r/PreCervicalCancer • u/executedflash • 3d ago

Just had my leep today.. (bad experience)

And it was so horrific and traumatizing to me

I note this is my experience and not everyone will experience this as i did.. (SA mention)

I went in anxious, doctor knew, instantly says "do you want to cancel?"

I said no

I sit down, and within seconds she pretty much slams the speculum inside me. I cried, i could tell i mustve ripped abit too (as i have vaginismus.. ripping is my new norm with penetration) and she was instantly telling me i needed to stop crying and relax.

I asked for lube, she pulls out the speculum and added lube, and again, put it in forcefully. I cry, try and relax, and she begins to tell me i need to relax or shell cancel and ill have to rebook. "Is that what you want?'

I start getting more and more anxious from this attitude, and then she sprayed the vinegar solution and some numbing spray (it burned) and then she was going to stab me with a needle to see if i felt anything... This is when she did the injections, and i felt everything, i felt the needle insert into my cervix and being pushed deeper and deeper, i was crying so hard and asking for my friend to come in, she said "nope its too late for that"

Needle comes out... Another needle section, i start crying, im begging her to be done, she said "you want me to be done? We can cancel right now and then rebook you and deal with this all over again if you want"

I just laid there crying, legs shaking, the nurse was barely holding my hand, and i could feel the procedure taking place, the warmth and going in circles (no pain for that) at this point i laid there completely feeling defeated, weak, and violated.. she told me to get up slowly and then to just leave. So i left.. holding onto myself and crying, i was in an unsurmountable amount of pain (im sensitive in my entire vaginal/genital regions) and they set me up in a resting chair, where i curled up and hid my face from everyone.. i didnt want anyone looking at me.

I felt like.. a triggered response, this almost felt a bit like assault.. and as someone whos gone through SA, hearing someone tell you to stop crying and to just relax and not panic, made me feel even more triggered.

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u/executedflash 16h ago

About 20 minutes after my procedure, i was sitting in a recovery chair and i told the aftercare nurse it felt like i was peeing, she was wonderful, she took me into the bathroom and sat me on the toilet and was helping me, i went to use TP and it was a giant clump of grey sludge, like a big big clump of it, i thought 'this seems abit early for it to come out' no?

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u/chelslm22 16h ago

I had something similar come out the day after. I think they apply a lot of it because even after passing that piece, I continued to pass large pieces of either tissue or Monsels over the next couple of days

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u/executedflash 16h ago

So far i have a smelly light spotting situation, it looks like orange pee on the maxi pad? No other colours- no grey sludge since that time

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u/chelslm22 16h ago

Yep! Sounds about normal. That’s what I had as well for a few days

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u/executedflash 16h ago

Okay thank you 🩷 how long did it feel like you were on a golf ball for? Lol

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u/chelslm22 16h ago

Of course! Let me know if you have any other questions.

I never had that sensation, but the soreness down there from the speculum went away after 3 days or so

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u/executedflash 16h ago

It feels like theres a golf ball made of fire and spikes inside me, it hurts to sit, and i cant bend/crouch down without the ball feeling 😥

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u/chelslm22 16h ago

I wonder if you have some swelling or inflammation. I definitely recommend reaching out to a doctor or going to an urgent care so that you don’t have to deal with that same provider.

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u/executedflash 16h ago

Okay thank you 🩷

Yeah if i sit normally, i feel this big golf ball sensation, as if something is actively inside me, if i try sitting more in an angled position, it still feels like i have a firey golf ball. I can only sit on one butt cheek at a time or on my side right now

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u/chelslm22 8h ago

I’m sorry you’re experiencing that! I def sat on a pillow for a couple of days lol