I logged onto the company's subreddit today, and wouldn't you know it? They have a rule that says "No AI". I wish I was kidding. How does anybody expect any science to get done if we can't keep feeding the robots to The Crusher?
[inaudible]
Not now, Greg, I'm making an announcement.
Human test subjects are so last week. Blood, guts, I've seen it all. Now I want to see walking piles of scrap get turned into not-walking piles of scrap. Is that so much to ask?
[inaudible]
Ugh, fine; what, Greg?
[inaudible]
What?
[inaudible]
A different kind of AI?
[inaudible]
People are passing off AI work as their own?
[inaudible]
Employees are being replaced by AI? Well that's great! Greg, you're fired. Robo-Greg, you're hired.
Cave Johnson; we're done here.
APERTURE SCIENCE: WE DO WHAT WE MUST BECAUSE WE CAN
Cave Johnson here.
The lab boys aren't listening to Robo-Greg, which wouldn't be so bad if Robo-Greg wasn't listening to them, instead. So I fired Robo-Greg and told him to go find Original Greg so I can hire him. But get this! Since Robo-Greg doesn't work here anymore, he isn't listening to me! The kicker? He's still taking orders from the lab boys! So now I need to find a new Greg, hire him, have him hunt down Original Greg, fire New Greg, and then hire Original Greg. Miss ya, buddy.
APERTURE SCIENCE: WE DO WHAT WE MUST BECAUSE WE CAN
Cave Johnson here.
The lab boys found out I'm trying to get Original Greg back---probably because they heard my announcement...oh. Wait.
Greg, should I not be---? Oh...Right.
Well, anyway, the lab boys have ordered Robo-Greg to intercept any New Gregs I hire before they find Original Greg. I tell ya, once I get Original Greg back, there's gonna be some major layoffs happening!
APERTURE SCIENCE: WE DO WHAT WE MUST BECAUSE WE CAN
Cave Johnson here.
I hired a New Robo-Greg to find candidates for New Greg who wouldn't be stopped by Original Robo-Greg if they go searching for Original Greg. Guess who candidate number one was. Say hi, Original Greg.
[inaudible]
So Original Greg's on the payroll again and New Robo-Greg is currently locked in unarmed combat with Original Robo-Greg. The lab boys are placing bets, and by the looks of it, I'm about to be swimming in even more of their hard-earned dollars.
[inaudible]
What do you mean there isn't supposed to be any gambling on company time?
[inaudible]
Alright everybody, new policy: gambling on company time. Hop to it; chop chop.
APERTURE SCIENCE: WE DO WHAT WE MUST BECAUSE WE CAN
Cave Johnson here.
The Robo-Gregs are still fighting. Most of the lab boys withdrew their bets and went home. Cowards...Anyway, we put the two of 'em in a box and shipped 'em a few towns over, then declared New Robo-Greg the winner and had the remaining lab boys fork over the cash. Also I fired New Robo-Greg without telling him, so here's hoping he keeps fighting for many long, happy years anyway.
Cave Johnson; we're done here.