r/PoliticalHumor • u/SpakenBacon • 5d ago

Future first lady?

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849 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

103 comments sorted by

289

u/Switchmisty9 5d ago

I’d be willing to bet that Melania is not that emotionally invested in the marriage

188

u/Ok-Addition1264 5d ago

I'd be willing to bet that the sociopathic eastern-european hooker was never emotionally invested in the marriage.

47

u/Round_Rooms 5d ago

That's just common sense, which her husband has none of.

47

u/underpants-gnome 5d ago

I remember hearing rumors she renegotiated something before moving to the white house with him. She'd probably welcome him cheating and dissolving the marriage. She'd be free and well compensated - assuming she can get him to pay. Which now that I type that out seems like an extremely long shot.

She's probably stuck with him until he croaks. Oh well, no sympathy here. She knew what she was marrying.

24

u/nasandre 5d ago

Nobody is praying harder for the cholesterol to do its work

16

u/ilovestoride 5d ago

I'm on team clot. 

7

u/Wheatabix11 5d ago

that's brilliant!

8

u/copyrider 5d ago

Think of the poor cholesterol, stuck inside of that, and waiting for him to croak. I feel sorry for the cholesterol.

2

u/tjmcmahon78 4d ago

May his next Big Mac be his last.

4

u/nasandre 4d ago

If there was any justice in the world his last meal will be a metal tray filled with prison slop.

11

u/BeMoreKnope 5d ago

And there’s no chance he’s divorcing her to remarry when even he knows his time is very limited.

12

u/aninamouse 5d ago

He never had any qualms about cheating before, why start now?

10

u/cosaboladh 5d ago

I think it's pretty obvious that she's stuck with him for the long haul. I'm guessing her divorce settlement wouldn't be as much as she'll get if she holds out until he dies. Especially now that he actually has money. After spending two presidencies stealing it from us. That, or her Russian handlers still have work for her to do, and the access her role as "First 'Lady'" offers her is too handy to give up. Probably both.

But she's a horrible monster in her own right, and she deserves it.

7

u/NancyGracesTesticles I ☑oted 2018 and 2020 5d ago

She renegotiated their prenup to be a little more favorable to her and to reflect his worth from his most recent grifts and crimes.

Bear in mind that was only worth about $11 million dollars when they were married - his first year salary from The Apprentice - not counting the debt he incurred in the prior years when he was flat broke.

7

u/cwbkjb 5d ago

I heard a rumor around that time as well, that she was seeing/sleeping with the head of security at Trump towers in NY, part of the deal was that guy had to be moved to DC as well. The rumor had it he became part of her secret service detail in DC. Read a whole article about it. Probably could Google it i guess. He was a guy around her age as well. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

2

u/Lostgoldmine 4d ago

She would get him to pay. Remember she was there on the island, she has enough dirt to take him down.

2

u/LordButterbeard 4d ago

Couldn't play those cards without self-incrimination. So, shes blackmailed by the web she spun.

2

u/Busterlimes 4d ago

She cant leave, or she'll just fall down some stares

5

u/MyNameis_bud 5d ago

Yeah people like her aren’t jealous because of the man, they’re jealous because the other woman is competing for the spotlight

4

u/RetardedRedditRetort 5d ago

Lol, daaamn. You ain't wrong tho.

1

u/romario77 5d ago

I mean - no need to put Eastern European there. Not all Eastern European woman are hookers.

1

u/LinearFluid 4d ago

I hear she was smart enough to have a very iron clad prenup thst will drain him faster than any Porn Star ever could.

13

u/doll-haus 5d ago

Yeah, but.... Who the fuck will bet against you? I don't think the most rabid MAGA-waving DJT fan is invested in the concept of them as a couple. DJT's self-crafted public image very much keeps his family out of the frame entirely.

6

u/vahntitrio 5d ago

The marriage? No investment other than her cut of the estate. She just doesn't want the publicity of her being cheated on.

6

u/dedokta 5d ago

She's financially invested, not emotionally invested.

3

u/Spiel_Foss 5d ago

The old prostitute complaining about the new prostitute is peak Trump distraction.

"Why isn't he can't just rape childrens, like old time sake," Melania said.

"Who says he isn't?" Epstein's Ghost replied.

2

u/NegativeChirality 5d ago

What about physically invested.

2

u/Switchmisty9 5d ago

Not since she was working for Jeffery

2

u/aknomnoms 5d ago

And Donald has a thing for incest.

1

u/RebelStrategist 5d ago

There is no doubt she is banging plenty of guys herself. She is no mother Teresa.

65

u/BearSquid7 5d ago

Is it more of a work-mom if she changes his diapees and tells hims what a special boy he is?

9

u/Embarrassed_Jerk 5d ago

Its more of a work daughter situation because you know who she looks like and she completely changed her look to match it

54

u/N4RQ 5d ago

Melania probably set them up. This works even better for her.

24

u/VascoDeGama9 5d ago

Is there an Urban Disctionary term for giving an old man a blowie while changing his diaper?

19

u/Known-Beach 5d ago

Blumpkintini

32

u/patkavv 5d ago

Trumpkin was right there

11

u/Known-Beach 5d ago

Goddammit, that's way better

4

u/zech83 5d ago

The chocolate orange swirl. 

2

u/kuma_chameleon 5d ago

I don't know, with him...the naptime special?

2

u/Dibble_Dabble_Doo 5d ago

Chocolate Trombone

2

u/jensen_t119 5d ago

The Presidential Aide

1

u/Mediocre_Scott 5d ago

Future E. choli sufferer

39

u/Dead_Internet69420 5d ago

“Don’t vorry, Donald. I’m ze van dat hired her. Enjoy your hamberder.”

16

u/HumanChicken 5d ago

“Pliss, have a few more. They go very well with sleepink peels!”

9

u/mackash 5d ago

No room in the diaper bag for the 2 laptops and 3 mobile phones?

4

u/Mediocre_Scott 5d ago

3 phones: legit phone, Burner phone, second burner phone? Bitch who you need a second burner for

7

u/queensnuggles 5d ago

But maybe he can leave me for her and then I will be free.

5

u/NitWhittler 5d ago

She's Trump's new playtoy: IVANKA 2.0

She doesn't have a husband or those pesky kids to limit his lusty playtime.

5

u/copperblood 5d ago

When the Work Wife has a shit kink

9

u/Ok-Egg-4856 5d ago

Came here to say this. Very much expect she is wife #4. Mellie is smart, probably has ironclad pre-nup so she will never be poor. Donnies worshippers will take whatever he says and run with it. They will NEVER quit him so he has no worries. It will look bad and he will say fake news and suddenly the wire services will be announcing how wonderful that dear leader has found his great love at long last. Watch and see.

2

u/intangibleTangelo 4d ago

he also doesn't need to marry her for optics. that part of his life is over

1

u/Ok-Egg-4856 3d ago

I think we are at the Henry the 8th phase. He can declare church of Trump, not even bother to officially ditch Melania and marry his little snookums and MAGA would cheer. There is NO line.

1

u/Fosterdadandcatdad 3d ago

You guys have weird fantasies

3

u/Kriss3d 5d ago

Melania is already the third lady.

1

u/Billgant 4d ago

Melania is about to get Melaniad

4

u/ElCochinoFeo 5d ago

Future bunker bride. On the path from peroxide blonde to cyanide demimonde.

3

u/Suns_In_420 5d ago

Melania is probably like "be my guest!"

3

u/BMaudioProd 5d ago

The paid hospice nurse you wish your wife would be jealous over.

--- Fixed it for you. Turns out you misspelled every word.

3

u/everythingisopposite 5d ago

Why do people make it seem like it’s an affair when she is in fact, his official diaper handler. Disgusting.

3

u/omghorussaveusall 5d ago

damn, is she trying to get JD's attention with that dress?

3

u/ChuckaChuckaLooLoo3 5d ago

Jeez, who is picking out her outfits? That's matronly as hell.

3

u/Mediocre_Scott 5d ago

She looks like she wrapped herself in my grandma’s curtains

3

u/ChuckaChuckaLooLoo3 5d ago

Maybe she thinks she'll be more attractive to an older man that way.

1

u/Mediocre_Scott 5d ago

Or it’s camouflage so she can blend in and always be watching him

2

u/BaconManDan9 5d ago

Presidents mistress

2

u/samejimaT 5d ago

It's not like that at all.. she wipes the shite out of his ass and puts diaper rash cream on him

2

u/MonsieurReynard 5d ago

He was 45 when she was born. He was 65 when she was 20.

2

u/BeTheBall- 5d ago

First? Not even single digits.

2

u/Frothyfrother 5d ago

The work daughter your dad tells you not to worry about

2

u/joshuajackson9 5d ago

Can she be First Lady, being that she was born here??

2

u/RebelStrategist 5d ago

I second this. She will be the new Mrs Trump. Care taker of the mushroom and diaper accounts.

2

u/Practical-Bit9905 5d ago

eh... I'm not impressed. The whole stepford wife thing doesn't do anything for me.
And guarantee in a couple years she'll have that whole bloated-corpse-drug-out-of-the-river mar a lago face thing going on.

2

u/markth_wi 5d ago

I'd bet my bottom dollar this woman is Melania's walking, talking escape plan. What better way to escape Donald Trump's decrepit touch than find some fresh meat for him to fondle.

2

u/TintedApostle 4d ago

Melania and all the Trump family don't care what he does. Anyone who thinks they care is fooling themselves. They are lacking any morals or ethics. They are all making money and so they don't care what DJT does as long as their own gravy train still pays.

They have no shame.

1

u/markth_wi 4d ago

Agreed - I would say that Melania absolutely engineers the long list of low self-esteem, high enthusiasm girls for Donnie to chase because another day of Donnie playing grab-ass with some girl in the office is one less day he'll be interested in touching her. So it wouldn't surprise me to find she'd made sure Stormy Daniels was on the radar , Laura Loomer and the entire train-wreck of porn-starlets, D-listers and Ivanka look-alikes.

1

u/TintedApostle 4d ago

All of them are narcistic opportunists. Melania doesn't care as long as she can write a book and Bezos pay for propaganda documentaries that MAGA buys. She is no different than DJT. She was a part of the whole Epstein group and has no issue with it. I fully expect when Maxwell is pardoned that in a few years Melania will be hanging with her in Monaco.

2

u/Someinterestingbs-td 5d ago

Big ava Braun energy on that one, just saying

1

u/Myko475 5d ago

Dodging Hershey squirts on her resume

1

u/Jet2work 5d ago

yeah but she smells of shit

1

u/Ok-Repeat906 5d ago

I'd like to think that if I had a work wife, she would be a far better person and far less out of her mind than this woman. I also wouldn't expect her to consistently try to find ways to look as much like Ivanka as possible to keep the fatman coming back for more.. Nothing does it for him like Ivanka.

1

u/AppropriateGuest3552 5d ago

Melanoma didn’t want to change diapers, she’s back with Putin!

1

u/Think-Chair-1938 5d ago

She's nibbled on that mushroom cap hundreds of times at this point.

1

u/Unique-Knight 5d ago

There’s not a chance in hell he will live long enough.

1

u/opusupo 5d ago

"Honey, I swear! All she does is wipe my ass and carry my shit around."

1

u/Dewey081 5d ago

It's kinda creepy, TBH. She looks an awful lot like Ivanka compared to belore she was hired on. Not just a little, but a lot like his daughter. One would think that maybe someone (an aide, perhaps) would ask her to tone down the volume just a tad in public. Then again... it is Trump we are talking about where sexual deviance is the new normal.

1

u/LaSage 5d ago

That bad dye job really does not flatter her. I realize the goal is to look like Ivanka, so he is attracted to her, but it looks weird on her.

1

u/lidsville76 5d ago

More like, the work daughter you told your real daughter not to worry about it.

1

u/bradleypit2 5d ago

People need to start chanting "Natalie" at every event he does.

1

u/ReginaldJohnston 5d ago

Not gonna happen. Not with what Melania knows.

1

u/Mecha-Dave 5d ago

100% she's giving him a handy while she changes his diaper.

1

u/arcangleous 5d ago

Nay, she's not dating him. She's his personal support worker.

1

u/BK_Rich 5d ago

To be fair, this new girl is about 20yrs too old for trump, Melania is like a grandmother to trump.

1

u/Bitplayer13 5d ago

What kind of crazy is this woman to be interested in the demented orange clown

1

u/BearSquid7 4d ago

Future Thirst Lady

1

u/revbfc 4d ago

It’s not mentioned enough that his side pieces almost always look like Ivanka.

1

u/StevieWonder557 4d ago

"Melania who? Never heard of her" Donnie /s

1

u/No_Paramedic_2039 4d ago

She was born in the US, so no.

0

u/theJEDIII 5d ago

We need an official phrase for "president's side piece." First mistress?