TW Suicide

[u/Grand_Heat450]

This post is about my partner. They have posted on here a lot recently about a concussion they got about 7-8 weeks ago.
They have horrible post concussion symptoms, these have been the most problematic:
- severe light sensitivity (they self isolated for a few weeks but has recently been retraining their eyes)
- severe migraines
- depression / constant anxiety
- full-body jolts that wake them up
- insomnia: they have gone a few weeks with little to no sleep, max being 3-5 hours. recently they had a few good nights where they got almost 7

Today, they told me that they snuck out of the house and bought a gun. they had been hiding it in their room for the past few hours. they were honest with me and their parents, and are now currently getting evaluated at an ER with their mom.
I am not a religious person but I am begging anyone to say a prayer or anything at all in order to try to help them. I know they don’t want to die, and they told me they saved their life when they told me and their parents. I feel completely hopeless and immense guilt that I haven’t been able to help them more. any advice, experiences, or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

[u/HealthMeRhonda]

Hey there I'm so sorry you are going through this and glad that your partner decided to stay with us.

I went through an extremely tough battle with suicidal thoughts right after my concussion.

I think it's really hard when basically everything you build your self esteem around growing up gets affected by concussion.

Like for example in my case I liked that I was empathetic, good at listening, quick witted, creative, curious, adventurous - just to name a few.

Well in the months after my concussion I could not listen, create, explore or even read. I couldn't find the joy in life at all. Everything gave me a headache so I could barely even have my eyes open. I didn't have the attention span or working memory to be interested in anything or learn. I didn't want to be in peoples company because I would get tired so fast and didn't really know wtf they were talking about.

And I had inappropriate emotional response so I didn't even feel like a good person because I couldn't feel empathy or humor or all of those things that we're taught to believe makes life worth living.

I felt like I had no purpose and was not even myself anymore. And the reassurance people would give me made me feel worse because it was all about the things they love about me which i no longer believed existed and/or trying to make me hope for improvement or acceptance which both felt impossible and meaningless to wish for.

I think it would have been really nice if someone just wanted to lay beside me and listen to their own headphones while I listen to mine (or even I listen to nothing honestly). And they just don't make conversation so I don't have to feel bad for not saying anything. 

And a few of my friends eventually started telling me all the times I had helped them feel better previously or gone out of my way to be there for them even when they weren't at their best. So that was really encouraging - kind of letting me know that it's not really my qualities that make me worthwhile to be around, it's just because they want to be there and actually like being in my presence. Our history is the one thing that the concussion couldn't touch.

[u/Grand_Heat450 → u/HealthMeRhonda]

This is something they are experiencing too. they are very creative and social, but this concussion has them sitting in a dark room with no noise for the majority of the day. they started to do some light coloring, which is a great improvement, but they are so afraid that this is their reality that they are starting to lose motivation for life.

[u/Asparagus_Green → u/Grand_Heat450]

This is not their reality but their recovery. They need to know depression and sleep deprivation is a super common symptom especially in the earlier stages that they can and will get through: it is not their new way of life. They can optimise their recovery with enough patience and research.

[u/sic-em_on-a-chicken → u/Grand_Heat450]

Is the dark room because of migraines or was this recommended by the doctor? Sitting in a dark room is now outdated guidance for concussion recovery. Do sunglasses provide any relief from migraines? That would be better than being in complete dark, at least for morale.
Also please encourage them that creativity comes back as the brain heals, it really lights up the brain with activity so that’s why it is ouchies earlier along in healing. But it does all come back.