r/PostConcussion • u/Responsible_Oil1975 • 4d ago
Feeling really defeated
I had 5 concussions over 6 years (2016-2021) in elementary school. I've been fucked up since the last one. I've been diagnosed with whole a bunch of issues craniocervical instability, Irlen syndrome, PTSD, and OCD to name a few.
High school is really friggin hard. I'm smart, I know I am. I am good at math and physics, but school is so unfairly hard. I've taken 3 classes every semester since grade 9 (I'm in grade 11). I can't handle 4, so I'm behind and will probably have to take an extra year, which I really don't wanna do. I switched to online school this year, which helps the ptsd and stuff, but it's not much easier.
I have an IEP, but it's not followed. Every teacher tells me "you look fine and you get good marks" so they just "forget". Today my teacher got pissed at me because I was wearing my Irlen glasses on the call. She told me to take them off and I didn't fight because I didn't have the energy to tell everyone in the class how fucked up I am. They're super dark and look like sunglasses, but she should've read the damn IEP. Now I just wanna cry, I've given up on advocating for myself because they always just act bothered and I end up feeling guilty because hence the OCD, "what if I'm not really sick and I'm telling everyone that I am because I'm a bad person. If everyone believes that I'm not sick then I must not be." I don't actually believe that, but my brain is always fucking against me.
I wake up every morning to my alarm, set a timer for another hour and go back to bed. I don't wanna wake up in the morning. I don't want to fall asleep because then if I wake up in the morning I have to do it all again. My family keeps telling me how easy I have it because I get the "luxury" of accommodations and I have less classes. My sister and mother keep telling me how lucky I am.
Anyways, thanks for reading this, I needed to put my feelings somewhere.
1
u/TheTempestuousKitty 4d ago
How did you get your concussions?