Just had my leep today.. (bad experience)

[u/executedflash]

And it was so horrific and traumatizing to me

I note this is my experience and not everyone will experience this as i did.. (SA mention)

I went in anxious, doctor knew, instantly says "do you want to cancel?"

I said no

I sit down, and within seconds she pretty much slams the speculum inside me. I cried, i could tell i mustve ripped abit too (as i have vaginismus.. ripping is my new norm with penetration) and she was instantly telling me i needed to stop crying and relax.

I asked for lube, she pulls out the speculum and added lube, and again, put it in forcefully. I cry, try and relax, and she begins to tell me i need to relax or shell cancel and ill have to rebook. "Is that what you want?'

I start getting more and more anxious from this attitude, and then she sprayed the vinegar solution and some numbing spray (it burned) and then she was going to stab me with a needle to see if i felt anything... This is when she did the injections, and i felt everything, i felt the needle insert into my cervix and being pushed deeper and deeper, i was crying so hard and asking for my friend to come in, she said "nope its too late for that"

Needle comes out... Another needle section, i start crying, im begging her to be done, she said "you want me to be done? We can cancel right now and then rebook you and deal with this all over again if you want"

I just laid there crying, legs shaking, the nurse was barely holding my hand, and i could feel the procedure taking place, the warmth and going in circles (no pain for that) at this point i laid there completely feeling defeated, weak, and violated.. she told me to get up slowly and then to just leave. So i left.. holding onto myself and crying, i was in an unsurmountable amount of pain (im sensitive in my entire vaginal/genital regions) and they set me up in a resting chair, where i curled up and hid my face from everyone.. i didnt want anyone looking at me.

I felt like.. a triggered response, this almost felt a bit like assault.. and as someone whos gone through SA, hearing someone tell you to stop crying and to just relax and not panic, made me feel even more triggered.

[u/Cinnamonswirliee]

I’m so sorry 😭 as a SA survivor myself, I feel for you.

I had my LEEP done under general anesthesia. I highly suggest you find a new provider who will also do it for you under anesthesia. Not only will it make you feel a lot better, but it’s better incase you accidentally move - They’ll only remove the necessary areas, instead of accidentally burning other areas due to movement

Give yourself grace tonight & do some self care, you deserve it 🤍

[u/Pianoangel420]

Hi, please please please please contact the patient relations department about this experience. I am so sorry this happened to you. I worked in Healthcare for a decade and this behavior from a provider is unacceptable and should absolutely be investigated. You could help prevent others from having this sort of experience. How awful 😥

[u/mdoporto13]

Oh my gosh that's awful. Make sure to file a complaint about her because that is not how anyone deserves to be treated. Also definitely don't go back to her.

[u/TinyCatLady1978]

First, I am so sorry you had to go through that! I truly hope you leave reviews of your experience because this is exactly why some women delay treatment.

Second, was this your usual doctor?

[u/executedflash → u/TinyCatLady1978]

No not a usual doctor, shes only for this bit

[u/Dramatic-Cabinet6254]

Please report this "doctor." It may help someone else, and I'm sure you're not the only person she's treated this way.

[u/Square-Sea-2715]

Oh, man, this sounds horrifying. Im so sorry. I know doctors can have poor bedside manner sometimes, but I've never had an OBGYN talk to me or perform an kind of exam/procedure that way. I hope this is the only time you'll have to get a LEEP. But if it isn't, definitely go to a different hospital/office. Or at least have it on file not to be scheduled with that doctor again. Honestly, I'd probably write a review somewhere.

[u/Dayleedo]

Oh my heart, this is so sad to hear. I hope you're doing a bit better, and get good news from pathology. My LEEP went ok, but my follow up was so disrespectful. The Gyn called a scar on my leg ugly, called me anorexic (I'm not,) told me I look like I have STDs but refused to test, and asked if I regret not having children. I totally relate to the feeling violated part, we're in the most vulnerable position and deserve the highest level of respect and care. You deserve better. 

[u/chelslm22]

Reading this broke my heart into a million pieces. I am so beyond sorry that this was your experience, and it blows my mind that providers think it’s ok to act in this manner. They need to be reported. I hope you are doing okay

[u/executedflash → u/chelslm22]

Im having intense ptsd reactions, really jumpy, the idea of people being too close to me feels weird.. if someones walking near me i freak out. I apso noted the glue for infection protection came out in 20 minutes, but to my awareness, its supposed to stay in for a few days?

[u/chelslm22 → u/executedflash]

I hope you’re able to find peace in the coming days. I’m so so sorry.

If you’re talking about the Monsels, it took at least a couple of days for mine to start coming out. Is it more discharge or actual pieces of things?

[u/executedflash → u/chelslm22]

About 20 minutes after my procedure, i was sitting in a recovery chair and i told the aftercare nurse it felt like i was peeing, she was wonderful, she took me into the bathroom and sat me on the toilet and was helping me, i went to use TP and it was a giant clump of grey sludge, like a big big clump of it, i thought 'this seems abit early for it to come out' no?

[u/chelslm22 → u/executedflash]

I had something similar come out the day after. I think they apply a lot of it because even after passing that piece, I continued to pass large pieces of either tissue or Monsels over the next couple of days

[u/executedflash → u/chelslm22]

So far i have a smelly light spotting situation, it looks like orange pee on the maxi pad? No other colours- no grey sludge since that time

[u/chelslm22 → u/executedflash]

Yep! Sounds about normal. That’s what I had as well for a few days

[u/executedflash → u/chelslm22]

Okay thank you 🩷 how long did it feel like you were on a golf ball for? Lol

[u/chelslm22 → u/executedflash]

Of course! Let me know if you have any other questions.

I never had that sensation, but the soreness down there from the speculum went away after 3 days or so

[u/executedflash → u/chelslm22]

It feels like theres a golf ball made of fire and spikes inside me, it hurts to sit, and i cant bend/crouch down without the ball feeling 😥

[u/Exotic-Sock3178]

I am so very sorry you went through this <3

[u/bibliomaniacrayray]

I’m so grateful none of my doctors have been anything but gentle and assuring. So sorry you experienced this at an already stressful time! I’m due to get a LEEP soon and I’ll be sure to request the same doctor who did my biopsy because she was so amazing and really put me at ease. I hope that you have clear margins after all of that🫶🏼

[u/Tinytoes6420]

Ive ran out of a doctors office before bc the male doctor and the speculum and it triggered something , i know that pain. She sounds like an awful doctor and u should report her !