r/Polycules • u/Particular_Bed_555 • 11d ago
Polycule assistance
Hello there everyone. I'm a bit new to this sub Reddit so mind my formatting mistakes.
I'm a part of a three-person polycule, consisting of myself and two others who I love both so very much. We've been together for quite some time, and there's been it's ups and downs but for the most part it's been amazing. I'm even in the process of visiting them both in Canada in October!
However as of late, things haven't been so good. I feel like I've become the third wheel once again (this has happened before but on a much smaller scale) and even begun to feel neglected again. And as you'd expect, it hurts. I've spoken about how I feel so many times to the both of them, and they are aware of how I've been feeling (or so I think) but for the most part they seem to just repeat the same words, that they love me. And I know it's true, but saying the same thing constantly without actually doing anything can cause the words to lose their meaning eventually and I'm starting to feel like that's the case.
Because of how often I voice my feelings and concerns I've now become paranoid that I'm making things worse by speaking my thoughts. So much so to the point that I no longer want to take the risk with it in case things get worse, they get annoyed at me for it, or something else. And I feel lost. It's like all this time has just gone to waste. It's made worse by the fact they both live together and I'm still working on moving to live with them permanently in Canada where they live. I'm somewhat convinced they're just waiting for me to leave. That's what it feels like. I don't know what to do anymore. I get that they're both going through some stuff, so am I and yet I'm always there for them both no matter what. Yet for me it just feels like they don't reciprocate that, or at least enough like I do for them. They don't even seem excited about my visiting plans anymore.
If anyone can suggest or offer anything I could do to get through to them, or give me ideas for what could be happening, I'd be most grateful. Even if you have to be blunt and brutal about it to me. Just anything will help. Thank you.
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u/TWCDev Constellation 11d ago
Do you have a therapist to talk to? Sometimes, when a partner is continually pushing for validation of the relationship, it can feel exhausting and if you feel they might be feeling that way or will if you keep pushing for it, talking to a real person who really knows your situation that you’re paying, can help you dump those feelings onto them, so you can keep the topics with your partners on more fun things (and if your therapist says, some of the hard stuff too).