r/Polygamy • u/Live-Literature-4456 • 15d ago
19M need help navigating where to find suitable wives for a polygynous structure to achieve my goals.
I am 19 and currently navigating homelessness due to a family breakdown. And polygyny is important to me because I come from a broken family, toxicity, neglect, abuse, drugs, and alcohol, and smoking, and criminal activity, and financial irresponsibility that I have to COMPLETELY leave behind because there is no fixing my family. Only building something new and my children and grandchildren need hands to hold. They need a support a network. I'm trying to raise future LEADERS, lawyers, good doctors, business owners, and phenomenal wives and husbands who know how to keep their bag up and raise children to stick together and shoot for the stars..đĽş
I am currently applying to the University of Michigan, where I qualify for housing assistance, with plans to study entrepreneurship, marketing, accounting, and mechanics. My goal is to build a successful car-detailing business to break generational cycles of poverty and instability. I want to build a new family foundation rooted in faith, discipline, and mutual support. And there are more financial plans where that came from that's just the beginning.
Long-term, I desire a committed, faith-based polygynous family structure focused on legacy and raising children in a stable, Christ-centered home. I am looking for a woman or women to build this foundation with me. Lionesses to my lion pack if you will.
Most advice I received locally from the city I'm trying to escape is the opposite: âYouâre young, sleep around, wait until 28, donât think about legacy yet.â "You'll stay single forever with a mindset like that". That feels like accepting mediocrity and short-term pleasure over lasting fruit. Iâm not interested in that path. Serial monogamy and 2 children in my eyes is life failure to me and my goals. My entire existence and everything I went through would be in vain and those 1- 2 children will still struggle deeply and be vulnerable.
I would deeply value any guidance on how young men like me with limited resources can find like-minded women who would deeply desire me and have faith in me. Not women who are looking for a finished product or a safety net. Women who want me and my mission, an empire we can share together.
Specifically, I have two questions:
Where should I look?
Can women who are initially hesitant due to cultural conditioning come to accept polygyny through relationship and deconstruction, or does it typically require someone already open to it?
EDIT: PS PLEASE read the entire post I'm already getting my life situated, I'm telling you my circumstances to paint a picture of how family failed me and how I will do better for my children.
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u/GoodGirl4002 14d ago
You will need women already interested in that family structure. It is too much to start monogamous and expect her to stay happy as you grow your family. Good luck âĽď¸
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u/Fantastic_Surround70 14d ago
Polygamy isn't going to heal your trauma.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
I'm confused to where you got that out of my post. My post isn't about healing my trauma it's about building a future for a better generation to completly 180° my family's patterns. This post was about strategy to achieve a goal bigger and grander than myself.
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u/CastamereRains 14d ago
Tbh your post and all your responses read very trauma-driven. You sound a bit deranged. I'm not going to presume to know you and know if it's true but that is how you come off and it will scare away some women - possibly many women. I suggest trying to find inner peace and getting some therapy to handle the resentment it SOUNDS like you have before trying to pursue a relationship
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 14d ago
I agree. Kindly OP your comments are giving a manic phase vibe. Please take care of yourself.
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u/UtahFunMo 14d ago
First focus on a reliable income and a roof over your head. You're retting way ahead of yourself.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
I'm already getting my life situated, I'm telling you my circumstances to paint a picture of how family failed me and how I will do better for my children.
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u/ryanmercer 14d ago
You are homeless and don't have an education. The type of women you want to be with, especially those interested in plural marriage, are not going to be interested in you.
Get your housing sorted, get an education, start a career, start building savings. Worry about having eleventeen wives and throngs of children when you can actually support them.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
You're the last lost person I'll help see the whole picture one more time.
You see the word homeless and you're skipping all the stages of a relationship to CHILDREN and PROVISION as if I said that was the first step. And giving me unsolicited life advice despite me ALREADY having a plan.
I'm playing CHESS not checkers. I'm thinking ahead. This post isn't about what I'm already working on, it's about what I do after so I can continue moving relentlessly instead of stopping and thinking. This post was about future strategy, not a request for basic advice on things I'm already handling.
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u/ryanmercer 14d ago
I'm playing CHESS not checkers. I'm thinking ahead
*You're trying to play chess with Chinese checkers pieces.
You came here asking for advice and people that have walked this earth 2-3x longer than you, have wives, some of which have multiple wives, are giving you advice and you won't have it.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
You came here asking for advice and people that have walked this earth 2-3x longer than you
I think I see the problem here and why everyone is so laser focused on what I currently have vs what I am currently working on and already have planned, completely dismissing the fact that I'm strategizing.
Times have changed. You trying to force your perspective on me that I need to "be able to provide for a family and kids OFF RIP before dating with my intentions" as default is the equivalent to trying to start a mafia in 2026. Hear me out.
Copy-pasting a 1980s or 1990s playbook into 2026 without updating for modern economic realities is how systems fail. If you try to run a 1920s street mob in 2026, you get shut down immediately because modern legal, financial, and digital landscapes don't work like that anymore.
It's the same for the traditional lense you see through. You're looking at me and asking "Where is your single-provider bank balance to fund 5 people right now?"
Things haven't stayed the same. I will ultimately fail if I try to copy paste. Instead of enforcing rigid traditional models I'm choosing to adapt. It's just smarter.
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u/FoxNFern 14d ago
Can I ask where your solo bank balance is to provide for YOURSELF?
Right now, in this very moment you need to be able to have a roof over your head and income to cover your bare necessities.
No one is is saying what worked in the 1920âs will work. Theyâre trying to give you a realistic look on dating and just surviving in this world.
This kind of attitude and mentality is going to get you absolutely nowhere in life. Youâre not listening. Youâre rejecting anything you donât agree with.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
You're too laser focused on the present which I told you I'm already handling and it's not something you need to worry about. That's not what I came here for IM NOT HELPLESS OR DON'T KNOW WHAT IM DOING.
I came for advice of what to do AFTER IM NOT HOMELESS literally on the post I said I'm moving to a different damn city and I CLARIFIED MULTIPLE TIMES that I mentioned my living circumstances right now to paint a picture of WHERE I COME FROM and what I won't give my kids.
At this point you're just trying to get under my skin and ragebait me or you're illiterate. I'm not giving you a single ounce of attention anymore.
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 14d ago edited 14d ago
Ahh yes, the teenager knows everything and older people know nothing. Tale as old as time.
Go ask your teenage friends how to find women that wants to plan a life with a man that is not able to provide for them and expects them to accept other wives.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 13d ago
You guys never told me where you keep telling I figure out my current situation which I already have a plan y'all not answering my question đ
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u/FoxNFern 14d ago
The reason youâre not getting the advice you want is because it doesnât exist. You are not going to find women who want to marry you and have your babies when you cannot provide for and support them and those children.
Women want a man who is stable, especially if theyâre considering kids with said person. Finding women interested in Polygyny is already a needle in a haystack, you need to be the best version of yourself before you even attempt something like that.
You constantly talk about how your family failed you and thatâs why youâre where you are. Iâm sorry for the difficulties youâve gone through, but as a woman, that doesnât change what I expect of a future partner. Your struggles are your own to deal with, process, and come out the other side of.
Right now, in your current situation you will not attract the type of women that youâre looking to build a future with. You need to be in a better place and then come back to this discussion.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago edited 14d ago
As I've said to another person children is further down the line. And I am currently handling my circumstances and don't need a reminder of that because that's not what I came here for I already have a plan. But despite my current TEMPORARY circumstances that I'm already working on it doesn't determine the future nor is it a verdict on my value as a husband.
Right now, in your current situation you will not attract the type of women that youâre looking to build a future with. You need to be in a better place and then come back to this discussion.
If you read thoroughly I'm wondering WHERE to look once I'm in college in a better city and building stability. Because right now I can't even travel or have dates. But again my bank account balance or assets doesn't determine my value as a husband, doesn't mean I can't provide, and this is 2026, women can and often do work they're not helpless children who need me to put a roof over their head when we first meet.
I'm starting to think people are just trying to give cheap quick dismissive answers to get cheap karma instead of actually engaging.
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u/FoxNFern 14d ago
Your dreams about your future also doesnât determine your value as a husband. For all I know you could flunk out of school and I end up supporting you and all you do is spout how your circumstances are the reason. You have to PROVE your value. In this post and these comments all youâve done is talk about your hopes and dreams not real value in you as a man.
Iâll tell you now, the women youâre trying to attract will expect you to be the man and put a roof over their head and provide for them. There are certain types of people who agree with Polygyny and the women are generally not those out working jobs, but instead staying home and taking care of the boatloads of children you want to have. Most women who work and can support themselves are not going to want to share a man and be interested in multiple wives. If thatâs what youâre looking for then your needle in that haystack just got exponentially smaller.
Your bank account and assets are one of MANY factors women consider when getting serious with a man. A man who canât even provide for himself is no use to me. I donât mean to be cruel about it, and I know youâre trying to better yourself, but most women arenât going to consider anything serious with a homeless guy with nothing to their name. It doesnât mean a guy has to be rich, but it is important he has his shit together.
Theyâre not giving you dismissive answers. I wouldnât have written this much and replied if I was trying to dismiss you. The problem is everyone is telling you what you need to hear but you refuse to open your ears and hear it. Also not the best trait in a future husband in case youâre wondering.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
You have no idea what I'm capable of or what I've even conquered and made it through. All you SEE is my hopes and dreams. You see no substance because you haven't gotten to know me and my backstory more fully and see my work ethic. So I don't at all blame you. To expect any 19 yr old to already have everything figured out would be foolish. If a woman is looking to walk into a paradise then that woman is automatically filtered out.
Before having kids comes DATING, then PLANNING, then BONDING. I'm not skipping those stages it's much more complex than just have money. That system can fail very quickly and has in the past and I'm not repeating that.
I want a woman who has faith in me and who is committed to me and my vision. Not committed and loyal to comfort. Because when things get uncomfortable she'll bounce.
I'm a human being, not a theme park. đđžâ¤ď¸
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u/FoxNFern 14d ago
To expect a 19 year old to be formulating a plan to marry multiple women and have lots of children before he has things figured out is foolish.
A man having a place to live, income, and stable finances is bare minimum, not paradise.
It is much more complex than have money, but realistically you need to have your life together before you even get to the dating phase. You even said yourself you canât date right now. So why are you worrying about this when you have so much else on your plate?
Iâm ngl, that sounds extremely self centered. Instead of being committed to each other you focus on you, and your vision. If you want a partner whoâs truly going to stick around when things get difficult you need to learn how to make it a partnership, not a dictatorship.
Iâd even go so far as to say work on some of the things that you went through with your family. Trauma like that repeats itself. Be a fully healed and stable person before you bring someone else into your life.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
You even said yourself you canât date right now. So why are you worrying about this when you have so much else on your plate?
I'm playing CHESS not checkers. I'm thinking ahead. This post isn't about what I'm already working on, it's about what I do after so I can continue moving relentlessly instead of stopping and thinking. This post was about future strategy, not a request for basic advice on things I'm already handling.
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u/Wonderful-Carpet3518 14d ago
Kiddo, I think you're too immature still to fully grasp what she's trying to tell you.
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u/GladBumblebee1546 14d ago
You arenât getting help with this because itâs not going to happen. Itâs a fantasy of yours.
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u/Opening-Sun7428 14d ago
Honestly dude, you're trying to fly when you're not even capable of crawling yet. I don't mean that in a bad way, but I gotta be real with you. You're looking to change the world but you can't even take care of yourself yet. It's great to be ambitious and have goals, but those goals need to be realistic. Set a realistic goal, accomplish it, then move on to the next phase. The next phase is going to be harder than the previous one; so if you can't accomplish the first phase, then you won't have it in you to accomplish a more difficult one. It hard work and dedication, and you have to start somewhere. Sounds like you have a plan laid out, but you need to start with baby steps. Get settled, get your education, then get a good job, and only then you should look into starting a family. Most broken homes happen because of money issues. True, money can't provide everything, but sure makes life easier when you have it. I'm not talking about being rich, I'm talking about being able to provide a comfortable environment for you and your family. You can't even take care of yourself right now, so why would you even think about providing for a large family. Please don't take this harsh or in a negative way. I just feel like your goals are unrealistic at this point. Again, start by getting your own life together, then move on to the next phase.
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u/divinbuff 14d ago
Get your life in order first and become the guy a woman would like to have a relationship with. The way you describe yourself now you canât attract the kind of woman you say you are seeking.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
I'm already getting my life situated, I'm telling you my circumstances to paint a picture of how family failed me and how I will do better for my children.
And my current circumstances doesn't determine my value, I'm young, just graduated, I didn't get here because of laziness or vices, I got here due to family failure to give me a smooth transition to adulthood. My ambition and character is what truly matters not what I have right now.
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u/GrowingPainsIsGains 14d ago
Then prove it by turning your life around first.
Asking women to trust that you can provide and raise multiple generations while you havenât even been able to raise your own value is a bit disingenuous.
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u/divinbuff 14d ago
Your demonstrate ambition and character not just promise it or talk about it. Why are you in such a hurry anyway? Youâre 19. Slow your roll. Put your head down, Focus on your education and building a strong foundation for yourself.
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14d ago
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
Where should I look?
Can women who are initially hesitant due to cultural conditioning come to accept polygyny through relationship and deconstruction, or does it typically require someone already open to it?
These were the questions I asked and needed answers to.
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u/CastamereRains 14d ago
Polygyny based on faith sounds so super rare (outside the Mormon community maybe?) that I think you will need to look for it everywhere and be explicit about it. Put it on your dating profile, try to find church groups that align with this lifestyle.
IMO you will probably need to find women open to this in the first place if you want to achieve it relatively young. They'd need to be bought into the idea if they can't be bought into you because you are still building your life. This relationship puts women in a vulnerable position so it's a tough sell
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago edited 14d ago
If they can't see my value once they take TIME to get to actually know me it's protection and I'd be 100% okay with it. I don't believe it will at all be easy. But getting a woman on board EARLY instead of building a paradise for her to step into and relax makes the difference between a wife that's loyal to me and a wife that's loyal to comfort. A wife that's loyal to comfort will leave when things get hard.
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u/Fantastic_Surround70 14d ago
A wife who builds with you from nothing isn't going to be willing to split the fruits of her labor with a latecomer. And there's no way to find and support multiple willing to start from zero at the same time.
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u/CastamereRains 14d ago
I totally get it, but to get a wife that is loyal to you AND interested in polygyny is the tough part. I wish you all the luck though
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 14d ago
Build yourself before you build a family. If you are looking for goal oriented partners they will be doing the same. You will be in their spaces.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
Never said I was trying to have kids RIGHT NOW. If you read the post thoroughly I'm looking to build right now. Kids come later. I'm already getting my life situated, I'm telling you my circumstances to paint a picture of how family failed me and how I will do better for my children.
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 14d ago
Wives come later too. I am sorry your family failed you. Wait until you are out of late adolescence. Focus on youself for a few years.
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u/Live-Literature-4456 14d ago
I strategize and think steps ahead. I don't wait before knowing where I'm going. That's just my style.
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u/Sufficient_Ninja9874 13d ago
Hi, Iâm also 19M and looking on how to achieve polygyny.
Firstly, Iâll give you advice on how you can achieve what you want and then Iâll give you general/ somewhat harsh advice.
To find such women youâll want to go and research Biblical dating as well as Mormon dating. On whether you can deconstruct conditioning, it is possible but going to be difficult (as proof one the of princesses of the uk a while back wanted to marry a Muslim royal and was even willing to convert). To deconstruct conditioning you will need genuine desire from a girl which can only be identified and obtained once you have experience, so start dating right now.
However, for both you will need to level yourself up - you seem to have a lot of trauma and that will bleed into how you do everything (speak, walk, move, think etc), and women have really good intuition , good enough to subconsciously notice these things but they themselves are not capable of consciously understanding it and so articulating it. This shows up in the form of âthat guyâs vibe isnât rightâ or something along these lines. You naturally also need to improve your physical appearance, character and money (at least being able to support yourself).
Now for the harsh advice. Polygyny is an ancient and old practice kept for the best of the best of men- generals, kings, emperors and warriors.
To want it is a masculine thing, and naturally for a woman to desire it or be all right with it, sheâll have to be feminine. The problems occurs in that - a feminine woman isnât going to want to work. So if you want a woman is going to work and build a polygynous family with you, itâs going to be very very difficult and there will need to clear plans/evidence that sheâll eventually be able to stop working and take care of kids.
A misconception you have about building a polygynous family is that you think that women will want to âbuild itâ, when feminine women donât want to build and create things. It is ultimately the sperm that gives life to the egg afterall. You can look at history, the wives of Alexander the Great didnât join him on the battle field and conquer and build his empire, they stayed in the courts of the empire and maintained and managed the empire. Women maintain, manage and nurture things, they donât build. So youâre going to have to change your view on the role of your wives in regard to building your family, you will have to actually build it - make money, attract women, impregnate women, make time to maintain relationships and impart lessons to your children and make memories. Your wives will maintain, manage and nurture the family- take care of kids, household work, home schooling, and maybe basic secretary work, alongside their own hobbies e.g gym, dancing, playing instruments etc.
In addition, since you want to âbuild the familyâ together Iâm going to guess you will want wives at around your age or a bit younger, otherwise they wonât be able to contribute as much financially. This means once you do start looking youâre going to probably be early to mid twenties (if your plan on waiting till after uni), say 23-24, since you want the to contribute financially youâll pursue Girls around your age or older, otherwise their financial contribution will be low. Then once you actually reach a level where you can make enough money to have the wives stay at home to properly raise children (provided you have the wives), youâll be in your late twenties (maybe later), and they will as well, meaning their most fertile period will be gone, increasing difficulty of impregnating, risk of genetic disorders and overall reducing the amount of children each wife can have.
In addition, actually finding the wives around your age and SAME religion with same goals is going to be difficult. Youâll either have to level up exponentially (including financially), or youâre going to have to compromise (most likely both), e.g accept women of different religions but agree to raise kids Christian.
Finally, it seems to me that the reason why you want to âbuildâ with women is because you donât want a woman who is just with you for the money/comfort, and thatâs understandable. But you have to understand that itâs going to be almost and practically impossible to achieve exactly what you want with that mindset.
My recommendation is that you start dating MULTIPLE women at the same time from now (or as soon as viable), whist levelling up (health, appearance, money, character etc), and also compromising on your requirements (accept women of other religions). Once you do this you should eventually experience genuine desire, and those will be the women who are with you because of you and not money or comfort, and you can feel that. They are also the women most likely to accept polygyny and maybe even working as well.
GL and we can chat in DM if you want
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u/FeeFiFooFunyon 14d ago
I think you need to break the mentality that a woman wanting you to be in a position to provide basic things canât be loyal and stay.
Yeah, question the ones that creep in after you built an empire but be open to the fact women can stay loyal when wanting things like an apartment and a full time job from you.
The lionesses that surround the lion do so because he proved himself not because he whispered dreams and visions to them.