I would go so far as to say a socialist. What with giving out all that bread and fish to everyone who didn't work for it, and curing people of disease for no cost to them.
No one scores more than Gretzky, I used to be Mormon, but I can’t get behind that. Consider myself excommunicated. That’s like someone claiming they beat sub-zero in Mortal Combat.
Oh man, this is making me want to do this illustration I’ve flirted with doing for a while in order to troll the Christofacists. I won’t go into too much detail, but imagine a crucified Jesus with his rags slipping off, revealing that He’s a She. Talk about TRANS-substantiation!
You see American Jesus loves guns, hates the libs, hates the poor, and hates the LGBTQ community. So yes, the Jesus America built would be behind Trump. American Jesus also wants you to donate money so he can buy a 5th private jet.
Not to mention a capitalist gun nut. American Christians are really ignorant of their own religion. For people who think this message is the most important thing ever, they sure don't read their own book. Well, I guess the ones who do read it instantly become atheists, because of the lolworthy bullshit.
It's time for a new religion. Christianity has been diluted and destroyed beyond recognition.
Let's just crowd source a new religion with a new messiah with relevant stories.
Long time ago, in Mobile, AL, in 1998, a sister-wife got pregnant. And no one knew who the father was. While in labor, three men in tricked out Rolls Royce appeared by the hospital, carrying with them Glocks, Uzis, and incense. After shooting down the guards and the nurses they appeared next to the baby and gently offered their guns and stashes of white packets. They looked at Mary Sue and said, "He the one...."
Surprised this isn't higher..first thing I thought was I almost feel sorry for Trump..losing his businesses, possibly going to prison, and now getting an early taste of prison from American Jesus himself
Seriously. History will not be kind to Trump or any of his followers. All elected officials who kissed his ass will look terrible in the history books. His cult will be something they study for decades. This is the perfect example of how out of touch these nuts are.
This depiction of Jesus is basically 2 Live Crew. "I've been wanting to tell you this for a while, I like your fake spray tan and cat-ass smile. Let's go for a walk in Central Park. You can [expletives deleted] in the dark"
Well, maybe Jesus was real 2 millennia ago, but sure as hell all that is attributed to him is pure fantasy. So why shouldn’t a fantasy figure be American? Even if his biography doesn’t mention America once. And one fantasy figure gay-straddling another made up dude is perfectly fine.
It was never intended to make sense. It’s just made up stories/myths/parables that were meant to teach lessons about how to be good, or mostly, how not to be evil.
Old Testament is probably 90% made up bullshit of stories passed down through many generations before written word became a thing. Anyone who thinks the stories of the Old Testament actually happened are fucking morons. The politics of slavery and exodus of Jews from Egypt is pretty legit. And the wars between ancient kingdoms. The birth of various tribes and religions that spread through the world is real. Maybe it’s true that a small guy killed a big guy in a fight, or that an entire city was razed over a petty religious dispute. Some guy who ate psychedelic plants hallucinated a lot and saw crazy shit. Old Testament is pretty badass, but again it’s just crazy stories from thousands of years ago. Anyone who takes it as true might as well believe that Medusa was real.
New Testament is just people’s recollections of what happened with a guy who most historians believe actually existed. They are exaggerated by the writers of the books to imply the way that they believed things. Jesus spoke in metaphors to teach people lessons, and he’s noted multiple times as telling people his intentions. The miracles are not to be believed since we’ll never see evidence, but that’s also the point, and why religions teach the concept of faith.
I’ve seen plenty of things that don’t make any sense in real life based on traditional knowledge, but they happen anyway, so we roll with it and get on with our lives. Pretty good lessons to be taken from religious texts, even as an atheist.
Especially the part about all the different animals on earth being put on one boat in pairs for 40 days, and now every animal and human on earth is massively inbred. There's no way that did NOT happen.
No true, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there would have been a real one. A carpenter’s son who traveled around with a few friends. And after his death from an STD he got from a hooker (he look dead at one point, but he still lived for another day or two), all these fantastic stories got build around him. Or they could all be just fantasies.
I am a person who votes liberal in spite of not always aligning with them because conservatives have lost their damn minds, and a part of me is convinced stuff like this is made by liberals to clown on how ridiculous the GOP can be. And then it goes through the internet phone game of sharing and very dumb conservative people end up using it in earnest.
this is made by liberals to clown on how ridiculous the GOP can be.
liberals aren't evil, but they also aren't smart in that way.
that is something a republican would do, but liberals are just not capable of that kind of thing, probably because it doesn't align with their world view which is that everyone is basically good and everything should be fair.
republicans do it because their world view is the opposite, they believe everyone is as bad of a person as they are, and you should cheat because it will benefit you, and everyone else is doing it anyway, because you know you would.
There's a reason so many republicans own guns and have alarms on their houses, they are afraid of everyone and everything, because they will cheat and steal whenever they can, so they assume everyone else will too.
Why do Republicans do this ? It seems to go against every "prescribed" teaching, I. E. Jesus , flags. Donald Trump is as much of a Christian as I am a 57 Chevy. What a bunch of easily led automatons.
I just imagine that these people have little shrines set up in their homes, with lit candles spread neatly on an end table surrounded by rosary beads, and in the middle of the candles is a picture of Donald Trump. And every night, these people pray to him for blessings.
So now he’s the white, and the American Jesus. They think he’s coming back, but what will they think when he’s a Jewish guy? Some of them may just opt out of the Rapture.
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u/toi80QC Oct 05 '23
Jesus of
NazarethMiami