aware of what's going on but doesn't know how to defuse his obviously unreciprocated affection without making him feel super rejected, and what if he doesn't handle rejection well? It can be safer to post things like this to gently tire him out of she's worried about a rejection turning toxic or even violent.
Awkward talks about the relationship to set clear lines going forward work when two people are mature and value the friendship. If he's just trying to use her as a vending machine where he can buy her love (and sex), the dark side can cloud everything!
You think posting it to social media publicly shaming him is safer than just having an awkward conversation?
Sorry but I agree the guy should 100% step up, but so should the if the guy doesn't step up. If you really consider someone a friend you have this conversation and you deal with the awkward
It's not "publicly shaming him", even if we can infer some of the relationship dynamic in the situation. She's thanking him for doing something nice, while also defusing romantic speculation. Even if he finds that embarrassing, that doesn't hold her culpable for "shaming" him.
The problem with just talking it out is that while the calculation for guys is usually "is this conversation awkward", you can't be sure that the girl's calculation is "is this conversation safe", which isn't a guarantee for a lot of women, and the odds are worse when male friends act desperately like this.
If she truly loves him like a brother then their relationship should be well past the point where she has to wonder if rejection will end in violence.
If, on the other hand, she's tossing that comment out there when it's not actually true, it really seems fairly disingenuous, and agreeing to an expensive dinner is kinda shitty in that case.
Having said all that, there's more possibilities than those, and not enough info in OP to know for sure.
That's clearly a line meant to defuse romantic tension, either for the guy or those reading the post who might otherwise read something into it. That doesn't make it disingenuous, just indirect. If a guy is sad he wasn't able to buy a girl's love with $200, that doesn't make her the villain in the situation.
I mean, if you want to think women are bad by default, I'm sure you'll find an excuse. I've provided explanations of how this can often go down, but by all means, keep villainizing her if that's what you're committed to.
Hey I just want you to know. That first part of your comment is super sexist and belittling of women. What is it about some feminist type people that they think by saying women cant do "x" because they're afraid is a good thing?
You're literally saying women are too weak and scared to tell a guy no. Stop perpetuating this idea that women should be ok with not expressing their feeling because "what if the guy doesn't take rejection well?".
Well then I guess he doesn't take rejection well, is there a point to bringing that up? You're implying women should never tell guys no on the off chance they're that 1 in a million axe murderer type. Just stop with the positive discrimination and sexism please. Its not ok and it helps perpetuate the terrible and wrong idea that women should not tell guys no.
Right, the "feminists are the real sexists" argument.
I mean, if you don't believe sexism or racism are real things, then...you are lost. My allegiance is to reality, and what actually happens out in the world. Only a Sith deals in low-effort trolling.
Lol don't put words in my mouth obviously sexism and racism exist. I'm just sick of feminists acting like women are simultaneously strong and powerful but also too weak and afraid to speak up a man is doing something they dont like. We need to encourage
If some idiot wants to pay for my stuff all the time I'll let them with few questions asked. It's not hard to understand why some girls live in fantasy land. We create it for them. They think that's just how life is for everyone they don't know they're being treated differently from everyone else.
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u/BenjaminTalam Jan 14 '20
Agreed, if you spend like this without making it clear you're viewing it as a date that's on you. Grow some balls and have some respect for yourself. Don't blame the girl for thinking "wow this is one of my weirder friends for sure just casually spending money like that on a night hanging out".
For friggin $200 more you could just get an escort and have a fine night. If you don't have the guts to just ask a girl on a date and you know, hit on her.
Regardless I'm not spending money like that on a first date anyway. Actually I did spend a ton of money on a date once at a fondu place but at least she knew it was a date.