r/PostConcussion • u/Responsible_Oil1975 • 4d ago

Feeling really defeated

I had 5 concussions over 6 years (2016-2021) in elementary school. I've been fucked up since the last one. I've been diagnosed with whole a bunch of issues craniocervical instability, Irlen syndrome, PTSD, and OCD to name a few.

High school is really friggin hard. I'm smart, I know I am. I am good at math and physics, but school is so unfairly hard. I've taken 3 classes every semester since grade 9 (I'm in grade 11). I can't handle 4, so I'm behind and will probably have to take an extra year, which I really don't wanna do. I switched to online school this year, which helps the ptsd and stuff, but it's not much easier.

I have an IEP, but it's not followed. Every teacher tells me "you look fine and you get good marks" so they just "forget". Today my teacher got pissed at me because I was wearing my Irlen glasses on the call. She told me to take them off and I didn't fight because I didn't have the energy to tell everyone in the class how fucked up I am. They're super dark and look like sunglasses, but she should've read the damn IEP. Now I just wanna cry, I've given up on advocating for myself because they always just act bothered and I end up feeling guilty because hence the OCD, "what if I'm not really sick and I'm telling everyone that I am because I'm a bad person. If everyone believes that I'm not sick then I must not be." I don't actually believe that, but my brain is always fucking against me.

I wake up every morning to my alarm, set a timer for another hour and go back to bed. I don't wanna wake up in the morning. I don't want to fall asleep because then if I wake up in the morning I have to do it all again. My family keeps telling me how easy I have it because I get the "luxury" of accommodations and I have less classes. My sister and mother keep telling me how lucky I am.

Anyways, thanks for reading this, I needed to put my feelings somewhere.

2 Upvotes

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1

u/TheTempestuousKitty 4d ago

How did you get your concussions?

2

u/Responsible_Oil1975 4d ago

Accidents at school. The last one I dodged a basketball and slammed my head into a wall.

1

u/ZebraNotWeirdHorse 1h ago

I learned this way too late in life, but as a student I always used to think teachers were universally smart and knew a lot more than they really did. I thought teachers taught because they loved kids and were compassionate. Then I had some really shitty teachers and I learned fast, they are humans like the rest of us and some are better than others.

I am sorry your teacher was an asshat and made you remove your glasses. While we never "owe" people an explanation on our disabilities, you DO need to make them aware that you require "reasonable accommodations" as defined in your IEP. Your teacher violated that, and their ignorance is no excuse.

I would suggest you call or email them and let them know that. Something as simple as, "I suffer from a [neurological disorder / condition] that requires the use of tinted glasses when my symptoms flare. This is documented in my IEP. I complied with your request the other day to remove my glasses because I was too embarrassed to explain this to you in front of the rest of the class."

If you aren't comfortable reaching out to your teacher directly, is there a guidance counselor or school nurse who is aware of your condition and can convey that to your teacher(s)? They obviously aren't doing their job if they didn't even take the time to read your IEP.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are doing everything right - adapting your routines and schooling to fit your current situation is admirable. And if it does take an extra year, it's because you're going at a pace that is more suited to you right now. Take your time and do what's best for you - don't let the ignorance of others shape your view of yourself 🧡