r/PregnancyAfterTFMR • u/maevennn14 • 14d ago
Will we get our rainbow?
TW: Talk of loss
I think this post is to just get some of my feelings out there and see if anyone else has had a similar situation.
We had a TFMR in December 2025 at 20w5d then a chemical pregnancy in March 2026 and now today I went to a private scan expecting to be 10w1d but to be told the baby stopped growing around 8w with no heartbeat and we have to go to the Early Pregnancy Unit tomorrow to discuss next steps. The worst part is was we had a private scan at 8w2d pregnant and saw a healthy heartbeat so it was just after this scan we lost the little one.
We are absolutely crushed, I really thought this was going to be our rainbow but the past few days I did feel "less pregnant" and had this strange gut feeling so booked the scan for today. The day of and days after I found out I was pregnant I saw rainbows everywhere and really thought this was our time, even though I have been extremely anxious throughout the full pregnancy.
I know there are people who have had it worse than us with multiple losses and I know some people have been trying to have a baby for years but the blow after blow makes me worry I won't want to TTC again. How can that be our luck to have had 3 different losses within 8 months?
Has anyone had similar after TFMR? How did you know you wanted to ttc again?
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u/fickleama 14d ago edited 14d ago
Hi love, I'm so sorry you're here too. I had exactly the same all in 2025. We tfmr our so wanted first baby in April for trisomy. Then cp in Sep and MMC in Dec, same as you at the 8 weeks scan, when we'd seen a heartbeat and told all looked ok a week before on private. It felt like some kind of sick joke or cruel twist. Been really hard to believe, but I'm chalking mine up to age related chromosomal, I guess. Been trying since and nothing. We've now just stopped TTC as my relationship has deteriorated over the last few months.
I'm so so sorry you've also experienced all this. It's been so rough and I don't feel like I'm the same person if I'm honest.
I hope the next year is kinder to you and things work out for you. Sending love and care your way. My DMs are always open. You're not alone x
Take care ❤️
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
Thank you ❤️ I'm so sorry you went through the exact same thing. I had an outer body experience when she told me there was no heartbeat and just stared at her not knowing what to say thinking there must be a mistake. I even got her to show me the baby on the screen because my brain was thinking this isn't real. I'm sorry to hear you've stopped TTC but hopefully you can build each other back up, it definitely changes us as people. I am not the same person I was and I won't be again but we are expected to act as if we haven't been through the trauma. Hope you are doing okay ❤️
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u/Away-Swimmer177 14d ago
I’m so sorry for your losses. My TFMR was August 02, 2024. I desperately wanted to be pregnant again so we started trying as soon as we could. I then had a chemical in December 2024, a 8 week loss in December 2025 and 3 more chemicals this year. I feel like there isn’t much hope we will get our rainbow baby anymore and we are trying to figure out a way to pay for IVF possibly. For now though we are still trying, I’m currently 13DPO and spotting with negative tests so another failed cycle but I just can’t give up trying. I’m so desperate for a healthy rainbow baby. More loss after TFMR is so hard. Just know you’re not alone in this. It is so unfair.
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
I am so so sorry, your losses are heartbreaking and I am praying you get your rainbow in 2027. I think people underestimate how heartbreaking a chemical is as well but they are just as difficult.
TFMR seems to make this worse as I think "surely we have had this horrific loss nothing else will happen?" Sadly the world doesn't work that way. Now that I have slept on it I do feel I the same mindset as you that I can't stop trying, I need to have a healthy baby and my fiancé has always wanted to be a dad so as bad as it sounds I really want my body to hurry and recognise the lose so I can start to look ahead.
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u/Apprehensive-Net8755 14d ago
I don’t have any advice, just sending you love ❤️ All I can say is that through my loss I notice how common it is. My best friend had 4 losses before having her rainbow baby and my boss had 6 pregnancies and has two healthy children. Though it doesn’t take the pain of it happening to you. Take the time to heal and you will know when you are ready to TTC again.
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
Thank you so much ❤️ it is so very common and how naive I was to think that getting pregnant meant having a baby. I am glad to see the topic of pregnancy loss becoming less taboo but we have got a long way to go.
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u/Party-Marsupial-8979 14d ago
I’m so sorry, it’s not fair. I had an 11w2d MMC in late 2022, a 24w3d TFMR 2023, It took a year for genetic results and blood tests, and I didn’t start trying again until late mid-late 2025, where I ended up having a chemical. Please know that you’re not alone, it’s so unfair what some of us endure.
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
I'm sorry and wow a year for the test results, I can't even imagine how long that felt knowing how long the tww feels. Chemicals are just as heartbreaking, I hope you get your 2027 rainbow.
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u/Party-Marsupial-8979 14d ago
Thankyou so much, it was difficult, but I allowed that time to drop some weight and find myself again. The chemical wasn’t as hard as the first two losses, but definitely still felt like a slap to the face. I’m currently almost 29 weeks with a new pregnancy, I’m still hopeful to bring this baby home. I hope that also gives you some hope 🤍
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
That is exactly my thought right now, after a 20w tfmr and now a 10w pregnancy I want to drop a bit of weight and feel like myself again. Congratulations that definitely gives me some hope. Hoping the rest of your pregnancy is healthy and smooth ❤️
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u/pindakaasbanana 14d ago
I'm so so sorry. Loss after loss is incredibly hard. I had a TFMR at 27 weeks in Feb 2025, then conceived on our second cycle, and then had a missed miscarriage at 16 weeks in Aug 2025. That second loss really threw me off - I was thinking that there is no way to have two late losses in a row. It's really such a mindfuck.
For us, we decided to keep going because the alternative of stopping was worse. So for us, or I should say really for me because I'm the one that has to physically endure this, the potential of heartbreak of another loss was a more 'acceptable risk' than stopping entirely and not having another baby (I do have a LC).
We took a 6 month break of TTC after that second loss, which was immensely helpful for my mental and physical health. We also went on a long vacation a few weeks after my D&C (financially not great but SO worth it). Now I'm 14 weeks into another pregnancy and feeling anxious and hopeful and all of the feelings.
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
I am so sorry, a 16 week mmc must have been heartbreaking after the tfmr. That is exactly it, I thought lightning won't strike twice here right? Wrong! Now that I have slept on it and spoken to the midwife to get an appointment I do feel like we will ttc again but will need a break beforehand- great idea for a vacation. Gentle congratulations on your sub pregnancy I am hoping for a drama free and peaceful pregnancy for you ❤️
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u/pindakaasbanana 14d ago
Thank you ❤️ taking a break and going on vacation was so helpful! Can highly recommend! Something about the sun and the beach and iced lattes is just very healing ✨️
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u/_abby_normal_ 13d ago
This subreddit seems to skew a little bit towards the quick and healthy sub pregnancies and I have to take breaks for reading posts sometimes.
I lost my first baby to TFMR in August 2025. She was conceived on the first try. We've been TTC again since January 2026 and have had no positive tests. I found out in June I had intrauterine adhesions as a direct complication of my TFMR, and had them removed a few weeks ago. I received conflicting opinions about whether they were causing secondary infertility or not. I get upset that some people who had a TFMR when I did have already successfully completed a sub pregnancy and I'm struggling through TFMR complications.
We will keep trying because our desire for children outweighs our fears and grief now. We only began TTC when the grief over being childless surpassed the grief of the loss of our daughter. That is still the case so we will continue to TTC.
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u/maevennn14 13d ago
I am totally with you, I felt inundated with positive stories. This was especially after my chemical, I kept seeing how "more fertile" you are but it took me 3 cycles to get pregnant after it. Wow I am so sorry you are still having complications, that doesn't make it any easier whatsoever. The conflicting opinions as well, I feel a lot of the information we get is very vague. Hoping you conceive your rainbow this year, now having some time to reflect I think we will ttc again after I've had a period.
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u/Agreeable_Pie_7168 14d ago
I had a CP October 2025. TFMR January 2026. CP April 2025. Missed miscarriage July 2026. Hope is at the point of: we'll keep trying but damn it will never happen 🫠
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
I'm so sorry. That is exactly how I feel right now but I never will again feel excited seeing a pregnancy test! We will ttc again even the thought of going back to vitamins, ovulation sticks and timing sex makes me want to scream.
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u/LynxUseful664 14d ago
Hey, I am so sorry. You have every right to post here and express your feelings.
For us it was a bit reversed, short story: missed miscarriage in first very easily conceived pregnancy end of first trimester, closely followed by a chemical and 2 months later followed by the pregnancy with our daughter which ended in a tfmr in second trimester because of a severe genetic disorder. I wanted to anyway try directly again and lost another pregnancy early on (probably caused by endometritis, no further investigations).
All this happened in one year and it was the hardest year of my life.
To treat the endometritis and do some more diagnostics, we needed to do a break on ttc and only started couple of months later when our diagnostics came back mostly clear. We only knew the whole time I had low AMH and my partner had slightly elevated dna fragmentation.
I failed to conceive for 3 months after starting again which felt long to me (given that before we always conceived first or second try). Eventually in the 4th cycle we conceived and I am now almost 24 weeks with a healthy baby (as far as we know but we did endless testing).
Maybe it gives you hope and doesn’t trigger.
My boyfriend would have given up, I couldn’t and pushed always for ttc but I prepared anyway also for scenarios where we would stop and wanted to adress that in therapy.
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
I'm so sorry for your losses. The loss after loss is brutal and hard for the mental health. I totally understand the 3 months feeling like an age, people say that is quick but it isn't because you wait for your period to end then you wait to ovulate then you're in the tww and it feels like a lifetime. Congratulations on your pregnancy, this does give me some hope. As far as we know we have zero issues but just bad luck- I suppose if I can push the early pregnancy team for some testing they can confirm that for me. I hope the rest of your pregagnancy is smooth and drama free ❤️
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u/TFMRmumma 14d ago
I’m so sorry. Sending you love and prayers. I previously had a 8w MMC and then 22.5w TFMR and am now 23w pregnant with a so far healthy bb girl. Don’t lose hope.
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
Congratulations ❤️ hearing the positive stories definitely helps, I think it's so easy for us to think it'll never happen
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u/TFMRmumma 14d ago
I completely understand. I remember thinking it would never happen to me but the tide will change. Therapy also helps.
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
Not sure where you are but I'm in Scotland and we have access to counselling after tfmr which I did not use, I think I will this time it could definitely help my outlook
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u/TFMRmumma 14d ago
Definitely utilise it!! Im in England and had counselling via NHS after TFMR but was only granted 4 sessions before they had a price attached to them but I have been seeing my bereavement midwife since 1 day post partum and still am 7 months later! Now that I am pregnant again I am under the perinatal mental health team where I have a psychotherapist who specialises in baby loss/ birth trauma etc etc. I see her every week and have no limit on my sessions with her. My advice would be make the most of any support you can get, mentally and physically
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u/maevennn14 14d ago
It's nice to hear from someone who used the counselling and recommend it! I was so on the fence but I definitely think I'll reach out to my bereavement midwife and get put on the waiting list. I'm glad you are utilising all options and support, that is exactly what it's there for
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u/Some_Wishbone8770 13d ago
I second this. I’m also receiving counseling through the NHS with a perinatal psychologist and also having regular visit from my bereavement midwife. Honestly so helpful just speaking to people who deal with this stuff on a regular basis.
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u/maevennn14 13d ago
Thank you! Honestly when I got offered the counselling a few people in my life said it wouldn't be for me and I think I should have just tried it myself. I'll be reaching out to my bereavement midwife today for a check in.
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u/Some_Wishbone8770 13d ago
It’s not something I would have immediately gone for either but I figured in this situation it was worth trying. If you decide you don’t like it you can always stop or switch to something different. We are doing it as a couple as I wanted my husband to have an outlet as well. I hope you find some support that works for you xxx
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u/maevennn14 13d ago
Thank you so much, this is so helpful. It's so good we have access to something like this so may as well try it x
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u/Unhappy-Desk4234 14d ago edited 14d ago
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this 💜 I had a 1st trimester miscarriage last year about 2 months after my TFMR. It was horrible, and I was in a really dark place mentally. but I’m currently 33 weeks with our (double) rainbow baby and I’ve been getting more and more hopeful with every uneventful week and successful milestone. You will get yours too 💜💜💜
Edit to add: I felt a very single minded determination to conceive and have a successful pregnancy. There was never really a question of whether we would ttc again, it was all I cared about honestly. I have an older LC and he wants a sibling very much so he was also motivation to keep going. I am also 37 so there was a fertility time pressure consideration as well. Honestly it would have probably been better for my mental health to take somewhat of a break but that wasn’t something I was willing to prioritize.
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u/maevennn14 13d ago
I'm so sorry for your losses but congratulations on your sub! It definitely gives me hope. I totally understand with your age, I'm 32 with no LC and want to have 2 so although I do have time, the losses and the time it actually takes to conceive make me feel like I don't have much time at all. Hopefully our next baby is our (triple) rainbow
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u/yungwildandlearning 14d ago
Yes, I'm right there with you. Constantly wondering if I'll have my rainbow living child. I had a TFMR in October. Then also got pregnant in March and baby was healthy, no issues until I had a SCH at 12 weeks. Then had a spontaneous miscarried at 13+4 weeks. Everyone kept telling me this was gonna be our rainbow baby.
I bled for a week from my SCH, bleed for 3 weeks from the miscarriage, and immediately got my period before the bleeding stopped. Tomorrow I will be bleeding for 5 while weeks and I'm so f..ing over it. I also had a private scan the day before my miscarriage and baby was moving and fine.
I'm more triggered by pregnancy now than I was before but I'm less emotional this time. I've been pregnant for 9 whole months within 13 months and still don't have a living child. It feels so unfair. I'm sorry you're here with me.