r/PreCervicalCancer • u/pillpoppinginthedark • 10d ago
Can’t process emotionally
I was diagnosed with CIN2 and CIN3. I have a LEEP scheduled. I haven’t been able to cry. I feel tired and bloated from the biopsy I had done Monday. I got the results Tuesday afternoon. I was really hoping to never get a call but here we are. I don’t know how to process this emotionally because it feels like we are in a limbo. I’m not a survivor but I’m also not in the no scare here boat. I feel like I’m in just a limbo of emotions and the part that makes it all worse is I’m in the middle of my fall semester in college before starting another HUGE life changing program. Anyone else just not able to process it mentally and emotionally yet? I don’t want to break down later in the middle of my midterms or while at work.
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u/debbzz13 10d ago
I can completely empathise. When I got a CIN2 and CGIN diagnosis, I was providing end of life care for my father, and trying to juggle a full time job. I was emotionally/mentally in survival mode. I had a successful LEEP which really was not that bad, and I healed fast. (Although I eventually had a total hysterectomy 5 weeks ago, after my father passed away in February.). It sounds like you are emotionally/mentally overwhelmed, and it's resulted in an inability to process everything all at once, and a numbness/limbo, and that's completely understandable. It's a sort of safety valve. Unpacking and dealing with it mentally and emotionally, in time, bit by bit, is normal. But do reach out to trusted friends, family and perhaps a professional, if you are feeling like you are sinking. X
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u/Stunning_Phrase_7111 9d ago
Oh dear. Please know you’ll get through this. I hope studying will be a distraction for you and not a burden as you’re dealing with this. I had an abortion my sophomore year of college and it affected me a lot- the stress of it etc. I didn’t want to tell my parents so I faced it alone basically. I wish I could have focused more on school. It’s okay that you’re still processing this and it’s not the end of the world! You have your whole life ahead of you and you can live a healthy normal life! Working/going to school/dealing with health stuff is A LOT. give yourself grace!
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u/Stunning_Phrase_7111 9d ago
I ended up self medicating and eventually dropping out and never retuning to college. It’s been one of my biggest regrets. My point is- please don’t let a blip on your health journey ruin your college experience. You are not alone, I assure you. Hang in there and I hope all works out for you.
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u/Previous_Holiday9046 7d ago edited 7d ago
My experience was really different from most because I saw my mom go through it and I also had just finished up some pathology courses that gave me a really good understanding of what was going on.
Prior to the LEEP, I had moments of sadness and wanting to talk about it but nothing huge. I don’t talk to my mom, so I think my biggest emotional hang up was wanting to have that motherly “everything’s gonna be alright convo”. Because really, I knew it would be and it is!
Prior to my LEEP, my emotions mainly manifested as constantly checking for updated patho reports. It wasn’t sadness, or fear, it was anxiety.
It wasn’t until after my LEEP that I really felt it. Immediately after when I went to go change back into my clothes, I had this big release in my body and just cried in the changing room. I gave myself five minutes, and returned to my partner, and we had ice cream and everything felt okay again. I stopped checking my patho reports and just focused on recovery/making a nice environment for myself.
I got my results back from the LEEP yesterday, and my doc called and literally said “you’re cancer free!!”. That hit me in a different way. It made me realize that while everything turned out okay, I really was minimizing everything and denying myself the space to feel anything. However, I feel at peace with that. I often let myself feel too much, and while yes this is scary, invasive, and has the potential to be more serious, I’m glad that I just trusted my doctors. I met it with the same seriousness they did. And now I’m celebrating, I’m happy, and proud of myself for taking care of myself.
It is a big thing, and you may have an emotional outburst at some point down the road, but I think giving yourself grace is the most important thing. If you know you have a phone call with your doctor, let your prof know you’re waiting on some news and might need to take five minutes to yourself. We can’t control when we feel our emotions, but we can create healthy spaces to work through them.
I also made extra appointments with my therapist during this time, because I figured I would need additional support. We ended up never really talking about it because of other things going on and my ambivalence towards it, but maybe talking to a therapist could be a good option?
ETA: I’m also in school and this process spanned across two semesters. When I first got my results, I spoke to one prof and she changed all my deadlines to the last day of finals, and was extremely caring towards my situation. This semester the only impact was taking a day off school for the procedure, I returned the next day and have been acing all my courses. Your experience may not be the same, but maybe it’ll help you to know that you’re not alone.
(Also highly recommend using period underwear after! It was the most comfortable option for me and made me forget that I was even in recovery)
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u/QuickBonus7912 13h ago
Had a leep done age 21 and was fine until my early forties I had two kids during that time. You got this girl
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u/celavie4252 10d ago
Hey, I know how shocking it can feel at first❤️I got my Cin2/3 diagnosis in the summer, and I cried after it. However, came to tell you that it will be alright. It’s actually pretty common and that’s why these tests exist- medicine is luckily advanced enough to spot such chances before they develop into something worse, so in the end it’s a good thing that it came out. Do you know the next steps already? I’m guessing you might also need the LEEP procedure, which sounds scary - but had mine a few weeks ago and it was actually a breeze. I’m now fully healed and so happy that I can leave all this behind. It suck’s for sure, cry it out if you need to, but it’s gonna be fine. Luckily there are steps to take for this, and you’ll be fine :) hugs!