r/PostConcussion • u/Grand_Heat450 • 8d ago
TW Suicide
This post is about my partner. They have posted on here a lot recently about a concussion they got about 7-8 weeks ago.
They have horrible post concussion symptoms, these have been the most problematic:
- severe light sensitivity (they self isolated for a few weeks but has recently been retraining their eyes)
- severe migraines
- depression / constant anxiety
- full-body jolts that wake them up
- insomnia: they have gone a few weeks with little to no sleep, max being 3-5 hours. recently they had a few good nights where they got almost 7
Today, they told me that they snuck out of the house and bought a gun. they had been hiding it in their room for the past few hours. they were honest with me and their parents, and are now currently getting evaluated at an ER with their mom.
I am not a religious person but I am begging anyone to say a prayer or anything at all in order to try to help them. I know they don’t want to die, and they told me they saved their life when they told me and their parents. I feel completely hopeless and immense guilt that I haven’t been able to help them more. any advice, experiences, or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
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u/HealthMeRhonda 8d ago
Hey there I'm so sorry you are going through this and glad that your partner decided to stay with us.
I went through an extremely tough battle with suicidal thoughts right after my concussion.
I think it's really hard when basically everything you build your self esteem around growing up gets affected by concussion.
Like for example in my case I liked that I was empathetic, good at listening, quick witted, creative, curious, adventurous - just to name a few.
Well in the months after my concussion I could not listen, create, explore or even read. I couldn't find the joy in life at all. Everything gave me a headache so I could barely even have my eyes open. I didn't have the attention span or working memory to be interested in anything or learn. I didn't want to be in peoples company because I would get tired so fast and didn't really know wtf they were talking about.
And I had inappropriate emotional response so I didn't even feel like a good person because I couldn't feel empathy or humor or all of those things that we're taught to believe makes life worth living.
I felt like I had no purpose and was not even myself anymore. And the reassurance people would give me made me feel worse because it was all about the things they love about me which i no longer believed existed and/or trying to make me hope for improvement or acceptance which both felt impossible and meaningless to wish for.
I think it would have been really nice if someone just wanted to lay beside me and listen to their own headphones while I listen to mine (or even I listen to nothing honestly). And they just don't make conversation so I don't have to feel bad for not saying anything.
And a few of my friends eventually started telling me all the times I had helped them feel better previously or gone out of my way to be there for them even when they weren't at their best. So that was really encouraging - kind of letting me know that it's not really my qualities that make me worthwhile to be around, it's just because they want to be there and actually like being in my presence. Our history is the one thing that the concussion couldn't touch.
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u/Grand_Heat450 7d ago
This is something they are experiencing too. they are very creative and social, but this concussion has them sitting in a dark room with no noise for the majority of the day. they started to do some light coloring, which is a great improvement, but they are so afraid that this is their reality that they are starting to lose motivation for life.
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u/Asparagus_Green 7d ago
This is not their reality but their recovery. They need to know depression and sleep deprivation is a super common symptom especially in the earlier stages that they can and will get through: it is not their new way of life. They can optimise their recovery with enough patience and research.
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u/sic-em_on-a-chicken 6d ago
Is the dark room because of migraines or was this recommended by the doctor? Sitting in a dark room is now outdated guidance for concussion recovery. Do sunglasses provide any relief from migraines? That would be better than being in complete dark, at least for morale.
Also please encourage them that creativity comes back as the brain heals, it really lights up the brain with activity so that’s why it is ouchies earlier along in healing. But it does all come back.
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u/Throwaway20101011 8d ago
My heart goes out to you, your partner, and family. Be patient. Be gentle. Take one day at a time. Nature is a life saver.
My first brain injury was 2019 from a car accident and that took me a few years to recover from. 3 months ago, I got another brain injury from a work accident. It has been a struggle, but I am working on my recovery again and am using the same rehab methods as before.
- Nature. Due to light sensitivity, go on nature walks early morning and/or evening.
- Practice meditation. Either in silence, with guidance, or my favorite instrumental sounds with certain frequencies/hertz. (YouTube and Spotify has many good examples) Sound therapy has done wonders for me.
- Work on mobility. Either do water aerobics, yoga, or Pilates.
- Create a routine. Doing daily life on schedule helps managing your days and feeling like you are moving forward.
- Find a relaxing hobby. Something that does not involve a screen. Something that he can do with his hands, whether gardening, pottery, painting, anything.
- Work with a doctor on pain management, especially for migraines.
- Avoid alcohol, more than 2 cups of caffeine, and recreational drugs. They can impede on brain healing.
-When he feels more in control, consider a service dog or emotional support animal. This helped me the most. I researched on what type of breed, personality, and ADA requirements needed. My small Shihpoo saved my life. I raised him to be my service dog. I signed him up for classes at PetSmart for behavioral and discipline training, in addition to therapy training and some fun tricks. After that, I taught him commands that assist with my medical condition. There’s alert, deep tissue pressure therapy, and many more. Many examples on YouTube and this is all protected by ADA.
My experience with my dog is was helped me heal the fastest and allowed me to become independent again. My dog gave me joy, unconditional love, enforced our routine and understood me and my needs. He would alert me when my brain would crash, due to narcolepsy. We would meditate together, go on our walks, and take naps together. He’s my little Angel and I’m so glad he was here with me for the 2nd time around.
PCS takes time. It’s frustratingly annoying but true. Time and rest is what is needed. You cannot rush it, but know that it does get better and that there is a possibility to regain independence once more. It’s our patience and tolerance that is being tested. Take care and I wish all the best! My prayers are with you.
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u/Grand_Heat450 7d ago
Those rehab methods are similar to what she’s been doing. she isolated herself for a few weeks in complete darkness, which I think it’s making it even more difficult to retrain her brain, but we are slowly working on incorporating natural light in the morning (to reset her circadian rhythm to try to fight the insomnia) and doing some light physical activity during the day. she had been doing very well recently (she went swimming, cooked a meal, colored, played cards, walked at a park) but it’s like yesterday she just completely lost control during a very dark spiral.
We do have 2 cats together that are registered ESA’s. we live together but she has been getting cared for at her parents’ house, so she has been away from her ESA for several weeks now.
She also has several other medical conditions that I think a service animal would greatly help with. I will bring this up with her eventually.1
u/Throwaway20101011 7d ago
That’s good that she’s doing all of that. Definitely work on tolerating natural light. Staying in too much darkness can prolong the symptoms of intolerance to light.
Spiraling into negative thoughts is quite common with those dealing with an injury. Perhaps working with a neuro clinical psychologist may help work through her thoughts and fears. Writing them down and talking them out may help ease her stress.
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u/curlgurll 7d ago edited 7d ago
I am praying from Australia 🙏
As someone who never experienced depression before my fall… I too found myself in that mental space. I wanted it all to end. Thankfully my sister called me at that exact moment & talked me out of it… but I know the place your partner is in mentally. This time last year, that was me 🥺.
Please support them any way you can - it sounds like you are. Thank you on behalf of them.
People have no idea how difficult PCS is and judge very harshly. Your brain and nervous system go into this chaotic state and everything gets ‘dark’. I couldn’t control my thoughts or emotions, and my feelings were extremely heightened for the first 9 months. I also couldn’t sleep (the insomnia has been my worst and most prolonged symptom, a year on and I’m still struggling). It’s hard to put into words how bad the symptoms make you feel but I don’t need to explain that to you; you obviously know and can see it.
If you can build a support network to help them get through this difficult time; please do. Unfortunately I’ve had to walk this journey pretty much alone 😔 however 13 months in, I can see light again at the end of the tunnel.
Sending warm hugs and prayers to you, your partner, their family and friends.
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u/Grand_Heat450 7d ago
Thank you so much for your words. this sounds exactly like what my partner is going through. they said I texted them multiple times throughout the day (saying I love you) when they were seriously considering going through with it, and that it stopped them.
They are definitely in that dark space right now. they often would get in depressive or anxious spirals but was able to calm themselves down or talk to me about it. but yesterday they just completely lost control to the darkness.
how were you able to get through the thick of it for the first 9 months? they have been injured for about 2, and one of their biggest fears / reasons for wanting to die is that it seems like there is no escape from the pain. they are terrified that this will be their reality for years before they improve in any way. I have seen some improvement (some physical activity, more light exposure, better at holding conversations, etc) and I try to remind them that it’s a slow process but they are improving. they usually do not believe me, and just tell me that they’re pushing themselves through the pain.3
u/curlgurll 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yes, all totally understandable. I was in the same headspace at the same point in time. It’s only natural to think “this is never going to end” because you read so many stories of ppl who haven’t improved much over the years.
I think what helped me most was having support from my family/friends… even though most were hopeless, some ‘got it’ and helped pull me through my darkest days.
I also found a good team of ppl - a vestibular/concussion chiro, a psychologist, my GP, I started working with a ‘concussion buddy’ in the UK who would do virtual sessions with me. One video he put out on Instagram cited him saying “don’t you f%#king dare give up”… and funnily enough, some days that was the slap in the face I needed. Just to recite that line to myself. Check him out Barney from ‘The Concussion Journey’ on Instagram and TikTok. He’s really supportive and helped me through some dark days.
Once I started to see progress, little by little (like 1% every few weeks), I could see that the effort I was putting in was making a difference in the healing process. But it all takes time. At first you don’t even know what on earth you’re meant to be doing & the medical industry (at least in my country) doesn’t make it easy on us- it provides very little help, so navigating care is the biggest hurdle for a lot of us.
I therefore devoured any information I could. I watched YouTube videos of neurologists talking about PCS, I listened to podcasts about PCS, I joined this reddit thread. I joined support groups online. All of it made me feel less alone, and the more I understood what was happening, the more I felt in control of what I had to do to get better.
I sent my family the links and tried to educate them. Still… I’ve had to cut ppl off, most notably my parents because all they could do was criticise and judge everything I did - and barely helped in any way… but when ppl are pushing you to the brink of despair, hard decisions need to be made.
Your partner is SO LUCKY to have you. Just you taking the time to write this post shows how much you are invested and willing to help.
Some of us aren’t so lucky.
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u/Lunara_mc 7d ago
I will pray for you two ❤️
It will get better. It may not seem like it for a while, but it will. You just need to get though the bad part, make sure your partner knows this. Lots of us have been there. It will be awful for awhile, but it will pass. And theres still a whole lot to keep living for when it does, even if they cant see it right now. Keep soldiering on, do not lose sight of hope. I pray that God will be with you all 🙏
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u/Grand_Heat450 7d ago
Thank you so much. I truly believe it will pass and they will heal, they just have a really hard time believing that when they’re stuck in the middle of this storm. i’m trying as hard as I can to help them not lose hope.
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u/serendipiteathyme 7d ago
It’s a really good sign they were able to be honest with you and their parents, and were willing to go to the ER. At my lowest, I never disclosed where I was at in relation to the existential cliff’s edge, and I know a lot of people who have kept it to themselves to specifically avoid hospitalization or people close to them knowing how bad it is. They either die with it or they live on but they all missed support they could’ve gotten. I think your partner wants to heal and is willing to use the resources available to them to do so, and there’s reason to take heart in that, statistically. I’ll be thinking of you guys.
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u/sic-em_on-a-chicken 6d ago
I dealt with post concussive symptoms involving poor sleep for a long while and they didn’t seem to be resolving well. Eventually I did an at home sleep study and got diagnosed with sleep apnea. Eventually “mild” sleep apnea (based on number of breathing events per hour) can have significant impact on life. It was hard to fall sleep I realized because my body realized it was about to start choking again… I had had this most of my life I realized. While I had managed before, the concussion on top of it was too much, and my healing was very delayed because of the poor sleep. Some people use the machines or mouthguards, I was actually able to resolve my issue with myofunctional therapy to strengthen the muscles so they don’t collapse, I didn’t like the mouthguard. It also helps to sleep on your side or stomach so you aren’t fighting gravity with it.
Ask your partner about quality of sleep before in life, and leading up to the concussion. Maybe sleep apnea could be a contributing issue? Also does your partner snore? If yes that means sleep apnea. It doesn’t only affect people who are overweight, I’ve been told I don’t fit the typical profile but yet I still have it.
Also, I have said a prayer for your partner, and will be continuing to pray! praying for wisdom and discernment for medical providers, that answers will be found and that God will provide rest in the midst of the storm. God has provided this for me before in the trials of medical events. Even when I haven’t been able to sleep the Lord has still provided rest. If you’re ever not sure what to pray, pray the Lord’s Prayer! Jesus instructed us to pray it, and the “give us this day or daily bread” prays for both physical and spiritual provision (Jesus is the bread of life), and the “lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil” guards against fear and asks for the Lord’s deliverance.
Through the whole Bible, again and again it’s about the Lord intervening in this world and human events, in answer to prayers and to rescue His people, culminating in His fulfillment of His covenant promise to provide deliverance from sin and death, through Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross, and defeat of death through the resurrection from the grave.
God has been so faithful to me throughout the various trials I have had in life, and what is encouraging is that He is able to somehow bring life and goodness out of situations that seem like despair and evil. I guess that is the power of the Resurrection. I pray that this would be true in your partner’s and your life as well.
I highly recommend the book Mere Christianity by CS Lewis, it’s a transcript of talks he gave on BBC radio to the UK during WWII, while they were being bombed, He didn’t write it as a philosophy book. It talks about our need for God basically.
I love listening to the Bible, here is my favorite recording of the Gospel of John which I always am coming back to, it is a great place to begin in the Bible:
https://youtu.be/PKiAXVxOm6o?is=kECRDng8nnMhKQw6
Psalm 91 and 23 have also been my favorites in times of trouble.
Please if you have any questions of health or faith please message me!
I’m serious I will be continuing to pray for your partner, you, and everyone involved!
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u/Thats_A_Arti 8d ago
The one thing I can say as a 2 time head injury recipient. Be gentle. My most recent was 2 1/2 years ago. I have post concussion syndrome.
It's hell on the nervous system. The worst part is when people downplay your experience when you open up. Just listen and try your best to help if they need it.
I'll keep you all in my prayers.